Lost Paradise

by Tara Fox Hall

I turned to him, leaning on the filing cabinet. “I believe in God, but sometimes I wonder about good and evil. I know Devlin can be bad, but I love him, despite what I know he’s done. I like Titus, even though he told me what he has to do in order to live.”

  Lash flicked his tongue out at me, tasting the air. Perhaps he was tasting for truthfulness?

  “I think I’m a pretty good person,” I continued. “But I wonder what will happen when I die. Will Dev be where I end up? Will Danial? Will I meet Theo in another life, now that we’re bound?”

  Lash nodded. “The Tibetans believe that you are reborn when you die,” he hissed. “But not immediately. Your spirit wanders around for a while to various couples creating life, and you have to choose your parents, and hope you learn something by living life as that child. You only stop being reborn when you reach the level of perfect harmony with the universe, and then you aren’t reborn anymore.”

  “Do you believe that?” I asked.

  “No,” he hissed. “I like to believe I’m going to end up in a bar run by loose weresnake women for eternity, so I can drink heavily and enjoy myself forever.”

  I burst out laughing. After a moment, he laughed, too. “I’m kidding,” he hissed. “I’d be happy to end up somewhere warm and sunny, someplace where it wasn’t ever cold. That would be enough. That would be a kind of Heaven.”

  There was yearning in his words, enough to make me feel self-conscious. He’d accused me months ago about not seeing him as a person, and he’d been right. Sure, he was a badass, but he had the same fears I did, and probably some of the same hopes, too.

  I turned back to my work. “I think I would want to go on living, go on being reborn. I like living. There’s always something new to see and do. But I’d be happy to be in the sun, too. I hate being cold, not to mention the ice and snow of winter.”

  “You are going to live a long time,” Lash stated, regarding me intently. “You’re part vampire now, or so Dev says. You probably won’t age.”

  “That’s what Danial told me,” I said quickly. I still hadn’t come to terms with that. Every time I thought about it, I worried. And that wasn’t even counting whatever impact my exposure to demon blood would have on my longevity, much less my soul.

  “Why are you working so hard?” Lash hissed angrily. “Devlin didn’t bring you here to work, Sarelle.”

  What was this about? Why was he angry? “I like to work,” I said stiffly, not turning around. “I like to do things. Theo lets me do nothing now. And I can only lie in bed for so long.”

  There was no reply. I looked over my shoulder to find Lash gone.

  Had he left in anger? That was odd. He’d never acted angry since that time he’d thrown the glass in the kitchen, when he’d been pissed off at a previous lovers’ unfaithfulness to him. Putting down my work, I went after him.

  I walked to basement stairs and bumped into Leri coming down the steps.

  Chapter Two

  She dropped her eyes immediately. “Hello, Sarelle.”

  “What are you doing here?” I accused. “You were forbidden from entering the grounds of Hayden, or so Dev told me.”

  “What I did was wrong, I know that—”

  Like Hell. “Don’t,” I said, holding up one of my hands. “I’ll never forgive you, even if Titus has.”

  She sighed. “I can’t forgive myself.”

  “Why didn’t you just kill Terian when he was born?” I said bluntly. “You would have spared him a lot of pain.”

  “He was Titus’s son,” Leri replied. “I couldn’t kill him. I panicked. I wasn’t ready to be a mother, especially to a half-demon child. I thought it would be easier, just giving him a life away from me—”

  “Leri,” I interrupted. “If you really want Terian to forgive you, tell him the truth about Keriam.”

  Leri stared at me, shocked.

  God, I hoped I was doing the right thing by telling her this. “You’ve got to know Terian wants to find his family. He tried that vampire Danial knew out west, but they can’t find anything about Keriam’s real family. You have to know the answer.”

  Terian had been to Dallas, Texas, the first place he had remembered living when he was a child. Though he had scoured the local files, even expanding his search to include surrounding towns, there was no record of a college kid who had disappeared fitting Keriam’s description. Having no way to discover the true identity of the mortal man that Leri had bespelled into caring for her supernatural child more than seventy years previous, Terian had returned to New York State, dejected and hopeless. Sundown’s presence in his life was helping ease his depression, but not much.

