Lost Paradise

by Tara Fox Hall

  I furrowed my brow. “Then where was he?”

  “Nick was watching from the quarry road the entire time I was with you. When we left, he followed at a discreet distance. He froze his ass off, he said. After I gave him a large bonus he got over it.”

  That was why Devlin had gone with me to the door when Brian showed up. Nick hadn’t called to warn him. “You were worried Brian was someone Samuel sent to collect me?”

  Devlin nodded. “And before you ask, Nick has been told to keep the snowcapades to himself.”

  Nick had gotten an eyeful when Devlin had chased me out into the snow naked. I blushed faintly, then stammered, “If you ever do get burned, what do I do? Should I give you blood like I have in the past?” My tone was guilty, remembering the burn I’d given Dev.

  “Hush,” Devlin said easily. “I told you to forget that. It was nothing.”

  “Yes,” Danial said from behind me. “Blood would heal Dev or I, if we were burned, as long as we could get out of the sunlight. But if it ever happens and it’s bad, don’t try to save either of us, Sar. We might savage you, as I did the first time I took your blood. For anything more than a slight burn, call for help instead.”

  “He’s right,” Devlin said, old hurt in his tone. “I killed a little girl once. I didn’t mean to. I’d been burned when the house I was staying in collapsed in a earthquake. It was agony. I waited in shade for hours, writhing in pain. When she stopped to rest on her way to the local well, I grabbed her, and drank from her. I only meant to take a little, but there was so much relief to feel the pain ease that I took too much. She died healing me. I had never killed a child, or even hurt one before that. That still haunts me.”

  I shivered, Devlin’s memory calling back Lash’s words of how good his relief from his pain was. Then I told myself to get a grip. If Lash had wanted to drain me, he would have already. The only important thing to remember was to take some of my vitamins first thing in the morning. Between letting Lash drink my blood and now Danial and Dev, I had to be running a half pint low.

  “Sar, get some sleep,” Danial said softly. “Morning will be here before you know it.”

  I snuggled against him as Devlin settled himself against my back, drifting quickly back into pleasant nothingness.

  * * * *

  Elle woke us at ten a.m. with a gentle knock on the bedroom door. “Mom?”

  I slept right through it, but Danial heard and shook me gently. “Sar, Elle wants you.”

  “What is it?” I called sleepily.

  “Can you come cook us breakfast? Theo said that you would this morning.”

  I shot a glance at Danial, and his eyes met mine. This wasn’t about breakfast. Elle knew Devlin was in here with us, and she wasn’t happy about it.

  “Mom?” Elle called again more loudly.

  Devlin stirred beside me, and opened his golden eyes. “Tell her no,” he said, kissing me lingeringly. “I don’t want you to get out of bed yet, Sar. I want to hold you in my arms, and remember last night, how good you felt. God, you were amazing—”

  “You promised, Mom!” Elle growled fiercely, each word close to a shout.

  Devlin’s patience snapped in a split second. “Listen, you were b—”

  Danial slapped his hand over Devlin’s mouth. “No.”

  I shot Dev a look of aversion. “Elle, I’ll be right out, as soon as I shower,” I said tiredly, rubbing my eyes. “Go defrost the bacon and sausage. Make sure you get out enough for Theoron your father, me and you.”

  “Of course,” she said sweetly.

  Danial took his hand off of Devlin’s mouth.

  “What?” Devlin said grumpily. “I have a right to be here.”

  “Dev, Elle had a problem with Theo at first,” I interrupted, moving to sit on the bed out of his reach. “Now she’s got to deal with you having a piece of me after she found out about Lash and I yesterday. Give her some time. This is a lot for her to deal with.”

  “She isn’t a child—” Devlin started.

  “She’s my child,” Danial said with red-tinged eyes. “I’d better not ever hear you call her what I think you were going to, Dev. She’s just protecting her mother the only way she knows how.”

  “Danny, I don’t care!” Devlin sang derisively. Danial’s eyes began to glow red.

