Lacy

by Diana Palmer

  "From me?" he asked, frowning.

  "Wardell had no more from me than I had from you," she said, with resignation. "It was only desire."

  "I considered it safer to let you think that," he said enigmatically, watching her closely. He lifted the cigarette to his mouth and stared out at the sparse traffic. "I loved my wife," he said absently. "We'd known each other all our lives. I knew that snows came quick and deep, but we needed the money badly. I left her because I had to. It didn't help my conscience when I got home and found her dead. It took years to get over it, to stop blaming myself. I didn't think I could ever love anybody else."

  Neither did Katy. She realized what he was telling her and it hurt. "You don't have to explain anything," she said.

  He glanced down at her. "How in God's name could you think you disgusted me?" he asked abruptly.

  "Every time I mentioned Blake, you got upset."

  "I was jealous," he said simply.

  "That was a waste of energy," she replied dully. "It's like being jealous of yourself." "I don't understand."

  "He's very like you," she said hesitantly. "The way he smiles, certain mannerisms..."

  His eyes were piercing. "You pretended Wardell was me?"

  "Not—not consciously," she stammered, averting her eyes.

  The anger was draining out of him. He'd noticed a faint similarity himself. So that was why she'd been so fond of the other man. Not that he liked what she'd done, but it was more bearable now.

  He could certainly live with it, if his only other choices were to let her go to Wardell or kill herself. His own past wasn't lily-white.

  He tilted her face up to his and studied her boldly. "Katy, were you only leaving because you thought 1 was disgusted with what happened in Chicago?"

  She nodded.

  "It wasn't disgust," he said firmly. "I felt sorry for you, but I don't think less of you because you had a lover. Did I really behave so badly over Wardell?"

  "When you weren't raising the roof every time I mentioned Blake, you were withdrawn and very distant," she said helplessly.

  "I thought that was what you wanted," he replied. He tossed the cigarette down and ground it out under the heel of his spurred boot. He turned back to her, framing her face in his cold hands, and he bent to her mouth. "Since it isn't, however..."

  The words went past her shocked lips. He couldn't be doing this in broad daylight, in the middle of town!

  But he was! She felt the cool insistence of his lips, parting hers, while his arms gathered her up against him. She stiffened, but he wore her down.

  "Give in, Katy," he whispered mischievously, nipping her lower lip with gentle affection. "You know you love kissing me." "We're in town—" she began.

  "So we are. Open your mouth," he whispered outrageously, nudging it with his parted lips. "Remember how it felt the first time?"

  She did. She moaned softly and gave him what he wanted, drowning all too quickly in the fires he kindled.

  "I was your first man," he breathed roughly. "And I'll be your last man. The children you bear will be mine. The rest of it doesn't matter. I'm sorry for Wardell, but he can live without you. I can't." He lifted his head; his eyes were tortured as they searched hers. "I can't live without you, Katy. I wouldn't want to... Come here, little one!"

  His mouth crushed hers, and she yielded without a struggle. The scars seemed to have gone, or at least settled, because she felt the first pangs of desire still in her body as he kissed her. She wasn't quite dead inside, she thought dizzily. Not if she could still feel like this!

  Back at the cafe, Cole and Wardell had finalized their arrangement. Wardell was getting ready to board the train for the return trip to Chicago.

  As they left the cafe, en route to the train depot across the street, they spotted Katy and Turk in each others' arms, oblivious to the whole world.

  Wardell shrugged, then he smiled. "She'll be happy," he said. "I can't regret leaving her here. It's hell loving someone who can't love you back."

  Cole nodded. "It was like that with my wife when we first married. I thought I'd killed what she felt for me." He smiled slowly. "Life is full of surprises."

  "Some of them are good ones "the older man agreed. The train had just pulled into the station when they reached it. Wardell turned to shake hands with Cole.

  "You'll never know how much I appreciate this," Cole told him. "Heritage is important. I won't ever have kids, but somebody will inherit this ranch one day."

  Wardell frowned. "What do you mean you won't have kids? Don't you like them?"

  Cole told him why.

