Shadow Heights

by E. N. Goeking

  “So, is this like a guy’s night?”

  “I guess you could say that.” Great. I don’t need the added pressure to what I’m already feeling. Big crowds of guys always made me nervous, especially if they were attractive ones.

  “Then I should probably go.” He took a step toward me and his energy trickled into me.

  “Don’t. It’s pleasing to me that you’re here.” I hesitated for a minute but then agreed. He took my hand as we went inside and stroked the back of it with his thumb, sending pulse-like waves through my arm that somehow managed to soothe me.

  After walking through his state of the art kitchen, we entered the smoke-filled living room and all noises ceased. My smile faded as I saw all of their male faces staring back at me. I was surrounded by relatively attractive men who were all looking at me like I was their dinner. Trying to distract myself from their stares, my eyes meandered around the room. It was very open with bachelor flare and a dining room was situated behind it, set up with poker materials and tall stacks of cash. Too much cash in fact for guys their age. Were they all rich?

  “Guys, this is Mina. Mina, this is Chad, Logan, Eric, and you know Ryan.” I acknowledged them all but only recognized one. Chad was the other guy I saw at the lake. He had short black hair that was gelled and spiked into perfect points and was universally quite attractive. Most girls would probably find him more attractive than Jaden but I loved Jaden's peculiarity, his indifference. The slight variation of his jawline in proportion to his cheekbones. His crooked smile and small mole on his temple buried beneath wisps of black threads.

  Ryan was standing in the kitchen eagerly awaiting his shot of whiskey, making all kinds of howling noises from the other room.

  Jaden grabbed hold of my arm and guided me into the kitchen. It was half the size of mine but it was nice, decorated in a man’s style. No florals, mostly solid colors, all in dark shades. They went back to their conversations and Jaden spoke privately to me.

  “What can I get you?”

  “Um...” I was ready to answer but Ryan interrupted me, he was standing right behind us.

  “Wait, let me guess.” He placed his index finger on his temple while in deep thought. “I would take you for a fruity drink with an umbrella type.”

  “I’ll take a beer if you have one.”

  “I should’ve gone with my first instinct. You're definitely a man's woman.” He smiled through his eyes. He faced his friends and spoke loudly. “Let's do some shots.”

  They all shouted and made loud noises as they got up from their comfortable seats on the couch. I laughed at their masculinities. They all charged through me and Jaden moved me out of the way in a chivalrous move and I was taken aback by how familiar it felt in his arms even though he was still a stranger to me.

  Ryan lined up the shot glasses and poured them full. He definitely would've been a bartender if it wasn't for the smoke shop in town. I took a few steps forward and grabbed a glass from the counter. We did a ‘cheers’ together and slammed them down. As they went back into the living room, Chad passed me and introduced himself. He reached his hand out for mine.

  “You smell real nice.”

  “Thanks,” I answered shyly, only looking at him for a second while I took his hand.

  He was about to ask me my life story when Jaden appeared with two beers in his hands. Chad quickly turned away from us, his smile fading with him. Jaden shot Chad a wrathful stare, which I caught unmistakably.

  I took a big gulp of my beer to help wash down the whiskey and stared intently at his composed form. His arms were bulky at his sides, twice the size of my measly limbs but not to the point of steroid ingestion. He had a really nice complexion, no blemishes could be found on his entire face and I suddenly felt jealous of his flawless skin. If we could all be so lucky.

  The rest of the guys were playing cards and drinking beers in the dining room, rather loudly I might add. It was hard to hear yourself think, let alone have a conversation with someone. Occasionally, someone would tell an obscene joke and their laughter would rise to a roaring ruckus drowning out the noise of the stereo even.

  Jaden must've been able to read how uncomfortable I was because he gestured for me to join him outside. I smiled obligingly and kept close to his side while we stood on the back porch.

  “I forgot how noisy they can get,” he apologized.

