by Kim Cayer
Horrified, I said, “It wasn’t like that at all!”
Ernesto looked solemn. “Hablo uno bebe?”
OK, I know he said ‘baby’, but what else? Suddenly Phyliss leaned in and started yapping in Spanish to Ernesto and Carlotta. “Hey,” I broke in. “Where did you learn Spanish?”
She gave me a disdainful look. “When I was married to Alonzo,” she said. “June of ‘02 to June of ‘04.”
I shook my head. “I can’t keep up.” I stood and said, plain and clear for all English people to understand. “You know what? Let’s change seats. Phyllis, you can talk to the Garcia’s and I’ll…” I smiled sweetly, “I’ll not talk to anyone.”
We exchanged seats. The Garcias seemed thrilled to be speaking their mother tongue. I sat next to an Asian couple. The mother had a walkie talkie and she was radioing Chinese directions to a couple of their children seated in other areas of the gymnasium. The father was fidgeting with a hi-tech video camera.
All in all, it wasn’t that bad a ceremony. The Asian parents, with their info-gathering operation going ahead with military precision, were quite entertaining. The object of their mission was the eldest son, who garnered about a third of all the awards being handed out that night.
My pride and joy won an award, as I knew she would. When her name was called and Shannon confidently strode up to the podium, I wanted to whoop and holler. Thankfully I reined myself in. Phyllis, on the other hand, yelled out, “That’s my girl!” A bunch of people turned to look at the big mouth.
It wasn’t me. I was the respectable lady sitting down the aisle from her.
In the throng of people filling the hallways after the ceremony, I searched for my daughter. Phyllis and the Garcias followed behind me. I spotted Shannon and Jody near the exit.
Carlotta grabbed her son and sobbed. She was so proud; every day of high school had been a trial for that family, yet Jody stuck through it. Even Ernesto, whom Jody claimed couldn’t get a handle on the whole transgender business, seemed on the verge of tears as he shook his child’s hand.
The touching-yet-awkward moment was broken when Phyllis screeched, “Wait ‘til you see what I got you, Shannon!” She thrust an envelope into her hands. “Open it now!”
With a bemused smile, she slit the envelope open and pulled out a card. Only I, who knew her best, could tell her gratitude was a bit forced. “Oh, wow!” she said. “A season’s pass to Wild Water Kingdom!” I knew, with her work schedule and her usual summer studies, that she’d have little time to go swimming. Plus the pass was good for only one person.
Phyllis nodded smugly. “I remember how much you loved that place when I had to look after you all those summers. It’s from your father and I.”
“I’ll put it to good use,” Shannon promised.
“Well, I have to go,” Phyllis said. “Jag is taking me to an Indian buffet tonight.” She made classy barf actions and then turned to face the Garcias. In her broken-yet-workable Spanish, she bid a fond adieu to Jody’s parents.
I didn’t want to leave Shannon’s side. It seemed I barely got to see her. I said hello to a few parents I recognized and wished their kids well in their futures. A boy walked by that Shannon used to tutor. I stopped him and asked if he’d take a couple photos of my daughter and I. All I had was my cellphone but that was perfect for my needs. A new screensaver to replace the old photo of my house.
The kids mentioned there was an after-grad party they were going to attend. The Garcias and I walked out together, after I gave Shannon one final hug. “So, keep in touch, okay?”
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she replied.
Slowly, feeling a little bummed out, I walked back to my car. I was about to start it up when I realized I had nowhere to rush to. I could drive to the storage lot and sit there in my finery looking pretty, or I could do that where people might actually see me. I felt a little like crying; it all seemed so anticlimactic.
Most of the parents had left the parking lot. The noise level suddenly swelled as perhaps fifty students exited at the same time. The party had already started. I could hear graduates yelling, “Can somebody give me a lift to the party?” and “Who’s buying the beer?” and “Who’s old enough to get liquor?”
Shannon and Jody broke away from the crowd and walked over to her new Mazda. The car started up and was about to exit the parking lot when I saw it do an impressive reverse, all the way to where I was parked. Shannon, obviously enjoying her air conditioning, rolled down her window.
