Maybe This Christmas

by Sarah Morgan

  * * *

  THE EVENING’S CONVERSATION stayed with him and the next morning, he decided to drop Jess at school himself instead of letting her take the bus.

  She stared moodily ahead, not talking to him.

  About at his limit with moods and unwilling to play twenty questions, Tyler took the direct approach. “What’s up with you?”

  “You were mean to Brenna!”

  Genuinely astonished, Tyler glanced at her. “Mean? I’m never mean to Brenna.”

  “You were horrid. She put the crystal globe out on the shelf because she was so proud of you, and you gave her one of your cold looks.”

  Tyler, who hadn’t known he had a “cold look” felt a flash of guilt. Was that why she’d been so angry with him? Had he hurt her feelings? “I didn’t want it on the shelf.”

  “So wait until she’s gone to bed and put it back in the cupboard again. Don’t make her feel bad!”

  Tyler opened his mouth to point out that looking at the globe made him feel bad and then closed it again. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll apologize.”

  “I don’t want you to apologize to make me feel better, Dad! You need to apologize because you’re sorry.”

  “I’m sorry I upset Brenna. I’m not sorry I put that thing back in the cupboard.”

  “You won that thing! You beat everyone else down the mountain. Doesn’t it make you proud? You should be boasting about it everywhere to anyone who will listen.”

  Tyler pulled up near the school. “I don’t care what other people think.”

  “Why? I don’t get it.” Jess looked at him, puzzled and out of her depth.

  “That wasn’t why I raced. I know when I won and when I screwed up. I don’t need globes or medals to remind me. I wanted to be fastest down that mountain. That was all.”

  The only sound in the car was his breathing.

  “And you were. It’s hard, isn’t it?” Her voice was a whisper. “You always refuse to talk about it, but you hate that you can’t race anymore.”

  Tyler opened his mouth to make light of it and then remembered what Brenna had said about open communication. “Yeah, I hate it.” The words were dragged from him. “Especially on a day like today when it’s snowing. It gnaws at my insides.”

  “I wish it hadn’t happened.”

  He stared at the road, surprised to discover that his throat felt scratchy. “Yeah, me, too, but there’s no point wishing something hadn’t happened if it already has. Waste of energy.”

  “That sounds almost like grown-up advice, Dad.”

  “Does this mean I’m getting good at this parenting thing?”

  “You don’t totally suck at it.”

  “Thanks. Feedback is important for improved performance.” He glanced at her and found her looking at him.

  “You’ve never talked about it before.”

  “Just to you, honey. Let’s keep it between ourselves.”

  “Oh. S-sure, Dad.” She was stammering, her cheeks pink with pride. “I want you to know you can talk to me anytime.”

  “Thanks, sweetheart.” He wondered what it was about kids that turned a man from tough to tender in a single glance. “And you can talk to me, too.”

  Jess hunted for a grown-up response. “Life totally sucks sometimes.”

  Was that a reference to her life or his? Because he wasn’t sure, he kept his response neutral. “It totally does. Things happen. Life happens. If you can’t change it, you have to get on with it, but if there’s something that can make it easier to handle, then you do it. Hey, listen to me.” He winked at her. “That was more grown-up advice. I’m getting good at this. I’m pulling straight As in parenting.”

  “And not looking at the trophies makes it easier for you?”

  “Some.”

  Her eyes burned with love. “I’m going to lock them away where no one can ever find them. I’m going to put your gold medal in the trash.”

  The passion in her was disturbingly familiar. “No need to go that far.”

  “I’ve been wearing it.” Her eyes were huge with guilt. “I made you feel worse.”

  “Having you around only ever makes me feel better. And you know what? I think you could have a medal of your own to hang round your neck someday.”

  “You’re joking.”

  “I’m not joking. You’ve got something, Jess. We’re going to work on that something together.” He reached out to hug her and then remembered that probably wasn’t cool and pulled back. “Sorry. Forgot we were outside the school. No hugging allowed.”

  “I don’t care what any of them say. They’re jealous because you’re my dad.” The way she said it confirmed his suspicion she was having trouble at school.

  He struggled to access calm. “Do people give you a hard time over it?”

  She opened her mouth to dismiss it and then changed her mind. “Sometimes. Kids are stupid, that’s all. They’d all love to ski with you every day.”

  An ugly suspicion formed in his mind. “Jess, you came home in a mess yesterday—”

  “I slipped on the ice. I have to go. Bye, Dad.” She grabbed her bag, but he stopped her.

  “Wait. I just talked to you. You should talk to me.”

  “I do.”

  But it was obvious to him she was holding something back. “Do you want to invite someone back this weekend? Sleepover? Because you can.”

  “No, thanks. I’m going to be skiing the whole time, and we still need to buy a tree. There’s loads to do for Christmas. Talk about it later, Dad.” She was out of the car before he could stop her, walking fast through the gates of the school, head down, not talking to anyone.

  Tyler swore under his breath and fought the temptation to march in after her and demand to know what was going on. Because something was going on, he was sure of it.

