Maybe This Christmas

by Sarah Morgan

  It was the house she’d grown up in but it had never felt like home to Brenna. The place suffocated her. She missed the soaring cathedral ceiling of Lake House and the acres of glass that captured the sunlight and framed the trees. Winter or summer, it was like looking at a postcard, and she never tired of it. It scared her how quickly it had begun to feel like home.

  She followed her mother through to the kitchen.

  Her father sat at the breakfast bar, his eyes glued to the TV.

  “Hi, Dad.” She leaned forward and kissed him, and he gave her a quick hug, briefly taking his eyes off the football game.

  “You should turn that off when your daughter is home. Lord knows, it’s not something that happens often.” Her mother reached for a mug and filled it with coffee. “I hope those O’Neils are paying you well for all the hours you put into that place.”

  There it was again, the friction, the tension. If her mother were an engine, Brenna would have checked the oil to see if she could get her working more smoothly.

  “It’s my choice to work hard, Mom. I love my job. And Jackson O’Neil is a good employer. I love working with him.”

  “So you’re set to work another season for the O’Neils.” The set of her mother’s mouth expressed her opinion on that decision.

  “Yes.” Brenna curved her hands around the mug, warming herself. Her mother could chill the atmosphere more effectively than any air-conditioning unit. “Bookings are up. It’s pretty exciting after the past few years of struggling through.”

  “If Michael O’Neil had paid more attention to his responsibilities, they wouldn’t have been struggling.”

  The bitterness shocked her. “He’s dead, Mom. You shouldn’t speak like that of the dead. And Jackson and Kayla have worked really hard over the past year. It’s a really exciting time, and I’m enjoying my job.” If she’d hoped that news might invite a positive response, she was once again disappointed.

  “We both know it’s not the job that keeps you here.” Maura Daniels thumped her mug down on the shiny granite countertop, her emotions released in a cacophony of clattering and banging as she pulled bowls out of the cabinet and eggs out of the fridge. “You could have stayed in Europe. You had a chance to escape from these long, endless winters and the O’Neil family, but did you take it? No. You came back here first chance you got and threw away your life.”

  She’d barely been in the house five minutes and already it had started. Brenna looked out the windows toward the mountains she loved and tried to imagine being this happy somewhere else. When Jackson had started his business in Europe, she’d lived in Switzerland for a while. It was beautiful, but it wasn’t Snow Crystal.

  “I’m not throwing anything away. I’m happy.”

  “Are you?” Her mother paused with a box of eggs in her hands. “Don’t you want more than this? What about a home? A family?”

  Her mom made her feel as if she’d done something wrong.

  Brenna looked at her father, but he’d obviously decided not to get involved and was staring hard at the TV.

  “I’m settled. I came back because I wanted this job.”

  “You came back because of him.”

  “I came back because Jackson told me the family business was in trouble. They’re my friends, Mom. Jackson offered me a job, and I took it.”

  “We both know why you took that job, Brenna Daniels. You thought if you were both in the same place, you’d have a chance with him. You’ve always been a fool about Tyler O’Neil.”

  Brenna felt her cheeks burning. “That isn’t true.”

  “You can lie to yourself all you want, but you can’t lie to me. He was a bad influence on you growing up, and he’s a bad influence on you now. You’re throwing your life away because of that boy.”

  “It’s my life, and I don’t consider I’m throwing anything away. I love Snow Crystal. It’s where I want to be.” And he’s not a boy. She thought of Tyler’s broad, muscular shoulders, the athletic power of his body and the dark stubble that grazed his jaw. Oh, no, not a boy. He was all man.

  “Would you want to be at Snow Crystal if he wasn’t there? You’re making a fool of yourself, that’s what you’re doing and embarrassing all of us.”

  Brenna gripped her mug. “How am I embarrassing you?”

  Tight-mouthed, her mother whisked eggs and tipped them into the pan. “You weren’t going to tell me, were you?”

  “Tell you what?”

  “That you’ve moved in with him. I’m your mother, and I have to be the last to know my daughter is living with Tyler O’Neil.”

  She knew?

  Brenna’s stomach lurched, and she cursed herself for not anticipating that possibility. “Mom—”

  “Instead of hearing the news from my own daughter, I had to hear it from Ellen in the store. How do you think that made me feel?”

  “How does Ellen know?”

  “How does anyone around here know anything? Because people talk.”

  The thought of everyone gossiping made Brenna squirm. It was like school all over again, everyone whispering about her. “I’m not living with him, Mom! I’m staying in his house, that’s all, and it happened a few days ago. Business is looking up. They needed to book out the lodge and I needed somewhere to stay. I’m a grown woman, and I make my own decisions. Get off my back!”

  “You could have stayed here. Your room is there for you, same as it has always been.”

  Heat pricked the back of her neck. “I start work early and finish late. With bad weather coming, I don’t want to have to make the drive every day.”

