All the Different Ways

by R. J. Lee

  He wraps me in his strong arms, and I feel safe as I put my forehead on his chest and sigh.

  “Promise?” I ask into his polo.

  Cullen lightly chuckles, “Yes, I promise. This is good. We’re good. Now kiss me, woman!”

  I tickle his sides for the horrendous endearment, and he cringes.

  I stand on my tiptoes, part my lips, and pull his full and luscious bottom lip into my mouth. He groans and pulls me closer, pressing his mouth to mine. I delve my tongue between his lips to taste as much as I can of him before he leaves. Finally, I pull away and tuck my arms behind my back. If I can’t touch him, there’s less chance he’ll be late for or miss whatever prep he needs to do.

  With an appreciative hum, Cullen gives me one more short kiss, then leaves with a wink, “Bye, Violet.”

  “Bye, Metz.”

  Cullen

  Violet Black tastes like candy-coated lightning. She melts with my touch and just the thought of her pressed up against me, whimpering into my mouth, turns me rock hard. Like right now.

  Lying in bed trying to go to sleep is fucking impossible. If I was fourteen, a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues would take care of this problem but that won’t work with Violet. She’s a whole other world, sink under my skin, burrow deep into my organs kind of problem.

  When I showed up at her doorstep, I just wanted to talk about why she blew me off when I texted her. I thought she might be flipping out about that red hot, sultry kiss on her lab table. Then she opened her door. What the hell was she thinking wearing those tight-ass pink shorts? Shut. The. Door. I had no choice but to sweep her up in my arms and get her to the couch. I’m a man for shit’s sake.

  I’d barely kissed her and my head was spinning. Soft, wet, and bare? Delicate fingers dancing along the waistband of my shorts? Counting backwards from a thousand wasn’t going to tamp down the desire ripping through my insides and clawing its way out.

  I kick off the covers the best I can with an insatiable demon in my shorts. I’m past the point of adjusting them. Even without boxer briefs, this is knocking on the door of painful. I have to get up.

  The binder I use to log and create offensive formations is on my dresser. Swiping it from the oak surface and taking a t-shirt off the floor, I lumber downstairs. I worked on these plays all afternoon; staring at them some more won’t hurt.

  Going with Hart for quarterback in the scrimmage, I consider that he’s better throwing downfield left than right. I think the flag pattern with Jackson as his main receiver to get him warmed up is our best bet coming out of the chute. Down and outs will also work as long as we mix in Hartselle and maybe Grainger.

  I’m staring at circles and arrows on a diagram when my phone goes off. I dive for it, thinking it’s Violet, but it’s Coach Roarke instead.

  “Hey, Elliot, what’s up?” Dammit.

  “I was thinking about those plays for tomorrow. This scrimmage has me nervous. I’m eating antacids like breath mints.”

  Now this is the kind of conversation I need to have to make Cullen Junior lay down so I can get some sleep. I lean back on the couch, put an arm behind my head, and let Coach talk circles around tomorrow’s game.

  NINE

  Violet

  My sister calls to see if I can watch Hollyn for a few hours. She has last minute errands to run for her first birthday party tonight. Since I can’t imagine dragging a one year old around while trying to pick up a cake, a million helium balloons, and whatever other extravagant things are needed for what’s planned, I tell Charlotte to bring Hollyn over. It’s Saturday and all I’m doing so far before the party is getting some more emails answered before school starts on Monday. I’m tired from my covers ops to Cullen’s game last night, but not too worn-out for my favorite little love bug.

  I run upstairs to my spare bedroom where I have it set up to be a room for when Hollyn stays. There’s a cute little convertible crib that I got at a consignment shop with pink sheets and a lavender quilt with tiny yellow flowers on it. I found a white rocking chair at a vintage market last month and bought a pink cushion for it online. I also spent some time making little pictures of flowers, ducks, and hearts out of buttons I discovered at a garage sale. The old lady was a crafty little thing and had thousands of buttons of all shapes, colors, and sizes. I knew I could use them in Hollyn’s room as framed art, so here they are. She even has a low bookshelf crammed with tons of books and soft, fuzzy animals.

  The best part about the room is the closet though, because it’s stuffed with a shit ton of toys. Baby girl is never going to be bored here!

