Her Master's Heart

by Lawrence Southwick

  “Let me guess, he has all the power, and you just keep surrendering to him. You can't seem to help yourself. Now, you're worried you're losing yourself in the process.”

  Robin blinked, surprised at her blunt, yet accurate and concise assessment. “Yes,” she said. “That's it exactly.”

  Mistress Gina laughed out loud, which caused Robin obvious dismay.

  Are my life and feelings the stuff of laughter? What’s so funny about my distress and confusion? Even if it’s a common experience for new submissives, that doesn't make it any less significant, valid or upsetting for me. This is MY first and only time for this.

  Gina sobered quickly upon seeing Robin's expression.

  “I'm sorry, that was rude of me. It's just that I've heard this same tale of woe so many times. It’s almost always based on the same misconceptions.” She sighed heavily. “Tell me, who is in control of your relationship with your Dom?”

  Robin seemed taken aback. Wasn't that answer WAY too obvious? According to her still sore and bruised buttocks, it was painfully obvious.

  “He is.”

  Mistress Gina shook her head in disagreement.

  “Nope. YOU are.” She rubbed her chin and smiled thoughtfully. “He only has the power you give him. You can take that power away with just one word, right?”

  Robin squinted in thought. Hmm—was that really how it was? I have the power because of my safe word? What a concept. I’d never thought of it that way before.

  ‘What is your safe word?’ She recalled Master asking her last night, reminding her of that very power.

  Oh, my God. He asked me that question before he even wielded that blasted cane. Yet I didn't even think to use it until I was so upset and way past the point of agony. I could've used my safe word any time, even after that first painful strike!

  Mistress Gina continued. “A Dom—a true Dom—cares about his submissive more than he does himself. He looks out for her needs, but not necessarily her wants. He controls the actions and behaviors of the submissive, but only to give her pleasure, instruction and to help her reach any goals she’s looking for. Does this describe the man you’re talking about?”

  Did it? Is that what Master was doing? Until last night, I'd have described him that way… but now, after that friggin’ caning session, I just don't know what to think anymore.

  Mistress Gina continued, once she saw the confusion etched on Robin's face, “On the other hand, there are people out there who call themselves Doms. However, they are not, in fact, true Dominants. They are merely selfish, abusive assholes, whose only goal is to exert control over victims who wish to be submissives. These faux Doms wield control for their own benefit. Their own pleasure is the be-all and end-all for them. Whether it's sex, money, violence or whatever else that gets them off. They may pretend to care about their submissive, but it's only a facade to lure in victims and make them compliant. Does this description sound familiar? Does it describe your Dom?”

  "No. Not at all. I'm sure of that."

  “So, that addresses his part of your relationship. Now, let's look at your part. You're worried about how far you'd drift into your role as submissive—how far you may go in order to please your Dom, correct?”

  Robin nodded. She was both afraid of herself and for herself. At times, she was afraid of her loss of control. Well, more about her own propensity to surrender control when it doesn't feel right for her. Like how she allowed herself to suffer as she did last night. The fact she'd allowed that hideous caning to go on for so long, when she truly hated every moment of it, was extremely upsetting for her.

  “I can’t answer that question. Only you can. In a truly healthy D/s relationship, as a sub, you’ll seek the level with which you're most comfortable. You'll flow to it like water.”

  Like water over rocks, Robin thought.

  After a brief pause, Gina continued, “That may be a level with many more scary things than you're ready to face right now. The most important thing to keep in mind is,” and here, Mistress Gina leaned in close to the bars of the cage, her blue eyes seeking out Robin's, pinning her. Her voice was soft.

  “You don't have to go on that journey alone, do you? You have someone with you whom you trust. You have someone who'll care about you and take care of you.”

  Robin nodded and burst into tears, her hands clutching the bars of the cage, seemingly for support.

  After a few moments, Mistress Gina handed her a tissue and then said, “I see our time here's done. If you'd like, you can make another appointment to see me, or you can call me anytime and we can talk.” As she spoke, she opened the cage so Robin could exit.

