Taming Ryder

by Nicola Haken

  Those were the words that forced the threatening tears over the rim of my eyes. After everything he was still there. He still cared. Fuck I didn’t deserve that but he did, and it gave me the tiniest flicker of hope that everything was going to be okay.

  “I l-love you too,” I snivelled, choking on the tears.

  We ended the call and I wandered over to the reception chairs to sit down before I fell down. I faced away from any people in the room, staring out of the window so they couldn’t see the tears staining my cheeks. Outside was right there, right in front of my nose. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to go out of those doors by myself yet, so I didn’t. I’d been officially released though, so surely that meant I could? Should I ask someone? Should I just get up and try leaving? These were just some of the questions racing through my mind as I waited.

  I sat there another ten minutes, and once the tears had stemmed I looked around at my surroundings. The woman on reception had her eyes on some paperwork on her desk, two guards were chatting by the doors that led to the governor’s office and a handful of people were waiting to visit their loved ones on the other side of the bars. Nobody was watching me, which made me think I really was free.

  So, rising from my chair I took a tentative step towards the closed double doors. Scanning behind me, I still wasn’t the point of anyone’s interest so I took another step, then another, then one more until I was able to push the door with my hand. Of course, it wouldn’t open. I must’ve momentarily forgotten that I was in a damn prison. Turning around, I held my hand up to the receptionist like a school kid.

  “Hey, can you…”

  Nodding, she reached under the desk and pressed whichever button released the doors. I heard a click and then pushed again, immediately feeling the cool breeze on my face. Once I was fully outside I tipped my head back towards the sky and closed my eyes, sighing with a mixture of relief and anxiety about what was to follow. Carrying my clear plastic bag of belongings, I took myself over to a low brick wall that trimmed a vast lawn. Sitting down, I waited, my nerves intensifying with every second that passed.

  A car I didn’t recognise slowed to a stop in one of the visitor parking bays and as soon as a I caught a flash of brown, highlighted hair that I knew belonged to Mason, my heart hammered so fiercely I feared it might rocket out of my chest. His eyes caught mine immediately and after pausing for just a fraction of a second, he ran over to me so fast his legs morphed into a blur.

  “Oh my God,” he sobbed, pulling me into his arms. He held me so tightly I could barely breathe, yet still I didn’t pull away from him, instead snaking my arms around his waist. “Oh my God, you’re here. You’re really here. I’ve been so fucking scared.”

  “Me too,” I wept. “I didn’t think I had a hope of getting out of there.”

  “I told you we would,” he said, pulling back and assessing my face with piercing eyes. “Come on, let’s get you back to the hotel.” I went to release myself from his hold but he pulled me back into his chest again. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered into my neck. “I love you.”

  “Come on, you guys,” I heard Jake holler. Opening my eyes I saw him standing by the car with his door open. Mason pulled away, smiling at me with eyes that held so much sadness, then we walked hand in hand towards Jake.

  **********

  “How do you feel?” Mason asked me, tracing my jaw with his finger as we lay down in bed. When we got back to the hotel nobody pushed me to talk, nobody expected anything from me. Rather, Mason took me straight back to his room and after taking separate showers we crawled into bed – not sleeping, not touching, just lying side by side and staring at one another.

  “Confused, tired,” I shrugged, not really knowing how I felt. “Doesn’t really feel real that I’m out yet. I know that must sound bizarre, I’ve not been in there that long, but it’s already fucked with my head so much.”

  “It doesn’t sound bizarre. It was unexpected and undeserved. You didn’t know what was going on.”

  “I still don’t, and I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse.”

  Mason’s eyebrows pursed together and his lips curled downwards into a frown, almost as if he was contemplating something.

  “Do you want to know?”

  “Do you know?”

  “Yeah. I’m telling you Jake is Columbo in disguise.”

  I would’ve laughed, but nerves mixed with curiosity rendered me unable to move.

  “Then…yes. Yes I think I do.” The what ifs and whys would only continue to torture me if I didn’t.