  He sat back in his seat, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

  Was that why Brenna had been encouraging him to talk to her?

  Did she know something she wasn’t telling him?

  Making a mental note to ask her, he drove back to Snow Crystal. A morning spent with a group of skiers with more money than skill did nothing to improve his mood, and by the time he collected Jess from school, his temper was wearing thin. It was snowing steadily, and there were no signs of it stopping. He wondered if Brenna and Josh might decide to postpone their date or even cancel altogether.

  Jess walked out of school the way she’d walked into it, head down, avoiding eye contact, striding toward the bus. She would have walked straight past his car if he hadn’t opened the window and called to her.

  “Dad!” Startled, she glanced around her. “What are you doing here?”

  “I had to go to the store for something,” he lied, “so I thought I might as well pick you up.”

  He saw a group of mothers looking in his direction and realized he’d been blind to how having him as a father might have affected Jess. Did all these people spend their time looking him up on the internet? Were they reading the lies or, worse, feeding those lies to Jess?

  She slid into the seat next to him and raked her hair away from her face.

  “So how was today?” He’d read that parents weren’t supposed to subject kids to a barrage of questions, and he wondered how that was supposed to work. He wanted to pin her to the seat until she’d told him what was bothering her.

  “Fine.”

  Tyler ground his teeth. “For the record, fine isn’t an answer.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been thinking about Christmas. If Brenna’s going to be living with us, we should buy her a present. A big one. It needs to be a proper Christmas. She can’t be the only one without a pile of presents under the tree and a stocking at the end of her bed.”

  Tyle
r, who didn’t want to think about stockings or beds in relation to Brenna and was still trying to work out how to get something other than fine out of his daughter, nodded. “Sure. Whatever. No, wait a minute.” He realized he hadn’t done anything about Christmas gifts. “Who says there is going to be a pile of presents for you? Have you sent a letter to Santa?”

  Jess slouched in her seat. “I stopped believing in Santa when I was six, Dad. And no one writes letters anymore.”

  “So?” Stuck behind a snowplow, he drummed his fingers on the wheel. “Send an email to the North Pole. Message him. Get him on Skype. Do whatever you teens do to communicate these days. The guy needs clues.”

  Jess laughed. “Skype with Santa. That sounds like something Kayla would dream up.”

  “It does.”

  “So you’re basically telling me you don’t know what to buy me.”

  “A few hints might be helpful. Do you really think I should buy something for Brenna? I never have before.”

  “She’s living in our house. She’s going to be waking up with us on Christmas morning. It’s going to be super awkward if we all have presents and she doesn’t have anything to open.”

  He turned left at the sign that said Snow Crystal Resort and Spa. “So maybe she would like to write to Santa, too.”

  “He’s going to be a busy guy.” She leaned forward to look at the ski slopes. “The lift is still running. Can I squeeze in one run?”

  “You have to do your assignment. What is it?”

  “English. We’re studying Romeo and Juliet. Kill me now.”

  “If your teachers think you should be studying it, then you should be studying it.” He slowed as he approached a couple pulling two kids on a sledge. “I have no idea what to buy Brenna for Christmas.”

  “Do you know she was always given dolls and stuff for Christmas? She hated dolls. We should get her something she’d love. I’ll think of something.” She was out of the car before he could ask any more questions, leaving him to follow.

  They walked into the house and were almost flattened by Ash and Luna. “You’d better take these two out for a quick walk.”

  “I’m going over to Grandma’s later. They can come. Can I sleep over?”

  “Sure.” Tyler saw Brenna’s coat hanging on the hook. “Are you eating with Grandma?”

  “Yes, but I’ll grab a snack because I want to get this stupid assignment done before I go.”

  He probably should have told her that the assignment wasn’t stupid, but she was already gone, her bag swinging against her hip as she walked into the den, Luna at her heels.

  He opened his mouth to remind her that the dogs weren’t supposed to be in the den, and closed it again. With Jess occupied, this would be a good moment to talk to Brenna.

  He took the stairs two at a time but heard the sound of the shower running and backed away again.

  He was in the kitchen, contemplating the contents of the fridge with something close to gloom when she walked into the room.

  Tyler almost swallowed his tongue.

  Her dress was black and stretchy. Stretchy enough to sit snug and tight against every curve and dip. It was a dress designed for the woman with the perfect body.

  And Brenna had the perfect body.

  A body he’d made a point of ignoring until recently.

  To make things worse, she’d added black stockings and a pair of shoes with heels that could have doubled as a lethal weapon.

  If Jess had walked in dressed like that, he would have grounded her.

  He slammed the fridge shut. “You’re planning on going through with it, then?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “This thing tonight. You’re going through with it.”

  “It’s called a date, Tyler. And I’m not only planning on going through with it, I’m planning on enjoying it, too. Is that a problem?”

  Yeah, it was a problem. Decking the chief of police was going to come with consequences. “The weather is bad tonight. Not the best night to be on the roads. You should cancel.”

  “Because of the weather? Josh grew up here, like you and I. He’s driven in this weather since he got his license. If we stopped for the weather, we’d stop living.”

