Pulled

by A. L. Jackson

  “What exactly do you want from me, Vanessa?”

  “What do you mean?” She’d turned toward me, her posture defensive, her voice feigning innocence.

  “You know exactly what I mean. I’m not here to play games. Tell me what you want from me.” I had no intention of giving her what she wanted, but I just needed to hear her say it.

  “Well, Daniel, we are having a baby. Don’t you think we should get married?”

  Holy shit. I was right. I just hadn’t expected her to come straight out and say it. She wanted money. And she wanted my name. I laughed out loud as I shook my head; she was indeed insane.

  “Why are you laughing? There is nothing funny about this situation, Daniel.”

  “Oh, I disagree. I find this utterly fucking hilarious.” Did she really think she could get away with this? Yeah, I had been stupid enough to fall for it the first time, but that night would be the one mistake I’d make; there would not be a repeat.

  “Daniel, we’re having a baby. We need to...find a way to work this out.” She tried to sound confident, but it sounded more as if she were pleading.

  “No, Vanessa. There will never be anything between us.” I looked directly at her. “Never.” Even I hated the sound of my voice, but I had to be clear on this point.

  “What? Is this about that bitch at dinner that you couldn’t stop staring at? She’s married for God’s sake!” she screeched.

  That bitch? I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to talk as if she knew anything about Melanie or me. I ran my hands through my hair, trying to rein in the outrage consuming me.

  “You don’t know me, Vanessa, so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop talking like you do.” Getting my temper under control, I forced myself to keep my tone even. “I don’t want anything to do with you.” I squeezed the steering wheel as I said the words, trying to keep myself from spitting them at her. “I know that baby is my responsibility, and I’ll accept that. I’ll pay child support, but I expect to have joint custody.”

  Inside the car was silent except for the short breaths I could hear Vanessa taking as she chewed on her lip, her hands clutching her purse. I looked around, surprised we were already approaching her house.

  “You’ll hear from my attorney tomorrow. Other than that, I don’t want to hear from you unless it is directly related to the baby. Do you understand?” I sat in my seat and waited for her answer.

  “What? W…wha…why?” she stammered, gawking at me.

  “Because I don’t appreciate being taken advantage of.” I glared at her, daring her to deny it.

  “I...I...” Her words twisted together, unable to form a lie quickly enough.

  That’s what I thought.

  I would never have treated her like this if this had been an accident, if the two of us had been irresponsible and had the consequences to face. What I wouldn’t tolerate was being manipulated.

  She mumbled under her breath, “You’re an asshole,” as she opened the door and got out, running up the sidewalk to her house.

  Yeah, probably so.

  “But you are a whore,” I muttered to her retreating form.

  Mom would kill me if she ever found out how I’d treated Vanessa. She’d remind me that everyone deserved to be respected, even if you didn’t feel like giving it to them. But I was in full defense mode because Vanessa was most definitely a threat.

  Leaving Vanessa allowed the emptiness to suck me in, and I drove aimlessly, my only companion the burn on my skin Melanie had left behind.

  I’d missed her so badly all these years, haunted by the memories of her face, agonized by the loss of her comfort, plagued by the grief we should have shared. All of that was still there, strong and growing, except there was something else building with it. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt—good?

  Even though I knew I should stay away, there was not a chance in hell I would. I had to see her again even if it was only from a distance.

  I pulled off to the side of the road, dust flying as I came to an abrupt stop. I searched for Nicholas Borelli on my phone. Numerous results popped up on the screen, but there was something specific I was looking for. Scrolling through, one caught my eye—his personal address. I saved the site and threw my phone onto the seat next to me as I took off toward home.

  I knew I’d never fall asleep tonight; I didn’t even think I wanted to. I entered my apartment, an expanse of desolation only because she wasn’t there, but tonight it was different. Instead of climbing into the shower and giving myself over to my pain, I walked out onto the balcony and gazed upon the city lights, knowing she was there. Leaning against the railing, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel all the love, hurt, and longing she had shown me tonight. My chest filled with my love for her, and once again, I called upon the power that somehow held us together. I prayed she was safe and felt loved, by me.