  The older man grimaced. "You and me both," he said, shaking his head sadly. "Hell of a shame, isn't it? Two handsome devils like us! Think what beautiful kids we'd have produced." He clapped Cole heavily on the shoulder. "I guess we'll have to settle for being handsome and rich. Make me a lot of money. I've always had a yen to be a cattle king."

  "Thank you," Cole added, "for what you did for Katy."

  "Oh, that." He smiled wistfully. "I just opened her eyes, that's all. Sometimes people have to be told what they want, instead of asked. I'll be in touch. And remember, not a word to Katy. That gray-eyed fire eater she's going to marry would have a screaming fit."

  "What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Cole said.

  "Just what I thought."

  Cole watched him off before he went back to the car. Katy was wild-eyed and shaken, her lips swollen. Turk wasn't in much better shape, and he was as irritable as a teased rattlesnake.

  "I thought you two had patched up your differences," Cole remarked.

  "Let's go home,"Turk said, jerking his hat low over his eyes. He put Katy in the front seat and he sat in the back, crossing his arms and legs and looking gloomy. "What's wrong?" Cole asked Katy.

  "He wants to get married right away," she said dully. "I don't."

  "She's still mooning over her gangster!" Turk raged.

  "I am not!" She glared over the seat at him. "I just want you to be sure, that's all. You can argue until the cows come home, but you never even thought about marrying me until I came home hurt! I'm not some poor, hurt little calf who needs tending. I'm a woman, and I may have thrown my heart at your feet in the past, but I'm older and wiser now. I don't want a man who isn't sure himself how he feels about me. And you aren't, Turk," she said when he tried to speak. "You think you've saved me from hell by keeping me from going back to Chicago. But that's a far cry from loving me."

  Turk's pale eyes glittered at her from under the wide brim of his hat. "You won't listen, will you?" he asked furiously.

  She turned back around, unaware of Cole's efforts to stifle amused laughter at their expense. "No, I won't listen," she said stiffly. "I do have a little pride and dignity left. At least enough to keep me from marrying a man who only sees me as a charity project."

  Turk started to reply heatedly, but Cole cut him off.

  "You two can hash this out when we're home," he said firmly. "This isn't the time or the place."

  Katy had to agree. Then a thought occurred to her. She looked at her brother with open curiosity. "Why did Blake Wardell come here?" she asked suddenly.

  Chapter Twenty

  Cole stared straight ahead, trying to think fast enough to field Katy's unexpected question. Well, he had to admit she was a Whitehall through and through, and much too sharp to be put off with lies. He had to come close to the truth.

  "I asked him to come,"he said, which was gospel. "Because I was worried about what you might do. And Turk had mentioned that you might be missing him. We were all afraid you might take your life."

  Katy gnawed her lower lip. "I see."

  "He cares about you," Cole said. "He was more than willing to take you away if you wanted to go."

  "You had no right!"Turk said furiously.

  "I had every right," Cole replied. "She's my sister."

  "All the same, this is our business, not Wardell's!"

  "He saved Katy once before," Cole re
minded him. "Or have you forgotten?"

  Turk calmed down. "All right." He sighed roughly. "I suppose he did, at that. But she's not going off with him!"

  "That was her decision to make."

  "Well, she'll marry me just the same, decision or not,"Turk said, his eyes glaring hotly at Katy. "I'll talk to the minister and make the arrangements. And she'll go to the altar hog-tied and gagged if that's what it takes!"

  Katy caught her breath. "You wouldn't dare!" she raged, showing more spirit than she'd exhibited since her return from Chicago.

  "Stand back and watch me," he said smugly. "Your running days are over. You'11 marry me, and you'll like it."

  She turned back around in the seat, facing front, crossed her arms, and glared through the windshield without answering.

  Cole didn't say a word. But he had a feeling that Katy was going to find herself wed before she had time to think about it. He approved, too. Turk would settle down nicely with Katy, and there would be children at Spanish Flats; Katy's as well as Faye's.

  Lacy and Marion laughed merrily when Cole told them later, in private, what had happened in town.

  "Poor Katy!" Lacy said breathlessly. "She'll never live it down."

