Lost Paradise

by Tara Fox Hall

  “Stop that,” I sputtered, trying hard not to laugh. “We’ve got to get going.”

  Devlin folded his arms, then, across my upper chest, and rested his chin on them, his molten gold eyes staring into mine. “Not until you answer me. Am I the best?”

  I gave him a teasing smile and kept quiet.

  He leaned close and whispered. “You don’t have to answer with words, Sar.” Then he began kissing me hungrily, teasingly, as if his kisses held the answers to all the secrets I’d ever longed to fathom.

  How was I going to last six celibate months with him so near? “Stop,” I breathed, pushing at him. “Yes, you’re the best.”

  “Why?” He smiled, gesturing with his hands for size as he moved his eyebrows meaningfully.

  I shook my head. “No. You’ll have to wait another day for that answer.”

  Devlin reached his hand deftly under my shirt, touching expertly. I closed my eyes, luxuriating in his touch, then stopped him. “Wrong again.”

  “Ahh,” he said knowingly. “My voice.”

  This was becoming fun. I gave him another smile, and shook my head.

  Now Dev was agitated. “Poetry?” he offered hopefully.

  “Let me leave,” I said gently.

  “Tell me,” he implored. “I have to know.”

  “Your words, of course,” I said, giving him a smile.

  His brow knitted. “You said it wasn’t poetry—”

  “I like the whole Dev experience,” I said, cracking a smile. “But when you tell me how I make you feel, how I feel to you, what you want to do to me as you make love to me. That’s what makes you the best.”

  Devlin grabbed me and kissed me, his hands running up into my hair, his mouth opening on mine. He pressed against me, his hands slipping down to cup my rear. At once, I felt him elongating against my waist. “Stop,” I said firmly, pulling away. “Even if we weren’t in a doctor’s office, we can’t do anything for months.” I put some distance between us. “I don’t want to start what we can’t finish.”

  “They are going to be the longest months of my life,” Devlin said throatily. “They are going to feel like centuries. But being with you at the end of the wait will be all the sweeter, Sar.” He beckoned to me. “Come. I’ll behave.”

  I followed him out to where Lash waited, reading a magazine. He looked up, nodded to us, then looked down again.

  Devlin turned to me. “Don’t let Theo make you feel bad for last night,” Devlin said. “What we did wasn’t wrong and neither was wanting to share that.” He smiled pleasantly. “Tell him if he’ll remove the stick up his ass, he can join you and I one night playing Danial’s role.”

  I blinked at Devlin, unbelieving. Devlin saw my expression and laughed. “I’ll see you this weekend. You don’t need to come on Wednesday, as I’ll be away.”

  Would he be, or did he just not want to bother with me now there wasn’t going to be sex?

  “I’ll be late coming back on Friday night. Please be here by eleven, and be waiting for me in bed. I’ll be exhausted and looking forward to spending the night in your arms.” He took my hand and kissed it. “I’ll adhere to Camlyn’s orders, I promise.”

  It would be the first time I had stayed at Hayden that we hadn’t had sex. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved that he still wanted me to come or to be dismayed, because I’d still be doing the musical houses all weekend. “I’ll come early,” I agreed. “I planned to start sewing with Serena, and maybe I can get Lash to show me the outside of Hayden to get some ideas for the gardens.”

  “Lash will be here at all times, if you should need him.” Devlin kissed my cheek gently. “I’m glad you are helping me so much,” he murmured. “I love the rooms you painted. I especially like the room of gold and green. If it wasn’t so non-secure, I’d make it my bedroom so I could be reminded of you when we’re apart.”

  His words struck me as empty flattery. I managed a smile in return.“I thought you’d like the silver one best.”

  “I like that one, too,” he amended. “I like them all, Sar, because you did them.”

  I was embarrassed for some reason. Uncomfortable, I looked away. “The filing is taking a while. I’m only about half finished.”

  “There’s no rush,” he replied.

  “By the way,” I said, remembering. “I meant to ask you: I’m finding photos, and other memorabilia, like ticket stubs, play cards, and even love notes—”

  Devlin went utterly still, his expression freezing.

