by B. D. Gates
"No, I think Penny was right," Sharon said, leaning back in her chair. "She wasn't making it up. In the short time I spent with Tess, I can tell you that she really did seem to have a great deal of affection for you, more than one would expect from someone who was just a friend. I'd see her looking at you, Baxter, she hardly took her eyes off of you. So, I think she's been in love with you for a while. Carole saw it, too."
"Really."
"Yes, Baxter, really. That's four people telling you that Tess is in love with you, including Tess herself, but you can't seem to believe it."
I shrugged, didn't speak. I recalled the emotions that crossed Tess' face before she told me what she had wanted to tell me weeks ago.
"So, how do you feel about that?" she asked.
"I...well, I'm..." I shrugged again.
"Look, Baxter, it really took a lot of courage for Tess to say what she said, do you think that she'd have said it if she didn't mean it?"
I shrugged again.
"Come on, use your words." Her tone was firm. She wasn't going to let this bone go.
"No, no, I mean, she meant it...yeah, she meant it."
"So, why do you think you couldn't tell her how you felt?"
"I don't know. I mean, the thing is, I'm...just...well...I suck at relationships. I...don't do well, with women, over time. I can't seem to make them happy and keep them that way. At first, yeah, it's all fun and games, but I'm not "relationship material." I drive women nuts, over time, and not in a good way. I'm 'sarcastic' and 'immature,' I'm 'particular,' I'm 'never on time,' I can go days without saying 'I love you,' I can be 'cranky' and 'quiet' and 'loud' and 'obnoxious' and I don't know what changed. Or when. I wanted to tell Tess how I feel about her, I wanted to, but I didn't, because I didn't know what would happen next."
"Next?"
"What Tess expects from me, what she wants. I don't know if Tess had considered what would--could--happen if she had a relationship with a woman. Like me. In a town like this. What does she want? A house in the suburbs? Kids? I'm not a 'kid' person, ya know? I'm not a 'conventional family' sort of person. What if it's harder than she imagined? What if...it's not...that I'm not what she expected, that we go through all of the struggle and the pain of trying to be together and it doesn't work out? What if it doesn't work out and she leaves? Sharon, it took so much to get past...the last time we argued, and that was just us as friends. And then there's Penny. She's been here for me through all of this and I don't want to hurt her."
"Well, my god, Baxter," Sharon was shaking her head. "You are so good at sabotaging your own life!" She paused and took on a soft tone of voice. "All she wanted you to know is that she loves you, she wanted to know if you felt the same way. You took that one declaration and fast-forwarded through the things that you both could have spent months exploring and decided, in that instant, that a relationship with her wasn't going to work.
"Baxter, no one ever knows "what's going to happen next" when they start a new relationship with someone. As for Penny, well, I don't think she'd be too terribly surprised to hear any of this. How do you think she'd feel if she knew that you were with her but wanted to be with Tess? Don't you think that would hurt her even more?"
I thought about Penny and her question last night. Yeah, she knew how I felt, better than I did.
Sharon continued. "Now, as for having a relationship "in a town like this." Baxter, it will surprise you to learn that while there are always those people who would look down on you, there are just as many who will cheer you on, and the rest don't really give a damn. That's the mix you'd be most likely to see in any town, in any city you live in. Tess is a 'big girl' and, frankly, I don't think she'd give a damn. She's already lived through the worst things a person can live through with the whole town, hell, during the trial, the whole state watching.
"I have dated a few women in this town, outside this town, you name it. It didn't change a thing. Yes, you go out, you get looks, people will do that. One girl I was dating insisted that it was because we were such a good-looking couple that people couldn't take their eyes off of us. And that is a great approach for any situation where you feel like you're being scrutinized, whispered about. Don't let people like that stop you from being who you are, with who you want to be, where you want to be with them, doing the things you want to do, because the only person it really affects, that it really matters to, in the long run, is you."