  "I'm delighted," Marion added, with a smile. "She'll be happy with Turk. But what about the mortgage, Cole?" she added worriedly. "How will we manage, now that the bank won't loan us the money?"

  "I found a bank that would," Cole replied, and smiled.

  Lacy lifted an eyebrow and gave him a knowing look, but she didn't interrupt Marion's excited monologue about her certainty that Cole would be able to cope.

  Later, though, she asked if Wardell was his banker.

  "You can't tell Katy," he cautioned.

  She linked her arms around his neck and reached up to kiss him. "I never will. But I'm very glad to have a friend like Mr. Wardell. We'll have to make sure he doesn't ever regret his decision."

  "Oh, I intend to," Cole agreed. Then he bent again to Lacy's mouth and forgot about Wardell entirely. Cole had managed to pull the ranch out without having to rely on Lacy's inheritance, which saved his pride. Lacy didn't mind. If they were playing even a small part in the rehabilitation of a notorious racketeer like Blake Wardell, she was delighted. It was a shame that Katy couldn't love him. Maybe someday he'd get over her and find a woman who could.

  Katy was pacing the floor at midnight, still overwhelmed by the events of the day. Her mind was clear for the first time since Danny's death, but she wasn't sure how she was going to manage Turk's proposal. Marriage was serious business. What if they went through with it and he discovered too late that he didn't want to stay married? That could happen, since he was doing it under duress. He'd sworn that he couldn't live without Katy, but he was overwrought himself. It probably all stemmed from the loss of the baby triggering old wounds.

  The sound at the window distracted her and she went slowly to the curtains to look out. She hadn't changed for bed, which was a good thing. Turk was standing under her window throwing pebbles at it. He was wearing his work clothes, except for his chaps; his hat tilted back over a face that looked younger than it had in years. He was smiling as well.

  "Come out," he invited.

  She opened the window. "Turk, do you have any idea what time it is?" she gasped. "And it's freezing!" He had a thick denim jacket on, but Katy was in her sleeves, and the wind was cold.

  "I'll keep you warm, baby doll," he said. His smile was possessive. "Come on."

  She kept telling herself all the way to the back door why she should ignore him and go to bed. But nothing worked. Turk was so much a part of her that she couldn't refuse him.

  Careful not to wake the household, Katy eased down the back steps, her coat hastily thrown around her.

  Turk was waiting at the bottom of the steps. Without a word, he looped his arm around her shoulders and walked her toward the corral, where a single white mare pranced in the cold moon­light.

  "I'd like a church service," he said. "Wouldn't you?"

  She stared straight ahead, her face stony. "I'm not fit to walk into a church anymore."

  He turned toward her, big and comforting. His hand tilted her face up to his soft gray eyes. "What do you think church is for?" he asked. "Perfect people?There aren't any churchgoers who have never done anything wrong, Katy. The whole purpose of it is to reform sinners." He tugged gently at a long lock of brown hair near her ear. "I've got more on my conscience than you have on yours, I expect. We'll start going to services once we're married. It will be good for the kids."

  She flushed and averted her eyes.

  "It hurts you to talk about children, doesn't it?" he asked perceptively. "But you won't lose the next one," he added quietly. "Nobody and nothing will hurt you again."

  Her eyes landed on his big boots, dusty and stained from hard work. He wasn't a slacker, whatever else he was. He worked as hard as Cole did. He was a good man. He'd take care of her, even if he didn't love her the way she loved him. But, she wondered, wasn't she doing the same thing Blake had refused to do— marrying without being loved?

  "I can't marry you," she said, her voice barely carrying even in the stillness. "If I'd pleaded enough, Blake might have taken me away, knowing I didn't love him. But I don't want to do that to you any more than he wanted to do it to me. Love on one side isn't enough."

  "You don't love Wardell," he said curtly.

  "I wasn't talking about me. I was talking about you. You still belong to your wife." Her chest rose and fell heavily. "You always will. I'd never be anything more than a poor second choice."