  “He won’t talk to me.”

  Terian had refused to see his faerie mother Leri after an ill-fated attempted reconciliation by his demon father, Titus. He had cut himself off from the one person who could give him the answers he was looking for. But then if my mom had tried to kill me, I’d probably have done the same. “Then write him a letter,” I retorted glaring at Leri. “Telling Terian Keriam’s real name would go a long way toward healing some of the damage you did. I’ll take it to him.”

  “Why?” she said suspiciously. “You don’t like me, so why help me?”

  “I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for him,” I said disgustedly. I longed to really light into her verbally, but was afraid of her magical power. “That’s all you need to know.” I walked past her and up to the kitchen, before my anger got the better of me.

  Lash was waiting for me outside the cellar door, leaning nonchalantly against the wall.

  “Did you already eat?” I asked, moving past him. There was no point in asking if he wanted any of what I’d make for myself; he always refused.

  “Yes, earlier,” he replied, following me into the kitchen. “I was listening to you talk to Leri.”

  Another fellow listener at doors. Something to remember. “Then it’s okay if I eat?”

  His head inclined, puzzled. “Why wouldn’t it be?” he hissed.

  “You left all of a sudden, without saying anything,” I said, irritated. “I thought there might be a problem.”

  “Someone was in Titus’s workshop,” Lash said. “I knew it wasn’t him by the movements. I expected to find someone who needed reminding the basement is off limits. It was only Leri, getting some things for Titus.”

  His tone hadn’t been apologetic, but it also wasn’t sarcastic. I nodded in reply, then went about making lunch.

  I was pleased at my progress at Hayden. I’d painted half the guest rooms and gotten through ten of the boxes to be filed. I still had at least thirty boxes to go, but progress had slowed a lot today. I had entered older records from the 1940’s and before. Inside those stacks of cardboard boxes weren’t just receipts and documents, but also older photos and memorabilia.

  In retrospect, I should have expected that. Danial, keeper of secrets, had never showed me the contents of his gray memory boxes. I’d never asked, worried about how I might feel to see his other lives, the loves he must have had over the years. Yet Devlin had never balked at telling me about the past, or anything else I asked him. It made sense his memories weren’t locked away, but jumbled together with everything else where anyone could see them.

  While I had been eager to see some of the history of Devlin’s long life, I’d been ill prepared for how it had made me feel. There were photos of Danial and Devlin together, sometimes with one woman, sometimes with two. The women were not of one type, and so far, none of them had looked like me. I was both happy and worried about that.

  There were also photos of Devlin alone with several women, and other men, sometimes couples, and one of him alone with a younger man. It didn’t look like anyone I knew, although something seemed familiar about the face. In all the photos, Devlin looked almost the same, though most of the clothes he wore in the photos were old fashioned and dated.

  That upset me more, irrationally. I didn’t know who any of these people were, and most of them were likely dead. B
ut they must have meant something to Devlin to have their pictures stored down here. How many had he loved? How many did he still remember? One day, would I have a file that was the same? Looking at Cia’s face a century from now, would I remember her name, or how much fun we’d had last week with the weight of a hundred years dimming the memory? Or was I doomed to stare at the faded picture, struggling in vain to recall not only her name, but ever being there with her at all?

  “Are you going to warm up that soup?” Lash hissed. “If so, let me help.” He turned on the stove burner, and set it on low. Startled out of my musing, I prepared my sandwich, then put the soup in a bowl. I walked into the other room to eat. Lash followed me, sitting across from me, his arms crossed over his chest.

  I had been unsettled by his watching me eat at first, but he never did anything more than that and he never initiated conversation. That made it easy enough to ignore his flat eyes fixed on me.

  When I’d finished, I took the plates back to the kitchen. “I have to leave now for my doctor appointment. I’m going to teleport. I’ll be back in about an hour.”

  Lash nodded. “I’ll be here when you get back. You’ll be at least an hour, right?”