  “I didn’t read them, once I realized what they were,” I reassured. “So far I’ve been putting them in a drawer marked Personal, by year or decade. Is that okay, or do you want me to pick up some boxes like Danial has—?”

  “No,” he said quickly, embarrassed. “Just do as you are doing. I’ll look through them when you’re done. Most of them can be burned. The others, I’ll put in order or something.”

  “I could make you a scrapbook,” I offered hesitantly, feeling perverse.

  “No,” he said gently, hugging me. “Some memories are better kept locked away, where they are not easily found by anyone. And some are better just forgotten.”

  “Okay.” Whatever that was supposed to mean. “Bye, Lash.”

  Lash didn’t look up from his magazine, or give any sign he’d heard.

  Dev let me go. “Go out to Theo, and have a good week,” he said. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I said, and then left, walking out into the sunlight.

  Theo was waiting for me inside his truck. When he saw me coming, he started the engine. We didn’t speak as he drove, even though I could tell he wasn’t heading home or to Danial’s. Eventually he pulled into a park, and shut off the engine.

  “Let’s take a walk, okay?” he asked.

  “Sure,” I said giving him a hesitant smile. “It’s a beautiful day.”

  We walked for a while, hand in hand, not saying anything. The sun was out, and the wind was at our backs, buoying us forward, trying to hurry us a little.. It had to be near sixty-five degrees. The winter birds were out in force: cardinals, chickadees, crows, sparrows of all types clamoring and calling as they swooped. There was even a red-tailed hawk circling far off in the west. I watched it coast for a while, until Theo suddenly spoke.

  “Was it your fantasy?” he said.

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “That’s all I need to know, then,” he said gruffly. “All I want to know, Sar. I just wanted to make sure it was your choice, what happened. I always think Devlin is lying.”

  “He wasn’t,” I replied carefully.

  “Are you going to abide by Stephen’s directive?” Theo said abruptly, looking at me hard.

  “Of course!” I said defensively, staring back at him. “I’m not risking my children’s lives. How can you ask that?”

  “Because I needed to hear you say it,” he said, sounding tired. “Sometimes I think you’re changing before my eyes, and I need to know that you aren’t. I need to know you still love me. Because if there comes a time when you don’t, I want to know it before anyone else does.”

  “You will,” I assured him.

  Theo looked at me in surprise. It hit me he’d expected to hear me say I would always love him, that there’d never be a time I wouldn’t. “You deserved an answer, not a declaration that was a cover instead of an answer,” I murmured.

  Theo didn’t reply. I lapsed into my musing, dismayed that he thought I was changing.

  Yesterday morning in Danial’s kitchen, I’d sworn my feelings for him were intensifying, that my feelings for Danial and Devlin were lessening. But back at the doctor’s, I’d felt like the opposite was true. Now I felt as if that woman teasing Devlin in Exam Room 1 had been someone else. What was wrong with me? The only thing I was sure of was that the overwhelming physical and emotional need for Devlin that had been such a big part of our love was lessening. Whether it was the pregnancy or the bond between Theo and I, I wasn’t sure. Maybe I just couldn’t k
eep loving someone who was so demanding all the time.

  “I looked into going out West,” Theo said suddenly, breaking my thought. “I booked seats on a plane for the end of May for you, Elle, and I. We’ll be gone a week. Danial has already given me the time off.”

  I took his hand and squeezed it. “Sounds great.”

  “I’ve booked the same house,” he said, giving me a hopeful look. “It won’t be like before, because we’ll have Elle, but—”

  “And I’ll be huge by then,” I said, laughing. “We’ll have a great time. My in-laws will like you. I can’t wait to show Elle where you were—”

  “About that,” Theo interrupted. “Can you not tell her about Aspen?”

  I nodded. “Theo, you can be the guide. Elle doesn’t need to know any more about Aspen than you want her to. I never told her anything.”

  “Thanks. I don’t want her to know.”

