Love's Someday

by Robin Alexander

  “And?”

  Ashleigh shook her head. “I don’t know. I just feel unsettled. I can’t describe it.”

  “Could it be that you’ve ignored a passion for years and now that you’ve been confronted with it, you can’t deny it anymore?”

  Ashleigh couldn’t help but smile. “Am I really that transparent?”

  “I saw it when you sat down at the piano, then I messed it up when I asked you to sing.” Vicki tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “You have that same mortified look right now.”

  “I’m just afraid that I’ll open my mouth and nothing will come out or what does will sound like nails on a chalkboard.”

  “Are you serious?” Vicki asked with a laugh and quickly sobered when Ashleigh didn’t join her. “Ash, you may be a bit rough around the edges, but I’m certain that you haven’t lost the ability. You’ve never sung in front of Erica or Drew even?”

  “I haven’t sung in front of another soul since leaving the band.”

  Vicki stared at her incredulously. “You’ve never just sung along with something on the radio?”

  “Yeah, when I’m alone.” Ashleigh threw up her hands in frustration. “I can’t make myself do it in front of people. Just the thought makes my throat close up.”

  Vicki reached over and took Ashleigh’s hand again. “What if I sing with you? Come to the house one night this week, and we’ll work on it, just you and me.”

  “I’ll have to think about that,” Ashleigh said as their food arrived. After their drinks were refilled, Vicki moved to another subject.

  “Have you had any contact with your family?”

  “Nope.” Ashleigh popped a nacho into her mouth, buying herself some time to cope with another uncomfortable topic. “I wrote them a letter once, but it came back undeliverable. I don’t know if they moved or just sent it back unopened.”

  “Does it still bother you after all this time?”

  “Yes and no. I don’t even know if Mom and Dad are still alive. Kim’s probably married with kids. Hell, she may already be a grandmother by now. It bothers me that I don’t know these things, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t care, either.” Ashleigh let out a weary sigh. “I’m not angry at them anymore, but I doubt I’ll ever forget that they disowned me.”

  “Tell me about Erica,” Vicki said, obviously thinking she was veering onto something less disturbing.

  “She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Ashleigh admitted without hesitation. “It sounds corny and trite, but I knew the minute I met her that we were going to be together.” Ashleigh smiled as she thought back. “When we started dating, I worked shift work. She’d drive all the way down here to take me to breakfast when I got off at six.” Ashleigh shook her head. “She had to get up at four to be here at that time.”

  “What a little trouper. She must’ve really wanted to get into your pants.”

  Ashleigh laughed as she tossed a chip at Vicki. “We actually dated for about a month before we slept together.”

  “You lie!” Vicki tossed the chip back.

  Ashleigh raised her right hand. “I swear. We were both looking for something long-term so we took our time.”

  “How does her family feel about your relationship?”

  “They were distant in the beginning,” Ashleigh said with a shrug. “Erica dated a few women that they really didn’t like, so when I came along, they were prepared to dislike me, as well. Now they treat me like one of their own.”

  “Aw, Ash, I’m really happy for you,” Vicki said with a sincere smile.

  Ashleigh waved her off, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “Tell me about you and Chantal. How’ve you two managed to remain together all these years? What’s your secret?”

  “Communication and compromise. We learned that the hard way,” Vicki said seriously. “We broke up for a while about ten years ago.”

  Ashleigh was stunned. “For how long?”

  “About six months.” Vicki took a sip of her tea and pushed her plate away. “That’s a chapter of my life I wish I could go back and rewrite.”

  “What happened?”

  Vicki shook her head and shrugged. “We just let the relationship stagnate. Working long hours, not spending any time together other than to sit in front of the TV. We fought a lot, and unlike Jaclyn and Lindsay, it drove a bigger wedge between us. One night, she walked out and that was it.”

  “I can’t imagine you two being apart. You’ve been together since what, birth?”

  “High school,” Vicki answered with a smile. “She was my first and supposed to be my last, but that didn’t happen.”

  “Vic, did you cheat on her?” Ashleigh dreaded the answer.