  “Yes,” I said, giving him a smile.

  To my surprise, he gave me one back. “I’ll be here,” he said, then turned and left.

  * * * *

  All went fine until Dr. Camlyn left with a sample of my blood to test. He was back in a few moments, his face worried.

  “What is it?” I said, alarmed.

  “Nothing. I just need to check something,” he said vaguely. “Lay down.” He rubbed goopy gel all over my abdomen, and then slid the scanner around. I looked at the screen with him, but I couldn’t make heads or tails out of what I was seeing. There were shadows, blobs, and some faint movement.

  “Yes, there it is,” Stephen muttered.

  “There what is?” I said stridently.

  Stephen looked up at me. “Congratulations, you’re having twins.”

  “What?” I stammered.

  “You need to brace yourself.”

  “For what?” I said quickly. “Spit it out already.”

  “Only one of the babies is werecougar. The other’s dhamphir.”

  My eyes went wide as chills went down my spine. “No,” I breathed. “That can’t be possible—”

  “Your blood has the same markers now that it did before with Danial’s child,” Stephen said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “This is going to be another one for the record books.”

  “This can’t really happen!” I said shrilly. “This is like an episode of daytime TV—”

  “There is nothing contrived or impossible about this,” Stephen said patiently. “You said Titus gave you a fertility spell. Your body released two eggs as a result. Then you were with Theo less than forty-eight hours after you were with Devlin. Each of them fertilized one of your eggs, Sar. The twins are fraternal, not identical.”

  Thank God Theo had gone with Danial overnight on a trip to Akron yesterday, and hadn’t come with me to this appointment. “Can you tell if they are male or female?” I managed.

  “No, not with any certainly,” Stephen said with a smile. “But just my confirming that one is his should make Devlin very happy.”

  This had to be wrong. He had to be. “Could it be a mistake? You didn’t test my blood right after Devlin brought me back from the brink of death—”

  “Sar, the last time vampire DNA was in your blood was when you were pregnant with Theoron. The DNA is very close to Devlin’s.” He paused. “Odds are that with them being fraternal, one is a boy, though I can’t say which one.”

  I gave him a weak smile.

  “See that?” he said, and pointed to the screen. “Here is one baby,” he said, pointing to a small blob. “Here it the other, almost hidden behind the first.” He pointed to a smaller blob.

  “If you say so,” I said slowly. “You’re the doctor.”

  “Sar, I’m going to prescribe more vitamins for you to take. You’re going to have to be very careful. Carrying either of these kind of children would be taxing. Carrying them both at once is going to be a tremendous strain on your body. You need to rest and eat as much as possible.”

  Like that would be a problem. At this one moment in time, nothing mattered except getting back to Devlin and telling him our plan hadn’t failed, it had worked. “Can you give me some samples for now? I really want to get back to Dev and tell him.”

  Stephen nodded. “I’ll call in the prescription and give you some samples for tonight and tomorrow.” He turned to go.

  “Stephen, please make a copy of the ultrasound for me and write something out to take to Devlin,” I said, managing a smile. “He’s not going to believe this either.”

  * * * *

  As I waited in the lobby for my vitamins and papers, I thought about the best way to tell Devlin. We had all night, but I wanted it to be perfect. Devlin had waited two hundred years to be a father and now it was finally happening.

  A few minutes later, I arrived in the kitchen at Hayden. Serena rushed over to me immediately, as if she’d been lying in wait. “Sarelle, quick, get out of here!” she urged frantically, trying to propel me towards the garage.

  “What is it?” I said, grabbing her hands and prying them off. “Calm down and tell me what’s happened.”

  “That Ruler, Perseus, he’s here! He’s looking for you!”

  “Where’s Dev?” I gasped. “What happened?”

