Lucy looked over at her friend and with tenderness, smiled. “Mmm, that’s sweet. How long you been together?”
“Oh gracious. That was 1967.” She let out a soft laugh. “Let’s just say it’s been a few years.”
“Were people ever mean to you?”
Anne was taken off guard by Lucy’s questions, but it didn’t stop her from answering. “Yes, especially the first time I came home to the rez. I don’t know how it happened. Still baffles me, but the moccasin telegraph went into action and it seemed like the whole community knew I was gay. I didn’t even get to tell Sarah. That was part of why I’d come home, but she’d already heard. It was hard for her, it took a long time for her to understand. But, for others, well, that’s another story.”
A shiver ran down Anne’s spine. Even though this was far in the past, the pain felt like yesterday. “There was a lot of gossip. Mean things said to me. About me. And about my family. As an Indian woman, or I guess we are called Indigenous Women now.” She gave Lucy a wink.
Lucy rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Who can keep track? I still think I’m Indian. Doesn’t really matter the fancy words people use, it’s their tone and how they look at you that matters.”
“Exactly! That’s exactly what happened when I came home to the reserve. I’d experienced my share of hatred and bigotry in my life, but not from my own people. I think that’s what hurt the most. Sadly, that’s when I realized I no longer felt like I belonged at home. That’s when Toronto became home. I was young and didn’t know how to deal with the ignorance, but over the years I’ve gotten better. Doesn’t mean the remarks still don’t sting at times.” She looked over at Lucy. “Sometimes they downright hurt.”
Lucy nodded, understanding on so many levels. “I’d like to meet your Liz one day.”
“You should come visit us in Toronto. I’m sure we could find some trouble to get into.” Anne nudged Lucy’s arm with hers and both women laughed.
37
A Slight Delay
LATER THAT MORNING, when the elders met at the bus for their scheduled ten o’clock departure, Tilly was missing. It was Poncho who asked, “Where’s Tilly?”
Mabel replied, “Um, Tilly’s not feeling very well, so I think we should let her sleep a bit longer. Why don’t we go in and have a coffee, then I’ll wake her.”
Poncho started in an annoyed voice, “What? This is supposed to be your day, Mabel.” But Rose gently touched his arm and shook her head. “Oh, okay,” he said, and they all headed back to the hotel.
As they sat sipping their coffees no one knew quite what to say. An uncomfortable silence swirled about them. Finally, Chuck spoke up, “I know she’s not sick. I know that worried look you have, Mabel.” He paused for a moment and put his hand on Bea’s arm. “My Bea here, she keeps stirring her coffee, even though she takes it black. So…I’m just wondering, is Tilly okay?”
Bea and Mabel’s eyes met across the table, neither knowing if it was their place to answer Chuck’s question. Again, silence enfolded the table. The elders looked between Mabel and Bea. Finally, Bea gave a slight nod of her head.
Mabel jumped in, “No. She’s not okay, but she will be. It’s not really my place to say any more, but she needs our support and understanding.”
“Got it,” said Chuck.
“Got what?” asked Tilly. She had come up behind their table without anyone noticing.
“Tilly,” the elders echoed in varying tones of surprise.
“Sorry I held you up, I was feeling homesick and needed to talk to my children.” She looked at Bea and Mabel for a few seconds before adding, “And my husband.”
“Everything okay on the home front, Tilly?” asked Bea. All three women knew there were many layers to the question Bea was asking.
“Yes, everything’s okay. Piper has been busy with babysitting the kids next door and Grayson hit a triple in his game last night, so they’re good. And Mick,” Tilly looked between Bea and Mabel, “we had a good talk. Guess it’s true what they say, distance makes your heart grow fonder.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that, Tilly,” Poncho joked. “My Rose is right here,” he leaned over and kissed Rose’s cheek, “and my heart is still growing fonder.” Rose playfully pushed him away, but her cheeks darkened and she gave him a coy smile. He winked at her and looked around the table at the elders. “Now that Tilly’s here, whaddya say we get this show on the road?”