  “Even if she found out, I don’t see where it’s a problem,” I said. “You were under the spell, and even if you hadn’t been, we weren’t together—”

  “Sar, you are thinking of you and me,” Theo interrupted. “I thought of the same thing when I came back and saw you with Danial. I should have thought of her instead and let her know I was alive, even if she didn’t want to live with me, or ever have anything to do with me.” He got to his feet. “We should head back.”

  “Sure,” I said flatly, trying to contain my irritableness. “Let’s go.”

  We made good time back to the truck. But as soon as we got there, Theo stopped a few yards away. He began backing away, pulling his gun, and moving me behind him.

  “Get back to the bench.”

  “What is it?” I said, panicked.

  “Men. At least five, maybe more. Armed, I smell gun oil. They are closing in on us.”

  “Who? Robert—?”

  “Drop your gun, Theo, or we’ll shoot her!” a voice called.

  Closing my eyes, I teleported us to Danial’s great room.

  “Sar, stay here,” Theo said, walking fast to the door. “I’ll get Terian and head back—”

  “You can’t,” I called to him. “Terian’s out west, looking for his brother’s family.”

  “No, he’s not,” Theo said, turning to face me. “He came back weeks ago.”

  “Danial must not have told you,” I said with a shrug. “Leri gave him some info and he and Sun left to chase down leads.”

  “Why would she do that?” Theo said skeptically.

  “I asked her to,” I said proudly.

  “That was good of you,” Theo said approvingly. “But we’re screwed, Sar. They are going to trash my truck, if they don’t just blow it up.”

  “I can take you back,” I offered. “Get some extra clips, and maybe an AK-47 or—”

  “It’s too dangerous for you,” he said, cutting me off.

  “Then give me some of the extra body armor,” I replied evenly. “I’ll only be there for a moment anyway, to drop you off.”

  Theo looked at me, weighing the options. He stepped closer suddenly, grabbing my hand. “Take us to the were compound.”

  Seconds later we were in the room I jokingly referred to as the armory. Boxes of ammunition, enough for a war, were stacked on shelves, a rack of assault rifles and miscellaneous handguns covered one wall. The other wall had rows of body armor.

  The armor was stacked along the wall, names of the owners above it. Each guard of Danial’s had a set, with two sets each for Danial and Theo. “Terian is the only one without armor?”

  “He said he didn’t need any,” Theo muttered. “I’m trying to get him to reconsider. Magical armor isn’t 100% reliable.” He offered me Janice’s vest-like tunic. “Put this on.”

  We both suited up. The armor was lightweight, made to move in, yet it was hot from all the insulating Kevlar and other round stopping materials. Good thing it isn’t August.

  Theo handed me a gun with explosive bullets. “Strap this on.” He grabbed a handful of extra clips then that were pre-loaded, then took my hand. “Go.”

  We appeared at the clearing’s edge, near the truck. There was a man lying underneath with his feet sticking out, hooking something up to the bottom of it. Theo shot him at once, then shoved me behind a pine tree. The man slumped to the ground as bullets fired, spraying everywhere. I crouched behind the spruce, breathing hard, and trying to tell where our attackers were. A few bullets hit near me on either side of the tree, making craters in the earth.

  I let out an “Eek!” sound and stayed down. More bullets mowed down small trees, and made huge holes in others, including mine. Finally I began crawling away on my belly, worried that the repeated blasts to the trunk would knock the tree over on me. I made it to another tree just as one of their guys hit the park sign, blowing a ragged hole, the metal curling back with a shriek.

  Trying to be brave, I whispered a prayer for good aim and fired, managing to wing one man before he ducked behind a tree. I kept firing with growing embarrassment, missing my target routinely.

  Theo, of course, had been practicing right along. He hit everyone he aimed at with deadly accuracy. Within moments, it was over, silence descending as the smoke cleared.

  I stayed where I was for another ten minutes, waiting for a signal. “I don’t hear anyone else,” Theo called finally. “We’re clear.” He appeared from behind a tree, holstered his gun, and then walked toward his truck, gesturing for me to keep back.

  I sat down and waited for him by my tree, resting against it.

  “It’s a bomb,” he called. “I want you to stay back there, while I disarm it.”

