Glimmer (Faylinn #4)

by Mindy Hayes

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Think, Sarai. Think like Sakari. He would have had answers, taken control of the situation. He would have known what to do. What am I supposed to do, Sakari?

  I felt a hand brush across my cheek. When I opened my eyes, Marcus was peering down at me, a helpless look in his eyes as he witnessed my tears.

  “I apologize,” I said, dabbing my eyes with my fingertips. Silly, betraying tears. How dare they show my fragility in front of him? “Missing Sakari is harder some days than others.”

  “No one is immune to loss. I understand.” At his words, he turned away from me, his posture rigid and standoffish as he unhurriedly paced before me.

  “Do you mean Nerida?” The question fell out before I thought to stop it, but I wanted him to know I understood. He was not alone.

  Marcus’s eyes cut to mine. “What do you know about Nerida?”

  I opened my mouth to answer, but the blaze of anger in his eyes stopped me. “I…” Was I not supposed to know about her? Was she a secret Lia should have kept? I swallowed and began again. “I don’t know much. I know she was important to you.”

  He steered his gaze away. The downturn of his mouth caused my fingers to twitch at my sides with need. I wanted to reverse the curve, for his grimace to disappear. If I reached out to touch his face, would he pull away?

  It felt important to also tell Marcus, “And I know that she died in the Battle of Faylinn.” I watched him, gaging his temperament and how receptive he would be to what I needed to say. “I need you to know how sorry I am, Marcus. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about what my father did, where I don’t wish I could have done something to stop him. I despise his choices every day.”

  Marcus’s features showed no indication of whether he’d heard me as he stared blankly across the room. I watched him breathe, grieve in silence. While every part of me wanted to offer him comfort, I held back. I let him be. I was not sure if we had reached a point in our relationship where he would accept my comfort.

  Minutes passed before he finally spoke. “Nerida’s mother worked in the castle as a handmaiden for my mother. Her father was a Keeper in my father’s guard, so Nerida grew up in the castle alongside me.” His fingers laced together and unlaced, laced and unlaced again, as he slowly strode the gathering hall. Each step oozed his sorrow, smearing it across the wooden slats. “Most of the children of the castle’s help stayed away from my brother, Alston, and me. They formed their own alliances and friendships, but Nerida liked to do the opposite of what was normal or expected of her. Rather than sitting with her mother, a weaver, and learning how to stitch clothing, or sitting in to learn the ways of a handmaiden, Nerida wanted me teach her how to spar, how to shoot a bow and arrow, how to wield a sword. They were all things I was learning at the time, so it was stimulating to have my own apprentice. As a result, we became inseparable.”

  Marcus offered a strained smile that halted before touching his eyes. “As we grew older and began to form a deeper connection, the reality that we’d never be able to be together grew. While Oraelia is open to bonds between other colonies, as a Royal—”

  I knowingly nodded. “You must bond with another Royal to keep peace among the other kingdoms.”

  He nodded once, his eyes cutting to the ground. “For a long time we hid our relationship from everyone. At first, it was exhilarating to have the secrecy. In a world where every move I made was monitored, Nerida and I found our forbidden love to be the one thing we could call our own. We fiercely guarded it.”

  It was difficult to tell if my heart was breaking because I knew the end of their story or if my heart was grasping the truth. I may never know that kind of love. Marcus’s heart was given away long ago.

  I heard his throat clear. “Once I became the proper age of bonding, and I comprehended the depth of my love for her, I knew we had to end it. I had a duty to my kingdom. I’d known the duty my whole life. We fought all the time about it. Even if my parents accepted our bond, it could never be. The law prohibited it. It eventually became necessary to sever ties. I accepted the fact that it was time to move forward, and I pushed her to do the same.”

  “Some time later she was bound to a Craftsmen named Kheelan and bore a child. It was around the time Calliope inherited the throne of Faylinn. When we wound up in Faylinn after the Waking Oak was poisoned and the war broke out, Kheelan and I begged Nerida to hide out with their newborn son. In true Nerida form, she refused. She sent her son, Doyle, away with her mother and fought beside us until the end.”