“Mom, what are you still doing here?” she asked.
“I dunno,” I mumbled. “I’m all dressed up…and nowhere to go.”
Ever so polite, Shannon said, “I’d invite you to the grad party but it’s all going to be kids our age. You might feel out of place.”
I burst out laughing. “No, I don’t want to go. You two go ahead, I’m okay. Just gonna sit here and do nothing but be so proud of you, Shannon.” Again with the foolish tears threatening to spill.
Shannon said nothing, just gave me a fierce look. She rolled up her window, turned to Jody and they spoke. She started to drive off. What did I do? I was about to open my door and run after her when I saw she was merely angling her car to form a V-shape with mine. The Mazda was shut off and the couple emerged from the car.
I became alarmed. “No, no, no! You guys aren’t staying here on my account. I said I’m fine! Go to your party!”
Shannon went to her trunk and pulled out a couple chairs. “It’s a Bring-Your-Own-Chair party,” she explained. “Guess they didn’t have enough chairs for the 500 kids expected to show up.”
“Yeah, they won’t miss us if we’re a bit late,” Jody added. “Besides, we don’t see enough of you.”
Shannon opened the camp chairs and apologized to Jody. “Sorry, hon, only two, you’ll have to stand.” Jody leaned against the new Mazda and Shannon gave out a wolf-whistle. “Jody, if you could see how sexy you look in your tux, standing there against my new car…”
He moved away, toward the open trunk of the car. “Control yourself, woman,” he cautioned. “Parental unit in the vicinity.” He came back with a bottle of wine, a corkscrew and two reusable Starbucks coffee cups. “Why don’t you two ladies enjoy a drink?” he suggested.
Shannon reached for the cups. “Why, a splendid idea, my kind sir!”
“Wait,” I party-pooped, “aren’t you driving, Shannon?”
“Just until I started celebrating,” she said, raising her glass. “Jody is staying sober. It’ll be his first chance to drive my car, when he takes us home tonight.”
It took Jody a while to get the cork out of the wine bottle, but that was only because he was 18 years old and had little practice. I could have jumped in and opened it in a couple seconds, but I didn’t want to spoil the moment. I could also have reminded them they were both underage still, not legally allowed to drink, but I left my motherhood medal behind as soon as that cork popped out of the bottle.
Shannon and I clicked our Starbucks cups together and then did the same to Jody’s can of Dr. Pepper. Even though our chairs sat on asphalt, the general feeling was one of camping, enjoying a drink and camaraderie in the early evening hours. The wine, with a $10.95 price tag, seemed to be of the highest quality.
Jody looked over my ride. “What year is your car?” he asked.
“2004 Suzuki Swift,” I said, then giggled. “Mississauga, Ontario.” Okay, the large cup of wine was already getting to me.
“It still looks pretty good,” he noted.
“That’s cuz I got her washed and oiled and vacuumed,” I stated. “Only thing I’m worried about…ever since I got the oil change, for some reason, it seems like she wants to stall.”
“Maybe they hit the idle?” he suggested. I stared at him dumbly. “Do you want me to take a look?”
“You know about cars?” I asked incredulously.
Shannon piped up. “He got top marks in auto shop,” she said proudly. I could sense she was doubly proud of his
achievement, since he wasn’t actually a card-carrying member of the male race yet.
Again he walked back to the trunk of the Mazda as he took off his tuxedo jacket and rolled up his sleeves. “I got Shannon a tool kit for her car for graduation,” he said, pulling it out. He looked over at his girlfriend. “Who knew it would come in so handy so soon, hey, babe?”
“I got Jody a year-long membership to Premier Fitness,” she said. “Oh! And thank you for the key chain!”
“You’re welcome,” I replied, then waited for more. Nothing. “Did you see the paper that was also in the box?”
“I didn’t really look at it,” she admitted. “It’s the receipt in case I want to return it, right? But I’m keeping it.”
Bless your heart, my only offspring. She thinks I got her a simple keychain for her graduation gift, and she’s happy as a lark. I explained the essence of the paper and how pitiful a gift it was.
