Lost Paradise

by Tara Fox Hall

  Unlike Theo, he took me seriously. “I’ll talk to all of the single males,” he said, his eyes glinting red. “I doubt anything would happen, Sar. Elle is still too young to be thinking about that.”

  I gave him raised eyebrows. “We don’t know how old she is, really. And this has more to do with hormones anyway.”

  “I understand that. You’re right, the time is going to come soon when she needs to begin to look for a mate.” Danial sighed. “She faces the same problem that Theo faced years ago. There are no werecougars in the Northeast. She’ll have to go west.”

  “She could change someone,” I said, sitting down across from him, suddenly tired. “It worked for Aspen.”

  “John was an unusual man,” Danial said, running his fingers through his shoulder length hair. He had stopped cutting it short for me months ago, when I’d told him I’d liked him just as he was, and it shone from his earlier feeding in the light from his desk lamp. “It’s hard to find a human who is accepting like you. It’s easier for weres to find one who already is one of their kind for a companion. And turning can fail, if it’s not done right.”

  “Mom!” Elle yelled, snapping me back into the present. “Susan’s here!”

  It was the day of the sleepover. Susan had arrived, and Violet was right behind her, both of their parents following.

  The moment I met Susan, my worry for Elle increased. She wasn’t the plain, reserved girl Violet was; Susan was a knockout like Elle was becoming, with teenage arrogance in her dark blue eyes. Her mom was of the same type, a bleached blond with too much makeup, her overly dressy clothes expensive and tasteful.

  “Violet, Susan, you can go right in to Elle’s room. Hi,” I said brightly. “I’m Sar.”

  “Hi, I’m Diane, Susan’s mother,” she said coolly. “I’ve got to be going, I’m afraid.”

  I politely exchanged pleasantries, thinking to myself that we weren’t the same kind of woman. Diane didn’t spend her days getting her hands dirty, and had probably never wanted to. But that was fine; likely I’d never have to see her again.

  Cathy, Violet’s mother, was just as nice as I remembered. After chatting with her a few minutes, I saw her out, and then went to check on the girls.

  The rest of the night went well, in spite of my worries. Elle and her friends spent most of it in her room giggling. But as Susan felt no desire to wear Elle’s choker, and Violet had tried it on already, that problem didn’t repeat itself.

  In the morning, it was Violet who woke first. When she wandered out into the kitchen, I offered her breakfast, which she readily agreed to. With a smile, I lifted out a newly done pancake, and then began putting fresh pancake batter into the pan.

  “Where are the dogs?” Violet asked shyly. “Something didn’t happen to them, did it?”

  Startled, I replied, “No, um, they’re at Elle’s other father’s house. I wasn’t sure whether Susan liked big dogs.” I dished some butter onto the pancakes, the handed her the plate. “They’ll be here if you visit again. Syrup is there on the table.”

  “I don’t know if Elle will invite me again,” Violet said softly, taking the plate. “They were talking by themselves a lot of last night.”

  At their age it was so easy to feel excluded, and to hurt others with a careless word or gesture. “Elle likes you, Violet,” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. “Of course, she’ll invite you again.”

  “We don’t see each other very much anymore,” Violet said sadly. “She’s in another dance class now. Whenever I invite her anywhere, she says she can’t go. We mostly just talk on the phone now.”

  This was the first I’d heard of Elle being invited anywhere by Violet. Even with Danial’s protectiveness of Elle, we had to start letting her spread her wings. She was rapidly becoming a woman. “Violet, you go ahead and keep asking Elle,” I said, giving her a smile. “Her other dad almost never lets her out of his sight. But I think that if you want to meet her at the mall, or at the movies, she can probably go, at least once in a while. I’ll talk to him, okay?”

  “Okay,” Violet said, giving me a tentative smile.

  After the girls went home, Elle went back to her bedroom, and began packing her stuff up. I went after her with a purpose, Theo following me, his expression a little mystified over my intense expression.

  “Elle, I need to talk to you,” I said, sitting down on her bed. Theo came in behind me, and leaned against the doorframe. “Violet’s worried you no longer like her,” I said gently. “Is it true?”

