by M. Leighton
Moving as quickly as I can, I throw all my weight onto Barber’s chest, pinning one arm with my knee while I twist his hand to at least aim the gun at the other side of the building, away from any human targets. The instant he’s subdued, I blast my elbow into his face. Almost as an extension of the motion that brings me back around, I yank the gun from my waistband and turn to level it at Chaps, who’s still scrambling to get his own pistol out and aimed. He hasn’t quite made the arc all the way to Tommi when I pull back on the hammer of my revolver. The muted click echoes through the room like the warning shot of a cannon. He stops dead.
“Don’t do it, Chaps. I’ll drop you where you stand.”
His eyes are wide and a fine sheen of sweat is dotting his brow. I see the indecisiveness on his face. I meet it with the sheer gravity of my words. “Don’t believe me? Try it. Try it, you son of a bitch. I will kill you if you point that thing at Tommi. I will end your life if you so much as whisper a threat against her. You don’t deserve to live and I’d thank holy God for the chance to send your ass straight to hell.”
One heartbeat. Two. Before the third thump vibrates in my chest, indecision becomes hesitation, and hesitation becomes fear. I see it flood the dull gray of his glare. If he had more time to think, he might choose differently, but I’m taking that away from him, forcing his hand. He’s backing down.
I’m sure that on some level he knows there’s still a chance for him. Lance Tonin is who we’re after. He’s the big fish. If Chaps talks, he could make a deal. And I’d say he’ll do just that. As long as we can keep Tonin from getting to him before then. It’s hard to hide from a man like Lance Tonin, especially in a brick building full of criminals with nowhere to go.
“Be smart, man,” I add, tipping the scales even though I know he be shooting anyone now.
Chaps lets the gun drop upside down and swing around on his trigger finger, pointing harmlessly at the wall. Carefully and quietly, I let out the breath I’d been holding.
I nod at him and he pales, like what he’s done is just now sinking in. He gave up his only real advantage. The only leverage either of them had on me was Tommi and Travis. Now I’m in control.
“Throw the gun to me. Get on the ground, face down, hands behind your head.” Resigned, the teacher does as I say. I feel Barber start to squirm again beneath me, no doubt waking from the elbow to the face he got less than a minute ago. With my knee, I kick him in the ribs. Then, as his body folds in on itself, I meet his face with my elbow again. Blood spurts from his wrecked nose and his head lolls to one side.
“Tommi,” I say as I roll Barber onto his belly. “Get the gun. Travis, find me something to tie these two up with.”
Before any of this takes place, though, I hear a sudden bang, like a door being thrown open. It’s followed by the loud order to, “Drop it!”
I don’t even have to turn around to know it’s the cavalry. There’s not a criminal in history that can effectively master that command like an officer of the law.
“Don’t shoot. I’m a cop.” I raise my hands, letting my gun fall around my trigger finger like Chaps did. Slowly, I stand and turn around. Poised just inside the door are two cops, dressed in gear that tells me they were ready to storm this place the minute I texted it in. Black from head to toe, Kevlar vest, face protection, assault rifles at the ready–they’re prepared for war. Behind them, I see four more filing in. There are probably more outside, posted in different positions surrounding this place. “Damn it’s good to see you boys!”
“On your knees!”
I do as I’m told. I know they have to subdue us all until they can confirm who I am. I smile as one of the men quick-steps toward me to kick my gun away. I’m in the home stretch.
It’s not until they haul me up by my cuffed hands that I look around and am reminded of the emptiness of the room again. My satisfaction is somewhat muted.
Shit! I just hope all this wasn’t for nothing.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE- TOMMI
I’ve had so many nightmarish days in my life. There have been days of death and violence, blood and crime, loss and grief, but somehow I’ve weathered it all. Never have I felt like dying would be a blessed relief.
Until today.
Today, I experienced more freedom and more betrayal than I’ve ever known. Today, I experienced the love I’ve always craved and the heartache I’ve always dreaded. Today, I experienced truth and lies, sacrifice and selfishness, bliss and desperation, and it’s tearing me apart.
