Maybe This Christmas

by Sarah Morgan

  Brenna sat for a moment, numb with cold and misery, comforted by the normality of the interaction. These were her friends. And they cared. “I don’t want tea, thanks. Is Jess here?”

  “Snow day. She went across to check on Alice and Walter after all the snow we had in the night. Why didn’t you wear a coat, dear? That’s not like you.” Elizabeth brushed more snow from her sweater, and Brenna shook her head.

  “I—I wanted to get out of the house. I didn’t think.”

  “Ah! So Tyler was being annoying. This explains everything, I think.” Élise rolled her eyes, but Brenna didn’t smile.

  She couldn’t talk about what had happened.

  It was too private. Too personal.

  “Élise, you are burning those pancakes.” Calm, Elizabeth stood up, and Élise swore fluently in French and then English as she whipped the pan off the heat and glared at Kayla.

  “This is all your fault.”

  “Of course it is. Everything is my fault.” Kayla eyed Brenna and then turned to Elizabeth. “You remember those photos you promised me? The ones of Tyler as a baby?”

  “He would kill me if I handed those over.”

  “I won’t use them without his permission, I promise.”

  Elizabeth opened her mouth and closed it again as understanding dawned. “Why don’t I look for them right now? It might take me a while,” she said vaguely. “I have no idea where they are. You girls enjoy your breakfast. Don’t wait for me.”

  “I cannot believe I did that.” Disgusted, Élise scraped the mess from the bottom of the pan and put it in the sink to soak. “If one of my staff was that careless, I would fire them.”

  “It amazes me that your staff loves you so much.” Kayla sat down next to Brenna. “What’s happened, Bren? Is it your mother?”

  “No.” Brenna shook her head. “It’s nothing. I’m all right.”

  “Oh, please, you’re talking to us, not a bunch of strangers. We can see you’re not all right.” Kayla reached out to rub her shoulder gently, and the kindness of the gesture tipped Brenna over the edge.

  “I ruined it.” She choked on the words. “I did what you all told me to do and spoke my mind, but it ruined everything, and I want to put the clock back but I know I can’t and it’s done now, but I’ve lost my best friend, and I don’t know how I’ll cope with that. Not being able to talk with him, laugh with him, ski together—” The enormity of it hit her, and suddenly she was crying so hard, she couldn’t breathe, and she felt Kayla’s arms come around her, felt herself hugged and soothed, but all that did was make her cry more. “It’s over. For a moment I was the happiest I’ve ever been—” she hiccuped her way through the words “—and now I’m the most miserable I’ve ever been.”

  “I don’t understand.” Kayla stroked her hair and held her. “Why is it over?”

  “Me, I am completely confused.” Élise plopped into the chair next to her and squeezed Brenna’s leg. “Explain.”

  “I told him how I felt. And then we had sex. I had sex with Tyler.”

  There was a brief pause, and she thought she felt Kayla punch the air but when she pulled away to rub the tears from her face, both girls were looking worried.

  Élise pulled a face. “And was a bad thing because all your life you have wanted this moment and built it up in your head and it was a big disappointment, no?”

  “What? No! It was incredible.” Remembering brought more tears, and she dug in her pocket for a tissue and blew her nose. “It was the single most amazing night of my life. It was—oh, my God—almost worth blowing a whole friendship for.” But not quite.

  “Right,” Kayla said slowly, “so why is this bad?”

  “Because he woke up this morning and he said it was all a big mistake, he wished it hadn’t happened and he wanted things to be the same as they were before.”

  Kayla sat back in her chair with a sigh. “Oh, Tyler, you fool.”

  “I will fillet him, yes?” Élise kept her hand on Brenna’s leg. “I will serve him up medium-rare or well-done. Your choice. Then he will learn to be better at communicating.”

  “I don’t want you to do anything.” Brenna blew her nose. “Or say anything. I don’t want anyone knowing or talking about it. He can’t help the way he feels.”