  Once she was out of the confines of the cage, Robin drew the shorter woman into her for an intense hug, heedless of her nudity.

  Gina rubbed Robin's back and whispered in her ear, “Go get him, dear. I think you'll be fine.”

  Robin drew back. “But I'm still confused and there's so much I don't know or understand. What am I? A submissive? A slave? A bottom?” Her voice was filled with bewildered confusion.

  Gina sniffed and looked at her firmly. “You are Robin; don't lose sight of that. Labels are there for the convenience of others, not for ourselves. They can be misleading, probably unnecessary and certainly inadequate. Concentrate on being the person you want to be and behave accordingly. Everything else will fall into place.”

  She gave Robin a little shove towards the door. “Now, go, child.”

  Chapter 22.

  ROBIN

  At work the following day, Robin's mind was like a whirling dervish. She worked ceaselessly through the morning, as an emotional escape, not daring to allow herself any time to think.

  The Motrin she'd taken and the pillow she'd brought from home helped ease her bruised buttocks, but only a little. She'd told a few inquisitive coworkers she’d taken a tumble after stubbing her toe, and was still sore. There were a few polite inquiries about her health, some concerned glances but nothing more, much to her relief.

  Sadly, by lunchtime, she could no longer countenance ANY pressure or touch. Robin was forced to stand to eat and think. She pondered how she'd be able to endure the ride home without actually sitting as she drove her car. She feared she, like the last little piggy, would cry 'wee, wee, wee,' all the way home.

  Well, I may not be able to sit, but at least my sense of humor is still functioning!

  The pain she'd experienced during the scene had been unbearable, yet she'd borne it.

  Why does that make me feel so proud of myself? This morning, I'd loved seeing the reflection of those nasty looking horizontal stripes decorating my ass when I looked in the mirror. Why?

  I absolutely hated every second of that damned torturous caning. Yet for reasons I can't understand or explain, I almost feel as though things are somehow clearer for me. I swear it felt as if Master's punishment purged all of the 'bad' within me. It certainly shook things up in my world. It made me think and certainly made me feel.

  Of course, the massive orgasm at the end had been a wonderful 'side benefit'. It was like being rewarded for my pain and efforts. That had been a serious pat on the back. My God, I can still picture, and almost feel the rapture of it. It had been so delightfully enhanced by Master's loud and incredibly moving release within me. Yum.

  She closed her eyes and shuddered with the thought.

  Jeez, I better stop this line of thinking right now, before my lunch break is over. I'm getting all wet and aroused. It's bad enough I'll need to stand for the rest of the day. I won't be able to get anything done in this state!

  What does all of this mean? Why did I react the way I did? Why do I feel the way I do now? What does all of this say about me? Am I a masochist? Am I a pain slut?

  Robin didn't think so because she certainly hadn't enjoyed the experience, at the time. She hated every frigging strike she'd gotten with that damned cane.

  However, in retrospect...

  With Mistress Gina's help, Robin finally understood the lesson Ma
ster had been trying to teach her. He'd pushed her hard, with both pain and pleasure. However, ultimately, she'd been the one in control. All it took to end the torture was for her to utter one word. It would've brought things to a crashing halt.

  Robin smiled to herself. Well, it apparently took that AND the presence of mind to say the word.

  Because of all of the fallout—her physical and emotional pain both during and after the scene, all of her confusion, her meeting with Mistress Gina as well as all of the hours of thought and mixed feelings—the lesson had finally hit home and was deeply imprinted on her.

  One question plagued her mind relentlessly.

  Why in the world had it taken me so long to say ‘red’?

  Robin thought back. Why had she been so accepting of the caning?

  I'd truly HATED every second of it.

  Was it because of the intriguing mix of pleasure with the pain? No, there'd been no real physical pleasure from the caning at all, not like with the spanking or the flogging. It was simply agonizing.