  “A few minutes ago he showed up at the front door and burst in,” Serena said, her head darting to check the door behind me. “Harriet got pregnant, but she miscarried. She’s alive, barely. He was shouting at Devlin, telling him he was going to kill him for his treachery and take you. Lash killed at least three of the weremonkeys he had with him before Devlin headed to the ballroom to draw him off.” She clasped my hands in hers. “There’s a weresnake Perseus brought that bit one of the bears. He’s already feverish. Devlin told me to wait for you, to make sure you escaped—”

  No. Now that Dev’s plan had worked, I was getting that bastard Perseus to back the hell off. “Stay here,” I said, heading to the door. “I’m going to go see Perseus—”

  “No!” Serena yelled desperately. “They’ll take you! You’re my only friend!”

  “Shh,” I demanded. “Once Perseus hears what I’ve got to say, he’ll back off.”

  “What?” Serena asked, her eyes wide and frightened.

  “I’m having twins,” I said proudly. “One of them is Devlin’s. Now come on!”

  Her expression shifted rapidly from shock to resolute, then she hugged me hard. “Lead on,” she said, giving me a determined look.

  We walked quickly towards the ballroom, the yelling becoming audible before we were anywhere near the door.

  “I know you did something, Dalcon! Harriet miscarried, and she shouldn’t have. Your instructions were lies!”

  “Shut up, Greek!” Devlin’s voice replied mockingly. “I told you what to do. You should’ve tried one at a time, and not pushed it. Sar miscarried once herself. That may be the result the first time a woman tries. Harriet survived, and no other woman who miscarried has done that in recent history, except Sar.”

  “More lies,” Perseus growled. “Sar is having that werecougar’s child, not yours. We expressively forbade it, Dalcon! Why did you stand for it? She is Oathed to you!”

  “Sar may miscarry,” Devlin replied easily. “She should not have gotten pregnant as fast as she did. I’m waiting for her to bear one child successfully before making her pregnant with my own, that it will have the better chance—”

  “You’re a fool!” Perseus hissed. “A fool in love with a human! You were such a fine vampire once, Devlin. It’s a shame you’ve gone soft.”

  “I’m neither a fool, nor soft in any way,” Devlin laughed. “Sar knows that well—”

  “Spare me your sexual escapades,” Perseus spat. “Your excesses are legend.”
>
  I put my hand on the ballroom door, then paused. Legend?

  “And yours are nil! At least I know I can father a child!” Devlin answered arrogantly. “You have never even managed to make a child, have you? It was Samuel’s child Harriet lost, wasn’t it? Not yours, Perseus. You were probably sterile back when you were human—”

  With a look to Serena to stay outside, I took a breath and pushed open the double doors.

  Perseus looked over immediately, as did Devlin, the latter looking instantly scared to death, sure I’d walked into a trap. Lash was there, serrated knife in hand, facing a muscular man with a similar knife. Both of them cut their eyes to me, and then back to each other.

  Perseus faced me and grinned like the Cheshire Cat. “Ah, Sar,” he said, advancing. “I’d hoped you would arrive—”

  Devlin was between us in a second, blocking Perseus as he reached for me. “Back off, Greek!” he growled, shielding me with his body. “You aren’t taking her. She is Oathed to me.”

  “I’m taking her Oath tonight!” Perseus hissed menacingly. “I have a doctor ready to abort that were—”

  “You’re taking Sar over my dead corpse,” Devlin growled back furiously.

  “Kill him,” Perseus ordered. His weresnake went for Devlin, even as Lash moved and blocked him, their knives meeting in a clash of steel. Both backed off, and began circling, slicing at one another.

  “You want to fight, Greek?” Devlin hissed, eyes red. “I’m right here. Sar, get out of here; run!”

  “You won’t stop me this time,” Perseus said, baring his fangs. Devlin braced himself, baring his own wide, and snarling.

  “Stop this!” I yelled. “Stop this male bullshit!”

  Everyone looked over at me.

  “I’m having his child,” I said, handing Perseus the papers. “I’ve just been to Camlyn, and he confirmed it.”

  “This is a trick,” Perseus hissed. “Another trick, like Harriet—”

  “Not one of my making,” Devlin said, trying to put distance between me and Perseus as he backed away, pushing me behind him.

  “Heteropaternal superfecundation?” Perseus said slowly, reading the papers.