The last stop on our mall run was to the music and video store. Nicole made a mistake by wandering over by the movie new releases. As she started casually looking at some of the recent releases, Jessica decided to take the opportunity to strike up a new conversation.
“So, Jake,” she started, “what kind of movies do you like?”
I was on another aisle, but I could hear their conversation. I was tempted to go try and help Nicole out, but I thought that might be too obvious.
“I…like all different kinds of movies. How about you?” That was good. She deflected to Jessica without even really answering the question.
“I like all kinds of movies, too. Romance, action, comedies, you name it. So, do you go to the movies a lot?”
“Sometimes. If there is a movie I want to see, I like to see it in the theaters.”
“What about New Moon? Are you planning to see it?”
“I don’t know,” Nicole said. I hoped she saw where this was going. “I was thinking about it.”
“Do you want to go see it together maybe? I’m free this Friday.”
Yeah…I don’t think she saw that coming.
“Oh, uh, sure…we could do that. I’ll ask Mike if he wants to go. Have you asked the girls yet?”
“No. But I can if you’d like,” she offered, a little less than enthusiastically.
“Sure. Should we meet at the theater?”
“I was thinking you could pick me up,” Jessica said.
“I don’t have a car.”
“Oh! Well, I should have my car back by then. How about I pick you up? We could grab a bite to eat beforehand.”
Nicole didn’t say anything for a few moments. She was probably searching for the right words to say. “You know what, it was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have suggested it.”
“No, no! I didn’t mean to…so what are you saying? Are you…”
“Asking you on a date?” Jessica finished. “Only if, you know…you want to. If not, it’s okay,” she quickly added.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just…”
“Look,” Jessica said, trying to sound sincere, “it’s okay if you don’t want to. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”
I could tell from the little I could see of…well, my face that Nicole was struggling with this whole situation. I knew she didn’t want to go on a date with Jessica, for obvious reasons. I also knew she didn’t want to hurt Jessica’s feelings.
“You know what?” Nicole finally said, “I think that would be good. Friday night.”
“Really?” Jessica said, trying to contain her enthusiasm. “Great! It’ll be fun. Do you still want me to invite the girls?” she asked as an aside.
“Sure, that will be good.”
“Okay. So, I’ll pick you up at your house at six?”
“Sure. I’m…looking forward to it,” Nicole said.
“I’ll go invite the girls.” Jessica turned and jaunted off.
I walked over to the aisle Nicole was standing in. She looked like she had just been hit by a truck. I wasn’t sure what kind of a mood she was in, so I decided not to try humor.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Not sure. I walked into that, didn’t I?”
“It kind of seemed like it. I can’t believe she’s become so interested so fast. She was just talking about Jeremy Courtfield yesterday. Is that what she normally does when she likes someone?”
“Jeremy Courtfield, really?”
“Yeah, but it didn’t work out.”
“Well, when Jessica likes someone, she usually makes sure they know it. I guess that should have occurred to me.”
“Maybe. On another note, we could switch back before Friday,” I offered.
“I sure hope so. The thought of…” she stopped and shuddered.
“It won’t be the end of the world. You can make it through one date.”
“First of all, yes, I can probably make it through one date, but what about the second or third date? What if we stay like this and all of a sudden me and my best friend are a couple?
“Second,” she continued, “if I asked you to go out on one date with Mike, would you be okay with me telling you it’s just one date?”
“Good point.”
After the music store, we all decided to call it a night. I drove Jessica home, who seemed to be riding on cloud nine the whole time. She jumped out of the car and gave us both a bubbly “good night!” We tried to return the enthusiasm, though I’m sure we fell somewhat short.
Nicole and I didn’t say much until we got closer to my house. Finally, I broke the silence.
“So, it looks like there are some things we still have to cover.”
“It would appear so,” she replied.
“You did fine tonight. Considering you had to improvise. So, how often do you sing?”
“Normally…quite a bit, I guess. I like to sing while I’m driving, and usually when I’m getting ready. Mostly when it’s just me, but sometimes I’ll sing when Jessica, Caryn or Meredith are in the car.”
“Apparently you’re pretty good.”
“Yeah, that was nice of her to say. It’s not like I’m going to be getting a recording contract anytime soon. How about you? Do you sing?”
“Sometimes I’ll sing to myself. I don’t have that great of a voice.”
“It just takes practice. We have other, more important things to worry about, though. If someone asks you to sing for them, just tell them you’re not feeling well.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. So,” I said, changing the subject, “I’ll walk you in so I can see my mother for a minute.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea? I mean, won’t she think it’s strange that you walked in to say hi to her?”
“We’ll say I forgot my phone and I’ll pretend to get it out of my room. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”
Nicole smiled kindly. “Okay.”
When we walked in, my mother was sitting on the couch. We both said hi and she smiled at us.
“Did you two have fun at the mall?”
