“Which side is winnin’?” Abel asked curiously with a chuckle.
“It’s even odds right now, but I’ve put my money on us killin’ each other if you wanna know the truth. But we’re getting off topic again,” Patience growled irritably, nearly stomping her foot in frustration. “Abel, together, we’re a definite risk to public safety! Can’t you see that?”
Hearing his low chuckle only incensed Patience. How was any of this funny, she wondered as he grinned at her. “Is that what you want, Peckerhead? You wanna take out some perfectly nice average Joe because you think you want back into my pants? I think you know by now, all us women carry around the same equipment. I’m not packin’ anything under my clothes that you haven’t seen before and can’t get somewhere else.”
“Actually, you are,” Abel returned, his voice deep and sure. “No other woman on the planet has ever held my babies inside her. Babies that were made with my seed, Patience. For my money, you’re holding my entire future within your very gorgeous body. That alone makes you my own personal miracle, darlin’. And you definitely underestimate your allure if you think any woman could ever compete with you under the covers. You’re a wildcat in bed, Hellion. As for bein’ bad together, you’re just plain wrong there. We aren’t toxic and we’re not poison. We’re two hot-blooded people that tend to express ourselves passionately. And we’ve both been passionately fighting this chemistry between us for years. I was done fighting it months ago and directed my passion toward you rather than away from you. You’re a little slower on the uptake, but I have every faith that once you get your passions moving in the right direction, things are gone sail a hell of a lot smoother round these parts.”
Patience could only stare at him for a few long moments, the only sound in the room the low hum of the refrigerator. “You’re impossible,” she finally mumbled unhappily. “Absolutely impossible. Not to mention crazy! I’m gonna have Cain look into the local loony bin for you. I swear I am.”
“I’m not crazy or impossible,” Abel denied lightly. “I’m focused. I’m determined. There’s a huge difference.”
“Okay, maybe I should have said that you’re hopeless,” Patience amended wearily.
“Nothing is hopeless for a man if he refuses to give up, Sweetness. The fact that you don’t know that tells me that you’ve never had a real man fall in love with you before now,” Abel proclaimed.
His smile remained intact, but his eyes burned, warning her that he was quickly losing patience with the obstacles she kept throwing in his path to her. Biting her lip, Patience knew that only the truth would satisfy him, but she just wondered how much of her truth would be enough. It wasn’t as though she bared her soul to people on a daily basis. Showing her vulnerabilities just wasn’t something she was comfortable doing with anyone beyond her sisters.
“Patience, just talk to me, baby. For once, reach out for me. I swear to God, I’ll take your hand,” Abel vowed.
“Yeah,” she sneered, “But will you let it go when the sun comes up like you’ve done before?” she asked him sullenly as she saw a look of remorse flashed in Abel’s eyes.
“I’m assuming you’re not talking about the night we made our kids,” Abel murmured, hanging his head.
“No, actually, I’m talking about the night you took my virginity. Oh, wait! That’s right,” she jeered coldly. “You can barely remember that night, can you?”
Abel stared at her a moment before closing his eyes. “Every man makes mistakes in his life, Patience. Touching you while I was drunk was one of my biggest, baby. I fucked up everything that night.”
Hearing the genuine anguish in his voice, Patience swallowed hard. “I shouldn’t have thrown that up at you. Just forget I said anything about it, Abel. I was being a bitch. Let’s just…”
“No.” He stopped her, holding up his hand. “We’ve let that night fester between us for years, Patience. Let’s just get this all out right now. I know I hurt you that night, but honest to God, I never meant to do it. It’s not an excuse, but I was hurting after Angie’s betrayal and I’d gotten drunk…and I took advantage of you.”
“Abel, I came to you that night. I knew what I was doing. I was above the age of consent and unlike you, I was sober. You, however, were shitfaced and I knew it. But I wanted you and decided to take my chance and dance with the Devil. It was a foolish thing to do, but I was barely an adult. I made a bad choice. If anybody took advantage of anyone, it was me taking advantage of you,” she admitted in a hushed tone, barely able to look at him as shame engulfed her. All those people that said the truth sets you free had been full of shit. She didn’t feel any lighter or brighter.
