I decided to text him. I told him I needed to talk to him at lunch…alone. Once I sent the text, I headed to the bathroom to take a shower.
When I got out of the shower, I headed back to Jake’s room and checked my phone for messages. Jake had texted back, asking what was wrong. I texted him back to let him know that everything was fine, but I needed to talk to him privately and I needed more than a few minutes to have the conversation.
After sending the text, I returned to getting dressed. Jake responded back a few minutes later. “Okay. The mystery is making me a little nervous, but I’ll meet you at lunch.”
I felt bad leaving things so vague, but any information I gave him now would lead to more questions. Saying anything would lead to us having the whole conversation, and we just didn’t have time for that.
I finished getting ready for school and headed to the kitchen to have some breakfast. Jake’s mom was still getting ready, so I was able to eat in private. I was thankful not to have to try and make conversation at this point.
Mike arrived as I was putting my dishes in the dishwasher. He walked in and leaned up against the counter as I finished up.
“How’s it hangin’?”
“How’s what hangin’?” I asked.
“It’s an expression.”
“It must be a guy expression.”
“What’s up? How’s that, better?”
“I guess so.” I think he was being playful, but I wasn’t really in the playful mood.
“Okay, then. Are you ready to go?” he asked.
“Yeah, just let me get my stuff.”
For the first few days after the switch, I kept looking around for my purse, before I would realize I didn’t have one. Not having my purse is like cutting off my arm. As a girl, you just get used to always having it with you. I’m starting to learn my new routines, which means today I grabbed my things without actually looking for a purse.
Mike has been taking me to school every morning. It’s a little awkward on the trips because we have so little to talk about. He tries to make conversation, but usually it’s kind of obnoxious. I think I’ve figured out that he’s not a bad guy, but he tries way too hard. Everything he says is either an attempt to be funny or to try and sound smart, which is especially humorous since his vocabulary is so bad.
Today was no different. He started talking about how it would have been cool to switch bodies with a girl because chicks have it so easy. I stopped him there.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
“You are so obnoxious. I mean, what exactly are you trying to accomplish by saying all of the garbage you say?”
“Whatever. Like I care what you say.”
“The thing is, Mike, I think you do care what I say. I think you care what almost everyone says. You try so hard to be funny and act smart because you want everyone to like you. And what’s worse, you act dumb on purpose to be funny and you make like you’re too smart to care. But, if you didn’t try so hard, people would like you, and they would like you for who you really are.”
“What makes you think you know anything about me?”
“Well, in the last week, I’ve kind of overdosed on Mike. I’ve gotten plenty of exposure to you.”
“That’s not my fault,” he said defensively.
I realized I had unnecessarily been raising my voice. After taking a deep breath, I started over.
“Look, I’m not trying to be mean. Tell me, how many girlfriends have you had?”
“Why?”
“Just tell me.”
“I’m not playin’.”
“Okay, never mind,” I said.
After a few minutes, he finally answered. “One.”
“One what?” I asked. I had already gotten lost in another thought.
“One girlfriend,” he said. Mike was clearly uncomfortable with the conversation.
“How many girls have you asked out?” I asked.
“I don’t know. What does it matter?”
“I’m trying to make a point.”
“So, why don’t you get to your point?”
“I need your answer before I can make my point.”
“I don’t know. I’ve asked a lot of girls out. I don’t keep a list.”
“I don’t need an exact answer. A lot will do. My point is you’ve asked a lot of girls out, and you’ve had one girlfriend, which means you’ve had a lot of girls tell you no.”
“No, no, no. I’ve had one girlfriend, but I’ve had more than one date.”
“What, two?” I asked.
“You know what? I’m done.”
“Mike,” I said, trying to sound thoughtful, “let me finish. You’re not a bad looking guy. I know for a fact that there are girls at our school who think you’re good looking. The thing they don’t like is that you seem fake.”
“I’m not fake,” he said, this time more hurt than angry.
“What I mean is you act fake. You play dumb, but you’re actually kind of smart. You try way too hard to impress people, usually by playing dumb or trying to be funny. It’s just so unnecessary.”
He didn’t say anything. I didn’t know if I had made him so angry he couldn’t talk, or if he was thinking about it.
“Look, all I’m trying to say, is be yourself. That doesn’t mean be rude and obnoxious and act dumb. It means, you are smart, so study and do something with your brains. It means use what God gave you to be somebody a girl would want to get to know. It means don’t always feel like you need to say something to make people laugh. Sometimes, it’s actually okay to let people know what you are thinking…and feeling.”
“So,” he said after a few minutes, “who thinks I’m cute?”
“Please tell me that’s not all you got out of this conversation.”
“It’s not. What do you expect me to say?”
“I don’t know, but not that. Think about what I said, Mike. I’m actually trying to help.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
We arrived at school about fifteen minutes early. You know, for all of Mike’s flaws, he never seems to be late.