  I grab a few of the best ones for a teething baby to take downstairs and the gate from behind the door. I just get everything set up when I hear knocking. I skip over to the door and open it to a round-faced, drooling Hollyn and a sweaty, flustered Charlotte.

  “So, here’s her bag. She had breakfast as you can see by her shirt. I’ll be back in a couple hours to get her. Party’s at four!”

  She kisses Hollyn on the cheek, avoiding what appears to be syrup and spit. Hollyn, on the other hand, doesn’t even seem to notice since she’s busy patting my face and babbling on about who knows what.

  “Okee dokee, Charlotte! I got her. She’ll be clean and napped. Text me when you’re on your way!” I holler as she jogs to her car.

  “Whoa, sweetie, your mama’s nuts!” I tickle Hollyn’s belly and she lets out a big, squealing laugh. I shut the door, make sure it’s locked, and put Hollyn down on the floor. She stands for a few seconds but ends up plopping down on her diaper, then crawling over to the big basket of toys on the floor. She baby talks the whole way over. She chatters like her mother.

  “Do you want to play toys with Auntie Violet? Let’s see what we have here,” I sit on the floor by the basket and tilt it so she can reach in with her chubby hands. She pulls out a soft cloth baby, sticks it to her face, and starts chewing on it.

  “Mmm, I bet that’s so good,” I tell her with a smile. I wiggle my eyebrows at her, and she pulls the baby down and giggles. Her teeny teeth in front stick out and her button nose wrinkles up; she makes me laugh, too. Hollyn crawls over to my lap and pulls herself up with my shirt. Her large coffee-colored eyes and porcelain doll lips that are characteristic of all the girls in our family are becoming more pronounced the older she gets. She’s going to break a lot of hearts someday.

  “Hey, baby girl, whatcha doin’?”

  She smiles really wide then lays her head on my chin. Her soft brown baby hair smells like honey; a small lump forms in my throat. I give her a little squeeze and rub her back, “Thank you, Hollyn. I love you, too.”

  My phone goes off and that’s it; the moment is gone. She starts blabbering again, squats down, and goes for a set of plastic keys from the basket.

  “Well, that can’t be Mommy,” I comment. “She’s only been gone ten minutes. Let’s see who wants us.”

  Cullen: I kinda wanna see U

  There’s an emoji of binoculars. Cute, Cullen.

  Me: Only kinda?

  Cullen: More than kinda.

  Me: Hmm. Better, I guess.

  Cullen: LOL! Whatcha doing, Beautiful?

  Me: Babysitting my niece, Hollyn. First bday party today—

  her mom’s gone crazytown

  Cullen: Sounds fun! Happy Birthday, Hollyn!

  Me: That’s sweet, I’ll tell her. Wait-

  Me: She said a bunch of shit back. IDK, girls-

  Cullen: LOL!

  Me: Do U want to hang out when I get home? I might be on

  a sugar high.

  Cullen: Um, yeah we could do that…

  What do the dots mean? Is he leading up to something? Does he want to come with me? Why would he want to go to the party? It would be lame for Cullen; he’d be bored…wouldn’t he?

  Me: Looks like UR hesitating. Do U not want to come over?

  Cullen: I def want to come over.

  Me: K. U want to come to party?

  Cullen: Thought U’d never askr />
  Me: K, cool. Come here at 3:30? My fam will be there, fair

  warning.

  Cullen: Cool, more Violets…

  Cullen sends an evil looking emoji along with a thumbs up. I laugh and put the phone down. My family is going to shit when Cullen walks in the door. Actually, everyone will. It’s only been three months since Anden died and I’m bringing a new guy to a family event? What am I thinking? This is bad. Bad, bad, bad. And now my heart is racing and my palms are starting to sweat…

  Hollyn hollers from the living room, getting louder and more frantic. It breaks me from my inner turmoil. I scoop her up and get her bag to make a bottle. It’s time to get cleaned up and take a nap. I think we both need one.