  “We both know that’s not the reason why.” Her mother tilted the pan, adjusted the heat. “He was wild as a boy, and he’s wild as a man. The Carpenters have never forgiven him for what he did to Janet.”

  “You make it sound like he assaulted her or something, and we both know that isn’t what happened. Why does everyone blame Tyler? Janet was at least half responsible.” In her head, more than half. But there were things Brenna knew that she hadn’t shared and never intended to. What was the point? “And Jess is wonderful.”

  “I don’t blame the child. It can’t have been easy for her growing up as Tyler O’Neil’s daughter.”

  “She’s proud of him. She adores him. And he’s a good father. He shows an interest in her. He accepts her as she is.” She added as much emphasis as she dared and tried to ignore the fact that her own father hadn’t once joined in the conversation. “The O’Neils fought to keep Jess. It was Janet who took the baby away.”

  “Don’t think I have any sympathy for that woman, because I don’t.” Her mother tipped a perfect omelet onto a plate and placed it in front of Brenna. “You still haven’t told him, have you?”

  “Told him what?”

  Her mother paused. Looked her straight in the eye. “You haven’t told him that Janet Carpenter was the one who bullied you at school.”

  Sweat drenched her, and she started to shake.

  How could it still affect her so badly after so many years?

  “I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “You never did.” Her mother dragged open a drawer and removed a couple of forks. “That girl made your school life a misery, but you never told him.”

  “How could I? She’s Jess’s mother. If I told him what happened, everything would be even more complicated. It would be awkward for him and awful for poor Jess.”

  “I lost count of the number of new schoolbags and coats I had to buy you.”

  That hadn’t been the worst part. No, the worst part had been the words that had carved chunks out of her confidence.

  You’re not his type, Brenna. Flat chest and brown hair isn’t his thing. He’ll ski with you but he will never, ever, want to have sex with you.

  Coats and bags had bee
n replaced, but she hadn’t been able to erase those words from her brain. “Janet’s parents were splitting up. I think she was having a hard time at home.”

  “That is no excuse for making another person’s life a misery.” Her mother passed her a fork. “I was relieved when she took the baby away from here. It was the right thing to do.”

  “Janet took Jess to Chicago, miles from the O’Neils! How was that the right thing?”

  “It was right for you! How would you have felt bumping into Janet and Jess at the store every day? And Tyler O’Neil wasn’t here anyway. He was traveling all over the world. Couldn’t sit still for five minutes.”

  “He was on the ski team. Tyler is a world-class athlete.”

  “Was.” Her mother turned another perfect omelet onto a plate and sat down next to Brenna. “Maybe he was a world-class athlete, but whatever talent he has isn’t going to do him much good now, is it?”

  “And that’s hard for him.” She knew, even though he never talked about it to anyone. And it broke her heart. “Don’t you feel any sympathy?”

  “Sympathy for what? That he’s no longer living the high life with a different girl in every country?”

  Brenna winced as if her mother had stabbed her. “You were the one who taught me not to believe everything I read and hear.”

  “Well, let’s hope his daughter didn’t read or hear it, either.”

  Brenna stared down at the food congealing on her plate. No good would come from speaking her mind. And no good would come from continuing this discussion.

  “Jess is back now, and she’s happy. You should see her ski. She has so much talent. Just like her father.”

  Her mother took a bite of food. “How long until he tires of having a teenager under his feet?”

  “They have a great relationship. You should see them together, they—”

  “Tyler O’Neil is never going to settle down. He will never be what you want him to be, and all the hoping in the world isn’t going to change that. And moving in with him isn’t going to change it, either.”

  “I don’t want him to be anything other than he is.” Brenna poked her eggs. Why had she come? “He’s a good friend. My best friend.”

  “A man and a woman can’t be best friends.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Then you really are a fool. One person always feels more than the other.”

  Brenna swallowed because she knew in this case, her mother was right. And she was the person who felt more than Tyler. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “No?” Her mother put her fork down with a clatter. “What happens when he meets someone? You think she’s going to be pleased he has you as a best friend? And he will meet someone.”

  It was impossible to talk to her. Impossible to have a conversation that went to and fro. Instead it was like being pelted by words, and those words hammered into her flesh and her bones like hailstones. They hurt flesh already sensitive following Tyler’s confession that Jess had wanted him to have a love life.

  “I’m friends with Sean and Jackson. Their relationships with Élise and Kayla haven’t affected our friendship.”

  “That’s different. You’re not in love with Sean or Jackson. You’ll be cut out of Tyler’s life, and it will be as if your friendship had never happened.” There was a bitterness in her tone that even Brenna hadn’t heard before. And something else. A sadness.

  Brenna felt a flash of guilt. Was her situation really so distressing for her mother?

  “Tyler wouldn’t cut me out. We’ve known each other forever.”

  “And if something was going to happen it would have happened by now. It’s time you faced the fact Tyler O’Neil doesn’t have those feelings for you.”