Shannon was ever so grateful though. Then she giggled and said, “I don’t want to sound mean, but if you want to talk about pitiful gifts…”
We burst into loud laughter as we both stated, “Wild Water Kingdom??”
Shannon ran to her car and returned with the season’s pass. She handed it over to me. “You know I’m not going to use it. But maybe, seeing as how it’s so hot…maybe you want it?”
The thought of lying in a wading pool like a beached whale held far more appeal than sitting in a sweltering car. Thank you, Phyllis!
I was pleasantly shocked when Jody got my car running smoothly. He put the tools away and came back to pick up the empty wine bottle. Shannon simply raised her glass at him. Jody returned to the trunk and brought out a second bottle of wine. As he lifted the corkscrew, I tried to stop him.
“No, you guys, that’s for your party,” I said.
“Mrs. Magee, if we take this to the party, a hundred kids will want some,” Jody replied. “I’d rather see two beautiful women enjoying it.” This time he opened the wine with ease.
“You did that much better this time,” I commented.
“I hope so!” Jody retorted. “I’m going to bartenders’ school; this is probably the first thing they want you to master.” He held the bottle out to Shannon.
“I have to pee first,” Shannon said.
“Actually, I do too,” Jody admitted.
“Let’s all pee in the great outdoors!” I shouted. Like it was a wild and crazy idea when in reality, it had become so humdrum.
Jody walked into the branches of the willow tree and even though I was starting to get pie-eyed, I swear he did it standing up. God bless technology. Shannon and I took opposite corners of my car. We didn’t want to mess up the Mazda’s tires.
Back in the chairs, I mentioned the university Shannon was attending in September. “So did you two manage to find schools in the same city like you planned?”
Jody came to stand between our camp seats and placed a hand on Shannon’s shoulder. “Well, things change fast, you know,” he began. “In September, my darling Shannon and I must go our separate ways.”
I over-reacted, came close to turning into one of those crying drunks. Reaching over, I wrapped my arms around Jody’s leg. “Noooo!” I cried. “You two can’t break up! You’re both so good for each other! What happened?”
“Whoa, chill, Mrs. Magee,” Jody said, stepping out of my embrace. “We’re not breaking up. We’re still good.”
“Jody changed schools,” Shannon explained. “He’s staying in Toronto; there’s a good bartending course at Ryerson College.”
“But why not Waterloo?” I asked. “I was so happy you two would be together. It can be scary, being a new student at a big school…”
“I’ll manage,” Shannon said. I had no misgivings about that. She’d probably be president of something by her second semester. “And we’ll still be seeing each other at least every two weeks.”
“Basically,” Jody butted in, “my doctors and my therapist are in Toronto. If I go to school in Waterloo, I can’t make any of my weekday appointments. If I stay here, I can probably have my surgery by the time I’m 21.”
“Oh, boy,” I foolishly said. “I can’t wait.”
“I know the feeling,” Jody replied.
The second bottle of wine was being drained quickly, mostly by me. I chided Shannon on not keeping up. “I still have to make shumwhat of a reshpectacle entrance at the party,” she slurred. I knew she was nowhere near as drunk as I. “You, on the other hand, are going nowhere tonight. When we leave the party, we’re going to do a drive-by and we better find your car right here, under this tree.”
That meant no storage locker, but I didn’t care. I was ready for beddy-bye right now, warmed by the setting sun, the wine, the love of my kid. She tucked me into my car seat, put my keys in the cup holder and pecked me on the cheek. “Sleep tight, call you tomorrow,” she said.
I watched my Baby Spice sashay to the passenger side of the Mazda as Jody gladly hopped into the driver’s seat. He rubbed his hands together before he started up Shannon’s new car. I thought he’d do something to show off but he drove out of the school lot like he was driving the Pope-Mobile.
I recall waving goodbye before I pretty much passed out. The next morning I awoke with a wicked hangover. I was thirsty as hell and even though it was only about six in the morning, I could tell it was going to be another scorching June day. I spotted my keys in the cup holder and put them into the ignition.