  Chapter Eleven

  I glanced back up to see Daniel watching me with his hands in his pockets, defeat in his eyes. I mouthed a silent bye to him as Nicholas slid into the driver’s side and pulled away. I almost missed the words my love form on Daniel’s lips. As we drove away from the restaurant, my heart broke all over again as I watched him disappear from sight in the side mirror.

  A thick silence descended over the car as Nicholas sped through the streets. His knuckles strained against the steering wheel, his chin taut and teeth clenched. Not a word was uttered in the twenty-five minutes it took us to get back to the house.

  He pulled into the garage and climbed from the car. Fear ran up my spine. I’d never been afraid of him before, but the expression on his face told me it was time to start. He said nothing as he opened my door, waiting for me to get out. The only sound was that of my heels clicking on the concrete floor as he followed me into the house.

  “You fucking whore.” The words were controlled and menacing, making me stop mid-stride, and I slowly turned to him. He stared at me, and I felt the threat in his eyes. I didn’t know where the courage came from, but I didn’t back down. I was done. I would no longer allow him this control over me. My face must have told him that very thing, because I heard the crack before I felt the sting on my face.

  My hand went to my face, my hate growing with each rise and fall of my chest.

  “Melanie.” With a sneer, he brought his face close to mine. “You’re very lucky that guy was as fucked up as you are, otherwise I would beat the shit out of you right now.” Purposefully, he unbuttoned the sleeves of his shirt and rolled them up his arms, quiet fury on his face as he waited for me to succumb.

  That was not going to happen.

  I leaned in close to him, exhaling into his face. I felt the words form, knowing my response would change everything.

  “Fuck you.” The words slowly slid through my lips. He froze, his shock evident, and I turned and left him standing in the foyer.

  I went upstairs and got a pair of pajamas. When I got back downstairs, Nicholas still stood in the same spot. I didn’t acknowledge him as I retired to the guest bedroom. There was no way I would lie next to that man.

  As sleep neared, I could feel myself racing toward the usual dreams of love and loss. But tonight, I could also feel something new. It was the same feeling I couldn’t quite put my finger on earlier in the day.

  Hope.

  Yes, change was coming.

  ***

  I jolted upright, unaware of where I was while the events of last night seeped into my consciousness.

  Daniel.

  I smiled as I looked around the guest room, running my hands over the soft sheets, remembering the dreams I had had of him last night. It was the best sleep I’d had in years. Even though he wasn’t lying there beside me, his presence was never far.

  Distant rapping echoed from the front door, while my phone buzzed at the same time.

  I glanced to the clock.

  “Nine thirty-four?” I mumbled to myself.

  I couldn’t believe I’d slept the morning away. Nicholas would h
ave left for the office hours ago. Never in nine years had I not gotten up to make him breakfast. I was still shocked that I’d finally stood up to him and refused him that control I’d so willingly given.

  I felt so—free.

  My phone buzzed again, and I grabbed it, seeing seven missed texts from Katie. The last demanded that I hurry up and open the front door. Grinning, I got up and padded barefoot across the tile floor, anxious to see my friend. I wasn’t sure what would have happened had she not been there last night.

  I looked through the peephole before twisting the lock and opening the door. “Katie!” I launched myself into her arms as she stood in my entryway.

  She was the only one who understood, and right now, I had never been more confused in my entire life. My heart was soaring with the palpable love I had felt from Daniel last night. It finally beat with true life, my dead soul resuscitated by his mere touch. At the same time, my chest had been torn open, old wounds gaping with fresh memories of our lost love, thoughts of what could have been—what should have been—and now what would never be. But he loved me. I knew I could go on knowing that. The thought of him crawling into bed next to another woman nearly killed me, but I could accept it.

  I would never attempt to come between him and his family.

  She had his body, but I had his soul.

  “I thought you were going to need me today.” Katie hugged me, rubbing my back as I buried my face in her shoulder.

  She pulled back to look at my face, an audible hiss coming from her lips. “That bastard.” Her hand came up to my chin, tilting my head her direction.

  I touched my cheek, wincing at the slight soreness. Turning to the mirror on the wall, there was a purple bruise that marked my cheekbone. I ran my fingers across it, the sight of it stirring my hatred once again.

  Katie stood behind me, concern on her face. “Are you okay?” I could see she was trying to control herself, but there was rage brewing in her.

  I shook my head as I turned to her. “This,” I said, gesturing to the bruise, “is as far as the asshole got.” I felt sick to my stomach as I recalled the look on his face last night as he had tried to put me in my place.

  “I can’t believe he actually hit me, after all these years of playing this part he wrote for me, fitting it perfectly. I’ve hated myself for so long. I’d allowed him to treat me like garbage because I didn’t feel like I was worth anything.” I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to keep the tears from coming. “I don’t know what came over me. I was just...done. I finally stood up for myself, Katie...I slept in the guestroom last night.” A small smile crept over my face as I waited for her reaction.

  She stared at me for a few moments before she gently touched my shoulder. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “You don’t know what it means to me that you’re here, that you knew I’d need you.”

  “Of course I knew, Mel.” A moment was spent in knowing silence before her serious expression shifted and she smirked. “Besides, did you really think I’d miss getting the scoop on what the hell was going on last night? You know me better than that.”

  I laughed and shook my head at her.

  “Come on.” She inclined her head in the direction of the family room. “Go sit down, I’ll make us some coffee. We need to talk.”

  She turned toward the kitchen, and I headed to the family room. Goose bumps popped up over my arms when I walked by the window. I could feel Daniel everywhere, the energy now a constant reminder of just how near he was.

  Minutes later, Katie came into the room carrying two coffee cups. She handed one to me before settling onto the couch and drawing one leg up under her to face me. My back was propped against the armrest, my legs drawn to my chest. I brought the cup to my lips, taking the first sip. The warmth traveled down my throat and into my belly as I mulled over the events of the last twenty-four hours. It was almost as if it had all been a dream.

  Katie took a sip of her coffee and seemed to search for the right words. She looked me in the eyes, shaking her head. “I almost can’t believe it, this whole fate thing you’ve always talked about with Daniel, as if there were something magical between the two of you.” She inhaled deeply, scrunching up her nose. “I’ve never believed in stuff like that, but first the necklace and now last night…” she said, trailing off and waving her hand in the air as if she were trying to dismiss the whole concept.

  “I know, Katie. The whole idea seems so cliché, but there was always more to us than normal. Erin called us soul mates, but I...I’ve always known it was more than that.” I was almost embarrassed to describe it, but I needed Katie to understand. “It’s like we share the same soul, and when we’re apart, each half is looking for the other.” Katie’d probably think I’d lost my mind, but it was the truth.

  “I miss him so much. Seeing him with that woman...it just...tore me apart,” I swallowed the lump in my throat as I stumbled over the words. “But he loves me. He loves me just as much as I love him. I know it.” Tears began to fall. So many conflicting emotions had rocked me last night that it was hard to decipher them all. But there was one emotion that I couldn’t question, and that was his love for me.

  “Well, that much was very obvious, Melanie. I couldn’t tell what he wanted more...to rip Nicholas’s face off or to take you against the wall.” She raised her eyebrows at me, clearly referring to what she’d interrupted in front of the restrooms last night. “Sorry about that, by the way. Nicholas was getting ready to come looking for you, and I insisted I would check on you.”

  “Thanks.” I could only imagine what would have happened had it been Nicholas who found us rather than Katie.

  I groaned in frustration, remembering Daniel’s words—his why and the hurt on his face as if I had somehow put it there.

  “Katie, I’ve never been so confused. He’s the one who left me. He didn’t want me anymore, but he looked at me as if I was the one who broke his heart. I don’t understand.”

  “Yeah, I definitely picked up on that too.” Katie sucked in her bottom lip as she thought back to last night, her eyes narrowing in concentration. “I mean, there’s something missing, Melanie.” Her eyes darted back to mine. “You told me what happened when you went back for him, but why did you leave him in the first place?”

  I took a deep breath, preparing to tell a story I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get through without completely breaking down.

  “It’s just so hard,” I choked through my tears.

  March 2000

  It was excruciating—the pain. Where it was coming from, I wasn’t sure. I lay in the darkness, for how long I couldn’t tell. Voices, faint beeping, the shuffling of chairs came indistinct against my ears. I was so scared, though somehow I knew I would be okay, only because I could feel him. Daniel was there. Then there were times when he was not.

  When I’d hear whispered words and could feel the touch of his lips against my skin, I would relax. Then cold would descend, fear rushing in and threatening to take me away forever when he was gone. And just when I’d begin to despair, he would suddenly be there once again.

  I wanted to open my eyes to see him, and I fought so hard to. They’d flutter, the light stinging them, but I was unable to focus on anything.

  “Melanie.” I heard Daniel’s voice as he shifted toward me. I tried to call to him. I could barely make out the shape of his face before I drifted back into darkness once again. Finally, the fog began to fade. Voices became clearer, the pain became worse. I was suddenly aware of how difficult it was to breathe.

  “Melanie, my love,” he whispered against my hand. His lips caressed my skin.

  A cloud surrounded my head when I was finally able to keep my eyes open, like there was a haze hovering in the room. Everything was a blur—except for the hazel eyes staring down at me.

  They were filled with complete anguish.

  Everything became clear, confusion turned to clarity. Fear raced through my veins. “Eva?” I struggled to form the word, to ask about
her, to call to her. My mouth was dry, my tongue thick, and no sound came. My hands searched for her, clawing at the emptiness of my belly in panic.

  “Shh...shh. Baby, please calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Daniel’s hands restrained mine as he leaned over me and spoke against my ear. I calmed against his touch, unwilling to fight him, feeling his tears roll down my cheek and into my hair.

  I swallowed, saliva wetting my mouth as I licked my lips and found enough moisture to form the word. “Eva?”

  All of his breath left him as he stilled against my face, finally pulling away to look me in the eye. No words were said as he shook his head with tears running in a continuous stream down his face.

  No?

  His meaning soaked into my soul like poison. Soundless sobs racked my body as I fought to deny the truth. My baby girl. How could she be gone?

  Unbearable sadness consumed me and I was sucked back into the darkness, the pain too great to face. In moments of utter blackness, I struggled to find her, to go to her, but Daniel’s soul called me back to him, willing me to survive. When I could resist him no longer, I opened my eyes, once again, to meet his. Our grief poured between us as we silently mourned her.

  He spoke first, his voice cracked and strained. “Melanie, I’m so sorry.”

  Of course he was sorry. I was sorry, sorry for our pain, sorry for our loss. But the tortured look on his face told me that he blamed himself.

  Shaking my head, I reached out for Daniel’s cheek, wiping the tears from under his eyes. “I love you,” I said as I weakly tried to smile at him. He squeezed his eyes tight as more tears fell, and he shook his head against my hand, his body trembling.

  “I don’t deserve you, Melanie. You can never understand how sorry I am. If I could change it...” His chest heaved with his escalating anguish.

  I ran my hand through his hair in an attempt to ease him. “Look at me.” I cupped his cheek. His face contained more pain than any one person should ever bear. “It wasn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for this.” I didn’t know all the details of what had happened, but what I did know was that the car had come out of nowhere. “It hurts me even more to think of you blaming yourself for this. Please, I need you to forgive yourself for whatever you think you’re responsible for.” I rubbed the back of his neck, looking him in the face, making sure he understood and accepted what I was trying to tell him.