But somewhere along the way to modern times, the stereotype emerged that blondes are not that bright. Some theories as to where this perception came from:
• In the Middle Ages, wealthy people spent most of their time indoors and out of the sun, which kept their hair darker, while the “dumb” poor spent their time working outside, their hair getting bleached by the sun.
Only she knows for sure: 1 in 3 U.S. Caucasian women have blonde hair; 1 in 20 naturally so.
• Only about 25 percent of women who were born blonde retain that hair color into adulthood. The same factor that connotes youth—which is attractive to men—can also lead to perceptions of childlike immaturity and naivete.
• Brunettes help perpetuate the dumb-blonde stereotype because they’re envious that all a blonde has to do is look coy and a man will give her free stuff. Who needs brains when you’ve got blonde?
HOW CURIOUS
Another theory: Some blondes deliberately perpetuate the dumb stereotype themselves. That’s what many historians believe Rosalie Duthé was doing. Widely considered to be modern history’s first “dumb blonde,” Duthé was an 18th-century French dancer, nude model, and courtesan. In addition to her looks, the voluptuous blonde was famous for her habit of taking long pauses before she spoke. Did this make her stupid? No, but it didn’t matter. Duthé had men hanging on her every word. This peculiar habit was satirized in the 1775 play Les curiosites de la Foire, in which Duthé’s long pauses were stretched out even longer for comedic effect. The play was a huge hit in Paris, sending the message that it was okay to laugh at the intelligence—or apparent lack thereof—of blondes. (Duthé had the last laugh; she became very wealthy and lived to the ripe old age of 82.)
PUTTIN’ ON THE DITZ
The dumb-blonde stereotype gained traction in early-20th-century America thanks to a popular vaudeville act called a “Dumb Dora.” The premise: A ditzy woman (not necessarily blonde) would play dumb for laughs. Comedienne Gracie Allen perfected the persona in her stage acts with George Burns. Allen wasn’t a blonde (although her hair was lightened when she appeared on TV), but her ditzy persona drew so many laughs that she was often imitated.
A comic strip based on this persona, called Dumb Dora, ran from 1924 to 1935. Its creator, Chic Young, introduced his most famous comic strip in 1930: Blondie. (She started out as a Dumb Dora type, but soon transformed into a smart housewife.)
BLONDES ON FILM
The mid-20th century was a golden age for blondes. There were the “ice-cold blondes”—including Grace Kelly, Kim Novak, and Mae Murray—and the “blonde bombshells,” like Brigitte Bardot, Lana Turner, and Jean Harlow. But the most famous one was, of course, Marilyn Monroe (a natural brunette).
Foreign bodies: People from different regions have different mouth bacteria.
Monroe was by no means “dumb,” but she cashed in on the stereotype when she starred as Lorelei Lee in the 1953 comedy Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. The character, created by author Anita Loos in the 1920s, is actually more superficial than stupid. Take this exchange from the film between Lorelei (Monroe) and Dorothy, her “smart” brunette best friend, played by Jane Russell.
Lorelei: Excuse me, but what is the way to Europe, France?
Dorothy: Honey, France is in Europe.
Lorelei: Well, who said it wasn’t?
Dorothy: Well, you wouldn’t say you wanted to go to North America, Mexico.
Lorelei: If that’s where I wanted to go, I would.
Like Gracie Allen, Monroe spawned many imitators, including Goldie Hawn’s ditzy characters on the 1960s variety show Laugh-In, Chrissy (Suzanne Somers) on the 1970s sitcom Three’s Company, and Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) on the 1990s sitcom Friends. In the 2000s, celebrities such as Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton have lived up to that stereotype to great success. “I play dumb like Jessica Simpson plays dumb,” said Hilton. “But we know exactly what we’re doing. We’re smart blondes.”
“THERE’S WHITE-OUT ON THE SCREEN.”
That’s the punchline to one of thousands of dumb-blonde jokes. (Setup: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?) Another big reason the stereotype won’t go away is the enduring popularity of these jokes. The fad, which began in the 1980s, is as strong as ever today. But are they “harmless,” as some claim? According to a study conducted by Thomas E. Ford, a psychology professor at Western Carolina University, “Sexist humor is not simply benign amusement. It can allow men to feel comfortable with sexism without the fear of disapproval of their peers.” That acceptance, concluded Ford, keeps the jokes—and the stereotype—alive.