  “I didn’t know you could do that,” I said admiringly.

  “I can build them, too,” he replied smoothly. “And set snares, and pick locks—”

  “Show me that last one,” I asked hopefully “I won’t have to worry the next time I’m at Danial’s and don't have my keys.”

  Theo’s smiled faded. “I’ll teach you.” Then he moved back beneath the truck and began working.

  I wasn’t sure how many minutes it took, but it wasn’t long. Theo emerged from under the truck, a bundle in his hands. “All set, Sar.”

  I came toward him, watching him stow it behind his seat. “Are you saving it for later?”

  “Yes,” he said, like it was completely normal. “I don't dare leave it here, and it’s possible I can reuse some of it.”

  “You never told me you blew things up,” I teased.

  “I usually don’t,” he replied. “But it’s good to have the technology, in case you need to.”

  I nodded. “Can you teach me that, too?”

  “Let’s work on the locks first,” Theo said drolly, gesturing to the side door. “We’ll work up to bombs when you’ve got those mastered. Let’s go home.”

  * * * *

  After a shower and some chicken soup, we began playing with the front lock, Theo giving me pointers. Within an hour, he had me working on the lock like a pro.

  “It can’t always be this easy,” I said worriedly. “I always felt so safe locking my door. I never knew it was so easy to bypass.”

  “Most thieves aren’t after old DVDs and firewood,” Theo laughed. “We’ve safe enough, Sar. But always lock the deadbolt. That a thief can’t pick, ever.”

  The phone rang.

  Theo’s smile faded. “You’d better get that.”

  It was Danial. “Are you coming into work tomorrow?”

  “You know that isn’t why you’re calling,” I replied. “You’re calling to make sure I’m okay, because you heard about the scene earlier today from Devlin.”

  Danial paused, then said. “I heard about it, yes. I had hoped Theo wouldn’t find out what we had done.”

  “Why not?” I said curiously. “You had to know he would.”

  “I didn’t want him to know,” Danial reiterated.

  “Why?” I said pointedly.

  Danial just sighed.

  “You’re embarrassed?” I asked, slightly sho
cked. “Why, Danial? Because you enjoyed what you did to me?”

  “Devlin told him it was my fantasy as well as yours, he said,” Danial said reluctantly. “Did he really say that?”

  “Yes.”

  Danial didn’t reply.

  “Why did you call, if you aren’t going to talk at all,” I said, slightly irritated at his sudden guilt.

  “Devlin wants me to ask you something, Sarelle.”

  The use of my full name was never a good sign. “I’m not doing it, whatever he wants,” I said firmly. “I need a break, Danial.”

  “I’m glad,” he said, relieved. “I did not want to ask it of you.”

  I didn’t want to know anything more, not after hearing his relief. “Then let’s go over the weekend. I’ll see you on Saturday. I’ll be with Devlin on Friday, all Friday. But I’ll come into work Wednesday, to make up for it. Does that work for you?”

  “That’s fine. I’ll be out of town anyway until Friday night. We’ll spend Saturday night together. Chuck said he’s bringing Poe and Annabelle Lee to my house about seven, so be here by then.”

  “Sounds good. I’m not going to be able to ride much longer.”

  “We’ll only be walking the horses. If you weren’t so experienced, and familiar with your mount, I wouldn’t let you ride at all. But I know you enjoy it, and the danger is small.”

  I did enjoy his gentlemanly protectiveness. “You’re sweet, Danial. But I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Good night, Sar. I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I said, and hung up.

  I went into my bedroom to find Theo reading in bed, nude. He never read much, save gun magazines and that NRA magazine I’d gotten him for Christmas, America’s First Freedom.

  Tonight it was a bullet catalog. “Looking into some new kind of ammo?”

  “Just reordering.”

  “Ready for bed?” I said, letting my gaze linger on him.

  “No,” he said, putting down the magazine. “I’m worried about you.”

  “Why?” I said, coming over to sit by him and laying my hand on his arm.

  “I’m worried about you staying here with me,” Theo said, his blue eyes concerned. “I’m a target, and I don't want to risk you or the children.”