  “It takes extra concentration, that’s all.” And he was willing to bet Josh would be distracted. Who wouldn’t be, with Brenna next to them? “Is that all you’re planning on wearing? You might want to pick something a little warmer.”

  “This is the only dress I own, Tyler.”

  He wondered how quickly he could get another dress delivered. “You should definitely wear a sweater. You need to cover up.”

  “I don’t have a sweater that’s fancy enough.”

  “I’ll call Kayla,” he said desperately. “According to Jackson, she brought half of New York City with her when she moved. He’s thinking of giving her a room especially for her clothes.”

  “I’ll wear my coat. And Josh’s car will be heated.”

  And she’d be in that car. With Josh. With those mile-long legs on display in those mile-high heels.

  “You might be better in snow boots.”

  “Snow boots?” She looked at him as if he’d gone crazy.

  “We had two feet of snow this weekend.”

  “But not in the restaurant, I hope.”

  “How are you going to get from the car to the restaurant?”

  “I don’t know, but I’ve been skiing Devil’s Drop since I was six, so I think I can manage to walk up a path.” Her eyes glinted with anger. “What is wrong with you?”

  That was a question he couldn’t answer. “I didn’t have the best day.” But nowhere near as bad as his evening was going to be. “Look, I was hoping we could talk about Jess. She said something today. Has she confided in you? Said something?”

  “Confided generally means someone doesn’t want you to disclose information.”

  “But this is Jess. If you knew something bad was happening, you’d tell me, right?”

  Her eyes skidded from his. “You should be having this conversation with her, not me.”

  “I’m having it with you. She’s my daughter, Brenna! She’s vulnerable. If you know something, you should tell me.” He broke off as the door opened and Jess barreled in with two thoroughly overexcited dogs.

  “I decided to walk the dogs now instead, so I’m going to Grandma’s and taking my English assignment with me.” Freezing air and snow followed her into the house. “Can you give me a lift, Dad?”

  Ash shook himself, sending snow flying, and then caught sight of Brenna and bounded toward her.

  “Sit!” Tyler roared, and the dog skidded to a halt and plopped onto the floor with an offended whine.

  “We’re on our third lesson with Dana. He’s trying so hard.” Looking proud, Jess toed off her boots and then took her first proper look at Brenna. “Wow, you look amazing. Dad, you need to get changed. Wherever you’re going, if she’s wearing that, you can’t wear jeans.”

  Tyler clenched his jaw. “We’re not going anywhere.”

  “Brenna’s dressed like that to watch TV?”

  “No, Brenna is going out. She has a date with Josh.”

  “Josh?” Jess’s jaw dropped. Her expression went from astonished to horrified. “No way! You can’t do that.”

  Brenna shifted on those high heels. “Jess—”

  “I mean, that isn’t what—I wanted you to—” she shot an agonized look at her father “—why are you just standing there? Say something.”

  He didn’t trust himself to say anything civilized so he focused on his daughter. “Let’s go. I’ll give you a lift to Grandma’s.”

  “I can walk—”

  “No, you can’t. The weather is awful. Have a great evening, Brenna.”


  Jess planted her feet, more stubborn than the dogs. “Dad—”

  “Move!”

  “All right! Sorry for being alive.” Sending him a sullen look, she jammed her feet back into her boots and stomped to the car, a vision of injured innocence.

  It was a four-minute drive to his mother’s house, and Jess used every second of those four minutes to tell him where he was going wrong in his life.

  “Why are you letting her do this? She likes you, Dad!”

  “Sure she does.” Distracted, he drove too close to the side of the road. The snow was piled in deep mounds, and he felt the wheels spin. “That’s why she’s going out with Josh. Makes perfect sense.”

  “You are not allowed to do sarcasm. That’s my role. I’m the teenager, you’re the parent.” Jess clenched her fists in exasperation. “You didn’t see her the other night. We were watching you ski. She kept staring at the screen.”

  “If you were analyzing skiing then of course she was staring at the screen.”

  “That wasn’t what she was doing. She had this look on her face. Sort of faraway. And now she’s going out with Josh! Why are you letting this happen?”

  “Last time I looked, I wasn’t in charge of who Brenna dates.” He turned the wheel to the left and steered the car skillfully out of the deeper snow. The surface was slick. Dangerous. “That is a whole lot of snow. We need to get this road cleared again.”

  “Stop changing the subject. Brenna isn’t interested in Josh, Dad!”

  “Then why is she going out with him? If you’re such an expert, perhaps you can tell me that!”

  “I don’t know!” They were both yelling, and it struck him again how similar they were. It was like dealing with himself, and it wasn’t a comfortable situation.

  “In my experience a woman doesn’t dress up in heels and a killer dress to date a guy she doesn’t like.”

  “That’s the only dress Brenna owns. It’s not like she bought it specially or anything.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I was with her when she unpacked, remember? She is a jeans-and-ski-pants person.”

  “So why is she going on a suit-and-tie date with Josh if she isn’t interested in him?” He almost laughed at himself. He was so messed up he was asking advice on women from his thirteen-year-old daughter.