“Thanks for the ride, Mike,” I said, trying to sound upbeat.
“Sure.” Mike was not nearly as upbeat.
“Hey,” I said. He turned to look at me. “I was trying to help. Maybe it wasn’t my place to say anything, but I just felt I should say it. I thought a girl’s perspective might do you some good.”
“Maybe.” I couldn’t tell if he was sincere or not. Mike still wasn’t in a good mood, but I didn’t really expect him to be after that.
We both headed toward the boys’ locker room when I saw Jake waiting out front.
“Hey, Mike,” Jake said. “Do you mind if I talk to…Jake…for a second?” he said looking around for passersby.
“Be my guest. Later.”
Jake watched Mike walk away and then he turned to me. “He seems in a bad mood. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, we just had a conversation this morning, and I might have been a little critical of him.”
“Oh boy. I know how your ‘little critical’ conversations can go,” he said smiling. “What did you say?”
“Well, he started rambling about this and that and he told me it would be cool to switch bodies with a girl because ‘chicks’ have it so easy.”
“Oh yeah,” he said. “It’s been a blast.”
“So, I stopped him and told him he was obnoxious and that he could be so much better if he tried harder, and that girls would like him better if he wasn’t always overdoing things. I said he would do better if he were just himself.”
“So, you told him to be himself, but just change most of what he’s like?” he said, a little concerned and a little amused.
“Wow, I don’t think it sounded like that. I was trying to tell him to be himself and not put on such a front. I did tell him to take his classes more seriously, though. Maybe I should clarify what I meant.”
“Probably not. He’l
l get over it, but opening up that conversation again would probably do more harm than good. Besides, I wasn’t there, so maybe you were clearer with him. And…maybe getting a girl’s perspective will make him realize what others have been saying to him for a while.”
“That’s what I said, sort of.”
“You know, he’s really not a bad guy.”
“It’s strange. At first I couldn’t stand either of you. Even Mike has his moments…when he’s not being over the top obnoxious.”
“And me?” Jake asked.
“What about you? Surely by now you know I think you’re alright.”
“I thought so, but the way you grouped us together just now…”
“Only in that I had the same opinion of you two at first. Mike may have some redeeming qualities, but he still is more annoying than not. You are…actually a pretty good guy…for a girl, that is,” I said smiling.
“Thanks. So now that we’ve gotten totally off subject, what did you need to talk to me about?”
“We actually weren’t on that subject, and we don’t have enough time to talk about it right now.”
“Can’t you just give me an idea of what this is about?”
“I can’t. Telling you a little will just make you want to know more. It’s just a few hours, and then I can give you all of the story.”
“Nothing is wrong is it? You’d tell me now if something was wrong with my mother, right?”
“Of course. You’re mom is fine. There is nothing to worry about. We just need the proper amount of time to have the whole conversation.”
“You’re killing me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Ugh…okay, I’ll see you later.” He was frustrated, but he was trying to be playful.
“See you,” I said and headed to the locker room.
Mike was already dressed when I got in there, which was a relief. I have been trying really hard to mind my own business. It was still uncomfortable being in the boys’ locker room. Mike didn’t seem to be nearly as shy. I didn’t know if it was a guy thing or a Mike thing, but knowing that I am a girl, you would think he would be more discreet around me. He wasn’t.
I quickly changed and we headed out for class. Today we were playing volleyball. I liked volleyball okay, but I could tell most of the guys didn’t care for it. Time passed by quickly, and before I knew it we were heading back to the locker room.
This being my third day of P.E., I had developed a pretty good system for handling the shower situation. On the way to the showers I would stare at the floor. Once I reached the showers, I would stare at the wall and sing a song in my head while I washed up. I hoped I wouldn’t have to do this much longer, but at least now I knew I could handle it if I needed to.
Back at my locker, I quickly dressed and told Mike I would see him in physics. Each day this gets a little easier. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, but I’d take any small victory at the moment.
Jake was in English when I arrived. He smiled awkwardly, and I could tell he was still thinking about this impending conversation. Truth be told, I was actually thinking about it too. I really didn’t know how to start the conversation. It was such an important conversation that I didn’t want to tell it wrong. I kept rolling everything she said over again in my mind, trying to make sure that I didn’t forget any of the information.
I was obviously distracted because, before I knew it, class was already over. I think Jake was distracted to, because he jumped when the bell rang.
Physics went along with similar speed, and as Spanish began winding down, I could feel the nervousness in my stomach. The minutes seemed to be ticking away as though they were seconds.
I didn’t really know why I was so nervous. I didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t my fault that we were in this situation, and that his mother chose now to give this revelation. And really, Jake’s either going to be happy or sad or…whatever, and we’d move on. Still, none of this was making me feel any better.
The bell rang and I headed to my…well, Jake’s locker. Jake must have rushed, because he was at the locker waiting for me. He seemed white as a ghost. He looked as nervous as I felt.