“And let me say this,” she added as she leaned back in her chair. “Baxter, I've known you a fair amount of time, and I can honestly say that you are none of those things you said you are. Take my word for it, please. You haven't exhibited any personality traits that I would consider detrimental to your well-being or anyone else's. Not here, and not on the ballfield. I think you've obviously had some bad relationships, and you've taken some things to heart, but just know that you are a good person, a good employee, and a good friend. You deserve to be happy, whether it's with Tess or someone else.”
I was quiet as I considered her words. "Thank you, Sharon. Actually, though," I sighed, "I don't think it's going to matter. I think that when Tess left here this morning, it was 'case closed.'"
"Well, I'm really sorry to hear that, Baxter. For the both of you. Just promise me, from here on, you consider the other person, discuss the things you need to with them, for clarity. No more sabotage, okay?"
"Okay," I nodded.
"Okay. Now, are you done for the day?"
I nodded again.
"Well, then, I'll see you on the field in an hour."
"Yes, ma'am." I stood up and left Sharon sitting at her desk.
*****
As Baxter left the office, Sharon looked back at her monitor. "So, what do you think?" she asked the screen.
"Well, Sharon, that was certainly enlightening," said Carole.
"Yes," agreed Biggs.
On-screen, Carole was nodding her head. “Baxter has been hurt, that's apparent. She certainly considers herself 'damaged goods' and she's very aware of that. When she talked about the 'struggle' and the 'pain' that she believes she and Tess and, of course, Penny, would have to manage if Baxter and Tess did try to have a relationship, well, I have to wonder what Baxter has been through in the past. How many people associate loving relationships with 'pain' and 'struggle?' And didn't you tell me that she'd come to Tenley to distance herself from an abusive relationship?"
Sharon nodded her agreement. "That was what I was told...now, though, I'm just wondering if there's more to her history than we know."
"Well, at least she knows she's got you in her corner, maybe she'll open up to you when she needs to talk to someone. So, Dr. Biggs, when we get home tonight, I'd like you to tell me which girlfriend of yours thought you'd made such a good-looking couple, I'm curious," she smiled.
Biggs laughed. "You know you said that. And I agree. I'll see you at the ball field. Love you, Carole."
"Love you, Biggs," Carole laughed in turn, as she clicked off the call.
*****
The game that afternoon was a real thriller. We managed to hold off the Falcons for four innings before they broke through and scored two runs in the top of the sixth. If we lost the game, and the Drillers won theirs, we'd be tied for first place. Everyone 'dug in,' and we rallied, Penny and Harry both getting on, then getting in, due to some unusually good hitting from the bottom of the order, including Stacey smashing one over the fence for a home run, putting us up by one. Her excellent pitching kept us there, and we finished the game for the win, at 3-2.
Coach Biggs was elated.
"Yes! Yes! Now that's what I'm talking about! That's what it means to be a team!" If Biggs had a tail, it would have been wagging to beat the band, matching her jubilant smile, as she addressed us all in the dugout after the game.
Carole looked on, also smiling, knowing that this was what Sharon had been striving for all this season, and in seasons past. She had cobbled together a group of young women, all individuals, and had coached them to w
ork together, to 'back each other up', leading them through game after game as they made their way to the top of the standings and stayed there. That would take them on, reward them with the Championship.
49
Penny was at the front counter on Monday morning when the postman entered the photo studio.
"Hey, Penny, I've got a couple special deliveries for you," he said, as he pulled an envelope and a large package from his bag. "You need to sign for them," he added as he handed over his pen.
Penny signed her name in all the places he'd indicated, then took the envelope, reading the return address. It was from Southern Lifestyles. Surely it had to be good news, in two envelopes, especially with one that big.
Penny opened the larger of the two, carefully, and slid out a mock-up of the magazine, then opened the smaller, which contained a letter and a certified check.
For ten thousand dollars.
She'd won.
