All the Different Ways

by R. J. Lee

  Cullen is behind me because he stops me at the stairwell. We’re alone; the kick-off meeting must have just started to leave the hallway abandoned.

  “Ok, Violet. Let me have it.”

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “I’m fine, Cullen,” I shift on my feet, looking at my Converse.

  He puts his hands in his pockets. “So, none of that pissed you off, huh? Because I’ve been in lots of meetings with you over the last two years, and I’ve never seen you white-knuckled, pale, and grinding your teeth like that. Ever.”

  He leans close to my face and I inhale him. His warmth and his smell both force my eyes to meet his, then I’m captivated and can’t look away. He waits.

  “Why would she think that’s ok? To hang on you and then talk shit to me?”

  “I don’t know, maybe she’s jealous of how close I am to you. She’s in my department and on the same field because of cheerleading. Maybe she’s still got a crush. I haven’t seen her all summer, I know that. Want me to ask her what her problem is? Want me to tell her we’re together—that you’re my someone else?” He pushes my hair back behind my shoulder and drags his knuckles down my arm. “What do you want here, Violet? I’ll do whatever you want.”

  I close my eyes briefly, focusing on his touch. When I open them again, I blow out a breath, “I don’t know how to do this.”

  “Well, you could say ‘I want…’ and then fill in the blank. It’s actually pretty easy,” he gives me that charming smile of his with the teeth and the sparkling eyes.

  “Says the guy who has no problem getting what he wants with his sexy eyes and panty-dropping smile.”

  Cullen interrupts with a deep laugh, “Panty-dropping, huh?”

  “Whatever. Ok. I want to be your ‘someone else’. Yes, tell her and whomever else asks that we’re together, in a relationship, however you want to say it.”

  He steps closer so that our shoes are touching and I have to lean back to see him. “Is that so?”

  “It is.”

  “I think I can make that happen.” He places a light kiss on my lips and it takes all my power not to tackle him right there in front of the stairs. “Now, was that so hard?”

  “It was awful. And what do you mean ‘still has a crush’?”

  “Don’t worry about it. It was one sided, trust me.” He kisses me again. “We have one more thing to talk about,” Cullen says as he pulls back. There’s concern on his face; I think I know where this is heading.

  “Ok, let me have it this time,” I fold my hands in front of me.

  “Claire brought up a good point.”

  I cringe, “Yeah? What was that?”

  “You are strong. So strong that we never talk about what happened. Don’t you think we should talk about it? Even a little here or there?”

  “Honestly? No, I don’t. What’s done is done. I was dealt a bad hand, but I turned those cards in and I’m playing from a way better deck now. I’m moving forward and that’s what matters.”

  I’m exceptionally uncomfortable and standing still is nearly impossible. My skin is prickling down my back, and I need to move. I shift from one foot to another. My eyes keep darting down the hall.

  “Alright, I know you are. Damn, you look like you’re trying to escape. I just want you to know that I’m here for you and there’s nothing that can change that.”

  I can think of something.

  He pulls me into his chest and wraps his strong arms around my back. I feel like I could disappear into his embrace. I rest my cheek on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, relaxing my muscles one by one. If only he knew what Anden did to me before he died and the part he played in killing my heart, Cullen wouldn’t want to protect me or understand me or be with me.

  You’re so worthless, I hear Anden’s voice in the back of my mind and swallow a gasp. I grip Cullen’s shirt and he just holds me tighter. There’s a lump in my throat but I grit my teeth and swallow it down, bury it. I give myself a minute to just press into Cullen; it feels vital and crucial to do so.

  “Do you think we should sneak back into our meeting?” I mumble into his t-shirt, feeling the urge to get moving again.

  “Nah, this is way better. I’m two seconds from grabbing your ass.”

  I laugh, “Oh my god! You’re outta control, Metz.” I release him and push his shoulder, which, of course, has no impact. “Geez, you could at least pretend to shove back an inch or two.”

  “Sorry?”

  “Whatever. Come on, we gotta go.”

  Cullen’s laughing now, too, and tries to put his arm around me as we head down the hallway, but I playfully dodge him.