  Unable to force my voice to work properly, I whispered, “What happened to Kheelan?”

  His jaw clenched, more in pain than anger. “He survived, but he blames me for not doing a better job of protecting Nerida.”

  “He cannot put that on you.” I found my voice. “That is undeserved. I am sure you did what you could.”

  Marcus sighed, tormented between agreeing with me and accepting the responsibility. “Kheelan and I joined forces to shield Nerida the best we could during the battle, but he’s a craftsmen, not a trained warrior. He was no match for the war in Faylinn. So, I spent my time not only protecting Nerida, but also trying to protect Kheelan. Doyle wasn’t going to lose either parent on my watch.” His bottom lip quivered, so he bit it and swallowed. “But … the battleground was pure chaos if you recall.”

  “I wasn’t there.” My confession made me feel guilty. I should’ve have been there, fighting for the right side against my father. To the outsider I must appear so sheltered.

  “Well, it took everything just to keep myself alive. I turned my back on Nerida for seconds, it seemed.” He paused, staring vacantly over my shoulder. “Seconds.” Tears strained his ragged whisper.

  Marcus didn’t finish. Whether because he couldn’t say the words or he knew I understood well enough. The agony in his eyes urged my arms around him. He didn’t reciprocate the contact, but that did not deter me. I wasn’t sure if I was hugging him to diminish his pain or mine, begging him for forgiveness. Maybe indirectly, but his loss fell on me. My father. My kingdom.

  We were the reason Nerida was gone.

  His arms gradually wrapped around me, his hold as fierce as mine.

  “I am so deeply sorry, Marcus,” I murmured, my voice raspy with remorse. “So deeply sorry.”

  His head shook, but he stayed in place, wrapped in my arms. My head moved with the irregular rise and fall of his breathing.

  “I wish I had paid more attention,” I whispered into his chest. “I wish I could have seen signs or known what to look for. I could have done more to prevent every loss.”

  Marcus pulled back and looked sternly at me; his head shook vehemently. “The Battle of Faylinn was not your fault, Sarai. After spending much time with you, that is one truth I’ve grown to learn. It was the result of a nefarious king who abused his Supremacy. There is nothing you could have done. Simply because you were related does not mean the blame is yours to carry. You must stop taking on the sins of your father.”

  “It is very difficult to do when every day I see the faces of everyone who was affected, who was hurt by the hand of my family. They stare at me like they are waiting for me to fail them.” I couldn’t keep my voice firm. It shook with my tears.

  Marcus tilted his head down to make us eye level. His strong finger hooked under my chin so I had no choice but to look him in the eyes. Stern, but gentle enough, Marcus said, “The expression on the faces you see is not expectation of failure; it’s hope, Sarai. Over the last few weeks, I’ve witnessed a queen unlike any other. You are the glimmer of hope Rymidon needs. Fight for you. Fight for your kingdom,” he said fervently. “Stop dwelling on the past and the iniquities of others. None of that is important. The future you choose to build is.”

  His mouth was there, so I pressed mine to it without thought. His perfect mouth. It tasted like faith and conviction. Two things I’d craved more than anything since I had taken my place as queen. Then my brain caught
up with my body, and I retreated.

  “I am sorry.” Eyes wide, I covered my lips with my fingertips. “I am not sure what came over me. It was inappropriate of me to be so forward.”

  One breath passed his lips. Marcus grabbed the back of my neck and forced his mouth onto mine. The most passionate, and yet tender force. I inhaled, and his tongue swooped in, devouring me. My hands latched onto his biceps to remain standing while my legs wanted to give way. His lips were warm and demanding and entirely irresistible. I couldn’t breathe until he released me and ran his nose unhurriedly along the length of my nose before pressing his forehead against mine.

  “I want you to know my heart let go of Nerida long ago. My heart is free to love anyone it chooses. Within the Royal circles, of course.” The corner of his mouth turned up at his joke. Which was sadly true.