Penny read the letter that accompanied the mock-up, the letter that congratulated her, telling her that her photo had been chosen as the winner and that Southern Lifestyles, in awarding the payout, now 'owned' the picture and all the rights that accompanied the ownership. By cashing the check, she would waive all rights to the photo, but would be given due credit and a by-line, if and when the photo was reproduced for any purpose.
Penny understood the information. She had essentially 'sold' her rights for the photo to the magazine when it was chosen. It was the standard for any photo sold to any outlet. She opened the magazine and turned to the article about the contest photos followed by the pics that listed the runners-up in each 'place.' Her shot had netted a full page, it was the one of Baxter, the one she'd titled 'Swinging Away.'
Oh, god, it was gorgeous.
Slick and shiny, with every detail clear and in focus. She had caught Baxter perfectly, just after she had connected with that fastball, at the end of a perfect swing, the smile on her face as she watched that ball fly, the stunned and upset looks on the Falcons' faces from their dugout as they watched it heading for the fence.
Penny gazed at Baxter. It sure didn't hurt that she was so damn cute, either, her blue eyes shining in the full color reproduction.
Penny gathered it all up, put it back into the envelope, then hugged it against herself.
She'd won.
Damn.
She'd won.
She couldn't wait to show Baxter, show her that she wasn't wasting her time. She'd have a studio of her own, one day soon, where she could sell her photos, and those of other photographers and artists as well, giving them all the opportunity to share their work, their art.
Ten thousand dollars was a helluva start.
I picked up dinner for the two of us, heading out to Penny's. She was excited when she called, saying she had something to share with me. I smiled when I thought of her on the other end, imagining her face, shining, smiling as she talked. Whatever it was, it was big.
"So, my Penny, what has got you so worked up?" I asked as I unloaded the food onto the kitchen bar, doling out the items to each of us.
"Let me show you, first, before your hands get all messy."
I looked at her and grinned.
"You've never minded my messy hands before."
She grinned back, smacked me lightly on the arm. "Not like that," she said. "Ass."
"But you love me anyway," I countered. It was not something that I said too often, knowing that Penny was skittish when it came to the 'L' word.
She smirked.
I feigned having my feelings hurt.
Penny dismissed that with a wave of her hand. "All right, whatever. Now close your eyes."
I followed her order and closed my eyes.
"Now, open them."
I opened them and saw Penny holding open a magazine, turned to a photo of a softball player at bat. I looked at her, puzzled, then looked at the photo again.
"Oh, holy shit," I thought as I took in the details. My eyes grew wide. I looked at Penny. "That's me."
"Yeah. Baxter, I won."
"Won. Won what?"
"The contest. I won the whole damn thing. And ten thousand dollars."
My mouth fell open in surprise. "Oh my god, Penny, that's fantastic! Oh my god! Penny!"
"I know. Baxter, I won!"
"Penny, it's a beautiful photo. It really is."
"Southern Lifestyles thinks so."
"That's the magazine?"
"Yep."
She was very pleased with herself and I don't blame her. I had looked through a few issues of the magazine over the years, but it wasn't something that I would normally be drawn to. It was houses, rooms, lawns, gardens, all the things that someone like me, who'd lived in rentals, other people's houses, really wasn't all that interested in.
"Penny, that is so cool, I'm so proud of you."
"Thank you. Oh, Baxter, this money is a big start."
"To what?"
"To having my own studio, you know..."
Like I'd thrown in her face not too terribly long ago.
"Oh, Penny," I still felt bad about what I'd said that night, in an effort to deflect her questions about me. She had entered that contest to prove me wrong, but I'd never had any doubt about her, her work, or her abilities.
She had taken my words to heart when I'd never meant them in the first place.
I took the magazine from her, put it on the counter, wrapped her in my arms, pulled her up against me.
"Penny, I am so proud of you, whether you'd have won that contest or not. You are an amazing photographer, an amazing woman, and I am so lucky and so glad to have you in my life."