“I…you…” Abel momentarily fumbled for his words. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “Sweetheart, if that’s how you felt, then why have you held such a grudge for all these years?”
“You left me,” Patience whispered raggedly, her cheeks burning with humiliation as she remembered the night she’d given her virginity to him.
“What?” Abel asked lamely, staring down at her with horrified eyes.
“You left, Abel” Patience repeated. “When you woke up that morning, you rolled over with your eyes still closed and called me by another woman’s name. Then, you opened your eyes and looked at me. Me. You said you were sorry. You said you’d made a horrible mistake. And then, you left me.”
“Honey…. I wasn’t in a good place. It had nothing to do with….”
“YOU. Left. ME!” Patience shouted emotionally, hating herself just a little bit as she felt a tear escape her eye and roll down her cheek. “I knew you would. I should have been prepared. Men leave. They always do. I don’t know why I thought – even for a second – that you’d have been different. It wasn’t different then. It won’t be any different now. Eventually, you’ll leave again. And I’m not willing to feel that pain again. Not ever, Abel. Not even for you.”
Abel stilled completely as he looked at Patience. “Fuck, that’s it,” he stated quietly as comprehension dawned. “That’s what you’re scared of… being left.”
“You say that I’m scared like it’s a bad thing. Being scared keeps you from being stupid, assface!” Patience bit out, sniffling and wiping at her damp cheeks. “But I’m glad you’re finally getting it.”
“Patience, all men do not leave, baby,” Abel tried to explain as he lifted a hand to try and stroke her cheek.
Patience took a quick step back. “Bullshit. My dad. He left. Hell, not only did he leave me…leave all of us, but he took momma with him! Then, there was Tanner. He left, too, but before he did he wrecked my fucking family. And we can’t forget about your fucking brother, can we?” Patience questioned angrily as her shoulders stiffened. “He left to go fight in a war and decided to lose his fuckin’ mind while he was over there! Who sends a goddamn letter to break an engagement?” she yelled irately. “He couldn’t even bother to pick up a freaking phone and end things? He nearly broke Faith with his fucking idiocy, Abel. So don’t you tell me that men don’t leave! They do. And they do a lot of damage and leave a lot of wreckage behind them when they decide to kick rocks.”
“So you do what, Patience?” Abel questioned calmly. “Are you gonna keep refusing to live your life because you’re afraid that you’ll get left behind by somebody?” he asked desperately, worry shining in his grey eyes. “Darlin’, your daddy didn’t wanna leave you or your sisters. In fact, it’s probably the last thing in the world he wanted to do. A drunk driver stole him and your momma from y’all, honey. It was a shit hand you got dealt, but your daddy certainly didn’t deal those cards to you. Now, Tanner left because he was a spineless, wife-beating, child-raping dick. If he’d stayed, he woulda been dead a lot sooner, that’s true, but Harmony might not have ever found Jake and Heaven wouldn’t have a daddy willing to move mountains for her. And as for my brother, yeah, Cain tried to leave Faith, but baby, in the end, he couldn’t. Neither one of them could move on from what they had together because they were fuckin’ fated to be t
ogether. Just like I believe we are!”
Taking a deep breath, Abel moved a step closer to Patience. “And then there’s me. I’ve screwed up with you too many times to count, haven’t I? It started two years ago when I got fucked in the head by a vicious bitch and took a gift you offered me without realizing what I was being handed. Then, fuck if I didn’t screw up again three months ago when I decided to give you some time to come to grips with the idea of an ‘us’. You believed I left you then, too, didn’t you?”
Patience remained silent, choosing to stare at a picture on her wall that hung just behind his left shoulder blade. It was an abstract print that never failed to mesmerize her. Most people just saw bold colors thrown against the canvas, but she’d always seen incredible beauty and depth. She had to stare at her painting because if she looked at Abel, she’d lose it. She’d finally give into the wave of emotion clawing its way up her throat.