  Cullen

  Game footage from last night replays over again on my tablet. I’m about cross-eyed with how many times I’ve rerun the same forty seconds. A play action pass—standard—receivers should get open and ready. Was it Hart that couldn’t see his receivers or the receivers that couldn’t get open? After faking to Boone, he should have been able to throw…

  Fuck! Missed it again. I toss the tablet on the couch and scrub my hands down my face. I can’t look at it any more. I just can’t. And I don’t understand it. I’ve always gotten football, always seen the plays like chess moves before they happen. It was that way even in middle school.

  “Anticipate everyone, Son.” The mantra of my dad repeats in my head. The skills needed to be one step ahead of everybody else started to snowball at twelve both on and off the field. Being bigger meant friends, coaches, teachers, all of them wanted more from me. I had to be ready for the worst thing that could possibly happen so that I had a plan to implement just in case. My problem with seeing this particular play go bad last night? A glossy-haired, big-eyed brunette.

  I get up and stomp into the kitchen for a snack. Frustrated, I pull my Wisconsin ball cap off and fling it on the counter. I grab a water out of the fridge, put the cold liquid to my lips, and get an image of Violet in her microscopic pink shorts flashing before my eyes. Water bubbles out of the top of the bottle like a volcano when I squeeze it too hard in response, and it ends up dripping down my chin to my shirt. Son of a bitch, that’s freaking cold.

  This girl has invaded nearly every space in my brain and is now leaching out into the rooms of my house.

  Grabbing my phone, I walk out onto my deck where I can think. The breeze is strong and sweeps around the furnishings stirring up the scent of fresh cedar and sawdust. I breathe in; it’s the perfect place for a man to do business.

  Like text Violet.

  I know, I’m lame—I scold myself for it. But I don’t have time to dwell, because now I’m invited to her niece’s birthday party.

  TEN

  Violet

  I wake up to my phone going off. Hollyn’s still asleep but Charlotte’s on her way. Checking the clock and doing some quick math, I’ll have time to shower before Cullen comes once Hollyn is on her way back home. I’ll go as slow as possible and be as relaxed as I can. Cullen and I will just have to talk about how to play this out in front of my family and their friends before we get there.

  I catch Charlotte on the stairs before she heads up to get her daughter. “Hey, sis, hold on. I gotta tell you something,” I put my hand on her arm so she pauses. Charlotte’s face reflects concern.

  “What’s up, Vi, are you ok?”

  “Yeah, no, I’m good. But, um, I kinda did something stupid and invited someone to come to Hollyn’s party with me today.”

  “Oh, great! Who? Renee? Wait, no, you said ‘stupid’?”

  “Uh, no, a guy. From school. Cullen.”

  Her mouth drops open and she gives me a slow blink. “The one that’s hotter than hell and coaches football, also known as Thor? That Cullen? What the shit, Vi? Are you like, dating him?”

  I glance down at the floor and shift my stance. Looking back at her is like looking in a mirror. We have the same giant brown eyes, the same baby doll lips. The only difference now is that she’s the one smiling and I’m so nervous I could puke.

  “I don’t know what we are exactly,” I hesitate.

  “Did you fuck him?”

  “Damn, Charlotte, don’t hold back or anything. I mean, just say what you’re thinking. Jesus.”

  “I did, and I wanna know.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Ha! You mean, not yet,” she playfully shoves my arm and I glare at her. Of course, an image of Cullen’s naked torso immediately comes to mind and I can’t help but grin.

  “So why is it stupid, Violet?”

  “I feel guilty, really guilty. It hasn’t been that long and…”

  “Oh, bullshit,” she interrupts. “You were married to that ungrateful bastard for two years and God knows what he was doing to you that you won’t even tell us. He’s dead, and it was his fault for being a dumbass, not yours. You enjoy your football coach, player, teacher, whatever and if anyone has a problem with it, tell ‘em to go fuck themselves. You put in your time with a loser already, and it’s none of their business what you do with your time now.”

  I just stare at the whirlwind that is my sister.

  “I’ll take that as agreement that I’m right. So, I have to go get my baby and make her look like a princess for her party. See you and Thor, the God of Thunder, in an hour or so. You can bet Mom’s gonna drool.”

  She stomps upstairs to retrieve Hollyn. I hear baby commotion and soon the two of them are trotting down the stairs. Charlotte blows kisses to me via Hollyn’s little hands and I wave goodbye. This is going to be interesting.