  “It's okay. Rowdy people don't bother me.” New people do, I wanted to say.

  “Either way, it doesn't make for good conversation.” I took another chug from my bottle.

  “Are you going to JLCC this semester?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I'm working on my third associate.”

  “Why so many? Why not go to a regular college and get your Bachelor's.” He leaned his back against the railing, drinking from his beer.

  “I can't move away from here so I don't really have a choice.” I crinkled my brow.

  “Why not?”

  “It's almost like I have a binding agreement to live here,” he chuckled, staring at the swarm of bugs circling the light. I was confused, what was the big deal about moving away?

  “Do you work anywhere?” I asked, prying further. I had to get to know him somehow.

  “No but I help the city out when I can.”

  “How do you afford to live?” He grinned while holding the bottle up to his mouth, delaying taking a drink.

  “There are ways.” I didn't know what he meant by that and wasn't sure I really wanted to know. Did he have an inheritance or was he a criminal? I pulled out a cigarette from my pack and enjoyed the first drag, blowing it out slowly through my nostrils. I felt his eyes move up and down my body, giving me chills.

  “So...” I started to say and his eyes stammered me. “Um, are you dating anyone?” He looked surprised by my question and shook his head. How was that possible? I figured he'd be snatched up by a line of awaiting girls. I'd seen them around town gawking at him, the ones who weren’t frightened of him at least. His quietness filled me with paranoid thoughts.

  He changed the subject. “Do you miss your old town?”

  I shrugged. “A little. I miss being in the city but it is kind of nice to be out here in the sticks. It's a lot quieter, more peaceful in a way.” I downed the rest of my beer and sat it on the ledge. “How come you won't move away? Don't you feel limited by being here?”

  “Not at all. I'm strangely attached to this place. This has always been my home and I never quite feel the same anywhere else.” Judging by the tone of his voice, I could tell he felt entirely different on the inside. But why lie about it? Why stay?

  “Hey man,” Ryan shouted through the screen door. “Let's do another shot.” He stumbled away and I chuckled at his clumsiness.

  “You want to?” I shrugged my shoulders with uneasiness. “We don't have to go inside. We can stay out here and talk.”

  “No. I'm okay. Let's go inside and hang out.” I tried to hide my nervousness the best I could and luckily I had enough alcohol in my system to convince Jaden otherwise. I didn't want him to know this side of myself. No one ever understood me. Everyone always prejudged me because I was quieter than the rest. Something must be wrong with her. What is her problem? What a bitch? This is all I could think about. A barrage of judgmental thoughts against myself that might not ever have existed, but in my head they had a life of their own.

  Jaden took my hand and I followed him back inside. I had always been afraid of strangers, new situations. I guess I didn't like unpredictability. I would rather know what was coming around the corner than suffer a big surprise.

  We did the same ritual as earlier, holding our glasses up and doing a cheers. They all retreated to their quarters—the poker table. The game between them seemed to be heating up, tempers flaring anytime someone lost a hand. Chad maintained his distance but his eyes always wandered in my direction when Jaden left the room.

  Ryan came running in from outside, his lungs pumping hard for air. He pulled Jaden aside and whispered
privately in his ear. He peered at me from the corner of his eye. He no longer seemed happy in that moment, that his sudden interest in me had vanished.

  I suddenly felt sick and the entire room was spinning. I was the only thing left standing still in one place.

  “I'll be right back,” Jaden shouted and was soon dashing out the front door.

  “Where is the bathroom at?” I asked to the room, hoping anyone would answer me.

  I walked to the back of the house and closed the door behind me. Their voices muted in the distance and I grasped the bathroom door handle for balance. What is wrong with me?

  I skidded my feet across the tile floor and gazed at myself in the mirror. I was extremely pale and pearls of wet droplets dribbled down my forehead. I ran some water from the faucet, lightly splashing it on my face. No more drinks. I should probably get out of here soon. I hated this voice in my head. I knew that it was probably a good idea to leave but part of me was dying to stay, to know more, to see what would develop between us.