Studies that recorded people’s reactions to pictures of women all point to the same conclusion: Subconsciously, both men and women tend to judge intelligence, as well as likability, by hair color. In fact, one study conducted by the University of Paris found that blondes actually make guys dumber: Men who interacted with attractive blonde women performed worse on cognitive tests than men who interacted with attractive brunettes.
As uncomfortable as it sounded? The ancient Romans wore underwear called subligaculum.
LIFE’S A BLEACH
Many blonde women complain that it’s harder for them to be taken seriously in society because of the dumb stereotype. Reese Witherspoon, who starred in the 2001 comedy Legally Blonde, about a seemingly dumb blonde college student whose boyfriend leaves her for a smart brunette, says the prejudice her character experienced in the movie happens to her in real life: “Immediately, when people meet me, they think of me as not being smart.”
An English journalist—and brunette—named Joanna Pittman decided to find out firsthand how blondes are really treated. She bleached her hair, walked outside, and immediately noticed a difference. “I got wolfish looks from men and complicit smiles from blonde women, who seemed to acknowledge my beaconlike hair as if I was now a member of an elite club.”
Inspired, Pittman began researching the history of the hair color and society’s reactions to it, culminating in her 2003 book On Blondes. Her conclusion: “Every age has restyled blond hair in its own image and invested it with its own preoccupations. Blondeness became a prejudice in the Dark Ages, an obsession in the Renaissance, a mystique in Elizabethan England, a mythical fear in the 19th century, an ideology in the 1930s, and a sexual invitation in the 1950s.”
Today, it’s a punchline.
* * *
AN ELEPHANT JOKE
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
A: Hold its nose until it turns blue, and then shoot it with the blue elephant gun.
What do the words alcohol, lute, and magazine have in common? They come from Arabic.
LIGHTEN UP!
On page 455 we looked at humanity’s strange obsession with blonde women. Now we look at the hair color itself.
HITTING THE BOTTLE
There are eight basic types of blonde hair. Here’s a list of those colors, along with examples of famous blondes who wear them. (Disclaimer: Celebrity examples of hair colors can and do change with the fashions.)
• Blonde/flaxen: The most common type of blonde hair. It’s light but not whitish, and has no traces of red, gold, or brown. Flaxen celebrities: Paris Hilton, Naomi Watts.
• Yellow blonde: Darker than flaxen but with no other colors mixed in. Yellow-blonde celebrities: Madonna, Christina Aguilera.
• Platinum blonde: Whitish blonde. (When children have this hair color naturally, they are called “towheaded.”) Platinum-blonde celebrities: Marilyn Monroe, Gwen Stefani.
• Sandy blonde: Grayish-hazel or cream-colored blonde. Sandyblonde celebrities: Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz.
• Golden blonde: A rich, darker, golden-yellow blonde. Goldenblonde celebrities: Goldie Hawn and her daughter, Kate Hudson.
• Strawberry/honey blonde: A light or dark amberish golden blonde. Strawberry-blonde celebrities: Amy Adams, Nicole Kidman.
&nb
sp; • Dirty blonde, or dishwater blonde: Dark-blonde with flecks of golden-blonde and brown. Dirty-blonde celebrities: Scarlett Johansson, Emma Watson.
• Ash blonde: A bit darker than dirty blonde. Ash-blonde celebrities: Hayden Panettiere, Taylor Swift.
Feeling adventurous? Try one of these real blonde hair-dye colors: “Electric Banana,” “Virgin Snow,” “Sassy Gold,” “Misty Starlight,” “Palest Moonglow,” “Whisper Soft,” and “Bright as #$(@%! Yellow.”
Q: What do you call a fear of palindromes? A: Aibohphobia. (Read it backwards.)
DUMB CROOKS:
STONER EDITION
Weed been thinking about doing an article like this one for a while.
DUDE, WRONG HOUSE!
Andrew Kramer, 22, of Grant County, Washington, who cops said “reeked of pot,” was trying to sell baggies of marijuana to passersby. What’s so dumb about that? He was doing it in front of the Grant County Courthouse. (He was quickly arrested.)