  "That isn't true. It might have been, the first year I was here. But not for a long time now, Katy." He propped a booted foot on the lowest rail of the corral and studied her wan, sad face. "I told you in town: You mean everything to me. If I lost you, nothing would matter."

  "You'll always resent my marriage, and what happened with Blake..."

  He put a big thumb over her lips to stay the words. His pale eyes glittered in the moonlight. "I'm jealous of Wardell because I know he'd lay down his life for you. That's hard to swallow. But I'm not going to throw it up to you, not ever."

  "You did," she accused.

  "That was before I realized how you felt about me. You see, I'd convinced myself that you were in love with Wardell. I thought you'd taken those damned pills because you didn't want to live without him."

  She hated remembering what she'd done. Her lips trembled as they formed words. "It was because of the way you talked about what happened with him. I was certain that you thought me too low and soiled to ever want me again. I.. .couldn't have stayed here any longer, and it wasn't fair to Blake to ask him to rescue me. I thought I was sparing us all any more heartache."

  "By killing yourself?" he asked, his voice husky with anguish. "My God!"

  "I love you," she said miserably, averting her eyes. "And when you said what you did that day, I thought it meant you couldn't bear what I'd become. It hurt."

  Her voice broke on the words, and his jaw tautened with feeling. His arms enfolded her with exquisite tenderness, cradling her against his tall, strong body while the wind blew violently around them, wafting her hair up near his face, drowning him in its flower scent.

  "You won't believe I can love you back. Why?"

  "Because..." She shrugged.

  His hand smoothed her hair. "That part of my life is over. But I'm still alive, and I can't climb into the grave with her. I want children,"he whispered into her ear. "Sons and daughters to spoil. Most of all, I want you. Nothing was the same after you left. I lost my taste for living without you."

  She smiled wistfully, because she didn't believe a word of it. She'd spent too many years breaking her heart over him to think he'd changed his mind so drastically in such a short time. Perhaps he felt he owed it to Cole to save her reputation. She had, after all, been carrying his child.

  He saw her expression and his chest lifted and fell with resignation. "I don't know why I expect you
to believe me," he said abruptly. "I've spent years avoiding you or criticizing you, anything to keep you at arm's length. The day you left, even after I seduced you, I told you there could never be a future for us. I suppose you remember every word of it, all the hurtful things."

  "You were kind to me when I came home from Chicago," she recalled. "Even though you must have thought I deserved everything I got."

  "Deserved it?" He lifted his head, scowling. "Why?"

  She shifted. "I'd already been intimate with you, almost wanton," she murmured, with flaming embarrassment. "Then, in Chicago, I ran wild."

  "Out of hurt." His broad shoulders lifted and fell. "Katy, I'm sorry," he said huskily. "I didn't really know how I felt until it was too late. I don't hold you responsible for anything. When I think about how that rat Marlone treated you, I get sick all over. If it hadn't been for Wardell, as much as I hate to say it, he might very well have killed you."

  Her attention settled on the horse in the corral. "At that time, I don't guess it would have made any difference to me. I'd given up. Life seemed to be one endless agony, especially after I lost the baby."

  "We can have another baby," he said curtly. "Only this one will be wanted, planned, hoped for."

  She twisted a tuft of fur in her nervous fingers. "You don't want someone like me," she protested.

  "What are you saying?" He framed her face in his hands. "Damn it, Katy. I love you!"

  Time seemed to stop dead. She stared at him. "You don't mean that," she whispered.

  "Oh, but I do," he said, bending. His mouth brushed hers roughly. "I mean it with all my heart," he ground out as his lips covered hers.

  She shivered at the depth of feeling his kiss aroused. She wanted to protest, to draw back, to tell him that he didn't have to pretend. But, oh, it didn't feel as if he were pretending! His arms had a faint tremor, and his mouth was devouring, passionate. He kissed her as poor Wardell had—with so much helpless need that his body shuddered.

  That he loved her enough to be desperate for her was more than she could bear. She made a tiny sound against his mouth and then melted into him willingly, sliding her arms under his and around him, moving close, into an intimate embrace. It was the first time since Danny's death that she'd really felt whole. Turk was her world, as he always had been. It was incredible that he should love her.