  “I’ll talk to her,” I interceded. “Dev’s right. She needs to accept this. Theo said he would talk to her last night, but he must not have. I’ll talk to her this morning, alone. I want the both of you to stay in here for a half hour after I leave, okay?”

  They both nodded.

  “And Dev,” I said sternly. “You need to get used to this. You’ll have a child soon yourself. That child’s needs should come before your needs. I won’t be able to help you until the baby’s older—”

  “I’ll hire a nanny or two,” Devlin said smoothly, folding his hands under his head and lying back on the bed. “It worked well for Danial. Theoron is a well behaved, well-adjusted child.”

  That wasn’t what I meant, but I was too burnt out to explain. “I’ll be in the shower,” I said, shutting the bathroom door firmly behind me.

  I carefully removed the metal lingerie, rubbing at the slight red marks it left on my skin, and then placed it back inside its box, irritated. Last night had been so wonderful, a magical fantasy come to life. This morning it was back to reality and all the trouble that came with it.

  As I dressed, I kept wondering what last night would mean for me. If Dev and Danial had their way, our threesome would happen again. I’d enjoyed it, no question. But instead of excitement, the prospect of a repeat sometime soon left me feeling uneasy and worried. What was wrong with me? What had changed? What we’d done had been my fantasy, hadn’t it?

  After showering quickly, I dressed, then saw to my wet hair, conditioning it and coiling it up out of the way. When I reentered the bedroom, both Devlin and Danial were reading some old books of poetry. To my surprise, it was Danial who held a copy of Dante’s Inferno, and Devlin that was perusing Paradise Lost. “A little light reading this morning?” I quipped. “What happened to love and passion?”

  Devlin lowered his book, giving me a smoky gaze. “Our state cannot be severed. We are one, Sweet Sar.”

  I smiled. “Not at all the sentiment I expected from those pages, Dev.”

  Danial took the book from Devlin, then flipped a few pages. “Here is one of the more quoted verses, Love.” He cleared his throat. “A mind not to be changed by place or time. The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, or a hell of heaven.”

  A dark thought, and one that mirrored my own disquiet this morning. Did Danial suspect my omission of last night? I kept the smile on my face with effort. “More what I was expecting.”

  Devlin shot Danial an annoyed look, then took the book back, flipping pages. “All is not lost,” he intoned grandly. “The unconquerable will and study of revenge, immortal hate, and the courage never to submit or yield.” He turned his eyes to me, his forceful tone changing to sensuous. “What is dark within me, thou illuminates. Grace is in all your steps, Heaven in your eyes, in every gesture dignity and love.”

  Danial rolled his eyes. “He who overcomes by force overcomes but half his foe, Dev.”

  It was going to be a poetry quoting war shortly in here. I headed for the door. “Remember, stay here. I’ll be back shortly.”

  “Give me a kiss, before you go!” Devlin said, tossing aside the book and reaching for me.

  Danial pushed him back down roughly. “Shut up and give your libido a rest, for once.”

  I laughed at the dark look Dev shot Danial as I closed the door after me. Turning, I jumped, startled to see Lash lying on the couch under several blankets, his clothes in a pile on the floor near his whip, knife, and boots.

  He was devoted to Dev, no question. I ventured closer, knowing he had to be awake after Elle’s tirade earlier. Since I was making breakfast. I might as well see if he wanted any.

  I
went over and crouched next to him, but didn’t touch him. “Lash,” I said softly.

  He opened his eyes. “You woke me,” he hissed, stretching under the blankets, and yawning just a little. “Not very nice.”

  “You’re full of it, Liar,” I said, giving him a half smile. “Do you want any breakfast?”

  “Only if you have blood,” he said, reflecting a half smile back at me.

  I should have seen that coming. “I’ll check and see. We should have raw chicken, or beef?” I offered.

  “The latter will do,” he said. “Especially if you put a little in the blender for me, liquidate it, then heat it up a little.”

  Was he serious? Yuck. I looked at him, and decided he was serious. “I’ll see what I can do,” I said cautiously.

  Lash saw my hesitation. “I can do it,” he said, and began to get up.