“I get it baby; you’re afraid. Fucking terrified, I know. But you just gotta trust that I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made because I have.”
“No. You don’t understand. I’m not afraid anymore, Abel,” Patience replied, feeling a strange calmness descend over her. “I figured out how to cope after you left me that morning I gave you me. It was simple once I figured it out. All I had to do was leave people first. Before my heart gets involved…before I care too much, I just leave first. People always assumed I was easy…going on so many dates and such. But that wasn’t it. I just can’t let anyone too close because I have to leave first,” she insisted.
“Well, I’ve got some breaking news for you, sweetheart. I’m not letting you leave this time, and I will never be leaving you again. Neither of us are going anywhere.” Seeing her shake her head, Abel took a huge step forward and gripped Patience’s arms, gently pushing her back until the back of her knees hit the couch. “Sit down, darlin’. We’re havin’ a long overdue discussion and talkin’ this shit through.”
Patience sat – not because Abel told her to sit but because she was suddenly overwhelmingly exhausted. “Not sure what there is left to say,” she muttered as Abel sat on the coffee table in front of her.
“Then why don’t you give your voice a break and just hear what I’m saying?” Abel suggested as he leaned his elbows against his knees and focused his attention on her. “I love you, Patience.”
Patience gave him a doubtful look but remained quiet.
“I do,” he insisted firmly. “I can’t tell you exactly when it happened. I wondered if it was happening when I watched Cain fight to keep Faith’s heart after he made a mess of things. I know you hold a mean grudge, babe, but try to remember that my brother’s head was fucked up from that war.”
“I’m aware, Abel. Why do you think I didn’t gut him like a pig?” Patience grumbled.
“I kinda always figured it was because Honor wouldn’t allow it or maybe, Faith begged you to let him live,” Abel replied truthfully.
“Well, there was that. On both counts,” Patience mumbled not-so-graciously.
“At any rate, I found myself looking at you a hell of a lot during that ordeal. Things were made a fuck of a lot clearer when that bastard shot you a few months later. See, when the woman that ties you in knots lies on a floor beneath you, bleeding uncontrollably, it tends to put your feelings in perspective. Then, the family pressured you into living with me while Tanner was on the loose and all those feelings just sort of crystallized into this craving for you that would NOT go away. I went to bed thinking about ways to get your clothes off and I’d wake up hard and aching for you every morning. Now, I knew I loved you when I took your body again in that bed right over there,” he continued, pointing to Patience’s king size bed on the platform. “That night was the best night of my life, Patience.”
“I know, I know,” Patience returned, tiredly leaning her head against the sofa as she met his smiling eyes. “That’s the night we conceived the twins.”
“Yeah, it was – and I’m incredibly grateful for those gifts, but that isn’t why it was the best night of my life. You see, that’s the night I finally put it all together and understood that I was never, ever gonna be able to give you up. I knew beyond any doubt what I was feeling for you. I loved you. Then and now. You’re it. It pisses me off that I’ve wasted so much time when my forever had been staring me in the face for years, but there it is. You’re it… my forever. And I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to realize that I’m your forever, too.”
Patience blinked hard as her damned emotions clamored inside her, desperately searching for an outlet. “You jerk,” Patience rasped, her nose burning as those pesky tears smarted in her eyes again. “I don’t wanna cry! I don’t wanna feel like this!”
“Feel what, Patience?” Abel questioned tenderly as he continued to watch her fight what was between them.
“Feel like you matter, Abel. You can’t matter! My sisters and our babies are all I can handle caring about right now. These stupid feelings I have for you… they’re gonna drive me crazy. One minute I wanna watch you sail over a cliff and the next, I’m jealous that some twit is batting her eyelashes at you! One second I wanna plot your untimely demise and the next I wanna kiss you. I feel like I’m losing my mind,” she whimpered, her throat closing up as her emotions went wild.
“You’re not losing your mind, Hellion,” Abel informed her gently. “I promise you’re not.”
“Then what in the name of all that’s holy is this between us? Tell me!” she demanded, shoving a restless hand through her tangled hair.