  I smiled back, a blush filling my cheeks. “Of course.”

  I thought of how the counsel made an exception for Calliope and Kai. Had Marcus tried, would they have made an exception for him and Nerida? Granted, Calliope had extenuating circumstances, but surely King Ronan and Queen Aislinn would have attempted to build a justification for them. Queen Aislinn knew better than any about bonding for love. It was how Oraelia came to be during The Great Divide, so she could be with King Ronan. Selfishly, I didn’t want to think about that possibility. If Marcus had fought to be with Nerida, then he would not be a possibility for me.

  Marcus’s mouth covered mine again as he looped his arm around my waist. I welcomed the soft curvature of his lips and the skill they possessed as he placed his claim on me. His hand traced the edge of my wings, sending a shiver down my spine. A groan of desire escaped me and my fingers dug into his back.

  I had never been kissed by another, so there was no one for me to compare Marcus to, but I could not imagine anyone capable of surpassing this feeling.

  With a soft brush of his lips, Marcus loosened his hold and stepped back. He heavily exhaled. “Forgive me, Sarai,” he whispered and let go. When I opened my eyes, I saw his retreating figure as he strode out of the gathering hall.

  Had I misunderstood? What had I done wrong?

  He was gone before I could muster a goodbye.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  LIA

  After work, a stump called my name to sit, so I pulled out my ribbon, feeling the softness between my fingers, and breathed in the woodlands.

  I couldn’t believe I’d kissed Cameron last night. Technically, he’d kissed me first, but that had been to shut me up. It could’ve gotten him slapped, and yet he’d done it anyway. But, I’d kissed him because I hadn’t been able to stop myself. I’d had to do it. I’d wanted to do it. And I’d liked it. What had I been thinking?

  I lived with the guy. Most of the time he couldn’t stand me. He was helping me get back on my feet because Calliope forced him to. How was I going to walk back into the apartment and pretend nothing had happened? I couldn’t. There was no way Cameron would let it go. He would find some way to mess with me. He loved pushing my buttons too much. I’d never hear the end of it. I had to move out. It was time. I’d find an apartment—maybe find a roommate to split the rent. I’d have to wait for my first paycheck, but I could make it happen. As soon as I got back to the apartment, I’d start the apartment hunt. Cameron would probably lead the search like he’d done with my job. He couldn’t wait to get rid of me.

  An ache grew in my chest the more I thought about moving out and the thought of it making Cameron happy. I didn’t want him to be happy I was leaving. How could I want to stay?

  If he hadn’t left after I’d gone into the bathroom to shower, I wouldn’t have been able to face him. Thankfully, I had peacefully pretended to be asleep on my side of the bed, pillows tucked behind my back when he’d come to sleep. The mattress had jostled, and he’d whispered my name, but I’d breathed heavier to prove I was, in fact, asleep. And I’d slipped out before he woke up in the morning. Just another hour and I’d have the courage to go home and tell him I was leaving.

  There was rustling in the trees. Not the wind. Not a tiny animal. Then there was a crunch. I could decipher every sound of the forest and that was not one of natural causes. I got to my feet, alert.

  “Who’s there?” The rustling stopped. “Calliope?” I hoped, but my gut knew it wasn’t. I was met with more silence. “Show yourself.”

  Four figures appeared around a tree, two flanking each side. It wasn’t the familiar figures I’d expected to see.

  I reared back. “What are you doing here?”

  “We have a proposition for you, Lia.”

  “How do you know who I am?”

  “We know a lot about you. And we have something we think you might be interested in.”

  I discreetly looked for a sharp stick or a rock heavy enough to protect myself. “How could you have anything I’d want?”

  The tallest one stepped forward, remaining at the edge of the tree line. “We have a cure, a way for you to transform. You could become a faery once again, the way you were always intended.”

  What? “How? I’ve already used my changes. I’m stuck as a human.”

  His lip curled up in what I think he believed was a smile, but looked more sinister. “That’s what you’ve been led to believe, but we have the cure. We can help you change back. For good.”