  He had to be naked. What if it a flash of skin brought The Lust again? “Stay here, please!” I said emphatically, gesturing for him to sit.

  He sank back down on the couch, amused.

  “I need to talk to my daughter. Please just stay here and keep everyone away. If you see Theo come up, tell him to wait, too.”

  Lash nodded once. “Sure. But aren’t you going to ask Theo about breakfast?” he hissed, his smile baring one fang. “We wouldn’t want him to feel left out.”

  I laughed, trying to ease my sudden tension. “I already know he wants some, and what he wants.” Quickly I turned away from him, and went into the kitchen.

  Elle was there at the counter, dressed and looking stonily at nothing. Theoron was in his pajamas, trying to get the bacon out of the package, but it was frozen into a hard block and wouldn’t come out.

  “Theo, go get dressed,” I said. “We have guests for breakfast, and it’s not polite.”

  “It’s just Uncle Dev and Lash,” Theo said softly, still prying at the bacon.

  “Do what I said,” I repeated harshly. Theoron gave me wide eyes, and went.

  I closed the kitchen door. Time for the Big Talk. “Elle, I think we need to talk—”

  “They’ll still hear all of this, your four lovers!” Elle shouted, her face was filled with tears. “Don’t bother closing the door!”

  I grabbed her hand. She tore it free of mine, but not before I had teleported her to Terian’s lab. “Why bring me here!” she yelled at me. “Are you going to tell me he was your lover, too?”

  “No,” I said quietly. “But you are right that we need privacy, and we weren’t going to get any in the kitchen. I have some things to say to you—”

  “What, to tell me something I don’t know? Why don’t you tell me you’re not a slut—!”

  I grabbed hold of her and then shook her a few times, as hard as I could, screaming “Shut up!” She looked at me in shock, and shut her mouth. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. “Elle, I am your mother, and you don’t have to love me—”

  “You aren’t my mother, not really,” she said nastily, her eyes yellow.

  That hurt. A lot. “I’m the only mother you’re ever going to know,” I retorted angrily. “Now sit your ass down and shut your mouth for a moment.”

  Elle sat down, tears leaking from her eyes.

  I sat across from her, and took one of her hands. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. But your brother is going to come back soon, and we have to be there when he does. I—”

  “How can you let him touch you?” Elle wailed, crying hard. “I smelled you on him! He’s not even handsome, and Theo and he don’t like each other at all, they were trading insults all night—”

  Great. “Lash and Theo have some kind of feud—”

  “—and you told me you didn’t trust Devlin! Theo said you had to have the baby for him, that you didn’t have a choice, but you clearly wanted to be with him yesterday—”

  “Elle, please!” I said raggedly.

  “—and I found out that Devlin’s had other women besides you! I smelled one on him last night! You’re pregnant with his child! He doesn’t love you, Mom! He doesn’t even respect you! How can you love him, let him treat you like that?” She was crying hard.

  I hugged her to me, blinking back tears in my eyes. Everything she’d said was true, but that didn’t change anything for me.

  “Elle, I kept most of the hard facts from you,” I said finally. “I thought you were too young to know.”

  “Know what?” she said, sniffling.

  “When I’m pregnant with a vampire’s child, I channel some of the lust that they feel when they take blood. But because I’m not a vampire, my lust is for sex, not blood.”

  “That’s why were you with Lash?” she asked, making a grimace.

  Okay, try not to sound defensive. “The Lust likes him for some reason. But I don’t want you to let this get to you. It’s a normal part of having a dhamphir. When I was pregnant with your brother this happened until the pregnancy reached four months. I’m almost four months now, so this won’t last much longer.”

  “So you don’t love him?”

  “No, I don’t,” I replied. “When The Lust is done, I won’t be with Lash anymore. He knows this, Elle. He’s only doing this because Devlin asked him to, as a favor.”

  “But you love Devlin,” she said coldly. “You’re Oathed to him.”

  “Elle, I made a deal with him, one I explained to you already, But you’re right, I do love him, and I did make him a promise.” I swallowed hard. “I know about the other women, and gave him permission for it. I know it’s odd, with what I always told you about how you should always walk if a man cheats—”

  “He saved you so you owe him sex?” she interjected angrily. “You owe him a baby for your life?”