  ***

  Cullen arrives and he’s lucky I don’t jump him right there in the doorway. The man is seriously good enough to eat; I’m literally frozen in place. I scan upwards from his tan muscular calves to his khaki shorts then continue on past his white button up with blue pinstripes hiding a matching blue t-shirt beneath it. The sleeves of the white cotton are rolled up, exposing his taut forearms. Still his dark beard is neatly trimmed, and he’s got his short hair spiked towards the center rather than all over his head.

  “Damn, you look good,” I step up on my toes for a kiss.

  “Not nearly as good as you, Beautiful,” he replies against my lips. I step into his kiss. I’ve missed his perfect lips and his sugary tongue pressed into mine.

  Cullen doesn’t miss a beat and returns my kiss with just as much fervor. He wraps an arm around my waist and backs us into the entryway so he can shut the door with his other hand.

  I pull back a little, running my fingertips along the hair on his face. I can feel how turned on he’s getting through my sundress, and I can’t help but smile. If he only knew how much of an effect he already has on me.

  “Let me get my bag and Hollyn’s present, Hot Stuff.”

  He coughs into his hand and adjusts his shorts. “Need a minute?” I toss over my shoulder.

  Cullen winks at me, “Nah, I’ll just carry the present.”

  I laugh and hand it to him, “Whatever you say.” We head out to his Silverado, still chuckling. He opens the door for me and puts the present on my lap.

  “I like that dress on you. It’s stunning.” He gives me a quick kiss before closing my door, and I’m smiling like an idiot as he rounds the front and gets in.

  “Where to?”

  I shake my head to get rid of the flighty feeling in my brain over his compliment. I give him directions to Charlotte and Aaron’s house, which isn’t far from my place. Soon, we pull into the driveway of a modest two-story.

  Cullen unbuckles but before he can hop out, I grab his hand. He looks at me with his big brown eyes, soft and expectant.

  Turning fully towards him, I ask, “Cullen, my family is going to be at this thing, and so are some random friends. How are we doing this?” I move my hand back and forth between us.

  “How do you want to do this?”

  “Ugh, don’t ask me that. I’m asking you. I mess everything up, so you decide.”

  He
looks at me intently. “Why do you think that?

  “Because I just do.” I sit back in my seat and look out the window.

  Cullen watches me for a minute. “Violet. Look at me.”

  I take a big inhale and turn my head his direction. He reaches across the center console, cups one side of my face, and strokes my cheek with his thumb. “You can say ‘This is my friend or my colleague or my boyfriend or my lab partner’ for all I care. I just want to be with you. It doesn’t matter how, ok? Well, I mean, don’t introduce me as your hookup. That would be weird and we’re better than that, don’t you think?”

  I can’t believe he’s serious right now. I don’t even know why he likes me.

  “Lab partner? Really?” I smirk.

  “Of course that’s what you’d hear out of that list, you Science Geek,” he pulls me in for a kiss. “I’m serious, Violet, you pick.”

  “I’m sorry. This is just hard for me,” I confess.

  “Why, Beautiful?”

  “Because I like you so much and these people haven’t seen me with anyone since...”

  A lavish smile stretches across his face and crinkles the corners of his eyes. He begins to speak, then--

  “Are you gonna make out with Thor all day or come in here for my daughter’s party?” my sister bellows from the porch.

  I drop my head in defeat. “Ugh. Cullen, meet Charlotte. Charlotte, Cullen.”

  “Did she just call me ‘Thor’?” I laugh loudly as we get out of the truck.

  ***

  Pink. It’s everywhere. Pink table cloths, pink flatware, pink plates and cups. There’s pink tulle wrapped around the backs of the Windsor chairs in the kitchen and pink pom-pons hanging from the ceiling at all different heights. Every stand holding a platter of food is decorated like a ballerina’s tutu and the cake, holy shit, the cake is pink inside and out. Even Hollyn is head to toe pink. She looks like an angel.

  Cullen takes my sweaty hand and the birthday present to lead me past the main rooms of the house out to the deck where all the noise is. The backyard, also a blast of pink, is where the real party is apparently, along with all of my relatives and some unknown friends of Charlotte and Aaron. My walking speed slows down to a crawl, and Cullen has to back up or have his arm pulled off.