  He’ll ski with you but he will never, ever, want to have sex with you.

  “That’s enough, Mom.”

  “You should walk away and build a new life somewhere else instead of humiliating yourself waiting around for a few crumbs from his table.”

  “Can we talk about something else?”

  “You can’t build a life on dreams, Brenna. You should date other men. See other people. Helen and Todd were in signing a license last week. Getting married first week in February. And Susan Carter was in last month. That wedding is going to be a big one. Visitors from out of town.” As Town Clerk, her mother had all the information on who was marrying whom.

  There were times when she wished her mother had a different job. “I do date other men.”

  “Who? When?”

  Cornered, Brenna groped wildly in her brain. “I’m going out with Josh this week. Tuesday.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them. She saw her mother’s face brighten for the first time since she’d walked through the door and realized in a flood of panic that by trying to make things better, she’d made them worse. Her mother would probably tell Ellen Kelly in the store and before the snow had settled, everyone would know Brenna Daniels was dating Josh. Everyone, that was, except Josh himself. Somehow she had to retrieve the situation before Josh found out.

  He was going to kill her.

  “Mom—”

  “Well—” Her mother breathed out slowly and her shoulders relaxed. “I’m pleased. Josh is well respected in this town. He’s the youngest chief of police ever appointed, and he has a calm, steady head on his shoulders. He’s not short of admirers.”

  Oh, crap.

  Deciding to unravel that mess later, Brenna changed the subject. “So Helen and Todd are finally getting married. That’s great.” She talked about nothing, anything to pass the time and keep her mother from talking about Tyler.

  Somehow she made it through breakfast but by the time she left, her head was throbbing and the small amount of egg she’d eaten had settled like a stone in her stomach.

  She arrived at the Outdoor Center feeling emotionally exhausted and gave a groan when she recognized the four-wheel drive cruiser that belonged to the chief of police.

  I’m going on a date with Josh.

  Why did he have to be the first person she bumped into?

  She pulled into the space next to him, closed her eyes and promised herself that if she untangled this mess she was never, ever telling a lie again.

  The door opened, and she turned her head and saw him standing there.

  “You look like you’ve had a hell of a day, and it’s not even nine-thirty. Want to talk about it?” His voice was calm, his gaze steady, and she felt color whoosh into her cheeks.

  Half the girls in her class had been in love with him. The half that hadn’t been in love with one of the O’Neils. “I didn’t expect to see you here. Is this a social visit, or are we in trouble with the law?”

  Josh raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. Should you be?”

  “I may have broken a rule or two in my time.” And told a lie. A big fat lie. Her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth.

  “Been anywhere exciting?”

  There was no reason not to tell him, especially as people would have seen her car outside her mother’s house. “Visiting my parents.”

  “Ah.” Those dark eyes were perceptive. “And how did that go?”

  “It was—” Brenna bit her lip “—stressful.”

  “Want me to arrest them?” He gave a smile that was warm and sympathetic, and she wondered how long that smile would last once word spread and someone asked him about his “date.”

  She slid out of the car, her nerve failing her as she found herself facing those broad shoulders. “Look, Josh—” It was going to be embarrassing to confess, but it was going to be much more embarrassing if he found out from someone else. “I need to tell you something—and I need you to listen and not get mad.”

  He stood, legs spread, strong, dependable and thoroughly decent. “I’m li
stening.”

  How was she supposed to do this? “I—when I was with my mom, she was going on and on about how I was wasting my life, how I should have left Snow Crystal years ago instead of staying here. She was listing all the folks who are getting married—”

  His eyes gleamed. “Ouch. Do you know what set her off?”

  “Yes.” Her heart was hammering, and her palms were damp. “She’d heard that I’d moved in with Tyler.”

  “You moved in with Tyler?”

  She saw the change in him and wondered why everyone automatically assumed there was something going on. “Yes, because Kayla booked Forest Lodge and there was nowhere else to go! I’m staying with him until I can sort something else out.”

  There was a long, pulsing silence. “I’m starting to understand why your mom was stressed out.”

  “She wouldn’t stop talking about it. She told me I should move away, that I should see other people—oh, she went on and on and the only way to shut her up was—I mean, I told her I was—” she shrugged awkwardly “—well, seeing someone.”

  Josh looked at her steadily. “Judging from your expression and the fact you haven’t been able to look me in the eye since you climbed out of your car, I’m guessing I’m that someone.”

  “I’m sorry.” Guilt mingled with mortification, and she covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know why I said it. She wouldn’t stop telling me I was wasting my life, that I should date other people, and it slipped out, and then I tried to undo it and I couldn’t, and the whole thing is a mess, and I know she’s going to tell people because she thinks you’re the perfect catch—”

  “Hey, calm down. That’s a lot of words in a short space of time.” Strong hands locked around her wrists, and he gently drew her hands away from her face. “You need to breathe, honey.”