  Elle gave me a guilty look. “She seems so young, Mom. Susan knows so much more.”

  “What does she know?” Theo said, giving her narrowed eyes that said he could guess the answer.

  “She knows about boys!” Elle said excitedly. “She said she’s kissed this one she knows, who’s sixteen—”

  Theo’s eyes had gone yellow. Mine would have, too, if I were werecougar. “Elle,” I said firmly. “You are too young yet for boys.”

  “Damn straight,” Theo growled. “You are maybe eleven, Elle. You aren’t dating until you are sixteen. And even then, I’m not letting you go out with anyone that I haven’t met and approved first.”

  Elle got up off the bed and faced us. “I’m old enough,” she said suggestively, her eyes rebellious. In her tone was her mother Tawny’s boldness, as clear as a bell.

  Stay calm, Sar. Breathe. You knew this was coming. “Enough,” I said calmly. “I think you are old enough to be given some more freedoms—”

  Theo looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

  “—but I want you to remember something. Danial has many enemies, as does Theo. There is never going to be a shortage of people who might like to kidnap you—”

  “Yeah, I know, and torture me!” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’ve heard it all a million times—”

  I grabbed hold of her roughly, and shook her. “You are a young woman, Elle,” I said sharply, my eyes flashing. “There are other things that can happen to you now that you aren’t a child anymore. As you just said, you are old enough.”

  Elle’s face went white, and tears formed in her eyes.

  “Sarelle,” Theo said, aghast at my implication. “You shouldn’t say that to her.”

  “Don’t cry!” I said sternly to Elle, ignoring Theo. “Just remember what I said, and be careful. Don’t trust boys that aren’t your own age, Elle. Or any men besides Brian, Aran, Ivan, Terian, Theo, Danial, Devlin, or Lash.”

  Theo growled when I included Lash, but I didn’t take it back. Lash might be an ass, but he was not going to hurt a child. At least, not Danial’s adopted daughter.

  Elle nodded. “Okay.”

  I hugged her tightly. “Don’t be afraid of men. I know that might seem at odds with what I just said. I just want you to understand that some men are not going to want what is best for you. I want you to find one who does, who respects you and treats you well. And I want you always to be conscious that just because you think someone isn’t going to hurt you, it can still happen.”

  Theo put his hand on my shoulder, and squeezed a little. “Your mom is right.” He went to Elle and hugged her. “I wish she wasn’t, but the world is sometimes a hard place, Elle. We love you, and we want you to be safe.”

  She was quiet for a moment. “Can I go to the mall next weekend?” she said finally. “Violet asked me, before she left. Dad always says no. Maybe Theo could chaperone—”

  “Yes,” I said, glancing at Theo. “Terian will tail you, Elle. You won’t know he’s there, but he’ll watch you. But if he does come up to you and tell you it’s time to go, you have to agree to go with him without a fuss. Understood?”

  “Sure!” Elle said happily hugging me.

  What I didn’t add was that I would be giving a description of Violet to Terian, because if Elle was planning on meeting Susan instead, Elle wouldn’t be making any more trips to the mall without me as a chaperone.

  * * * *

  Danial hit the roof, of course. “What were you
thinking, Sar?” he yelled. “She’s not going alone, even with a tail.”

  “Elle is getting older, and in another few years, it’s going to be time for college, Danial,” I said firmly. “You need to loosen the apron strings.”

  “Elle is not tied to me,” Danial glowered. “I just want her to be safe.”

  “Terian will watch her,” Theo soothed. “Sar’s right, we have to let her get her feet wet. She can’t live here with you for the rest of her life, no matter how much you want her to.”

  Danial grumbled, but after talking about it at length, he agreed that it was a good decision. While I was relieved that the sleepover had gone so well, and he’d come into agreement with us over Elle, I was nervous about what was still to come. Elle wasn’t the only child who was changing fast.

  During July, Theoron had aged another five years. He outgrew his clothes almost overnight. Now he was as tall as Elle, also made of lean muscle, and the spitting image of Danial, save for my green eyes. He was going to break some hearts with his stunning good looks and the inherited charm that was just beginning to make itself felt in the way he asked for things with easy smiles. He wouldn’t be running around with horns and a tail ever again.