  “Your father arranged to have those drugs planted in your pocket, it was also your father who got the charges dropped.”

  “Wait, what? My dad? Why did he…wait, why would he get me out if he wanted me in there in the first place?” This didn’t make any sense.

  “Jake didn’t leave him much of a choice.”

  “Why would he do that to me? My own father?”

  What had I ever done to make him hate me so much?

  “I don’t know, Ry. To be honest I didn’t care, all I was concerned about was getting you out of that hell hole.”

  “So you’ve seen him? How did you find out? He just told you?”

  “It’s a long story. We went to see your mom first to try and find out what happened before you got arrested. Then we looked into that guy who ran into you at the pub but didn’t get anywhere. Then when some interesting things came to light about your dad, Jake used him to try and get you out. He kind of admitted it by accident after that.”

  “I don’t think I can talk about this right now,” I confessed, my stomach rolling and tipping bile up towards my throat.

  “I’m here when you do, and if you don’t, I’m here too. This is over now and we can move on. Together.”

  “Mason I…” I could do this. I could tell him. I could be honest like I said I would. “Doesn’t matter.” Or maybe not…

  “Yes it does. Everything matters, Ry. Tell me,” he coaxed gently, brushing along my arm with the back of his fingertips. I’d missed his touch so badly.

  “I…well when…Look I…”

  “Take your time, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I did something stupid while I was in there. I know I said I’d talk to you but you weren’t there. Nobody was there. And it was so intense, it was too much. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel anything but pain and fear and guilt. I tried not to but it got too strong. I didn’t-”

  “Shhhh,” Mason soothed, palming my cheek and interrupting my nervous ramble. “Did you hurt yourself? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

  “Yes,” I breathed, barely a whisper. I closed my eyes because I was too embarrassed to look at him, to let him see how weak I felt.

  He didn’t reply – not with words anyway. Instead, he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my head into his chest. We stayed like that, in silence with him holding me for what could’ve been a lifetime, but of course everything comes to an end, and he broke away.

  “Can I see?” he asked gently.

  “Um…”

  No.

  Why?

  They’re horrible.

  I’m horrible.

  “Ryder I’m going to see you naked again at some point.”

  “But…”

  “Once I’ve seen them you can relax with me. If you don’t, you’ll keep holding yourself back a little. You’ll keep worrying about it, because I know you are. I can see it in your eyes.”

  Thinking he was probably right, but still feeling more ashamed than I’d ever felt in my life, I reluctantly sat up on the mattress and tucked my hands into the waistband of my pants, ready to wriggle out of them.

  “You cut your legs?” he asked, the surprise evident in his tone. I simply shrugged, again too embarrassed to make eye contact. I kept my gaze firmly locked onto my feet as I tugged down on my pants. I counted my toes one way and then back again, anything to divert the idea that he was l
ooking at me, looking at them.

  “Oh, Ryder,” he sighed softly. Hearing his voice, I closed my eyes, the toe counting becoming ineffective. Feeling the mattress sink beside me, I held my breath, knowing Mason was moving but not being sure why. Then I felt him. His lips. The heat of his kiss landing on each one of my barely healed scars in turn. He moved again, my skin missing his presence already, and then I felt his warm breath caress my neck. “I love you.”

  Gently, he pushed me back down so I was lying on the mattress, my eyes never opening. He curled his whole body around mine, pinning me to him, then he rested his cheek against my pounding heart and we stayed that way until I drifted to sleep.

  **********

  It was the next morning before I woke up – the first uninterrupted nights sleep I’d had since the night before I was arrested. When I first opened my eyes I wondered how I’d missed the wake-up bell, but then remembered where I was when Mason’s arm tightened around my waist. He looked up at me from under his lashes and smiled, squeezing me a little harder and loosening the ties bound tightly around my heart. The next few days were going to be hard. Seeing people, talking to them, telling them what happened. But still, with Mason so close to my side, I had hope I could get through it relatively unscathed.