Mabel looked up at Tilly and gave her a look saying, “Shall we?”
Tilly nodded. “Yes, let’s get the show on the road as you say, Poncho. I’ll drive today, Mabel.” Tilly knew this had the potential to be a difficult day for her dear friend, spreading her sister’s ashes was another circle in Mabel’s grief and letting go.
“That’d be great, Tilly,” replied Mabel as she tossed her the bus keys.
38
Until We Meet Again
TILLY WAS GRATEFUL for Siri’s help navigating them out of Sedona and toward the area where Mabel wanted to have the ceremony. The bus was pretty quiet for most of the drive, but when they drove across a cattle guard, Chuck broke the silence.
“Now there’s a sign I’ve never seen before,” he said as he pointed out the window and read aloud, “Danger. Primitive road ahead. Be Careful.”
Poncho chuckled. “We could use signs like that for the roads back home on the rez.”
Laughter filled the bus as they started to bounce along the dirt road. “Good thing I put my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder on today,” joked Lucy. “Need extra help keepin’ my girls in place.”
“Lucy,” groaned Rose.
“What? I’m just trying to keep the laughter going. I know we’re on our way to a ceremony, but things don’t always have to be all serious. Don’t you know the sayin’ ‘laughter is the best medicine’?”
“Yes, I know that saying, but today…” Rose didn’t finish because Mabel cut in.
“It’s okay, Rose. I appreciate you thinking this is a special day, but Lucy’s right, we need a bit of everything, especially laughter and especially on days like today.” She then turned her eyes to the front of the bus and said to Tilly, “If I remember correctly, we are real close to where Millie asked me to spread her ashes. It’s just up here on the left.”
The elders were all watching out the windows. The landscape reminded them of home: the dry, rugged terrain, sparse trees, sagebrush, and the heat. They came around a corner and the land opened before them. “Wowww,” Sarah said, “not sure I’ve ever seen anything quite as pretty as that there right before us.”
As far as they could see, the glowing sun lit up the red rocks and pillars that unfolded before them. Depending on how the sun hit the rocks they were shades of red, pink, and orange. Some of the hues were indescribable in the English language.
In a hushed tone, Mabel said, “This is it.” She inhaled and almost as if talking to herself, continued, “This is the spot.”
Tilly slowed the bus and pulled off the road.
“Wowza. I can see why your sister wanted this to be her final resting place,” said Lucy. “I ain’t ever seen anythin’ as pretty as this.”
Spread out before them was the beauty of creation. They overlooked a small valley. At one time, it might have been a creek bed, but now it was bone dry and the base for magnificent rock formations. The rocks varied from ten to over a hundred feet in height. Some of them took on the features of animals and birds, while others appeared to have faces embedded in them.
Mabel reached down and lifted her small suitcase to her lap. She clicked it open and removed her medicine bundle and the cedar box that held her sister’s ashes. Mabel set her suitcase back on the floor, opened the bus door and stepped out. She stared out at the landscape and breathed in deeply. The hot, dry Sedona air filled her lungs.
Earlier in the year, she and her family had spread most of
her sister’s ashes by the river on their traditional territory, but just as she’d been asked, Mabel had kept some ashes for this spot. She looked at the box that held the ashes of what was her sister. “I’m doing just as you asked, Sis, bringing you to your final resting place.” Mabel began walking. There was no rush today. Today was about bringing her sister back to this place that had filled her with such joy.
Everyone followed and before Mabel knew it, a line of elders plus Tilly were following her to a piece of land that jutted out over the landscape.
Bea carried her bundle while Chuck and Poncho both carried their drums and Tilly brought a few blankets to sit on, remembering Kathi’s warning about scorpions and snakes. When Mabel stopped and everyone had caught up, they intuitively formed a circle.