“Uhh…yeah. We had a good time,” I said. “So, are you feeling any better?”
“I’m feeling a little better now. I should be fine by tomorrow. That’s sweet of you to ask.”
“I think I left my phone here. I’m just going to grab it and take off,” I said, and I turned and headed down the hall to my room.
I returned after a moment, said goodnight, and headed out to the car.
It was becoming a habit, at the end of each day, to evaluate what went on during the course of the day. This had to be the worst day so far. Maybe it’s because I was starting to feel like I was getting everything under control, and today proved how far away we still are from being able to pull this off. Maybe it’s because I was probably the only guy to ever have to leave school because he started his period.
I didn’t really expect to know everything about Nicole in a handful of days, but I did feel like I was up on the main things. I guess I had developed some false confidence. Nicole and I will obviously have to spend more time going over details, which I don’t really mind. It’s nice spending time with her and it is definitely a unique experience getting to know her like this.
This situation could become more difficult with this Jessica ordeal. I’m not sure we thought this through well enough. I know that Nicole doesn’t want to hurt Jessica’s feelings, which I helped convince Nicole of, but thinking about it more, it may have been better in the end to just say no. If we don’t switch back, and Nicole can’t handle things, it may hurt Jessica more later. Maybe we could tell Jessica about us. I know Nicole said no, but maybe she will reconsider if this gets out of hand.
I still find myself trying to figure out exactly why this happened to us. It’s just odd that I’ve been switched with someone who I was interested in and who wouldn’t give me the time of day. Now that she’s been forced to get to know me, I think we’ve developed a pretty good friendship. I hope
it continues when we change back. Whenever that is.
Nicole’s mother and father were in the Family Room when I arrived. They were watching a movie.
“Hi Kiddo,” her father said. “We’re watching Music and Lyrics. Do you want to join us?”
“What’s it about?” I said honestly. I’ve never seen the movie, but judging from the looks on their faces, Nicole must have seen it before. Probably more than once.
“What’s it about?” he repeated back to me. “You know the words to most of the songs.”
“Oh,” I said, improvising, “did you say Music and Lyrics? I misheard you. I’d love to stay and watch it with you guys, but I’ve got some things to take care of before bed. I’ll catch it next time.”
“Okay,” her mother said. “Love you.”
I quickly headed up the stairs to Nicole’s room and shut the door. I will have to be sure to ask Nicole about the movie. They sure seemed to have a strong liking for it. That could wait until tomorrow, though.
I couldn’t wait to get out of these clothes and hose off. I felt gross and I was looking forward to a shower. A nice, long, warm shower.
After what seemed like an eternity, I turned off the shower, got out and dried off. I quickly got dressed into my bedtime clothes. I had read in the instructions earlier that it was a good idea to wear a heavier pad to bed, so I found the biggest one and put it on. It occurred to me…girls have to deal with this about twenty-five percent of the time. About one week out of every four. That would equal three months out of every twelve. Ten years out of every forty. Well, not every forty, but you know. It makes me want to walk up to every girl I know and just say sorry. I’m not going to do that, but for the moment I was feeling pretty bad for them…and hoping I wouldn’t be one of them come tomorrow.
DAY 6
The alarm clock woke me up this morning. I never really needed my alarm clock when I was in my own body. I always woke up ready to go. Now, it seems like getting out of bed is the hardest thing I do all day. Once I’m up, I can go all day, and I seem to have more energy than I had before. But waking up is hard.
As I came to, I realized I wasn’t the only thing on Jake that was waking up. Boy, that thing has been standing at attention every morning since Monday. I guess they really do have a mind of their own. I sat up in bed, trying to let the blood sort itself out, when Jake’s mom knocked on the door.
I awkwardly made sure I was well covered and called for her to come in. She looked at me sitting up and gave me a concerned look.
“Are you okay, Honey?” she asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Well, you just look uncomfortable or something.”
“Oh. I just woke up, but I’m okay. So, what’s up?” I asked.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“Your father,” she said, carefully looking me in the eyes.
Oh boy. “What about him?” I asked suspiciously. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, and I was very sure that Jake should be the one hearing this.
“I was walking by your room yesterday, when Nicole was over. I had just gotten home, and came to your room to say hello. I was only at your doorway for a second, but I heard you say something about how you wished you could talk to your father, and how this whole thing has been awful.”
“Oh. No, I don’t think…”
“Please, you don’t have to make any excuses. I should have had this conversation with you a long time ago. For the longest time, it was too hard for me to think or talk about, and I really felt you were too young anyway. As you got older, it just became easier not to talk about it, especially since you stopped asking.”
“Well, I felt like it was a subject that wasn’t welcome.” Fortunately Jake had told me that much about his dad.
“I know, and that’s my fault. I am so sorry.” She was teary eyed, and trying real hard to keep it together.