  “About the cuts on your leg,” Mason began, causing me to grimace in shame. “I think they’re getting infected. I don’t know what you used to do it but I’m guessing it wasn’t clean?”

  “Um, no. Probably not. But it’ll be fine in a few days.”

  “You need to see a doctor.”

  “No,” I said firmly.

  “This isn’t a discussion, Ry. You’re seeing a doctor. I have felt so fucking helpless lately. I wanted so badly to be with you, to hold you, take care of you, but I couldn’t. But I’m here now and I will take care of you whether you want me to or not.”

  “Fine, fine,” I agreed begrudgingly. “We’d best get up and ready for the day,” I added, changing the topic abruptly.

  First stop after showering and changing was seeing Sawyer for the first time since it happened. I should’ve known better than to be nervous about seeing him – he was one of my best friends. He didn’t press me, didn’t push, simply wrapped his arms around me and patted my back before getting back to his breakfast. Jake unsurprisingly gave me a nod and a slight, barely-there smile, and honestly, that meant the world to me.

  What proved to be the hardest part of the day was reuniting with Ivan. He was a lot more vocal than Sawyer and Jake, but he was also like a father, definitely more so than my own, to me so I didn’t mind opening up to him – as much as a struggle as I found it. This was the conversation where I found out Gio and Taylor who flew out with us didn’t know anything, and that a story about me being sick had been fabricated, so I went with it. The fact I looked like shit that had been pulled through a hedge and rolled in soil backed up the lie perfectly, and soon enough they were goofing around as if nothing was wrong with the world. I needed that more than I thought I did. Normality. Laughter.

  “Are you ready to fly home tonight?” Sawyer asked, sipping a bottle of water at the other side of the room in Ivan’s hotel suite.

  “Tonight?”

  “We didn’t think you’d want to hang around. But we can change it if you’re not ready.”

  “No, no I am. Just didn’t realise you could schedule a flight so quickly I guess.”

  “You can do anything for the right price,” Mason chuckled, dragging a smile from Jake that left me feeling like I was missing out on some hidden joke.

  “Elle is so desperate to see you,” Sawyer said, the sound of her name making me smile.

  “So am I. Bet she’s ready to kick my arse though.”

  “Probably,” Sawyer agreed, laughing a little. “Well you guys should go and pack up your things. Jake and I have a few things to sort out too, so we’ll meet you in the hotel lobby at three-ish?”

  “Three. No ‘ish’,” Jake interrupted.

  “Three,” I repeated. “Got it.”

  On that note, Mason and I said our goodbyes, both receiving a tight hug from Ivan and Seb, who’d remained fairly quiet throughout the entire conversation. We had several hours to kill, and it only took us one to pack up our things.

  “I never did show you the sights,” I said, staring mournfully out of the window and looking over the centre of London and all it’s traffic.

  “Maybe another time,” Mason said, coming up behind me and curling his hands around my waist. “Ryder, can you do something for me when we get home?”

  “Um, like what?” I asked curiously.

  “I’m here for you, you know that. I’ll be here to listen whenever you need to and I’ll help you in any way I can.”

  “But?”

  “But…You have so many demons inside you, Ry, and I don’t know how to help you with those. I wish I did, and I want to, but I need someone to show me how, and so do you. I want you to get some help. Talk to a therapist. And please don’t see that as me giving up or passing your problems onto someone else.”

  “I will,” I resolved. “I’ll do it. At least I’ll try. I don’t know how easy it would be for me to actually talk to a stranger. I can barely talk to you.”

  “You will?” he said, his voice rising a pitch as he spun me around to face him.

  “Not exactly doing a great job of dealing with this shit on my own, am I?”

  “You’re not on your own.”

  “You know what I mean. I’m fucked-up, tiger. I’ve been fucked-up for a long time. And you know what? I’m tired of it. I love you. I love the new family I’ve been given. I want more than this. I want to be free from all the shit stirring constantly around my brain, and I’ve reached the point where I’ll try fucking anything to get it, so I can be happier, and freer, with you.”