  “I would never cheat on her, and she didn’t cheat on me, but we did see other people during our hiatus.”

  “I can’t picture you with anyone else. Was it anybody we know?” The smile slipped from Ashleigh’s face as she considered one possibility.

  “Alex is like a sister to me, always has been,” Vicki said as one eyebrow rose. “And no, it was no one you knew. Unlike Chantal, I only slept with two other women. She plowed as many fields as she could.”

  Ashleigh chuckled at the euphemism. “Was it weird being with someone else after only being with Chantal?”

  Vicki rested her chin in her hand again. “It was kind of exciting, it was something new, but after everything was said and done, I felt empty. Instead of distracting me, it made me miss her even more. I was miserable.” As if on cue, Vicki’s cell phone rang. She pulled it from her purse and grinned as she looked at the ID. “Speak of the spouse,” Vicki said as she flipped the phone open.

  After a battle over the check, which Ashleigh won, they parted with hugs and promises to get together later that week. Ashleigh felt mixed emotions about agreeing to sing with Vicki. But in her heart she knew that she wouldn’t be satisfied until she knew if she could do it. It was like a hurdle that she wasn’t sure she could jump but had to know one way or the other.

  “Thank God you’re here,” Erica said as Ashleigh walked in the door. Erica rushed into her arms and dramatically buried her face in Ashleigh’s shoulder. “They’ve been mean to me.”

  “Get over here, you poon, and let me finish.” Drew raised a pair of tweezers in the air.

  Ashleigh pulled back and forced Erica to look at her. She smiled in sympathy when she noticed the area around Erica’s eyebrows was swollen and red. “I hate to tell you this, love, but they look much better than when I do it.”

  “You finish them,” Erica said with a pleading look.

  Kaitlyn chuckled but quickly quieted when Drew informed her that she was next.

  “I do a better job,” Drew said. “Now sit your fuzzy ass down and let me finish.”

  Erica scowled and returned to the chair, plopping down with a grunt.

  “So tell us how your dinner date went,” Drew said as she went back to work shaping Erica’s unruly eyebrows.

  Ashleigh pulled a soda from the fridge and took a long swallow. “We’re going shopping Saturday. Vicki is going to help me update my wardrobe. You’re invited, too.”

  “Ouch,” Erica said.

  “I haven’t even touched you yet.” Drew had the tweezers poised over Erica’s brow. “What are you whining for?”

  “The damage that y’all are going to do to our credit cards,” Erica said, then ducked a swat from Drew.

  “Is that okay with you, honey?” Ashleigh took a seat.

  “Ow, damn. Shit, ow,” Erica said as Drew plucked the hairs from her brow in rapid succession. “It’s fine with me. Kaitlyn and I have to work. Dear God. Have mercy, Drew.”

  “All right, you’re done, you big baby.” Drew motioned for Kaitlyn. “Get over here.”

  “I don’t need it.” Kaitlyn made no effort to move. “I have two brows unlike cave girl.” She pointed at Erica, who shot her a contemptuous look.

  Drew raised one sculpted eyebrow and pointed to the chair that Erica h
ad swiftly vacated. Fearful of the infamous look, Kaitlyn did as ordered. Drew had many pet peeves, but untamed eyebrows were the topper. Kaitlyn silently prayed that she would never grow noticeable nose hair.

  “Ash, you need me to take a look at yours?” Drew said as she started Kaitlyn whimpering.

  “Waxed last week, no need.” Ashleigh tugged on Erica’s hand. “I’m going to take her home and ice her down.”

  “I’m so glad you got here when you did,” Erica said with a shudder when they closed the door behind them. “Kaitlyn says that Drew’s been reading all sorts of beauty magazines, and last night, Drew made her wear some sort of mud pack on her face for an hour.”

  Ashleigh threw back her head and laughed. “I would’ve paid to have seen that.”

  “You laugh, but she’s ordered some sort of Brazilian wax kit, and she told us that she knew you’d try it.”

  “She’s crazy if she thinks I’m going to let her get anywhere near me with hot wax.” Ashleigh shook her head. “Poor Kaitlyn.”