I had Sig. His love, his trust, his understanding, and for a few minutes, I had hope. Real hope. But then, with just a few sentences, it was ripped cruelly from my grasp, from my heart. Now I’m left with the tattered remains of a life that I hated and a future that’s questionable at best. And pain. A lot of pain.
As I sit at the police station, locked in an interrogation room, wondering what’s happening with my brother, I fight back tears. I don’t often allow myself the luxury of tears, or of feeling sorry for myself, but right now I don’t think I can fight either one. All that I’ve done to keep my brother with me, all that I’ve done to pave the way for a better life for us, was a waste. It was all for nothing. Here we are, separated, staring down the barrel of disaster, just like I’ve worked so hard to avoid. All because I trusted. I trusted someone I shouldn’t and it bit me in the butt. Just like I knew it would.
Thinking of Sig, of his betrayal steals my breath. The ache in my chest is so poignant, I lean forward in my chair, resting my forehead on the edge of the cool, metal table, praying that the pain will go away. To think, I was on the verge of telling him that I love him. That would’ve been the cream on top of an already epic fail of a day.
But I didn’t, I didn’t tell him. At least I’ll have my pride–or a little of it, anyway–to keep me company in the tiny cubicle of a prison cell somewhere. What a cold comfort that will be!
The door opens and I bolt upright. My heart both leaps and shatters when I see Sig slip into the room and close himself in with me. He stares at me with those deep, dark eyes, eyes that fooled me. Me, a streetwise, hardened bitch-of-a-girl. A cop got the better of me. And he did it with those eyes. And that smile.
“I hope you’re satisfied,” I snap bitterly, hating the quaver in my voice, resenting the lump in my throat that I have to force the words past.
Sig doesn’t bother to hide how my words crush him. That or he’s just pretending. He’s good at that. Really good. Why he would need to pretend anything at this point, though, is beyond me. Still, there’s no way I’d trust that what I see is real. No. Freakin’. Way.
“How could you even think that? This is not at all how I wanted, how I expected things to turn out. Surely you don’t think I did any of this on purpose.”
“Of course I do! You’re a cop, for godssake. Lying to catch people like me is what you do.”
“This was never about catching you. It was always about Tonin. The only way I planned for this to affect you was to free you. To free you and Travis from whatever hold he had on you.”
“Well, congratulations. We’re free of him all right. Free to spend our lives in misery, separated from each other. Me rotting in prison, Travis rotting in some kind of mental institution somewhere.”
Sig walks to the table and slides into the chair across from me. He reaches over to lay one of his hands on top of my balled fist. His touch is oddly welcome, a realization that hits me like a face full of fire. I jerk away from him, determined not to let him trick me into feeling anything other than disdain and betrayal.
He looks stung, but says nothing. Just drags his hand back and claps it with his other on the table in front of him. “I would never let that happen. And I hate that you think I would.”
“Never let that happen? How can you stop it? It’s over, Sig!” I rail. “The cat’s out of the bag and there’s nothing either of us can do to put it back in.”
I’m breathing hard, half-standing with my palms planted on the table. Sig just watche
s me, hurt playing over his features. “Do you really think I could do that to you? That I would just let that happen?”
My butt thumps as I fall back into my chair, deflated. “There’s nothing you can do about it. You’re a cop. Putting bad guys away is what you do. Besides, I’m sure this goes over your head. Lance is a big bust and he’ll do whatever he has to in order to keep me quiet and make me pay. No, at this point, there’s nothing anyone can do to save me.” I glance down at my fingers, the edge of one nail raw from where I’ve picked at it. The anger, the vital emotion that’s keeping me upright and functional at the moment, drains away, leaving me with nothing but sadness and hopelessness and a strange hollow feeling. “Some part of me always wondered if I could ever really get away with what I’ve done. I suppose after so long, I started to believe that I could. But life just doesn’t work out that way. Everybody has to pay the piper. And now it’s my turn.”
For a few seconds, when I look up at Sig, I see him as he was. I see the man who loved me with his hands and his mouth and his body and his eyes. I see the man who cared about me. The man I’ve fallen in love with.
But then, like the flip of a switch, I see him as he is now. I see him as someone who let me down when I needed him most and then left me all alone.