  “Kiss me, Ryder. Kiss me and don’t ever fucking stop.”

  So I did. Taking his face in both hands, I moulded my lips to his. For a moment I just felt him. I didn’t move, didn’t taste. But as my dick began to swell the urge to devour him took over all my senses and I dipped my tongue deep inside his mouth and licked every corner while pushing on his chest, encouraging him to walk backwards into the bedroom. By the time I drove him backwards onto the mattress his t-shirt was already missing, tossed somewhere on the floor behind us. Bending down I licked along his chest, pausing at each nipple and roughly sucking as I undid the zipper on his jeans.

  “I want you so bad,” I groaned against his firm flesh. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.” I kissed my way downwards, taking my time along the faint trail of hair that led to the place I wanted most. I tugged his jeans until they got caught on his ankles, and he kicked them over, separating his legs far enough for me to climb in between.

  I stared down at his thick cock, my mouth salivating with the need to taste it. Climbing onto my knees, I leaned down and licked the sparkling bead of pre-cum that sat precariously on the tip of his dick. My tongue darted out, drawing the drop of sweetness into my mouth. It only encouraged me. I wanted more. I needed more, and so opening my hungry mouth I fastened my lips around his length and took him to the back of my throat.

  “Holy shit,” he whimpered, writhing beneath me. One of Mason’s hands fisted my hair while the other curled around the sheets beneath him. He moaned, and rasped, and thrust into my mouth over and over again, so hard and forceful I gagged more than once, but I didn’t stop.

  “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to be inside you right now,” I said against his tight balls, dragging one into my mouth and sucking gently, nipping it faintly with my teeth.

  “Then do it. Fuck me. Right fucking now,” he begged, grasping my hair at both sides and pulling me up to his mouth.

  “You taste incredible,” I whispered against his lips. “God I’ve missed sucking you.”

  “Me too. But right now I need you inside me, Ryder. I need to feel connected to you.”

  Without pausing to take a breath I quickly jump
ed up from the bed and grabbed a condom and sachet of lube from the compartment in my travel bag. I wasted no time crawling back onto the bed, resuming my spot in between his strong legs. It’d been a while for both of us, so I paid his arse some attention first, coating my finger with lube and working it slowly inside him until there was room for two more.

  “Oh my fucking God. Your dick,” he pleaded. “I need you, Ryder.”

  After massaging the excess lube on my fingers around his tight, pink hole and around his balls, I rolled on the condom and coated it with the rest of the sachet. I positioned it at his entrance and it twitched in my hand, begging to delve inside his heat.

  “Are you ready for me?” I asked, panting in anticipation.

  “So ready.”

  Without further encouragement, I plunged my cock inside him – not softly or slowly, but hard and deep. Desperate. Possessive.

  “Fuck yes,” I cried into the air as I started to move. With my fingers gripped tightly around his thighs I drove into Mason with speed and determination. It’d been too long and I needed to come. I would savour him later. Oh hell, would I savour him later. “Hard enough for you?” I asked roughly through gritted teeth.

  “No,” he whimpered. “Harder. Closer.”

  I hitched him up, pushing his thighs towards his chest. Then I really started to move. I pounded him so fiercely his head kept hammering the headboard and he gasped, moaned and fisted the pillow behind his head.

  “Take your dick, tiger. Come for me,” I instructed, knowing I wouldn’t hold out much longer.

  Biting my lip, I watched intently as Mason took hold of his throbbing cock and rubbed it brutally up and down with his hand. He was close, as was I, I could tell by the flush in his neck and cheeks.

  “Holy fuck, Ry…”

  “That’s it, tiger. Keep going,” I encouraged, my harsh thrusts not relenting for a second.

  “Oh, oh…fuuuuuuuck!” Spurts of creamy, white spunk erupted from Mason’s tip, squirting all over his chest. “Come in my mouth for me,” he said, panting heavily. “I need to taste you.”