Mabel removed the red cloth from around the cedar box, stepped into the center of the circle, laid the cloth down, and placed the box on top of it. She stepped back into the circle and Lucy placed a hand on the lower part of Mabel’s back.
“Mabel’s asked me if I’d lead us in ceremony today. She’s described what Millie wanted and we’ve created a ceremony that honors those last wishes,” Bea began. She explained that they’d begin with a smudge of the four sacred medicines—sage, cedar, tobacco, and sweetgrass—and say a prayer. After the prayer, Poncho and Chuck would sing an honor song, the cedar chest with the ashes would be opened and each person would have a chance to say what was in their heart, with Mabel being the last to share. “That’s when Tilly’s going to start singing the Women’s Warrior Song. Mabel will walk out to the ledge and spread Millie’s ashes. When the song is done and Mabel has come back into our circle, she’ll say a prayer, and the ceremony will be over.”
And that is exactly what happened.
Except.
Except for the eagles.
And the westerly breeze.
Just as Tilly began to sing, “Hey, hey, yuh he oh hoh, hoh,” they arrived. Four bald eagles. They soared over the elders and the circle they had formed. The elders smiled at each other and Poncho gave Mabel the ol’ Indian nod. They knew the Ancestors had come to be with them. To remind them they are never truly alone.
Mabel opened the box and as she began to spread the ashes with her hand, the gentle, westerly breeze carried Millie to her final resting place.
39
The Sayings We Use
THE NEXT DAY, Tilly got up a bit early to FaceTime with her family as she thought they’d likely be arriving in Albuquerque after the twins’ bedtime. So far on the trip she’d been able to talk with them every day. Sometimes their visits lasted a while and sometimes they were quick catch-ups and I love you’s, depending on everyone’s schedules. The length of the visit didn’t matter to Tilly, being able to see and talk to her most precious gifts was what mattered.
Later, as she was loading the elder’s luggage into the bus, rain started to fall. Drizzle at first, but as they drove through Sedona it turned to a downpour. Mabel pulled over to the side of the road, put on her flashers, and looked across to Tilly.
“Tilly, do you think you could drive? You’re more used to the rain than me and, well, after yesterday, I’m feeling…” Mabel’s voice trailed off. The only sound was the rain hitting the metal roof of the bus. The elders in the back watched and waited. They all knew yesterday had been tough for Mabel.
Tilly reached across for Mabel’s hand. “It’s okay, Mabel. I should’ve thought of it earlier. I’m sorry.”
Mabel’s eyes swam in salty tears and she simply nodded. Undoing her seatbelt, she reached for the door handle.
“I’ll go, Mabel. You slide over.”
Tilly pulled her jacket up over her head, hopped out and ran in front of the bus to the driver side. She climbed in as quickly as possible, but still managed to get drenched. As she reached down to buckle her seatbelt, she noticed Mabel had rested her head against the door. Mabel’s eyes were closed and tears slowly navigated their way down her face and fell onto her hoodie.
Tilly reached over and placed her hand on Mabel’s. After a couple of seconds, Mabel squeezed Tilly’s hand. Tilly knew this was Mabel’s way of letting her know she was okay.
Grief has many layers and how one navigates those layers can be different on any given day, sometimes it even changes moment to moment. For now, Tilly knew Mabel needed time to be quiet and reflect.
After driving for a bit, Tilly looked up to the sky and said, “Feels like home.”
Chuck watched the rain bounce as it hit the road. “Man, it sure is coming down.”
“Yeah, like cats and dogs,” remarked Poncho from a couple rows back.
Lucy twisted in her seat so she could see Poncho. “You know, I never really understood that saying, rainin’ like cats ’n dogs. I mean really, cats, dogs, falling from the sky? That’s just…” Lucy’s voice trailed off and her eyes roamed up to the left as she tried to recall something. After a few seconds, she turned to Anne and asked, “What’s that big word you taught me the other day? Ludi…”
“Ludicrous,” replied Anne.