  My heart pushed against my ribcage, asking for freedom. Begging to live in the body it’d originated in. “But how? That’s impossible. If it were true, I’d already be a faery.”

  “You’d have to trust us. The right amount and you’ll never have to be human again.”

  I hesitated. It was too good to be true. There was no other power than the pastelline lily and Lake Haven that could change us. Everyone knew that. And if there was, why did they have the cure?

  “You want to return to Rymidon, don’t you?” he attempted to entice me, noting my reluctance.

  And it worked. I do, don’t I? I’ve been surviving here, but I was a fish out of water. I could only pretend for so long. I didn’t belong here. Fake it until you make it, wasn’t working for me.

  There had to be a catch. I couldn’t fall for another corrupt deal. I’d learned my lesson. No one else would suffer because of me. If it sounded too good to be true, it most likely was. “Why are you coming to me? What’s in it for you?”

  “The joy of returning a faery to her true self.”

  “That’s it?” I scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

  “It’s true. We know what you did, why you’ve become a human every time. We know neither times were because you wanted this life, a human life. It always came at a price. First, as a contract to bond with your true love. Then, the second time, to gain forgiveness, redemption for your iniquities. You don’t truly want this life, and we want to rectify that. Being fae is who you are. The forest calls to you.”

  I didn’t experience the same sort of pull to the forest now as I did when I was a faery, but the distant longing still pumped through my veins. Why else would I continue to seek solace at the tree line? Being fae would always be a part of who I was.

  “We have one thing we will ask of you,” he added.

  I shook my head and snorted my laughter. The catch. “Of course you do.”

  “We’d like you to help us gain favor with Queen Sarai.”

  I scoffed. “You realize I’m not exactly on great terms with Sarai, right? I was in love with her wicked brother, who killed her beloved brother, and helped him carry out her father’s evil plan. If I’m your only option, you’re kind of screwed.”

  “I think you have more sway than you realize.”

  What were they talking about? I had no sway with Sarai. We’d had one conversation since Skye died. Our relationship was superficial at best.

  My lips pinched together. “I’ll do my best, but how do I know I can trust you? How do I know this cure won’t change me into something unspeakable?”

  “We can show you. If you come with us, we have someone who is ready to
make the change. We’ll allow you to watch the transformation and make the decision for yourself. We have nothing to hide.”

  What did I have to lose?

  One unexpected answer crossed my mind.

  Cameron.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  CAMERON

  Lia never came home after work. One kiss and she’d disappeared. Who would’ve thought Lia scared so easily? But a nagging thought wouldn’t let me go. It was four hours past the time she normally took to get home. She hadn’t mentioned that she was going anywhere after work. Though, she’d gone before I’d gotten up this morning, which was unusual in itself. But, she could’ve had somewhere to be. I still felt unsettled.

  Since she didn’t have a cell phone yet, I decided to show up at the restaurant. Maybe she’d picked up another shift to avoid me. It would’ve been so like her to dodge me after our kiss. I didn’t know what to make of it either. It was why I left last night. I had to figure out what I was feeling and the real reason I’d kissed her and I’d cared enough to talk about it now. To see what it meant to her, if anything. Because I knew it’d meant a whole lot to me.

  When I walked into Amici’s, Lia wasn’t there. Adrianne stood behind the hostess podium and told me she’d left hours ago. It wasn’t like she checked in with me regularly, so I shouldn’t worry. I still did.

  Where could she have gone?

  Maybe she’d gone back to the apartment, and we’d missed each other in passing. But, when I opened the door of the apartment and called out her name, there was no response. When I checked my bedroom, my bed was still unmade, the way I’d left it this morning. Her clothes stayed tucked away in her duffle bag on my floor, untouched.

  For all I knew, she’d gone grocery shopping or had a hot date. Ha. Not likely. Maybe she’d decided to visit the forest. When she needed time to think, that was where she went, right? She couldn’t avoid me forever. I wanted to talk about that kiss.