  Kayla pulled a face. “He’s crazy about you, Bren.”

  “Obviously not.” Brenna stuffed the mangled tissue up her sleeve. “I woke up this morning to an empty bed. He was in the bathroom having a panic attack. I saw it in his eyes.”

  Élise made a disparaging noise. “Men, they are such wimps.”

  “I told him I loved him.” She blew her nose again. “I thought I’d try being honest and speaking my mind, and I’m so tired of trying to hide my feelings. And he seemed fine, it didn’t change anything—but he didn’t say it back. At the time—”

  “At the time you were focused on the moment.”

  “Yes, but this morning—I saw it in his eyes.”

  “He is scared.” Élise gave Brenna a brief hug and stood up. “He is terrified, and the terror it is making him stupid. This we can solve. He will calm down. So now you will stop crying and eat pancakes while we come up with a plan.” She walked back around the table, turned the heat up under the pan and started again.

  Brenna shook her head. “No plan. No more meddling. No more telling me to speak up. No more throwing us together.” She glanced at Kayla, who blushed.

  “I’m really sorry.” She sounded contrite. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Bren. You were so unhappy, and I love you and wanted to fix it, and I thought if the two of you were together then maybe things might work out.”

  “Well, they didn’t, and they won’t, and now we don’t even have our friendship anymore.” She tried to control her breathing. “Whenever anything was bad in my life, when things were hard at school or at home, he was the one I turned to. He was my best friend. So who do I talk to now he’s the problem?”

  “You talk to us.” Kayla touched her arm gently. “You have us.”

  “So you give up?” Élise poured the mixture into the pan and tilted it. “You are a strong, determined woman. This is not like you.”

  “It has nothing to do with strength or determination. I told him how I felt. I did that. And I wish I hadn’t. I gambled and lost.”

  “You really believe he doesn’t have feelings for you?”

  Brenna thought about the night before. About his mouth, his touch, the way he’d looked at her, how gentle he’d been, how caring and tender.

  “I think he has feelings. But you’re right that those feelings terrify him. He hasn’t been serious about a woman since Janet.”

  “He wasn’t serious about Janet.” Elizabeth walked back into the room. “I’m sorry, dear. I know you feel uncomfortable talking about this with me, but you shouldn’t. You’ve been part of this family since you were a little girl. I love you as if you were my own.”

  Brenna’s eyes filled again, and Kayla sniffed.

  “Stop it, Elizabeth.”

  Elizabeth sat down in the chair vacated by Élise. “He didn’t love Janet, you know he didn’t. That wasn’t how it was.”

  Brenna wondered if Elizabeth knew more about Janet than she was letting on. “But the whole thing freaked him out. Losing Jess. He felt like a failure for not being able to keep her, and it tore him in shreds, I know it did. He hasn’t been seriously involved with a woman since.”

  “Ever.” Elizabeth took the plate Élise handed her. “He hasn’t been seriously involved with a woman ever. And of course that is why it has taken him so long to finally admit how he feels about you.”

  “He hasn’t admitted it.”

  “He finally shifted the nature of your relationship.” Elizabeth was tactful in her phraseology. “And that is a step closer to admitting
it. You need to be patient. Don’t back off.”

  “There’s nothing I can do. I saw his face.”

  “It is an insanely handsome face,” Élise murmured, “but sometimes what goes on in the brain behind that face is screwed up. He is scared, freaked out as you say, so you must unfreak him.”

  Brenna looked at the pancake without seeing it. “How?”

  Élise eyed Elizabeth, who gave a half smile. “Don’t mind me, dear. If you have a suggestion, out with it.”

  “My suggestion is that you walk into his room wearing very sexy underwear and nothing else.” Aware that they were all gaping at her, Élise shrugged. “You are not only a friend, you are a woman. Show him.”

  “I could never do that!”

  “You had sex with your clothes on?”

  Brenna felt her cheeks heat. “No, but—I’m not like you.”