  “Nuh-uh, friends without touching,” I mock.

  “Do you know where my hands have been? My mouth? I think we’re more than friends,” he opens the double doors with that hanging between us. I’m speechless but with a full-on blush as I think of all the different ways we’ve violated that rule.

  We enter the cafeteria. Sneaking back to Renee, I glance over to Claire at the neighboring table. She looks between Cullen and I, realizing that there is no paperwork in either one of our possession. She peers back at me, and I can’t help but wink.

  Cullen

  Pissed off is only the beginning of how I feel right now. Some chicks go too far and the claws come out, I get it, but damn if they’re going to get into Violet.

  I jog up the stairs, my shoes squeaking with the humidity collecting in the building with so many bodies accumulating in the hallways and classrooms all at once after being empty all summer. I’d like to say I’m heading to my room to shut the door and plan the day away, but I’m not. No chance. There’s a fifteen minute break before our next meeting and I plan to use it fully.

  Two taps on the metal door and I step in, then close it behind me. The sound of the latch echoes in the near empty space. She turns around with a sultry smile on her face like she knew I was coming. Long hair flips over her shoulder. She smooths her hands down her pants. Her tight pants. Too tight. My nose scrunches up as if I smell something rotten.

  “Claire, we need to talk.”

  I flex my jaw a few times and put my hands in the front pockets of my jeans. She watches my arms with hunger in her eyes and I feel dirty.

  “Sure, Cullen, what’ve you got?” Claire sachets past the desks in neat little rows, obnoxiously swaying her hips, then perches on the one closest to me. One leg is up on the desktop while the other rests on the ground showing off the space between them. If I was a little desperate and a lot drunk, I still wouldn’t be interested.

  “Look, I appreciate the time you’ve spent in trying to hang out with me and whatever, but Violet and I are together now, so this,” I pull my hand from my pocket and motion between the two of us, “isn’t going to happen.”

  She slouches a little and folds her hands in her lap. Her head tilts to the side, “Hmm, together occasionally or together a lot? I’m just making sure I understand, you know.”

  What the ever-loving shit. My chest expands quite noticeably with the breath I have to take to stay cool. “Together all the fucking time. She’s my girlfriend, and I don’t plan on her going anywhere like, ever.”

  The pleasure I get at the brief, but undeniable, widening of Claire’s eyes is probably unfair in this circumstance, but I don’t give a shit. It’s true.

  “Well, that’s great, Cullen. I’m happy for you,” she smiles and hops off the desk. “Thanks for coming and talking to me.”

  “Sure, I just wanted to be clear.” I turn and open the door. Just once, I look over my shoulder. She’s still smiling, and it briefly makes me nervous that things are going to be weird for her for a while but that’s not my issue. As far as I’m concerned, we don’t have a problem. I leave thinking that wasn’t so hard.

  With the Claire situation resolved, I proceed to my favorite biology teacher’s room for a quick visit, maybe a little nipping in the corner, but her light’s off and the door’s locked. Disa
ppointment sinks into my gut. She must be at her next meeting already, which blows because I’ve got practice till late after all this meeting shit today. I thump my head against the door and groan. Blowing out a breath, I turn and, like a snail, slink to the next room on my agenda.

  TWELVE

  Violet

  I’m mentally drained when I get home. All I want to do is curl up with Netflix for a Sons of Anarchy mini-marathon. We had a whole series of meetings today, whole staff and then department-specific, so I didn’t have much of a chance to reconnect with Renee or Cullen after the morning fiasco. I’m really curious how the Social Studies meeting went, especially if Cullen told Claire that we’re together. It’s killing me, but I refuse to text him about it and be one of those girls.

  I also dealt with the sympathy show today, and I’m still reeling. I’m pretty sure I’ve met my quota of “I’m so sorry”, “How are you doing?”, “Are you ok?”, and “You’re in my thoughts”. Thanks, everyone, but I’m perfectly fine. What I really want to tell people is that if they actually knew Anden, they’d be handing me cocktails and giving me high-fives. Overall, though, I just don’t want to think about it.

  So, I don’t. I’m home, my hair is up in a ponytail, I’ve got my comfies on with a snack, and I’m going to turn on Jax-- I mean, Season 6 of Sons.