“So,” he began, “where do you want to have this conversation?”
“Let’s go outside in the courtyard.”
“Okay, should we get some food first?”
“I can’t really eat right now.”
“Me neither,” he said.
We walked out to the courtyard and found a grassy area under a tree.
“So, let’s have it.”
“I don’t really know how to begin. I’ve been running it over in my head all morning.”
“Just start from the beginning.”
“Okay,” I said, taking a deep breath. “You’re mom came into your room this morning.” I looked at him, waiting for some kind of cue, but he was just staring.
“So,” I continued, “she said she overheard us talking yesterday about your dad.”
“I don’t remember talking about my dad yesterday,” he said.
“Well, we didn’t. We were talking about your conversation with my parents, and I had made some comment about wanting to talk to my dad about it. But, since it came from your mouth, she interpreted that as you talking about your dad.”
“Wow, I didn’t even catch on to that. She was only there for a minute.”
“I didn’t catch on to it either, until I was trying to reconstruct everything. So, she decided it was time to tell me about your dad. I tried to stop her,” I quickly added.
“Wait, she told you about my dad?” he asked. I couldn’t really read his expression. I probably couldn’t have read it if he were in his body, but being in my body made it that much more difficult.
“Yes.”
“What did she say? Where is he? Why did he leave?”
“He’s…dead,” I said, tearing up. “Jake, I’m so sorry.”
“So, that’s it? She just told you he died?”
“No, she told me quite a bit. I tried to tell her she should tell me another time, so maybe you could hear it directly, but she said she needed to say it then.”
“So, what did she say? Tell me everything.”
I went through every detail I could remember, trying to tell the story as close to the way she told it to me. After I had told him what I thought was everything, it occurred to me that I had left out the only good part of the story.
“Oh, and…he left you money!”
“What do you mean he left us money? We don’t have any money.”
“No, he left you money.”
I told Jake about the savings and life insurance his dad left in his name. Jake looked stunned. He was trying to sort it all out.
“So, why haven’t I seen any of this money before? Where is it?”
“I don’t really know. Your mom just said that she was the trustee of the account until you turn eighteen, and then it is yours. I don’t think you’ve seen any of it because your mom wanted to make sure it was safe until you went to college.”
“But, we could have really used that money all of this time.”
“I don’t think your mom wanted to use it. I think she wanted to make sure it was just for you. She didn’t say exactly, but that was the impression I got.”
“This would have been good to know. I mean, she’s always given me the things I’ve asked for, but because we didn’t have a lot of money, I’ve always tried not to ask for much. Had I known, maybe I would have asked for some of the things I really wanted.”
I didn’t say anything. He sat, thinking for a few minutes. Finally he found his voice. “So, was there anything else?”
I thought. “I really tried to remember everything so I could relay it to you. Your mom seemed very upset. I could tell she was trying very hard to give an honest account of everything. She took a fair amount of blame for how things ended up, and she was very apologetic for not telling you sooner. She said as time went on, it just got easier not to bring the
conversation up.”
I waited a bit longer before I spoke again. “Are…you angry?”
“I…don’t really know what I feel. I don’t think I’m angry. Sad I guess. Confused. I mean, on top of everything else going on right now, I find out that my world has just flipped. Now all of a sudden I have all of this money I didn’t have before. I’ve always tried to get good grades so I could have a chance at getting scholarships, and now I don’t have to worry about that.”
“No,” I said, “but the good grades are still important. Plus, you can still get scholarships and save the money. Just think of the opportunities you’ll have now. It has to be a little exciting, right?”
“Yeah, it’s just hard to process. I would have liked to have been there so I could have asked her more questions.”
“I told her that,” I said. “I told her I needed to think about everything and that I would probably have more questions later. I thought you might have questions, and I didn’t want to speak for you.”
“Thank you,” he said softly.
I smiled. “I’m so sorry I had to be the one to hear it instead of you.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.” He didn’t really sell it, but he was trying not to make a big thing out of this.
“So, how do you want to handle this? Do you want to give me a list of questions?”
“Yeah, I will think of some questions and write them down for you. I would like to be there, but that would look funny to have…well, you there.”
“What if you hid in the closet or something?” I said.
“How would that work?”
“Well, if we get there before she gets home from work, you could be waiting in the closet already. I could ask her the questions and then when she goes to her room, or the bathroom, you could come out. You could leave, or you could stay and we could pretend you just arrived.”
“Hmmm...that might work. Let me think about it, and let you know later.”
“Okay,” I said. “I have to say, I’m relieved now that I’ve told you. I was so nervous.”
“Why?”
“Well, I didn’t know how you would handle all of this. It’s kind of a big thing. I have to say, you handled it well.”
“Thanks. I’m actually relieved, too. It’s amazing what you can work up in your mind when you don’t know what the conversation is going to be about.”
In My Shoes Page 19