  How had she learned so much so fast? Listening to the weres? Overhearing Danial? “I don’t owe him anything,” I replied. “But I need him and he wants me. It might not be that way forever—”

  “Why couldn’t you just be with Dad?” she said, pulling back from me, a hard look in her eyes. “You love him more than Devlin, I know it.”

  “Because Devlin didn’t give me that choice!” I shouted. “The other Rulers were going to kill your fathers, both of them! You would never have seen me again. I made the only choice I could, Elle. Stop berating me for it!”

  “Can’t you get out of your Oath?” Elle began, her eyes filling again with tears.

  “No! Elle, if I told Devlin that I refused to be with him anymore, he would not just say that was okay! I know that from firsthand experience, because I refused him once before!” I let all my memories of Devlin’s threats flood into my eyes. “Do you understand what I’m saying, or do you need me to spell it out for you?”

  She hugged me hard enough to hurt me a little, then began crying hard again. I comforted her, wiping away some tears of my own in the process. “I’m sorry,” she said finally. “I didn’t know. Dad never told me that.”

  “Your dad didn’t want you to know. Neither did I.”

  Elle nodded. “I understand that,” she said. “But I hate him,” she growled. “I don’t want him near me, Mom.”

  I knew who she meant. “You don’t have to like Dev. But you have to let him touch me, if he wants to. I can handle him. And no more scenes like this morning,” I added gently. “Devlin may spend the night again like he did last night.”

  “Dad doesn’t like sharing you—”

  “That depends on who is involved, Elle,” I said meaningfully. “But that is his business and mine, not yours, and we will handle it.”

  Her face went white. “Dad is jealous—”

  “No, he isn’t,” I lied, telling myself it was partly true. “Danial is happy that I’m Oathed to both him and Devlin, Elle. He’s happy I’m having Devlin’s child. You need to know and accept that your father wanted Devlin here last night. Devlin will probably come here again. All you need to do when he does is be polite when you see him and excuse yourself. Now can you handle that or not?”

  Elle nodded slowly. “I guess so.”r />
  I stood up. “We should go back. Your brother has got to be in the kitchen by now. I don’t want him to turn on the stove and burn himself. It will hurt, even if he heals.”

  She blew her nose a final time. “I’m ready.”

  I teleported her into her room. She turned to me in surprise.

  “You look like you’ve been crying,” I said. “Cool down your face some, and then come out.”

  “Thanks,” she said softly, hugging me. “I’m sorry…what I said. You are my mother. I wouldn’t want another, not ever.”

  I hugged her hard, knowing I was going to have to get a cold cloth of my own for my face now, because my cheeks were flushed, my salty hot tears running down them in a river.

  * * * *

  When I teleported back to the kitchen a few minutes late, Theoron was there working on the sausage. He had gotten all the bacon defrosted somehow, and it waited in a moist pile on a plate. The sausage was defrosted, too, at least most of it. I watched him put one piece at a time in the microwave and hit the button, and bit my lip, holding in my amusement and affection.

  “Good job,” I said lovingly, going to the fridge and taking out a steak. Tossing it into the large blender, I hit liquefy. Carefully, I poured some of the meat juice into a large mug, and then put it in the microwave. Theoron watched me hungrily.

  “Watch that for me,” I said to him. “Taste it when it comes out, and tell me if it’s hot enough.” He nodded eagerly.

  I got the meat and eggs cooking, then started in on the waffles. When the microwave beeped, Theoron got out the mug, and tasted the contents.

  “Warm enough?” I asked.

  “No,” Theoron said, making a face. “Though it’s really good!”

  “Nuke it again,” I said, and then added as an afterthought, “and please put the rest in another mug as well, and heat that up, too.”

  Theoron hastened to comply. When the microwave beeped again, the mug was steaming, the coppery tang of blood scenting the air. I was relieved it didn’t smell good to me. I worried sometimes that one day it was going to.