  I plop on the couch where Cullen and I snuggled. I smile at the thought and my phone goes off.

  “Ugh, seriously?” I check and it’s Charlotte.

  Charlotte: 1st day back blow?

  Me: You know it, dick in cheek.

  Charlotte: Foul. Cullen know UR so nasty?

  Me: Knows, likes, and telling people

  Charlotte: Good for U! Broadcast that shit!

  Me: LOL! TTYL, watching Jax

  Charlotte: Y? U have Cullen

  Me: Hahahaha

  I resume Season 6 but my phone dings again. “Jesus, Charlotte,” I mutter and pause the show. I prepare to tell her I’ll call her later but it’s Cullen’s number all lit up.

  Cullen: Hey, Beautiful

  Me: Hey, Hot Stuff

  Cullen: Wanna hang out after practice?

  Me: Ok

  Cullen: Don’t get so excited, I’m not there to revive U

  Me: Sorry… AHHHH! OMG! Cullen wants to hang out!

  YES! YES! YES! Is that better?

  Cullen: Way better, thank you

  Me: LOL, what time U thinking?

  Cullen: How about 8? My place?

  Me: Sounds good, text address?

  Cullen: Luv to, C U soon

  I have time for one episode and a shower, but I’m not redoing my hair or makeup. I’m not one of those girls either.

  ***

  It’s a little before eight when I reach Cullen’s humble two-story. He has a nice spread of land with a neatly clipped lawn. There aren’t any neighbors right next to his house on either side; it feels spacious and free. I walk up three stone steps to the front door and knock. I wait, knock again, and keep waiting. What the hell? I know I shouldn’t, but I try the door handle. It releases easily which blows my mind. I need to remind him how important it is to lock the freaking door.

  Peering my head in, I call out, “Hello?”

  The floors are wide-plank, dark hardwood in the entryway. There’s a small room to the right that looks like a little office; I can’t see anything else.

  “Cullen!” I announce a little louder.

  Nothing. Rationalizing that I am invited so it’s fine, I step all the way into his house, close the door, and lock it. In front of me, beyond the front entry, is the living room with a dark brown leather sectional, matching oversized recliner, and flat screen on the wall above a stone fireplace. A door is open off a small hallway to the left, and it appears to lead to a laundry area by the heavy scent of fabric softener coming from that direction.

  “Cullen?”

  “Hey! Up here, hang on, I’m coming down.”

  I continue into the living room, not really knowing what to do besides look around, and drop my bag on the recliner. The stairs land where the living room and kitchen intersect; the bedrooms must be upstairs. I hear some thumping around, then look up to see Cullen padding down the stairs. His hair is wet from the shower, his body is still glistening, and he’s freaking shirtless. My mouth parts at the sight of all that muscle, tan and slick, descending on me as I stand there stupidly. He smiles, runs a hand over his hair, and slows down on the steps.

  “Should I leave this off?”

  “Huh?”

  He waves a shirt back and forth at his side. “You’re staring. And maybe…drooling? Here, let me get that for you.”

  He pretends to dab at my mouth with the tee. I smack his hand, totally embarrassed because he’s totally right.

  “Whatever, I was not.”

  He laughs from deep in his chest, making me smile, then ruins it by putting on the damn shirt.

  “Are ya hungry? I was going to make a sandwich because I’m starved. I can make you one, too.”

  “Nah, I ate a little at home. Thanks, though.”

  Mid-sentence he leans down from the stair he’s standing on and sweeps his lips over mine. “Sorry, I’ve been waiting all day to do that.”

  He’s still leaning in, bent down to my level. My eyes search his face then I stop him from talking with a kiss of my own only it’s not so light. Crushing my lips to his, I swipe my tongue across his lips and he parts his for a full taste. I get mint and heat that make my toes curl. He groans when I graze my hands up the back of his neck and scrape my nails in his hair.

  I want to ask how it went with Claire, but before I can organize any thoughts, he wraps an arm around my waist, scoops me up, and twists so that my back is on the stairs.

  “Nice move, Metz.”