“I’d tell you, but I’m a tad concerned that you’re not quite ready to hear it yet,” Abel stated cautiously. “But trust me, I’ve been where you’re at. Just give yourself some time and it’ll all settle for you.”
Narrowing her eyes on him, she noted the way his lips kept fighting a grin. “You are talkin’ in damn riddles again. Why do you look like you wanna smile?”
“Because you make me happy, Patience,” he answered honestly. “Baby, everything is gonna sort itself out.”
“I make you happy, huh? Even with the tears and the mood swings? Which, you should probably know, the doc says will NOT improve over the length of this pregnancy. Double the hormones, double the fun. That’s what he said,” she said, repeating the obstetrician’s words verbatim while she rubbed her tummy.
“I want you and I want them, darlin’. Any way y’all come to me.” Abel reassured her seriously. “Now, tell me that you’ll give us a chance. Together. As a couple.” When she didn’t say anything, Abel continued, lifting one eyebrow. “Hellion, the cat’s already out of the bag. You might not love me yet, but I know how deeply you care now. And I know now how deeply you feel. I promise you, I’ll guard your heart as vigilantly as you do. Let me have the chance to prove that you can trust me with everything that makes you the woman I love.”
Patience searched Abel’s face, looking for a sign that he wasn’t being completely straight with her, but all she found was a man that looked genuinely hopeful. God, she wanted to believe every single thing he said, take it at face value and throw away all her doubts and fears like trash. But it wasn’t that easy. She’d been burned. She’d been hurt.
But, still…
She was carrying their children, sheltering them in her womb as they grew strong and healthy.
And, she’d been half in love with him since she’d been old enough to understand what love was. Hearing him declare that he felt the same way went a long way toward softening her heart toward him. Especially when he looked at her like she held the key to the universe in her hands.
Didn’t she deserve a shot at the happiness she saw reflected on Faith and Harmony’s faces? Her sisters had found a love that they swore would last. Maybe she could have that, too.
Taking a deep breath, Patience reminded herself that every day was a risk. She could get hit by a meteor or step on a landmine. Sure, those things weren’t likely, but they weren’t impossible either. And wasn’t the possibility of a rea
l love worth the risk that that love would fail to thrive?
“Okay, we can try to be an ‘us’. I’m willing to attempt this whole being together thing on a trial basis,” she finally managed to agree. Seeing Abel’s eyes widen and shine with excitement, she held up her hand quickly. “There are some conditions, though!”
Smiling slowly, Abel nodded. “I’m an attorney, darlin’. Let’s negotiate.”
Patience knew she needed to be careful here and deliberate the restraints she wanted to place on Abel. As it was, it was already late and getting later, but one look at his determined face informed her that he wasn’t going anywhere soon. Not without a definitive plan in place. Clearing her throat, she licked her dry lips nervously. “Abel,” she began a tad anxiously, “Maybe we should wait until morning to talk this through.”
“Nope,” Abel denied simply. “Not happening. Start making rules, Hellion, because I’m not leaving until I know what the new parameters of our relationship are going to be.”
Well, he’d certainly confirmed her suspicion that he wouldn’t be put off, Patience noted with a silent groan before she got distracted by the descriptor he’d used for the two of them. “Relationship is an awfully strong word, Counsellor,” she hedged uneasily as her heartbeat began to thump in her ears. “Maybe we should just tell people that we’re experimenting with the idea of not actively disliking each other on a daily basis if they ask about us.”
Barely resisting the urge to bare her teeth when Abel’s deep belly laughs vibrated against her neck when he reached forward and hauled her off the couch and onto his lap, she instead chose to sit still and silent against him. When he continued chuckling a full minute later, she felt compelled to speak in her own defense. “You know, I wasn’t kidding. I think claiming that we’re in a relationship is a big step and…”
“Patience, has my dick been inside that tight little body of yours?” Abel asked bluntly, drawing his head back to stare into her blue eyes while his hands stroked up and down her sides.
Ready, Willing and Abel (Passion in Paradise: The Men of the McKinnon Sisters Book 3) Page 25