WRONG WAY TO GET LEGAL ADVICE, DUDE!
Robert Michelson, 21, of Farmington, Connecticut, called 911 to ask if he could get arrested for growing just one marijuana plant. The dispatcher said yes, he could. There was a pause. Michelson said, “Thank you,” and abruptly hung up. A few minutes later, the police showed up and cited him for growing one pot plant.
SHOULDA LEFT IT AT HOME, DUDE!
A 22-year-old Stamford, Connecticut, man was walking to the courthouse to testify in a drug case when he took a quick detour to hide his bag of marijuana under a rock in front of a nearby building. Office workers, seeing the suspicious activity, alerted the police…whose headquarters were across the street from the hiding place. When the man returned, instead of his weed, he found a note that read, “You’re under arrest. Look up at the police station.” He looked up and saw officers waving at him from the window.
DUDES, WRONG PLANT!
• A teenager in Daytona Beach, Florida, was arrested for stealing a tomato plant from a neighbor’s garden. After he was detained by the homeowner, the boy told the cops he thought it was marijuana…even though it had tomatoes on it.
• A 58-year-old Swedish man was busted by police after they witnessed him buying a bag of something from another man. (The other man ran away.) When the officer looked in the bag, he discovered that it wasn’t “grass,” it was grass—as in lawn clippings.
How about yours? Leeches have been known to live in people’s noses.
The buyer told the officer that he’d haggled the price down from $62 to $15, and it would have been a great deal had it been actual marijuana. Because it wasn’t, the man was not charged.
DUDE, WRONG STASH CONTAINER!
A Vero Beach, Florida, man went to the dry cleaners to drop off a bag of what he thought was his dirty laundry. It wasn’t. There were three pounds of marijuana inside the bag. Police searched the man’s home and found $80,000 worth of illegal drugs.
DUDE, JUST LET IT GO, ’CAUSE IT’S LIKE…GONE!
Late one night in 2009, Calvin Hoover, 21, of Salem, Oregon, left the Free Loader Tavern and discovered that someone had broken into his truck and stolen his coat—along with the bag of pot in the pocket. Furious, Hoover called 911 to report that “They stole my weed!” According to the dispatcher, Hoover was difficult to understand “because he kept stopping his truck to vomit.” The police found him later that night walking around looking for his weed, and arrested him.
WRONG QUESTION, DUDE!
In 2011 Devonte Davon Jeter, 19, was in court on drug possession charges. His public defender told the judge that the marijuana could have belonged to any of the four men who were pulled over that day in Midland, Pennsylvania. Jeter had denied the baggie was his, even though it was found near his feet after he exited the vehicle. Without the officer actually seeing the marijuana on Jeter’s person, the judge couldn’t convict. But Jeter’s case fell apart when the arresting officer testified that after he was released from custody on bail, he asked, “Can I have my weed back?”
BAD DOG, DUDE!
San Diego resident Joel Dobrin, 32, was pulled over in 2012 while driving through Oregon. He quickly tried to stuff his stash of hash into a gym sock, but his pit bull had other ideas: He grabbed the sock and started playing tug-of-war. Just as Officer John Terrel approached the truck, the sock flew out of the window and landed at his feet. “I wish everyone traveled with their own personal drug dog,” Terrel said. “It sure would make our job easier.”
If they stood close together, everyone on Earth could fit in a space half the size of Belgium.
FAMILY FEUD: THE GUCCIS
One of the secrets of operating a successful family business is figuring out how to pass it along to your heirs without ending up in business-school textbooks as an example of how NOT to pass your business along to your heirs. It’s not as easy as it sounds.
BAG MAN
In the late 1800s, a young Italian man named Guccio Gucci hopped a freighter for England after his parents’ straw-hat business in Florence went bankrupt. In London, Gucci found a job at the Savoy, then (and now) one of the most exclusive hotels in the city. Accounts vary as to what he did there—he may have been a waiter, a dishwasher, or a bellhop—but whatever it was, Gucci was struck by all the fancy luggage that wealthy people brought with them when they checked into the hotel. The elegant leather steamer trunks, suitcases, and handbags were more than just functional items, he realized. They also served as status symbols that communicated their owners’ social standing to the world.