  “I think you mean Thor.”

  I giggle into his kiss, but it changes to a whimper when he brushes the soft thick hair of his beard up and down my neck.

  “Your skin’s so sweet,” he murmurs. “It’s like sugar.”

  I’m not sure what he’s doing with his tongue on my collarbone, but I’m already craving him in my core. He’s ready, too, by the thick fire I feel poking at my center through his shorts.

  “You gonna fuck me on these stairs, Metz?”

  His eyes flash up to mine, not sure what to do with my boldness. I’m not sure either, so I swipe loose strands of hair from my ponytail away from my face and look at him in challenge.

  “Uh, no? We can go upstairs or to the couch or stop altogether?”

  Ugh, all of those ideas sound awful to me, so I reach between us and work his length a few times. “Fuck me on the stairs, Metz.”

  His eyes go black as coal, “So bossy.”

  “Should I have said please?”

  “Whatever you want, 2 Color.”

  I try to giggle at the use of my nickname; it’s been awhile. But he quickly swallows it with a belly-clinching kiss and there is no restraint left for me. My hands are everywhere and his mouth… Oh, that mouth. He’s pulling up my tank top while I’m tugging on his basketball shorts. He wins, getting me topless before I’m successful with his bottoms and gets a mouthful of nipple before I give up on his shorts completely so I can collapse back on the stairs. My head hits the ledge, but it barely registers over the singeing goosebumps of his touch on my body.

  “I’m going upstairs for five seconds. Don’t move,” Cullen orders next to my ear.

  “Well, now who’s bossy?” I tease. He takes the stairs two at a time and is back over me before my skin gets cold.

  “I don’t think you need these anymore.”

  He pulls off my shorts and panties in one swift move. It’s fluid, exciting. There’s no tearing—no horror with the movement. I shiver at the feel of cool, wooden planks on my bare bottom but heat ungodly fast at the anticipation of Cullen’s body inside of mine. My legs start to shake with need as he rips off his own shirt and shorts, then sheaths his hard shaft for me.

  Cullen’s kneeling o
n the stair in front of me. He runs his hands from my knees to my thighs, watching me. He knows I’m ready for him. He lines us up; I try not to squirm. His dark lashes intensify his stare, telling me not to.

  “Is this what you want, Violet?”

  “Yes,” I all but hiss the word.

  “Is this all you want?”

  His tip is pressing into my opening and I can’t think straight. It’s hot, so hot and I’m dying for him to sink into me. What the fuck kind of question is that when I’m all kinds of crazy for him right now?

  “No, it’s not all.” I move my hips and press into him.

  “What else do you want, Violet?” He pushes in a little more, torturing me. I wrap my legs around his waist and dig my heels into his ass.

  “Everything.”

  With one long thrust that seems to just keep going deeper, he fills me completely and I cry out with the fullness and relief it brings. Cullen wraps his arms around my back as a cushion against the stairs as he continues to pound into me. My grip on his shoulders and arms is borderline lethal as we assault each other’s mouths, swiping tongues and nipping at lips. Where Cullen’s body was once shiny and clean from soap, it’s now shimmering with sweat as we slide past one another. We’re both relentless and can’t seem to get enough.

  He leaves my mouth to cup my breasts. Rolling my nipples, he pulls almost completely out of my slick, swollen core only to thrust hard all the way into it once more. He repeats this slow retreat and ruthless advance over and over until flares erupt in my vision. Cullen presses on my thick button of nerves and swirls around it until I’m pushed over the edge, bursts of warmth spreading over my body. I tighten and pulse around his thickness, then he comes with me, the muscles of his abs tightening while he swells and empties, his firm ass contracting with the last drops he has to give.

  My arms and legs go limp. I feel temporarily paralyzed. Cullen’s forehead touches mine. His arms create a frame around me as we both breathe heavily. There’s an intensity hovering over us that I haven’t felt before. Maybe it’s my confession that I want everything. Maybe it’s that a few hours ago, we decided to be in a relationship. It could also possibly be that a few more pieces of my splintered heart have found their way back to being whole. I don’t know, but something has shifted. I’m not sure if I should embrace it or run like hell.