  “Which is probably just as well or Tyler would be chopped to pieces by now,” Kayla muttered. “I’m not sure Elizabeth should be listening to this.”

  Elizabeth stirred. “I happen to think it’s an excellent plan. I will keep Jess for another night. She can help me stock the freezer for Christmas. She’s turning out to be a natural chef. And talking of food—” Elizabeth leaned across, cut a slice of pancake and fed it to Brenna. “You need to keep your strength up, dear.”

  “Wait a minute!” Brenna almost choked. “For a start, I don’t own any sexy underwear.”

  “Vraiment?” Élise looked appalled. “Not a single piece of silk or lace? Please tell me this is a terrible joke.”

  “No.” Her face was burning, and she saw Élise glance at Kayla and then back at her.

  “So instead be naked.”

  “He’ll turn me down.” The possibility of rejection made her shrink. “And then what?”

  “You are no worse off.”

  “I don’t think I can do that.” Brenna shook her head. Despite what had happened the night before, Janet’s words were still wedged in her brain. “If he doesn’t want me, that’s the end of it. I won’t push myself on him. That isn’t how I want our relationship to be. It’s finished, and now we somehow have to get our friendship back to where it was.” But what if they couldn’t do that? What if it wasn’t possible? “Can we talk about something else?”

  “Of course. In fact, I have some news of my own,” Elizabeth said casually, putting the fork down on the plate. “Tom has asked me to dinner, and I’ve said yes.”

  Kayla stopped with her fork poised in midair. “Tom? Tom who?”

  Élise rolled her eyes. “You should try looking up from your phone occasionally. There is a whole world going on out here.” She beamed at Elizabeth. “Me, I like Tom very much, and he grows the best tomatoes. He has good hands, I think, and I love a man with good hands. Sean, he is the same.”

  “Tomatoes?” Kayla’s face cleared. “Oh, that Tom.”

  Brenna, relieved at the change of subject, sipped the tea Élise put in front of her. Given that her friend was holding a hot pan, she decided not to tell her it was disgusting. “I love Tom. I’ve known him forever.”

  “He has been very patient.” Elizabeth took a sip of tea, paused, swallowed and pulled a face. “I confess I didn’t find it easy after Michael died. But Tom has been a good friend to me, and friendship is the best basis for any relationship, isn’t it?”

  “This is true,” Élise said, “but you are never too old for good sex, as Alice is always telling us. And now you might as well pour away that tea because I can see you all exchanging looks and forcing it down. And next time ask me for coffee.”

  * * *

  “GUESS WHAT?” JESS BOUNCED into the kitchen the following morning. “School is shut again. Snow day! Can we ski powder? Dad? Are you listening? Why are you staring out the window?”

  Tyler stirred. “What are you doing here? I thought Grandma was dropping you at school.”

  “I just told you, snow day!” Jess frowned and dumped her bag on the floor. “What’s wrong?”

  Guilt mingled with thoughts that threatened to set his brain on fire.

  He’d texted Brenna twice, and she hadn’t answered.

  He had no idea where she was.

  “Nothing is wrong.” Restless, Tyler grabbed his jacket. Maybe it would help to be out in the mountains. “Get dressed, we’re going skiing.”

  Jess tugged on her boots. “Are we inviting Brenna?”

  “She’s teaching.”

  “Dad, what’s going on?” Jess stepped in front of him, forcing him to look at her. “Something has happened, hasn’t it?”

  “No. Get your coat.” He was out of the door before she could ask any more questions.

  They skied a few runs together, then Tyler coached her, making her do the same run over and over again, repeating turns until he was satisfied. And she didn’t complain, not even when she caught an edge, fell and tumbled down the slope toward him.

  She lay, winded, staring up at the sky. “I guess I messed that one up.”

  He stooped and hauled her to her feet, rescuing her skis. “Your weight was wrong on the inside ski. You’re spraying snow, which means you’re sliding not carving, but aside from that little lapse, you’re doing good. Really good.”