  While I found it sad my little boy was growing up so fast, I was also relieved. He would have the strength of his father, and my ability to walk in the daylight. And I had enough to worry about as the day of the birth of my twins approached.

  * * * *

  I knew something was wrong the morning of August second, when I was making tomato soup for Theo. He’d asked me to, as his mother had made it for him when he was little. I’d agreed before he casually mentioned he didn’t have the recipe. After trying recipes all that week, I finally came up with one that was right, or at least was close enough, according to Theo. As I was stirring the paste into the broth, I began to get warm, then hot.

  Theo came over to me, worried. “What’s wrong, Sar? You’re sweating like you’re in the sun.”

  “I’m too hot,” I replied. “Probably from being in the kitchen.”

  “Go lay down,” Theo said, taking my spoon. “I’ll check on you in an hour or so.”

  I went to our bedroom to lay down, thinking he was overreacting. When I woke up, I was slick with sweat, and too weak to move. “Theo!” I said as loudly as I could.

  Theo didn’t hear me in the kitchen, but Danial did, working in the study above. He came down the stairs quickly and into the bedroom. One look at me had him yelling for Theo.

  “You’re burning up,” Danial said, laying his hand against my brow. “When did this start?”

  I tried to get closer to him. His skin was cool, wonderfully cool against mine.

  Theo burst in. “What’s wrong?” Then he saw me. “Danial, what’s wrong with her?” Theo shouted. “She’s got a fever.

  “This happened before to her,” Danial said. “But never this late in the pregnancy. Call Devlin right now.”

  Theo hesitated. “Maybe we should call Camlyn.”

  “Call Devlin now,” Danial roared at him. “Get him here now!”

  Theo left. A few minutes later, Devlin came in the bedroom, embracing me immediately. His body was also cool, marvelously cool like ice water on a one hundred degree day.

  “What happening, Danial?” Devlin asked, worried. “She’s far too warm.”

  “You said he’d know,” Theo said as he came in, irritated.

  “Have Titus teleport Stephen here,” Danial said to Devlin. “If you don’t know, we need him to tell us what’s happening.”

  Titus was dispatched to Stephen. A few minutes later, Stephen showed up, looking disgruntled. He checked me over thoroughly. “She’s too hot,” Stephen said.

  “That’s genius,” Theo growled. “What’s causing it?”

  “That doesn’t matter,” Stephen replied. “We’ve got to get her temperature down, or she’ll not only lose the children, she’ll lose her life. She’s a hundred and three degrees, and her temperature is rising.” He turned to Devlin. “Get ice and run cold water in the bathtub—”

  “Why is this happening?” Theo shouted, his eyes yellow.

  Devlin dashed for the bathroom. Water began running.

  “Last time, the dhamphir had trouble controlling its temperature as it developed,” Stephen said. “It was too hot first, and then too cold. This time, I’m guessing the werecougar fetus has been keeping the dhamphir’s temperature steady. But the werecougar is too big now. It’s making the dhamphir overload on heat. Sar’s body is overheating because of—”

  The water abruptly stopped. “You know what we need to do, Danial,” Devlin said quickly. “Come with me. Titus, take us to the guard barracks here.”

  I passed out then and don’t remember much of what happened next. I heard later that Theo put me in a bathtub full of cold water, and packed ice around me with Cia and Terian’s help. Though that stopped my temperature from rising, it didn’t make it go back down. Within a half hour, the ice had melted from my body heat and I was delirious.

  When I came to, I was in fresh clothes in Danial’s bed lying next to a body as cold as a block of ice. I was cool though, wonderfully cool. It flowed into me, easing away the heat, letting me fall back into a deep sleep.

  Sometime later, I woke back up, feeling much more like myself. Danial was beside me, awake and freezing cold to the touch. When he reached for me, it took him a long time to move his arm. I eased my body closer to him, then hugged him. “Thank you.”