It was Friday. I had to get all my stuff out of storage by noon. After that, nothing to do but sweat in my car all day. It was then I noticed a rose lying across my windshield.
Clarity rushed at me. Shannon had returned to check on me! Warm memories of the previous night flitted through my mind, and the belly laugh we had shared over Phyllis’s ridiculous idea of a graduation gift.
I glanced into the second cup holder. The Wild Water Kingdom’s season pass rested there. Opening my wallet, I carefully placed it where I’d be sure to find it.
Today, and every hot day I could manage, I’d be trading Suzi’s car seat for a water slide. Hope was on the horizon.
Chapter Twelve
Just my luck to have a Marilyn telegram in Mississauga, my old stomping grounds. Let me tell you, Marilyn was not looking so fresh these days. I simply needed sleep…even four uninterrupted hours would be a godsend.
Instead, I lathered on the concealer, made sure to add the beauty mark and took extra time aligning my false eyelashes. If I could afford it, I’d invest in those fake mink eyelashes and have them lay it on thick. But they were costly and had to be redone every couple months. Sure, my Marilyn would look stunning, but for the Bag Lady?
The Bank of Montreal crowd loved me. I don’t think the Indian manager even knew who Marilyn Monroe was; the Iraqi, Iranian and Pakistan staff also seemed confused by my identity. No matter. I flirted with Hardeep, referred to myself ‘accidentally’ as Marilyn Mohammed (Hardeep’s last name), and gave that bank a show they won’t forget.
As an aside, I recalled performing at the bank five years before. The person who had booked me today, the white bread assistant manager who assumed EVERYBODY must know who Marilyn Monroe is, hadn’t worked there then; she had seen my act at her cousin’s wedding. I simply told her I had performed here before; I didn’t give her the details. Last time had been as a gorilla. However, upon entering and making my usual grunts and swinging my arms about, I was immediately set upon by a security guard. He informed me that masked people were not allowed in the bank. So in front of the birthday teller victim, I had to remove my mask and show my face to the cameras attached to the walls. Then, the illusion having been totally ruined, I put the mask back on and went on with the show.
Today I was rewarded with a ten-dollar tip. Not enough for lashes, but I decided lunch would be courtesy of the Bank of Montreal. Next door to the mall where the bank was located was one of my favourite greasy spoons, the John Anderson restaurant. I was going to drive over and enjoy a nice artery-clogg
ing meal inside a restaurant, and not in front of my steering wheel.
After a quick change in the car, adding a bra but noticing with dismay that I had worn polka-dot panties (and Marilyn’s white white dress warranted strictly white white panties), some sweat pants and a t-shirt, I ambled up to the counter and surveyed the menu. So much to choose from, all so affordable! And that ten-buck tip enabled me to order one of my most desirable meals in the world – a steak sandwich combo. Large steak-cut fries, a chilly Diet Coke and a huge sandwich.
My deal with myself was not to be a pig. If I could make a meal stretch into two servings, I was saving money. I knew I couldn’t eat this sandwich in one sitting anyhow, but I didn’t care for cold fries. So I gobbled those up quickly and then savoured half of the fried-onion laden sandwich. The other half was wrapped up in foil and placed back into the Styrofoam container. The two sips of Coke weren’t worth saving, so I chucked that into the trash.
Since I was in the city where I’d once resided, I decided to sneak a drive-by of that beautiful home I’d once lived. I planned on driving by quickly, horrified I might be caught in the act. Once I got within view of the old homestead though, I almost braked to a complete stop. What had happened to my house??!!
The grass was at least knee-high in the front yard. The screen door seemed to be stuck open. The garbage cans were still on the street, three days after trash-day pickup. My peaceful front-porch swing was laden with beer cases and the whole building had a dejected feel of neglect. I curbed my desire to race in and start cleaning up. Instead, I drove up the street and pulled out my cellphone.
“Shannon!” I shrieked. “What the hell is going on with the house?”
Her voice came back to me in its usual calm manner. “Whaddaya mean? I was just there an hour ago.”
“Well, for one thing…the yard!” I sputtered.
“You mean the grass? Dad said he’d cut it,” Shannon replied.