“Mom, it’s okay. Maybe now isn’t the time to have this conversation, though.” I can’t imagine how Jake would take hearing about his father from me. How would I tell him?
“No, if I don’t do it now, I may never. You have a right to know. You’re father…he died when you were about five years old.”
“How…how did he die?” I asked somberly. I wanted to cry, and this wasn’t even my dad.
“I don’t exactly know. We had not had a lot of contact, because he left when you were about two. It does you no good to hear a slanted story, so I’m going to do my best to tell you everything from the beginning, as unbiased as possible. It’s taken me a long time to work some of this out.
“Your father and I were pretty young when you were born. I had always wanted to have a child, and here you were, my little bundle of joy. I never really imagined having more kids, and giving birth didn’t exactly convince me otherwise.
“Your father wanted to have more kids, but more importantly he wanted more…quality time…with me. He seemed to always be complaining that I was distant and that I wasn’t fulfilling his needs. If I’m being honest with myself, he was probably right. At the time, I didn’t want to hear it. I was confident that I was a good wife because I kept the house clean and took care of you while he worked. I thought that should have been good enough.
“As time went on, we became more distant, until…one day he just left. He moved out with no notice. Really, I should have seen it coming. I should have seen there was something wrong. I mean, it’s not like we had big fights. We argued, but I didn’t think much of it. I obviously didn’t take it seriously enough.
“When he left, I was so angry. I didn’t have a job, and now I was in need of one fast. I had no family to help me. If it hadn’t have been for our old neighbor, Mrs. Kaplan, I don’t know what I would have done. She watched you a lot while I found a job, and then continued to watch you when you were really young until she moved back East to be with her sick brother.
“Anyway, your father returned a few weeks later with divorce papers. I was crushed. I mean, I didn’t expect us to get back together, but I had never imagined myself divorced. It was a culture shock, and it added to my resentment for him. Your father moved to New York and took a good job there. He sent child support, which we agreed to mutually, every month. He never missed a payment.”
“What did he do for a living?” I asked quietly. I was having a hard time finding my voice. I felt numb.
“He managed a small chain of stores out here. I’m not really sure what he did in New York.”
“So, that’s it? He just sent child support, and then he died?”
“Well, no. When you were about four, he called out of the blue. He sounded bad. Not sick, but kind of distraught. He said he wanted to see you. I think he felt guilty with how things had turned out. You know, early on, he was a great father. He’d come home from work, and the first thing he did was come see you. He’d hold you in his arms while he watched TV. As things fell apart, he seemed to lose his perspective. Maybe he felt that you were the reason he and I weren’t so close.
“Which you weren’t!” she added quickly. “It’s just that he became unhappy, and made some bad decisions.
“So,” she continued, “he came to town, and we met so that he could see you. After two years, I was as angry as ever at him. For leaving me, for being absent in your life…of course, I wasn’t exactly beating his door down to get him to see you. I guess I was selfish. I felt like he had left us both, and it probably made it easier to feel like he didn’t leave just me.
“He stayed in town for a few days, and he tried to see you as much as I would allow. I let him see you each day he was here, but I wouldn’t let you out of my sight. He tried to be civil, but there wasn’t much I was willing to talk about with him. When his trip was complete, your father told me he would return when he could, sometime in the next year.”
“Did he ever come back?” I barely found my voice to ask the question. I was stunned. I was pretty sure tears were streaming from my eyes.
“No. I
think he died about six months after that.”
“So, how do you know he…died?”
“I received a certified package one day, and inside was a very brief letter from an attorney, stating that he had died and that he had left his savings and his life insurance policy in your name. I have been the trustee of your account since then, and until you turn eighteen. You’re not going to be rich off of it, but there’s enough money in it for you to go to college, just about anywhere you want to go. Then you’ll have a good down payment for a home. When the times comes, of course.”
My first thought was happiness for Jake, followed by concern that his mom has been living so meagerly for this whole time, keeping Jake’s money safe. I wasn’t sure how Jake was going to feel about this, and I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Uhh…okay, I have a whole lot to think about here. I have more questions, but I’d like to have some time to process all of this.”
“I completely understand. When you are ready, I will answer any questions I can.”
Jake’s mom had been sitting on his bed for most of the conversation. She got up and started walking out of the room.
“Jake,” she said, turning back toward me, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For waiting so long to tell you. For being so angry at your father. For…not doing a better job looking out for your interests.”
I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to speak for Jake on this. I smiled, hoping she would take comfort from it. She smiled back and walked away.
I couldn’t believe what just happened. My head was spinning. I needed to talk to Jake, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know when either. I didn’t think I wanted to rush the conversation with him before school. I didn’t know if he’d be angry or happy, sad or even confused. Plus, I didn’t know how he was going to feel about me hearing it from his mother instead of him hearing it from her.
In My Shoes Page 18