“That’s right. Ludicrous. That’s what that sayin’ is.” With one sharp movement Lucy nodded her head once, almost as if she was putting an exclamation mark at the end of her words.
“Sometimes the sayin’s white people have just don’t make sense,” Sarah added.
“Yeah, like, can’t get blood from a stone,” said Lucy.
“Or, have a good chin-wag,” said Sarah. “Ain’t that what we all tryin’ to avoid, saggy chins? Or any form of saggy body parts?”
Poncho jumped in. “How ’bout, have your cake and eat it too. Really, why would you have cake and not eat it?” Poncho looked over at Lucy and continued, “That’s just ludicrous.” He smacked his knee as he and Lucy cracked up laughing. Eventually Poncho caught his breath and continued, “The other one that always makes me laugh is, make hay while the sun shines. Makes it sound like they’re the ones makin’ the hay, but we all know it’s the Creator that makes the hay.”
“The one that makes me laugh is, up a creek without a paddle,” shared Rose.
Her husband looked at her and responded, “Yeah, really. What’re you doin’ heading out on the creek without a paddle in the first place?”
As much as her seatbelt would allow her, Lucy bobbed up and down. “I know, I know, put the cart before the horse—that makes no sense.”
From the front seat and to everyone’s surprise, Mabel interjected, “Yeah, we just call that being contrary.”
Silence and curiosity passed through the bus. Mabel could tell the term contrary wasn’t familiar to everyone. “Contrary folks are uniquely gifted cuz they do things the opposite of how everyone else does it.”
The bus quieted for a bit as the elders thought about what Mabel had said. She added, “You know in ceremony, they’re the folks that go right instead of left, they start at what we might think is the end. They see things differently than the rest of us.”
Chuck added, “Maybe some of our sayings are weird to non-Native people.”
“Like what?” inquired Rose.
Chuck thought for a moment. “How about bannock butt?”
Rose quickly countered, “Better than sayin’ ‘Hey you, over there, the one with the flat ass.’”
The bus erupted with laughter.
“Oh, Rose,” snickered Lucy. “You go girl.”
Tilly giggled as she looked in the rearview mirror and said, “See, that’s exactly why you’re the Crazy Eights.”
Once again, laughter filled the bus. Just the medicine Mabel needed.
40
Truck Stop
EVEN ON A good day, it was slow going up the winding road out of Sedona to Flagstaff. But today’s rain required Tilly to concentrate on the unfolding road in a way she wasn’t used to. She leaned forward in the seat and could feel her hands tighten on the wheel and her breath get
shallow.
Finally, after about thirty minutes, the rain began to ease. As they rounded yet another corner, the sky seemed to open right before them and a double rainbow appeared over one of the largest red rock monoliths Tilly had ever seen. A smile came over her face and she heard Anne in the seat behind her say, “Wow, look at that. It’s stunning.”
“Mm,” added Mabel.
Tilly looked over at Mabel, who looked back and gave a slight smile and a nod of her head. Each knew the other considered the rainbow to be a sign from Mabel’s sister.
Due to the heavy rain, waterfalls cascaded over the red rock cliffs and in some cases, spilled out onto the road. Combined with the hoodoos and glorious red rocks, the drive out of Sedona was spectacular.
“How much longer till we get to Flagstaff?” asked Lucy.
Exasperation woven between each word, Rose responded to her friend, “Lucy, you sound like a child.”
Tilly looked in the rearview mirror and saw Lucy give Rose a nasty stare. Tilly stepped in, “I think about another half hour. Why?”
“Cuz I gotta use the ladies room.”
Again, Rose went after her friend. “You always gotta use the ladies’ room.”
“So, my bladder ain’t what it used to be.”
Sarah jumped in, “None of our bladders are. I need to use it, too.”
At that point, the road seemed to flatten out and the red rocks began to be replaced with pine trees.
Tilly and the Crazy Eights Page 14