  The bathroom was painted in royal blue with bold white outlining around the borders and it was very tidy, considering this was a man's bathroom. I hardly expected a guy's lounge area to be so clean.

  After washing my hands, I checked myself in the mirror and fixed my hair. Shouting came from outside the door and I tried to make out what they were saying. Something crashed to the ground and footsteps scurried across the hardwood floor. I opened the door to see what was going on, and Eric and Logan were wrestling on the floor together. A chair was overturned and cards were lying around everywhere.

  Eric was on top and seemed to be winning the fight from my view. He was the bigger of the two, definitely a football player in high school. But even though they were inflicting pain on one another, it didn’t look like they were really mad at each other, more like they were playing. I will never understand male behavior. I heard footsteps plowing down the stairs and my heart ached in anticipation. Ryan appeared first and then Jaden followed shortly behind him.

  “What the fuck happened?” Ryan asked in an enraged tone as he saw the damage.

  “Sorry man. Logan was being a cheat so I took him down,” Eric replied, placing his cap back on his head.

  “Clean it up. It’s not my problem.” Logan and Eric straightened the room up to where it was back to normal, taking only a minute to do so.

  “Hey Jay!” Chad yelled from the kitchen.

  “Yeah?” his masculine voice answered.

  “Let’s do another.”

  “All right. Let me go get my special stash.” His eyes danced to mine and he took a few stealthy steps toward me. I swallowed hard and rested my hand on my elbow while tiny drops of sweat trickled out of my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Is everything all right?” I asked.

  “Yeah, perfectly fine.” His next movement caught me by surprise. He brushed the hair away from my shoulders and his lips lightly skimmed across my neck, barely touching me, and it made my body shudder with desire.

  “You’re very pleasing to the eye.” He stared into my eyes as he walked away, making the usual walls I built up with guys crumble and revealing my unabashed attraction toward him.

  “You’re not feeling sick, are you?” Ryan inquired from the poker table.

  “No. I’m just feeling very hot all of a sudden.” I fanned myself with my hand.

  He smiled. “That’s the whiskey girlie. It’ll catch up with you.” He lifted the bottle to his lips, gulping it down. I don’t think it’s the whiskey Ryan.

  I took a drink of my beer as I looked around the room. It was decorated with a lot of random décor, very macabre. The walls were painted light gray and paintings were hung throughout the room. I never noticed them until that moment because my mind had been distracted by other things. I detected a similarity between each piece and thought that they must’ve all been done by the same person.

  “Who’s the artist?” I asked openly to anyone willing to respond.

  “That would be Jaden,” Ryan replied and my eyes went wide.

  “Really?”

  “He’s pretty good, huh?” I nodded my head in total agreement. I was completely in awe. They looked like they were professionally done and worth a lot of money. Attractive and creative? Was it possible he was real? Maybe he really was a figment of my overactive imagination. I heard footsteps on the stairs and Jaden strutted over to the table.

  “You did these paintings?” I was charmed by his new talent.

  “Yep.” He pulled out a chair from the table and sat down, offering me the empty one next to him.

  “They are really excellent.”

  “Thanks,” he said while rolling a joint. He put the paper up to his mouth and licked the glue side. I never wanted to be a paper so bad in my life. Before I knew it, he had it rolled up and was passing it around. “Which one do you like best?”

  “Um,” I looked around the room while gathering an opinion. I pointed at the one on the wall behind him, the largest in the room and the one that had caught my eye first. He didn't need to look because he already knew which one I had signified.

  “I painted that a few years back when I went through a very dark part of my life.”

  “I can tell whoever painted that must've been going through a lot.”

  “You can see that just by looking at it?” He inquired. My eyes shifted to him and I smiled.