  And Brenna was right. He was enjoying teaching her. Far more than he’d ever anticipated he would.

  Jess emptied snow out of her gloves and scraped it from the front of her ski. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

  “Go on.”

  “You’ll think I’m a wimp.”

  “Tell me.”

  Jess shrugged and shifted her gaze to the top of the slope. “When I’m up there looking down, before I start, I’m scared.”

  “Of course you are.” Tyler reached out and brushed snow from her jacket. “We all are.”

  Her eyes widened. “Even you?”

  “Oh, yeah. You ask any racer, and he’ll say the same. If he doesn’t, he’s lying. Most of us know how it feels to fall, and in that moment before you start when you’re looking down the hill, you start to see the worst that could happen. And let’s face it, when you’re flying down at those speeds, it doesn’t take much to make you crash—you hook an edge or take a wrong turn—” he shrugged, not wanting to dwell on the chilling options “—it’s not that you don’t feel fear, but you control it. And that takes discipline. What people don’t realize is that it’s not only a physical challenge out there, it’s an emotional challenge.”

  “I thought maybe the fact that I’m scared might mean I can’t do this.”

  “No. It’s not feeling fear that’s the problem, it’s how you manage it. You can learn.” He reached out and fastened her helmet. “You could do this. You have what it takes.”

  “Do you think one day I might even have my own crystal globe?”

  “If you work hard, who knows? Do you want to?”

  “Will you help me?”

  He felt a rush of adrenaline and elation that he hadn’t felt since his accident. He knew he could help, and he knew he’d enjoy doing it. “All the way.”

  “Then let’s do it.” Excitement burned in her eyes, and she knocked the snow from her boots and stamped her feet into her skis. “Let’s take it from the top.”

  * * *

  BRENNA FINISHED HER last lesson and drove back to Lake House. It had been a long day, and all she wanted was to relax in a deep bath and stare through the window at the snow falling.

  What she didn’t want was an embarrassing, uncomfortable moment with Tyler.

  What was she supposed to say?

  Forget it, Tyler. It was just one night. Plenty of people do it.

  But she didn’t. And he knew she didn’t.

  Let’s pretend nothing has changed.

  How could she say that when i
t was obvious to both of them that everything had changed?

  She should never have said the L word.

  Exasperated, and cringing with embarrassment, she was relieved to see no sign of his car. At least she could go straight to her room.

  She opened the door, made a fuss of Ash and Luna and then saw the package lying on the floor with her name on it.

  Luna whined and pressed her nose against Brenna’s leg.

  “I messed up, Luna.” Brenna stroked her gently and then opened the package.

  A flimsy wisp of black tulle and lace fell into her hand and she stared at it, and then at the note from her friends, in disbelief.

  Maybe this is the day you have a date with destiny. And it’s best to be as pretty as possible for destiny. Coco Chanel (with some tweaks from Élise and Kayla xxxx)

  “You have to be kidding me.”

  Luna whined, and she shook her head at the dog. “I cannot wear this. I can’t.”

  She turned it over in her hands and then held it up.

  She didn’t need to try it on to know it was going to reveal far more than it covered.

  She heard the slam of a car door and listened for the sound of voices, but a quick glance through the window told her Tyler was on his own.

  Without bothering to take off her coat, she sprinted upstairs to her bedroom and closed the door, the offending package still in her hand.

  Heart pounding, she put the garment on the bed and checked the label.

  French, of course. And expensive. Sheer, sexy and something she wouldn’t wear in a million years.

  Except—

  Heart thumping, she took off her coat and hung it up, feeling as if the underwear was watching her, blaming her for being a coward.

  Did Élise really wear that sort of thing? No wonder Sean was always walking around with a smile on his face.

  What was to stop her doing the same thing?

  From downstairs she heard a clash of pans in the kitchen and relaxed slightly. One thing she was sure of—there was no way Tyler would come looking for her. He was obviously as uncomfortable about the whole thing as she was.