  Yet whenever he'd stop and touch me, it was…wow! It was so strangely delightful. It seemed the contrast between the hideous pain compared to the titillating and sensual touch was surprisingly intense. The caning seemed to heighten my sensitivity to pleasure, as well as my arousal. It was so peculiar…and disturbing. What a mind fuck!

  However, she believed it had been more than that. Robin asked herself if she'd endured the physical and emotional trauma of the beating because she thought it was what Master wanted.

  I know what I wanted most was to please Master. THAT gives me more pleasure than the most amazing orgasms in the world. That's what makes me feel proud and good about myself.

  Robin shivered. It has been such a short time that Master has been a part of my life, and he's already had so much influence over me. He's changed the way I think, the way I feel both inside and out, as well as the way I see and feel about myself. He's forever changed me.

  Yet, even now, after he'd beaten her so mercilessly, causing a horribly intense physical pain she still endured, she continued to trust him.

  How ironic was that, given what he'd purposely inflicted on her the other night?

  However, he'd done exactly what he'd said he’d do. When she finally uttered her safe word, everything bad stopped instantly. Then he cuddled her, petted her and gave her so much affection and praise. He'd fulfilled his promise with alacrity.

  In addition, he certainly didn't look as if he'd enjoyed what he'd done to her. To her eyes, it appeared as though the caning had been a necessary evil Master had endured along with her.

  Robin thought back to that night. She clearly remembered his uncharacteristically somber-sounding voice and demeanor, as well as his grim facial expression. He was devoid of his usual smiles and levity. She remembered him reminding her of her safe word before they began, and even during their scene. He had even given her a hint during the caning, when he asked her if she'd had anything she wanted to say to him, before he doled out another round.

  Master was clearly not happy nor enjoying the beating he had inflicted on her. She wondered briefly if he hated it as much as she did.

  She smiled with the realization Master was not a sadist. She smiled with immense relief.

  If he were a sadist, it wouldn't have been easy for me. I so want to please him, but I don't wish to be tortured. It's not what I crave.

  Yes, Master enjoys inflicting pain, but only to give pleasure. It seems as though pain given for the sake of education, which includes punishment, were exceptions for him. They weren't what really turned him on. Amen!

  That thought pleased her and relieved her to no end.

  Maybe they could be happy together, without her having to endure too much agonizing torture or having to change who she was in order to please him.

  No, she was sure she wasn't a pain slut, and she never wanted to become one. She was Robin, and she was discovering exactly what that meant. With Master's help, she was learning so much about herself.

  She totally enjoyed the spankings, as well as the flogger he'd used on her. She also loved being commanded, being used for his pleasure, being bound and at his mercy. She, like Master, enjoyed pain for pleasure.

  After the caning scene, she'd slept heavily through the night, nestled in Master's arms. In the morning, he'd awakened her gently and lovingly. He'd made no demands upon her. He simply helped her wash and dress, fed her and instructed her how best to care for her bruises. Then he escorted her to her car.

  His kiss goodbye had been sweet and soft.

  Clearly, Master had gotten little to no sleep that night. There were dark circles and even bags under his eyes, and his face looked haggard. She'd never seen him look like that before that morning. He was even devoid of the twinkle in his eye she loved so dearly. He didn't eat with her, he merely watched as she ate.

  Robin pondered all of the facts she'd gathered during the night of their scene and the following morning.

  Was Master punishing himself for what he'd done to her?

  Surely not.

  Chapter 23.

  ROBERT

  It had been a terrible night for him as well as for Robin. Robert didn't sleep one wink. He'd chosen to stay up to gaze at the woman who was creeping her way into his heart.

  When had this ever happened to him before? Never. Robert had trained a decent number of submissives over the years. Yet he'd never been affected in any way close to how he was with Robin. She was very special somehow.

  God, she was brave! She'd accepted everything I gave her, and not with stoicism or stubborn pride, but with full-out emotion. She let it all out and yet took it all in.