  Erica snorted. “Yeah, poor Katie, I just hope she doesn’t try to show me Drew’s handiwork.”

  It seemed like forever since they’d talked and laughed. Ashleigh tugged Erica’s hand as they walked in front of their house. “Let’s keep going, take a walk with me.” She knew that once they went inside, the playful banter between them would stop. Erica would go into her office or go to bed, and she would take a long bath or sit in front of the TV.

  Erica rooted her feet, causing them to come to a stop. “Ash, I’m tired, honey. These long days are wearing me down.” She looked apologetic, but Ashleigh felt her heart sink.

  Ashleigh wanted to say, “Don’t you feel it, too? Don’t you feel the distance growing between us?” Instead she sighed and said, “Yeah, I’m tired too.”

  Ashleigh wondered if she was just being oversensitive as she followed Erica inside the house. Erica had been working long hours, and it was obvious by the dark circles under her eyes that she was exhausted.

  Ashleigh let this rationale soothe away her pain, but in the back of her mind, a small voice demanded that she not allow herself to be so easily placated. Something was very wrong and she was being a fool for not confronting it.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ashleigh sank down onto the stool. Her knees felt weak and unwilling to support her. How can this be so hard, she wondered as her wet palms gripped the cool metal of the mic stand. Vicki had begun the song three times, and when it came time for Ashleigh to sing, she lost her nerve. “I know I’m making this a bigger deal than it should be.”

  “You are,” Vicki said from behind the bank of synthesizers and keyboards. She ran a hand through her dark locks, a sure sign that she was getting frustrated.

  “I think I should just accept that I can’t do this, Vic.”

  “Bullshit.” Ashleigh and Vicki turned in surprise. Alex had slipped into the room unnoticed and was leaning against the door with her arms folded. She pushed off the door and stuffed her hands in the pocket of her hooded sweatshirt. “You’re on the verge of an anxiety attack right now,” Alex said as she came to stand in front of Ashleigh.

  Alex was staring into her eyes, and Ashleigh knew she could see all the insecurities there. It was hard enough to let Vicki see that side of her but nearly unbearable for Alex to see it, too.

  “When I broke my arm, I couldn’t play the guitar for months,” Alex said as she took a seat next to Ashleigh. “I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to play when the cast came off.” She smiled and shook her head. “It was stupid, but I actually had nightmares about it. I love playing guitar, and the thought of not being able to do it was so devastating that I almost didn’t want to try. I would tell myself that I was better off not knowing.”

  “It hasn’t been months, but years, Alex. I’ve only sung occasionally in my car. What if it sounds really bad?” Ashleigh felt herself on the verge of tears.

  Alex grinned. “You’ll probably sound like shit.”

  “Alex, that’s not helping,” Vicki said in exasperation.

  “If she hasn’t sung in years, her voice is going to be rough.” Alex kept her focus on Ashleigh. “She has the natural ability, though, and it won’t take her long to get it back in shape.”

  “It’s late, I should probably get going,” Ashleigh said, wanting an excuse to leave the uncomfortable situation she’d found herself in.

  “It’s seven, you have to be home when the streetlights come on?” Alex asked with a smile. “I won’t lie to you, Ash. If you’ve lost it, I’ll tell you.”

  She hadn’t realized it until then, but that was the assurance she needed. She knew that Vicki would pacify her because she wouldn’t be able to tell her the truth if she did sound terrible. Alex would be brutally honest, and odd as it seemed, that was a comfort.

  Ashleigh took the mic stand and turned on the stool facing away from Alex and Vicki. “Start it again.”

  They’d picked one of Ashleigh’s all-time favorite songs by Culture Club. The songs they’d written were too personal to butcher. The first line of “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me” came out strained, and Ashleigh faltered, wanting to give up that second. She clamped her eyes shut and gritted her teeth.

  “Don’t give up, push yourself,” Alex whispered against her ear.

  At the chorus, she’d found her resolve and began again. It felt as if some invisible barrier in her chest broke away. She found the place in her mind that she used to go to when she went on stage. A place where she shut everything else out, the voices of fear and doubt couldn’t reach her there. The other side of her personality that lay dormant, unless called upon, had suddenly come back to life.