Four years later, Gucci returned to Florence, where he found work in the leather goods industry, married, and started a family. He spent years learning the leather business and then, in 1921, opened his own store in one of the city’s fanciest shopping districts. He stocked it with a wide assortment of goods, both made in Italy and imported from abroad.
INTELLIGENT DESIGN
Gucci’s years observing the upper crust at the Savoy paid off: He developed a knack for sensing what wealthy tourists were likely to buy. When he couldn’t find what he wanted from his suppliers, he designed his own products and hired local craftspeople to make them. His shop developed a reputation for excellent service and well-made, stylish goods sold at reasonable prices. As his business grew, Gucci began to stock only the goods designed and made by his firm—and the Gucci luxury brand was born.
Guinea pigs can walk as soon as they’re born.
Gucci ran the company that bore his name for more than 30 years. By the time he died in 1953, the business had grown into one of the most exclusive designer labels in Europe. Sophia Loren owned Gucci bags; so did Elizabeth Taylor, Katharine Hepburn, Princess Grace of Monaco, and Jacqueline Bouvier, soon to marry Senator John F. Kennedy.
Guccio had always resisted expanding outside of Italy, and it was only two weeks before he died that his son Aldo finally managed to open a store in New York City. He did it with a $6,000 bank loan—because his father refused to give him the money.
The reading of the old man’s will sparked the first Gucci family feud. That was when Grimalda, Guccio’s only daughter, learned she’d been disinherited from the family business merely because she was a woman. Grimalda fought her brothers Aldo, Vasco, and Rodolfo for a share of the company, but she lost.
CRACKS IN THE ARMOR
Aldo became the head of Gucci; his brothers Rodolfo and Vasco worked in production and design. Unlike the old man, Aldo had no qualms about expanding. Why should Gucci wait for its foreign customers to come to Italy, he reasoned, when the company could go to them? In the years that followed, Aldo opened Gucci stores in London, Paris, Tokyo, Hong Kong, and other cities around the world. He also added new product lines, including designer shoes, ready-to-wear clothing, watches, perfume, and a line of lower-cost canvas-and-leather goods that brought hundreds of millions of dollars into the company.
It grated on Aldo that he owned just a third of the company, and his brothers Vasco and Rodolfo got two thirds of the profits he was most responsible for generating
. The situation “improved” for Aldo when Vasco died childless in 1974. Aldo and Rodolfo bought out Vasco’s widow, split the shares, and became 50/50 owners. Rodolfo held on to his shares for the rest of his life, while Aldo gave each of his three sons 3.3 percent of the business, leaving him with a minority stake of 40 percent. But he still ran the company, and half of its profits went to his side of the family.
Historians believe Christopher Columbus may have brought syphilis to the Americas.
GENERATION GAP
Aldo and Rodolfo had their differences, but they managed to get along. It wasn’t until their children came into the picture in the 1970s that the problems at Gucci really started. The biggest troublemaker: Aldo’s son Paolo, one of the most creative members of the Gucci clan…and one of the most difficult to work with. Paolo clashed with both his father and his uncle: He wanted to start an entirely new designer label within the company, one with its own stores and targeted at a much younger demographic. Aldo and Rodolfo said no and relegated him to a frustratingly small role. It didn’t work. In 1980 Paolo secretly launched his own designer label without telling Aldo or Rodolfo. When they found out, they fired him and then sued to block him from using the Gucci name in business.
Paolo didn’t work at Gucci anymore, but he still owned a 3.3 percent stake in the company. That gave him the right to attend board meetings and to ask embarrassing questions about the way Aldo had managed Gucci’s finances over the years (and helped himself to millions in company funds). More than one board meeting ended in a physical fight. Paolo even filed documents in U.S. court that laid bare how Aldo had cheated the U.S. government out of $7 million in taxes.
Aldo eventually served a year in federal prison for tax evasion, but that wasn’t the only humiliation he suffered at the hands of his son. Though Aldo owned just a 40 percent stake in Gucci, he still ran the business, and as long as his brother Rodolfo was alive Aldo never had to worry about losing control of the company. That changed when Rodolfo died in 1983 at the age of 71, and his 50 percent stake passed to his only child and heir, Maurizio.
Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader (Uncle John's Bathroom Reader) Page 52