  She surprised me—surpassing all of the limits I'd thought she'd had, by leaps and bounds. I pushed her hard, too hard. I knew she hated it, yet I continued doling it out until she finally used her safe word.

  I'm such a bastard, he told himself. But I'm so proud of my darling little bird.

  When she'd walked to the spanking bench with her hips swaying and her breasts jutting out, he wanted nothing more than to drop his pants and take her. He wanted to penetrate her, then and there—from behind, like a lion, marking her as his. It had taken every ounce of his control to remain calm. He had been focused to appear detached from her.

  He'd pushed her to her limits, but not past them, thanks to her safewording. It was a good lesson—one she'd not forget. She'd accepted his stretching her limits and pushing her to try new experiences as well as new levels of pain, but only to a point.

  It was a point where he was extremely happy and even relieved to stop. He'd been willing her and wishing she would've done it sooner. The caning had taken an emotional toll on Robert. He'd hated hurting her because he knew it was bringing her no pleasure. It was a necessary evil. He did it for her benefit, to teach her a crucial lesson, not for her enjoyment.

  However, he did get immense joy from seeing his marks on her lovely body. She was his, and he wanted to mark her as such. He wanted the world to know she belonged to him.

  Was she still his? Even now, after last night?

  Naturally, she'd been very quiet the morning after, even contemplative. Maybe she'd never want to see him again. He felt a quaking in his belly at the thought. He prayed he didn't lose her.

  Losing Robin would hurt more than any caning or physical pain. If she walked out of his life, it would cause a deep pain that would likely linger for an extremely long time to come, leaving the ache of emptiness in its wake. He loved having her in his life. He loved being with her and looking forward to that great privilege.

  Five o'clock couldn't come quickly enough. He needed to know where she stood—where he stood in her eyes and her heart. He needed to know what damage he'd done beyond her physical bruising.

  What damage did he inflict on her emotionally, as well as on their relationship? Did they still have a relationship?

  Would he ever get the chance to feast his eyes on her bodacious curves, again?

  Wou
ld he ever again be able to enter her warm, soft, sensitive, responsive body?

  Would he ever get to hold her and kiss her again?

  Had he lost her for good?

  ~~~

  LATER THAT EVENING

  At dinner, Master covered much of the same ground as Mistress Gina. He explained that all too often, a new sub was so enthralled to have found her long sought-after role, she could lose the ability to contemplate what was and wasn't safe. Unscrupulous or careless Doms could take advantage of that impairment.

  Hmm, Master had introduced me to a world of unimaginable pleasure and one of unspeakable pain, all with one goal in mind: to teach me, in a very real and memorable way, I could control the situation at any time.

  Master explained her safe word wasn't to be used when she felt embarrassed or merely apprehensive. Safe words are reserved for times when a sub honestly can't take anymore. If she'd safeword, Master would stop immediately, regardless of what was happening. They'd talk and work to make things better. Safe words were only to be used and taken seriously, never frivolously.

  When a safe word was used, there'd never be any recriminations. It would never be ignored and a Dom would never complain. They are there for a reason. They are there for safety, trust and as a way to learn about and explore limits.

  Safe words are taken so seriously that if a sub were to safeword in a public setting, such as at the Club, every able-bodied Dominant within earshot would immediately rush to her aid. Safe words are not only used when a sub has reached their limit, they're also used when there's an injury or illness.

  Robin nodded, truly understanding what Robert was saying. Her discussion with Mistress Gina had helped her, as well. It helped her to take a step back and be able to see and listen to what he was saying.

  She now understood what he'd been doing that night. Robin realized the significance of the lesson deep in her soul, far more than any verbal explanation she'd previously heard that had never significantly resonated within her.

  The clarity of Master's lesson, as well as his obvious displeasure at having to deliver it in such a brutal way, gave Robin a sense of peace. She felt cared for so deeply by him in a totally new and wonderful way. She blinked to keep her tears at bay.