"But..."
"No buts, Penny Harris." I was thinking of how badly I'd hurt her that night on the dock. I had since realized that her anger with me wasn't just because she knew I was lying to her. "I love...having...you...oh, dammit! Penny, I love you. Period. I love you, whether you like hearing it, saying it, or not." I held her tight against me, so that she couldn't pull away. I was truly surprised when she didn't try to escape my hold as we stood there, arms wrapped around each other.
"Baxter..."
I didn't say anything more. I just held her.
"Bax..."
"What?" I asked quietly.
"Thank you."
Well, it was a start.
50
It had been three weeks since Tess had talked with Bishop over breakfast in Dr. Biggs' office. The conversation had settled things for her and she was looking forward, towards her future and the plans she had made. She and the boys were working a new tool-shed break-in, this one with a second foot-print, when she got the call.
"Hayes," said Tess, putting the phone to her ear as she pointed the CSI photographer towards the evidence. She listened, her face blanching as she took in the information.
"Whyte," she called out as she tapped off. Detective Whyte walked around from the far side of the shed and saw Tess' face.
"Handle this," Tess said, as she stripped off her gloves. "I've got to go." She grabbed her gear bag and sprinted for her car. Diving in, she started the engine, dropped it into gear and stomped the gas, leaving tread on the road as she pulled away from the curb.
Whyte, having seen the distressed look on Tess' face, wondered what information that phone call had conveyed to upset her so, heard Tess' siren as she traveled away from the scene. Fowler, coming out of the shed owners' house, joined him.
"What's up?"
"I have no idea. She got a phone call, just took off."
"Huh," Fowler grunted. Tess had been a mix of emotions for the past few weeks, he had no idea what was going on in her life.
His wife did, though.
"I got too far away, I should have never signed off, oh god, what if they're already here?" Tess thought to herself as she pushed the Crown Vic, lights flashing and siren blaring, through the streets of Tenley, her driving bordering on reckless as she raced through town, having to swerve at one intersection to avoid hitting a car making a ri
ght turn into her path. Reaching the state road, she floored it as she headed out of town, towards the ballpark.
Peering in as she passed the back of the field, Tess saw the Pride's ball game in progress, nothing appearing out of the ordinary. Reaching the park gates, she skidded sideways, briefly, as she made the turn, then drove through the parking lot and straight up to the gate. She flashed her badge, blowing past the ticket takers, and made her way down to the field. She spotted Bishop, it wasn't hard, she was at bat.
"Bishop!"
Someone had shouted my name, my real name, and it made me break my stance, take a step and look up towards the stands, just as the pitcher let loose a fastball. The pitch caught me on the back of my batting helmet, and I dropped to my knees, fell to the ground.
I rolled over and looked up, seeing first the umpire, then Coach Biggs, then Tess.
I started to sit up. Tess pushed me back down.
"Hey!"
"Stay down."
I looked up at Coach, who was looking at Tess.
"What's going on?" Coach asked.
Tess leaned down, close to me. "They dug up your grave, they know you're not dead. They know you play ball for the Pride. They're heading here, they could be here, just stay down," she said in a low voice.
"What?" I wasn't sure I'd understood what she'd said. "My grave?"
"Who?" Coach Biggs asked. She'd heard Tess.
"I can't say any more, Dr. Biggs, but I need to get her out of here. Now."
Dr. Biggs looked at Tess, her eyes narrowed. "This is way bigger than 'domestic abuse,' isn't it, Tess," she said.
Tess looked at her, nodded. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you any more than that."
Biggs' brow was furrowed. "Is there anything I should be concerned about? Anything that may involve my hospital staff? My animals?"
"I don't think so, but we'll be putting officers on duty inside whenever you're open. I've already spoken with my captain, and all precautions are being taken, but right now I've got to get Bish--Baxter--off this field."