  When the song ended, she sat stock-still, unable to turn around. The room was silent as she gathered her courage and turned to Alex first.

  Alex sat with her arms folded across her chest staring at the floor. “You stayed on key and still have pretty good control. I can tell, though, that you’d only be able to sing one or two more songs before you strained your voice.” She looked up at Ashleigh then. “If you practice and build yourself back up, you’d probably be back to where you were in no time.”

  Ashleigh’s shoulders sagged in relief. She turned when she heard a sniffle. Vicki stood with one hand on her forehead and the other on her hip. “Ignore me. I’m emotional right now—PMS.”

  Ashleigh jumped when she felt Alex’s hands on her shoulders. “You did it. I’m proud of you.” She gave Ashleigh a quick squeeze, then called a good night over her shoulder as she walked out, leaving them alone again.

  Vicki cleared her throat. “Okay, little girl, you’ve earned your play time.”

  Ashleigh moved quickly to the baby grand and flexed her hands over the keyboard. Vicki denied her this pleasure until she sang, and now she could play to her heart’s content. She closed her eyes and let her fingers settle on the keys, the sound that flowed then soothed and calmed. She’d forgotten how quickly she could get lost in music and how her cares and concerns drifted away. She felt euphoric. Painful barriers had been crossed, and she was finally reunited with the part of her soul that had been missing for so long.

  “You know,” Vicki began as they left the shed arm in arm an hour later. “We’re getting together here Saturday night to play. You’re already gonna be in town for the shopping trip, why don’t you stay and join us?”

  Ashleigh felt exhilarated and agreed without hesitation. The thought of being included once again thrilled her. As they walked through the back door of the house, they noticed Chantal and Alex seated in the den in front of the TV yelling at professional baseball players who they obviously felt needed their chastisement.

  “I hate baseball season,” Vicki said with a grimace. “Those two yell and scream so much that I have to leave the house sometimes.”

  “We’re not into sports, so anytime you want to come up to St. Francisville for peace and quiet, you’re welcome.” Ashleigh looked down at her watch. “Speaking of home, I need to get
on the road.”

  Vicki pulled her into a tight hug and whispered, “I’m proud of you.”

  “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t pushed me.”

  Vicki released her and nodded in Alex’s direction. “I think she’s the one that gave you the final push.”

  Ashleigh looked over at Alex. She’d always been the one who understood what was going in her head and when and how hard to nudge her. “I’m grateful to you both.”

  “Are you leaving?” Chantal asked when Ashleigh walked into the den and kissed her on top of the head.

  “Yep, it’s a long drive.” Ashleigh was surprised when she turned around and Alex had moved to her feet. When they hugged, Alex held her loosely and tried to pull away quickly, but Ashleigh tightened her grip and pulled her back. “Thank you,” Ashleigh whispered into her ear before letting her go.

  “Be safe.” Alex backed away, then walked into the kitchen.

  Ashleigh watched her quick retreat and turned to Vicki, whose brow furrowed for a second while she watched Alex, as well. When she looked back in Ashleigh’s direction, she smiled brightly.

  “Do you think I made Alex uncomfortable when I hugged her?” Ashleigh asked when Vicki walked her to her car.

  “Alex?” Vicki acted like the question was preposterous. “It’d take a lot more than that to rankle her.”

  After agreeing on the time to meet Saturday, Ashleigh made the drive home. All the earlier excitement had worn off by the time she pulled into the driveway, replaced by exhaustion. The light was on in Erica’s office when she stepped into the kitchen; otherwise, the house was dark and quiet. Erica was once again slumped over her desk, her head resting on her folded arms as she slept.

  Ashleigh shook Erica gently. “Sweetie.”

  Erica lifted her head and gave Ashleigh a groggy smile. “Hey.”

  “Hey yourself. Now get up, it’s time for bed.” Erica didn’t protest as Ashleigh took the mouse and saved the document she was working on, then led her upstairs. Ashleigh would have to wait for another time to tell her of her accomplishment.