  “I can feel it. It's like your emotions are oozing out of the paint.” He leaned forward and gazed into my eyes. My heart began to pump harder and I could feel the blood coursing through my body. “What? Why are you looking at me that way?” Our stare contest suddenly broke and his face grew red as he shuffled the deck of cards. I hurried to think of something. “That must be why it caught my eye. It shows great vulnerability and I like that.”

  Chad softly chuckled from across the table, obviously bored by our choice of conversation but Jaden continued to watch me with peculiar eyes as if I was the only one to ever understand the deeper meaning of his work. Eric passed me the joint and I engulfed a cloud of smoke into my lungs, trying to hold it in as long as I could handle it.

  “So what kind of music do you like?” Eric butted in, breaking my concentration.

  “Mostly punk but some metal.”

  “Punk?” Chad shouted, half appalled, from across the table. “You like those little assholes with the tight jeans and emo haircuts.”

  All the guys laughed and seemed to be in agreement.

  “Uh-huh,” I answered. “But not all of them are like that.”

  “I don’t know how they can move in those things. My boys gotta breathe.” I chuckled softly under my breath as he pointed to his shorts.

  “How can you stand it?” Logan intervened, which was the first time I had heard him speak all night. He had a smooth voice like a Las Vegas headliner and a face to match.

  “I love the sound. They don’t constantly growl like in some metal bands. I like it when they can sing and scream at the same time. It creates an equal balance. Plus, they actually sing about things that are important, at least the old punk bands did.” I looked away since they were all staring at me. They had probably never heard a girl my age talk about such things. I'm a girl, I should be gossiping about boys and shopping at the mall but I'm sorry, I'm not that way and never have been. I was kind of surprised with myself, to be speaking in front of them so bravely. It was hard to imagine that I was so nervous a few short hours before when I could barely speak.

  “That’s one way to look at it,” Chad said, eager to get a word in. “All right, I’ll let it slide. Just as long as you don’t play any of it, I think we’ll be good.”

  “I like a little punk,” Ryan chimed in and they all laughed at his expense.

  “You’re such a pussy Ryan,” Chad said back, lighting up a cigarette.

  “Fuck you dude. Some of them are all right,” he said directly to me. I nodded back at him for saving me from being butchered by their words. People get so defens
ive over music.

  After ten minutes and a few too many hits, it was so smoky in there that I could barely see Eric who was sitting right next to me. Jaden laughed at my struggles and got up, reaching for my hand in the fog. I followed him outside and we sat on the porch swing together, staring up at the exuberant sky. There were so many stars out that night and I found it astounding to just see them stretch across for miles. Living in the city for most of your life makes you take the beauty of nature for granted. It is so easy to forget the bounty of the universe that surrounds us.

  Loud bursts of laughter erupted from inside the house and I was jealous by how quickly men could switch their feelings. Guys were able to forget their differences as soon as they were acknowledged. Women on the other hand were far more complex creatures, being unable to let feelings wash away from them so freely.

  “So, are you enjoying your night?” he asked.

  “I am.” I searched my mind for something to say. “Do you still paint?”

  “Only when I feel the urge to. I need to be in a desolate state of mind to be truly creative.” His blue eyes flickered to mine. “But lately, I've been distracted. My thoughts have been lost on someone else rather than myself for a change.” He winked, indicating referral to me. Was it possible that he liked me as much as I liked him? “So...needless to say, I have not held a brush within my hand since you arrived here in town.”

  How I wanted to kiss him in that instance. My body was begging for a release.

  “You're a very gifted soul.”

  “I'm nothing special.” He took a gulp of his beer. “I'd love to capture your features on canvas, though.” He lit a cigarette and shared it with me but I continued to shy away from him, feeling like I would burst if we got any closer.

  “Let's go Jay,” Ryan shouted from inside. He glanced over at me, seeing if I was up for it and I nodded in agreement. The shots were ready and lined up on the counter. I chose the glass with the green alien painted on since it was fitting for my present situation. We all held the glasses up in the air.