That’s when the tears start again. In earnest, sobs shaking my entire body like the tremors of an earthquake. “Promise me you’ll see that they go easy on Travis,” I bawl, my despair only worsening when I think of what’s to become of my brother. “He has only ever done what I’ve asked him to do. He can’t be held responsible for any of this. They all took advantage of him. We all took advantage of him. I knew he’d go along with my plan. I knew he’d do whatever I asked of him, as long as it would keep us safe and together. He’d have done anything not to go back to juvie. Not after what those boys did to him.”
I wail so hysterically that I start to gag, so I push away from the table and lay my chest flat against my thighs. Oh God, how could things have gone so wrong? How can we be here? Here, where nothing is within my control anymore? Here, where Travis is at the mercy of people who don’t understand him? Here where he stands only to get hurt? How?
“Please, please, please, Sig,” I plead, tears dripping off my nose in a steady stream that splatters onto the concrete squares of the floor. “Please look out for him. If you ever cared about me at all, please loo–”
My words are cut off when strong hands wrap around my upper arms and jerk me to my feet. I’m nose to nose with an angry, blurry Sig, my toes barely touching the ground.
“I won’t let anything happen to either of you! Don’t you dare give up! This isn’t over. I promised that you could trust me, and you can. You might not believe me, but it’s true.”
I blink away the tears, the fingers of hysteria slowly loosening their grip, and I focus on the handsome, determined face of my betrayer. I laugh, a bitter, arid sound that comes from a soul as dry as desert sand. “I did believe you. And look where it got me.”
Sig shakes me. Not too hard, but enough to rattle my teeth. “Stop it! Just because I didn’t plan it this way doesn’t mean that I’ll let it end here. If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll get you out of here and you’ll be with Travis.”
“Why?” I ask miserably. “Why would you risk a damn thing for us? For me?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
“Because I think I’m falling in love with you, dammit! I won’t leave you in here to rot.”
Don’t listen, don’t listen, don’t listen! I caution myself, but the tiny, nearly-suffocated part of me that has always wanted so desperately to hear those words, to feel that love, clings to his claim as though it were a single drop of rain after a lifetime of draught.
“No.” I close my eyes against him, against weakness, shaking my head. “No. I don’t believe you.”
“Then I’ll make you see,” he hisses. “You won’t have any other choice than to believe me. Because it’s true, Tommi. Everything I’ve said to you about us is true. I don’t blame you for not believing me, but it doesn’t make it any less true. That’s why I’m going to prove it to you. I promise.”
The last is said with such sincerity, such heart-wrenching determination that I open my eyes. In so many ways, I want to see it, to feel it, to believe it. I want for him to prove it. More than I ever thought I could want something.
“You can’t be falling in love with me. Love is pretty, not ugly. And I’m ugly,” I tell him brokenly, the fight drained out of me, left lying on the floor with my puddle of tears.
“You’re wrong. Sometimes love is ugly. And not all things pretty are loveable. But you…you’re not just pretty. You’re beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Inside and out. You did all this for your brother. Since you were nothing more than a kid yourself, you’ve fought for him with whatever weapons you had. That makes you worthy of the best kind of love. The kind that’s unconditional. The kind that never leaves you, no matter how hard you push back. The kind that finds a way, against all odds. You deserve that. Actually, you deserve more than that. You deserve more than I can give you, better than me. But maybe one day, after all this is over, I can be worth your love.”
I sink into his eyes, into the deep, rich color, into the warmth that’s like a cozy fire welcoming me in from the cold. Part of me wants to tell him that I’m already there, and that’s why it hurt so much to find out he’d lied to me. But part of me, the part that has survived all this time and done things that no self-respecting girl would ever do, keeps those words to myself. They come at too high a cost. And at the moment, I’m broke.
As if sensing that he’ll get no confessions from me right now, Sig presses his lips to my forehead and then crushes me against his chest. “Sit tight. I’ll take care of Travis. No matter what, just remember that you’re not alone. I’ll fix this. I promise you, I’ll fix this.”
When he releases me, he turns and walks right out the door without a backward glance, closing it softly behind him. Despite his warning, I feel more alone than ever before.