  Danial hugged me back. An hour later, he’d unthawed to the point he could talk and move normally. “Are you feeling better?” he asked slowly, his voice raspy. “Are you still hot?”

  “Yes. But I’m not anywhere as bad as I was. I felt like I was cooking.”

  “You were,” he said, afraid. “Devlin and I froze ourselves. Our bodies don’t absorb heat easily, and we lose it rapidly. He thought this would work, and it did. He is there now, doing it again for you. Titus should be bringing him back within moments.”

  Just as Danial finished, Titus appeared with Devlin in his arms, and quickly laid him down next to me on the other side. Then he disappeared, before the heat from his demon body undid what we were trying to do.

  I eased myself closer to Devlin. His eyes were shut. There was ice in his golden hair, and on his eyelashes. His skin was covered in a layer of frost, his arms folded over his chest, with more heavy frost coating his clothes.

  “He can’t move,” Danial said softly. “He won’t be able to talk to you, Sar, not for an hour at least. But he can hear everything we say.” He got out of bed. “I’ll go tell Theo that you’re okay. Stay here with him, and call out if you start to get cold. Stephen is outside, waiting to make sure you are fine before he leaves. He said once you got cool that you should be fine, but I’m not taking any chances.”

  I clasped his hand, then kissed it. “I’ll be okay now, I think. I’ll call out, if I’m not.”

  Danial kissed me softly once on the cheek, then left. I moved back close to Devlin, letting his coldness soothe me.

  “Can you hear me Dev?” I said softly. “I hope you can.”

  Devlin didn’t move.

  “Serena told me that you had been with her. But I understand why you said you hadn’t been. To you, what you did was necessary, to make sure she would do what you hired her to do. It wasn’t sex for pleasure. I’m telling you this because I want you to know I know, and I understand it. But you still should have told me you had been with her before. I would have understood, if you had told me why it had happened.”

  Devlin didn’t move, or give any sign that he had heard.

  “I’m sorry that you aren’t getting the boy you wanted. But I’m glad to be having a girl. I’m not going to have any more children, Dev. No matter what you say. Not after this, all of the last months, everything with Lash, and The Lust. It’s been too much. But I thank you for having this child with me. I wanted a girl very much. She’ll be beautiful for certain, with your genes. And
I hope she has your eyes, Dev. They are so much more beautiful than mine.”

  Again, Dev gave no sign he had heard.

  “It’s funny,” I said, snuggling close to him. “I feel more loving toward you like this than when you are awake. I know like this, you aren’t going to be angry with me, or say something cutting when I don’t do as you say.”

  I felt bad immediately, hearing my words aloud, even if they were true. I reached up and touched his face gently. Even like this, covered with frost and motionless, he was utterly beautiful.

  “I’m sorry, if I ever made you feel like I didn’t care about you. I do care, very much.” I paused. “I do love you, and I never stopped. But it’s better if we aren’t together, because when we are, we hurt each other. I have missed you, these months we have been apart. I appreciated the flowers you sent me, and the lessons you have been giving Elle. I used to listen to you playing and think about—”

  I stopped abruptly. Here I was getting charmed just thinking about him. He hadn’t changed. In an hour, he was going to be his same old demanding self. “Thank you for doing this, for being here for me when I needed you,” I said softly. “It means a lot to me.” I laid my head on his shoulder, and slept.

  When I awoke hours later, I was alone, and Devlin was gone.

  * * * *

  I didn’t talk to Danial in the days that followed about what had happened. I could see he was waiting for me to ask about Dev, but I didn’t, knowing Danial would press me to let him visit. The heat didn’t return, for which I was grateful.

  In those last days of my pregnancy in the dog days of August, I was absolutely miserable. I felt swollen, too uncomfortable to move. Adding to that were Theo and Danial, who were afraid to leave me alone anymore. They took turns lying in bed or watching TV with me. Danial read to me as well, mostly poetry from his older books, the ones I’d put by his bedside years ago when I’d first moved in. Most of them were the older poets, like Byron, Frost, and Tennyson. And the inevitable happened.

  Danial and I were lying in bed one morning, him reading to me from a collection of poems, when I heard the following familiar lines: