THE MAVERICK'S CHRISTMAS BABY

by Victoria Pade

  You’re not mine....

  You’re neither one mine, he reminded himself.

  But somehow it felt as if they were. Or, at least, as if they should be. And the thought of walking away from either of them was something he just couldn’t find it in himself to do.

  He let his head rest against the back of the lounger he’d been sitting in for the past few hours. He thought that this might have been the room that Laurel was in when Ryder was born, but unlike being here with Nina after their near collision, that thought didn’t disturb him now. Now it was Nina’s room, and being there with her seemed so natural that nothing that had come before it could have an impact.

  After marveling—and reveling—in that fact for a moment, he closed his eyes the way he had for brief catnaps while watching over these two.

  But this time he had no intention of sleeping. This time he tried to mentally remove himself from this picture the way he knew he should.

  You already have three kids waiting for you at the ranch. Three kids you need to go home to. Three kids to think of...

  And after spending the past year being the voice of reason every time anyone he knew had fallen in love—the voice of doom, some would say—he tried to be the voice of reason again now. With himself.

  There was no doubt that Laurel had left him gun-shy when it came to romance, to relationships, to marriage. For himself or for anyone else. It could all just so easily go sour, and no matter how hard a person tried, they couldn’t sweeten it up again—it was a harsh lesson he’d learned.

  He and Laurel had gotten together so young—that was what he’d decided was the main cause of things not working out between them. That, while he might have known exactly what he wanted, Laurel had been more the child doing what she was told, what was expected of her, what had been fairly easy to persuade her to do. Had she been less the child and more the adult, she might not have made the choices she had. The choices she’d regretted and amended when it had hurt so many.

  So he’d decided that if he ever got involved with anyone again—and he hadn’t been sure he ever would—the woman would have to be mature and stable. Someone whose feet were firmly planted on the ground.

  But Nina was only twenty-five. A single year older than Laurel had been when he’d finally talked her into actually marrying him.

  What if, a few years from now when Nina was older, she felt stifled the way Laurel had? What if she woke up one day and decided she wasn’t happy living in Rock Creek Falls anymore? What if being a parent turned out to be a trial for her the way it had been for Laurel, and she wanted to push the reset button, too? She could even bail and leave him with her daughter....

  Trust. That was part of this, Dallas realized.

  He knew that while Laurel might not have taken the kids away from him, she had taken away some of his ability to trust. To trust another woman. To trust his own judgment when it came to women.

  But then he opened his eyes and looked at Nina again, thinking: This is Nina. Not Laurel...

  And as he started to actually see Nina, he silently, wryly, chuckled at his own thoughts. At how he’d just portrayed her in his mind. The second Laurel...

  It was all a damn scary scene he’d painted.

  But it wasn’t the real Nina, and he knew it.

  No, she didn’t have the years on her—there was no denying that. And, yes, her venturing into single parenthood might have seemed a little rash to him at the beginning. But now it served as a sign to him that Nina really did know her own mind. That she really did know what she wanted. And that she was strong enough to make the decision to have this baby on her own, to raise this baby on her own, and to take the steps to accomplish it.

  And if anyone could handle single parenthood, it was Nina.

  If anyone would deal with whatever unforeseen difficulties might come of it, it was Nina.

  If anyone would dig in her heels and make it work, it was Nina.

  Because young or not, she was still a woman of substance, of grit, of everything good and kind and sweet and generous and giving. And she was about as grounded a person as he’d ever met.

  He’d seen her in action, he’d seen with his own two eyes how much she loved Rust Creek Falls and what she was willing to do to help it come back from the flood—even being eight months pregnant. And not only was it impressive, not only were her pure will and determination and energy level impressive, but no one did all she’d done for a place they would leave behind, either.

  And he’d also seen what she’d done for him and his boys—she was a problem solver, she was someone who hunkered down and did what needed to be done. Someone who thought enough of family, of kids, to want to help them see light again at the end of the divorce tunnel.

  Even when it wasn’t her own family.

  Even when it was a family her own was feuding with.

  None of that—not a single thing—would have been Laurel. Not at any age. Laurel was as Laurel had begun—all about herself.

  Laurel, who hadn’t sent a thing to the boys to remember them at Christmas.

  Instead, it was Nina who had saved Christmas—for him and the boys. Both with what she’d done openly and with what she’d done behind the scenes with those shirts his sons were all so delighted to believe were from their mother.

  Nina, who showed no jealousy over Laurel. Who hadn’t cared about making the other woman look good or bad. Who had only thought about his boys and that it might make them feel better to allow them to think their mother hadn’t completely forgotten them. Hadn’t thought they were nothing...

  Also unlike Laurel.

  No, Nina was nothing like his ex-wife and she wouldn’t just turn her back on a husband, a marriage, kids, to run off for her own sake, any more than he would.

  But what was he thinking? he asked himself. What was he really thinking?

  About marriage and Nina?

  Well, here you are, a small clear voice in the back of his mind said, fresh out of her delivery room, holding her daughter, not knowing how you’re going to be able to leave either of them behind....

  Marriage and Nina.

  Where was that gun-shyness he’d hit everyone else with this past year?

  Nowhere to be found.

  Because, even though he didn’t know how it had happened, he’d somehow fallen in love with Nina.

  He hadn’t let himself categorize the way he was feeling about her before. But there and then, tired and emotionally raw, his guard was down. And it all worked together to leave bare what those feelings genuinely were.

  He loved her. In a way he might not have ever loved Laurel.

  What he’d felt for Laurel had begun when they were kids. It had begun as what was probably puppy love. And maybe the fact that they’d gone from there had left a certain amount of immaturity to it.

  He hadn’t realized that before, but now, comparing what he’d felt for Laurel with what he felt for Nina, he could tell the difference.

  This was something deeper, more intense, stronger and more resilient. It was the adult version. It was him, mature and stable, feet firmly planted on the ground, in love with her.

  But what about her?

  Yes, she was far beyond Laurel when it came to maturity and stability, and the kind of person she was. But did she feel for him what he felt for her? And even if she did, was she willing to take on someone older than she was again? Was she willing to take on someone who already had three kids of his own?

  And what about that damn feud?

  He wasn’t worried so much about his family—he didn’t believe that Christmas had been merely a show. He honestly thought that they were willing to accept Nina—even though she was a Crawford—if she made him happy. And she did.

  But what about her family?

  There wasn’t anything warm and
fuzzy on that front. Even the night before, when he’d called to say Nina had gone into labor and that he was taking her to the hospital, her mother had been outraged to learn that Nina was with him.

  So, no, that would not be an easy road to travel.

  And trying to end the generations-old battle between the Crawfords and the Traubs might be an undertaking bigger than Nina would want to deal with.

  But what was it she’d told him at the very start of this whole thing, when she’d talked about using artificial insemination to have this baby?

  That sometimes a person had to go after what they wanted.

  No matter what, and even if not everything is just right, Dallas added himself.

  At least he had to try to go after what he wanted.

  Which was Nina.

  And Noelle.

  And a life with them in Rust Creek Falls...

  * * *

  Nothing had ever looked as good to Nina as the sight of Dallas sitting beside her hospital bed holding her tiny new daughter in his big, muscular arms, against his broad chest.

  He was gazing down at Noelle, letting her grasp his index finger in one of her tiny fists, beaming at her with a look of such warmth and delight and adoration in his blue eyes.

  For a moment, Nina stayed perfectly still, perfectly quiet, just looking at the two of them, trying to burn the image into her brain to keep forever, and marveling at the pure potency of what she felt at that moment.

  Then, as if to check on her, Dallas looked up from the baby and when he saw that Nina was awake, he grinned that one-sided grin of his and said a simple “Hey.”

  “You didn’t go home,” Nina responded, marveling at that fact, too. And how glad she was that he hadn’t. And how safe and secure it made her feel to have him there.

  “Nah, couldn’t do it,” he said, taking a deep breath that expanded his chest.

  He stood and came to sit on the side of her bed with Noelle, facing Nina.

  Nina couldn’t resist reaching out to touch the baby’s hand wrapped so tightly around his finger. And his finger, too...

  “How come? Wouldn’t your truck start or did we have another blizzard or—”

  He shook his head. “I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t make myself do it.”

  Nina smiled, but only tentatively. He seemed to be getting at something and she was a little afraid of what it might be.

  Or maybe afraid to hope what it might be...

  Then he started to talk about sitting there with Noelle, about the fact that he hadn’t been able to make himself leave either one of them, about that getting him to thinking....

  And the sweet, sweet things he said about what he felt for her, what he felt for Noelle, what he wanted, brought tears to Nina’s eyes.

  “I know we’re not the same age and never will be,” he said, extracting his finger from the newborn so he could stroke Nina’s cheek. “And I know I have three kids I’d be asking you to take on, and that’s a lot. And even though my family has let you slip through a crack in their side of the feud, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ready to lay down the hatchet completely—although I have some hopes. And your family still hates the idea of anything Traub, but—”

  He paused, shook his head and shrugged as if none of that really mattered. “I love you, Nina. I love you so much I’m bowled over by it. I want to move you and this baby into my house before you ever get out of this bed so you both can come home with me when you leave here. I want a whole lifetime with you, with Noelle, that starts right now. I want you to go on looking out for my boys and making their lives better. I even want a couple more of these—” he jiggled Noelle ever so slightly “—that we make ourselves. And I can’t leave until I know there’s any chance that I might be able to have—”

  “Nina!”

  “You. To have it all with you,” Dallas finished despite the hushed but harsh voice of Laura Crawford coming from behind him, from where Nina’s mother stood in the doorway.

  “Mom,” Nina greeted quietly. “I didn’t think you would be able to come...”

  Nina had been completely tuned in to Dallas and what he was saying. And his broad shoulders effectively blocked the view of the doorway, so there had been no indication that her mother was standing there or for how long or how much she might have overheard. But apparently it was enough.

  “I called the hospital before dawn and talked to them about whether or not I could come over here from a sick house. They said as long as I wasn’t sick and I wore this getup and this mask and didn’t touch the baby, they’d let me in. I thought you’d be alone...”

  Even standing there looking like a green marshmallow, a surgical mask covering her nose and mouth, her mother still managed to convey righteous indignation. Quiet righteous indignation, but still righteous indignation.

  “No, Dallas has been with me the whole time,” Nina said, infusing her words with a plea to be reasonable.

  “And now he wants to move you into his house? He wants to take over my grandbaby?”

  So she’d heard plenty. Nina wasn’t ready to get into any of that with her yet so she merely said, “Did you come to see your granddaughter or to fight?”

  “I didn’t come to see her in the hands of a Traub,” Laura Crawford muttered under her breath, just loudly enough to be heard.

  Nina shook her head disgustedly but said to Dallas, “Maybe you could give us a minute. And take the baby to the nursery, where she doesn’t have to be in the middle of this.”

  “I’ll do whatever you want,” Dallas assured her.

  He took Noelle to the doorway Laura Crawford continued to block, and stood tall and strong and unyielding in front of her when he said, “Mrs. Crawford, this is your granddaughter. I know you have to want a look no matter who’s holding her....”

  Laura cast him another scathing glare from over the surgical mask and gazed down at Noelle, her eyes filling with tears at that first glimpse of the newborn, despite whatever anger she felt at Dallas.

  “Beautiful, isn’t she?” Dallas asked calmly, understandingly.

  Then he said, “I love your daughter, Mrs. Crawford. I already love this little girl here in my arms. I just want the chance to make Nina as happy as she makes me. I want to look out for her daughter the way she’s looked out for my boys, and I want to make a life for us all. Can’t we put the rest behind us?”

  Nina watched her mother blink back her tears over seeing Noelle for the first time but stubbornly say nothing in response to Dallas. Instead, she stepped aside so he could take the baby out.

  Over his shoulder, Dallas cast Nina a glance that asked if she was sure she wanted him to go. And only when Nina nodded in response did he finally disappear down the corridor with Noelle.

  Nina raised the head of her bed so she could sit more upright to face what she knew was coming as her mother crossed the room.

  “I can’t believe this,” her mother said despondently, going on to voice her disapproval in no uncertain terms.

  But Nina couldn’t concentrate on her mother’s hushed-for-the-hospital tirade. She was still thinking too much about what Dallas had just said.

  He loved her.

  He loved her.

  He loved her...

  And still awash in all that had filled her own heart when she’d opened her eyes to see him holding Noelle, it struck her like a bolt of lightning that she loved him, too.

  But clearly it wasn’t that simple.

  Not when she was under the attack of her mother’s dislike of the Traubs.

  Not when she was envisioning being uprooted from her apartment, taking Noelle home to Dallas’s house rather than to the nursery Nina had made for her, moving out to Dallas’s ranch and stepping into his already established life and family. Not when she was envisioning all the adapt
ing and accommodating that that meant for her.

  All the adapting and accommodating that was so much like what she’d had to do for Leo and had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t do again for another man. That she would only do for Noelle.

  Noelle, who was her first priority, the one she had to think about now.

  Wouldn’t saying yes to Dallas cause her hours-old daughter to take a backseat? Rather than being the coveted first and only child, the way she’d come into this world, she would instantly be just one of four kids. Was that fair to her?

  Nina’s mind was spinning faster than her mother was talking.

  She’d planned to devote herself to this baby she’d wanted so much. She fully intended to dote on Noelle, and she already loved her like she’d never loved anything or anyone. And no, the idea of Noelle taking a backseat to anything or anybody did not appeal to Nina.

  But when she thought about the expression on Dallas’s handsome face when she’d first opened her eyes to that sight of him holding Noelle such a short while ago, she realized that she’d seen the doting and all she felt for Noelle coming from him, too. Which meant that Noelle could have two loving, adoring, doting parents instead of just one.

  And when she thought of it that way, it felt a little like she would be denying her daughter something if Nina said no.

  But Noelle would still be one of four kids.

  And Nina couldn’t bear to think of her daughter lost in the shuffle.

  On the other hand, Nina herself had been the youngest of six and she’d never felt lost in any shuffle.

  Instead she’d always had someone to play with, to follow around and torment to amuse herself. She’d always had someone whose bed she could crawl into if she had a nightmare. She’d never been alone in facing bullies or the trials and tribulations of growing up. She’d had brothers and a sister to turn to for comfort after the breakup with Leo. She wasn’t alone in dealing with her parents aging, and when she lost her parents, she wouldn’t be left alone in the world then, either.

  Because she had family.