CHAPTER THIRTY- SIG
There are times when things have to be done a certain way, when schmoozing has to happen and egos have to be stroked. But there are also times when etiquette needs a kick in the ass. Now is one of those times. Just as soon as I make one stop first.
I poke my head into the lounge where Travis has been keeping company with Dorothy, the staff child psychologist at the county hospital. Travis is slouched down in a seat on the couch with his hood pulled up and tugged down low over his eyes. So low, in fact, I can hardly see them at all. But I can see the pinched line of his mouth, though, and the pale face that surrounds it.
I knock on the door’s frame before speaking. At the sound, Travis’s head jerks up so that I can get a better look at his eyes. I can tell he’s pissed, but there’s relief in them, too. I mean, I may be on his shit list right now, but at least I’m a friendly face. “Can I have a minute?” I ask Dorothy.
She smiles, dimples appearing in both cheeks, making her round face look like that of an overstuffed doll. “Sure,” she says kindly, winking one brown eye at me as she breezes by in a cloud of syrupy perfume. “Take your time. I’ll be right down the hall.”
I wait for her to leave and I close the door behind her. I stuff my hands in my front pockets, a non-threatening gesture, and I walk slowly to the chair Dorothy vacated, sitting across from Travis. I let the quiet settle around us before I speak.
“How you holding up, lil man?”
He shrugs one shoulder.
“Need anything?”
For at least two minutes, Travis says nothing, just stares a hole through me. I’m pretty sure that if hate had hands, he’d be strangling me with it right this minute. I let him do it. He probably needs to let it out.
“Yeah, I need something. My sister. Bring her to me and let us go home.”
Of course he’d say that.
I sigh. “You know I can’
t do that.”
“You can. You just won’t. There’s a difference.” I can’t help smiling. I had this conversation with his sister not so long ago.
“You’re right. There is. And in this case, I can’t and I won’t. I’m a cop, Travis. I have to let this play out the right way.” He stands up and storms to the other end of the room. He stands facing the wall, kicking the rubber molding with the toe of his shoe.
“There’s always something more important than us,” he mutters angrily.
“I didn’t say it was more important. I’m letting this play out for two reasons. Number one, I know that your sister did what she had to do and I know that I can make the DA see that. She was just a kid and both your lives were in danger. And number two, getting this wrapped up through the proper channels is the only way you two will ever be able to lead a normal, happy life.”
“She had a plan,” he pouts.
“Both of you may think that her plan of moving to another country where our laws can’t find you is the answer, but it’s not. You’d never be able to come back here. You’d always be looking over your shoulder for Lance or a cop. You’d be on the run for the rest of your lives.” I soften my voice. “That’s no way to live, Travis. But listen, I swear on my life that I’m doing this for both of you. I’m doing what’s best for you, not what’s best for me.” I feel a stab of emotion cut through my gut. “Do you think it was easy for me to see them haul your sister away in handcuffs? For me to go see her in an interrogation room? Do you think it’s easy for me to picture her in a cold, empty cell, all alone?” The words, the images make my chest so tight that I have to stand up in order that my diaphragm can work and get me some air. I run my hands through my hair. “God, I’d give anything for things to be different. But they aren’t. So I’m doing the best thing I know to do for you and Tommi.”
“Tia,” he corrects glumly.
“Tia.” I walk to Travis, gently laying my hand on his shoulder to turn him toward me. “Look, bud, I know you’re mad. I know you’re scared. You’re probably even a little hurt. And I get that. I get all that. You should be. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. But I’m gonna ask you to do something that’s gonna feel even worse. Something you don’t want to do and probably think you shouldn’t do. I’m asking you to trust me.” Travis is standing in front of me with his head bowed, chewing on his lip like his sister does sometimes. I peel off his hood and bend until I can see into his eyes. “I care about you both. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here, fighting for you. I’d just let the chips fall where they may. But I didn’t. I’m not. Because I’m on your side. I swear it.” His emerald green eyes, also so much like his sister’s, bore into mine. I let him look, let him think. Finally, he nods. Just once. Almost imperceptibly. And probably because he doesn’t have much choice. At the moment, I’m all he’s got.