They All Fall Down

by Cat Hogan

  He remembered that last line so well, and her question floored him. No one had ever recognised that before. He wanted to tell her everything, he wanted to sit there and tell her all about his twisted life and the twisted urges that consumed his mind and frightened him. Was she threatening to come back and haunt him? Something told him that she might just have the ability. The tormentor had become the tormented. Stupid, silly little boy. He couldn’t go through with it, whatever it was? Was he going to stuff pills down her throat until they made her heave? Was he going to smother her, bludgeon her to death with a blunt object? What the fuck was he going to do? He was frightened of this old witch. He had said too much, and now there was no going back, but he couldn’t do it. Damn it. So he played the only trump card he had left. He told her that he would spare her life, but she would also spare his. A life for a life. A trade-off, so to speak. She would take to the grave what he had told her and the arrangement for Andy to remain in the house would not change. He would never know that Scott had visited her – otherwise her ‘little hurricane’ as she called him would simply disappear one day. His little body would be found washed up on the beach just beside his new home and his mother Jen would probably kill herself in grief.

  When the last of the colour had drained from her face, he stood up, shook her hand, wished her well on her impending journey and left.

  The sound of a car horn blasted him back to the present. He rolled the car back on to the main road. He had a meeting to get to for midday, and then he was headed back to Dublin. A good night out was needed and he had in mind exactly who he would be spending it with.

  Chapter 4

  Banging on the front door of a public house at half ten in the morning made Jen feel uncomfortable and she wished Tess would hurry up. She had her back to the wind – which by now had abated to a boisterous breeze, strong enough to stir the ropes and make the poles whistle. It was a beautiful morning and, this early, little could be heard except the chug of an engine from down at the pier. The swallows observed her from their perch on the telephone wires. Like sentries, they watched. Nothing would disturb them there, bar the screech of a gull. Summer was on the way, the sight of the little birds a welcome reminder. The thatched rooftops all around her were drinking in the morning sun, glowing golden and bright. The village was really stunning, like a movie set. The heavy door opened with a groan.

  ‘Morning,’ Tess chirped as she extended her arms for a hug.

  She looked tired and Jen was alarmed to see that she had been crying.

  ‘Morning, Tess.’ Her eyes tried to adjust to the light as she closed the door behind her. ‘Doc gave me the message to come down. Is everything OK?’

  ‘Yes, fine, Jen. It’s just that my mobile phone is on the blink. I was hoping he would catch you in the school yard. Sit down, the coffee machine is on.’

  The blinds were still down in The Gale Public House. The hum of a fan and the morning news report were the only sounds coming from the kitchen. Something smelled good – baking bread – and Jen wished she had got up in time to have breakfast. All but one of the stools rested upside down on the counter, the lack of life giving the bar a very different feel.

  Tess and Doc Martin were the couple that everyone aspired to be like. They ran the pub together. Tess had taken it over when her dad retired and Doc was the in-house entertainment – a musician and one of the most amazing singers Jen had ever heard. They had been together forever and had a little boy the same age as Danny.

  Tess steamed milk at the coffee machine while Jen pulled down a companion to the one stool on the floor. Before long, the smell of freshly ground coffee replaced the smell of the baking bread.

  ‘So, Jen, tell me all. How goes it with the lodger? Your own personal fisherman!’

  Jen noticed Tess had a glint in her eye as she passed the latte over the bar.

  ‘It’s fine actually. He’s genuinely a nice guy and it’s not as awkward as I thought it was going to be. He was around a fair bit last week, as there was some problem with water pumps or something, but he hopes to have it fixed in the next few days.’

  ‘And how is the wee man of the house settling in? Are they getting on all right?’

  Jen stirred a little mountain of sugar into the coffee and took a sip.

  ‘Ah, that’s a good coffee, Tess! Yeah, Danny seems to really like him. They get on great in fact.’

  ‘He’s a lovely guy, Jen. He comes in the odd night for a couple of pints. I’ve always liked him. He’s very good-looking too, don’t you think?’

  ‘I suppose he is, Tess.’

  Jen stood up to take off her coat. When she sat back down, Tess had the same glint in her eye.

  “‘Suppose”, my eye, Jen! Come on, woman, spill the beans! You have thought about it, haven’t you? I bet you’re trying to get a look at him every time he comes out of the shower. I know I would!’ She laughed as she dipped a biscuit into her coffee.

  Jen laughed with her. He was gorgeous. She thought about Scott.

  ‘Did you ever meet a friend of his called Scott? Was he ever in here with a tall guy, really well-dressed? Black hair and absolutely fecking hot?’

  ‘Aha, so you have met the elusive Scott Carluccio Randall then! What a name, eh? Yeah, he has been down quite a few times over the last couple of years. He’s fond of his 18-year-old Jameson and craft beers. Rather posh, daah’ling. The women in here go a bit mad when he’s around. Very charming.’

  This all sounded hilarious coming from Tess. Doc was the best catch in the village, and he adored her.

  ‘On a serious note, mind, he’s a snob. Always very lovely to me, but the lads here don’t like him. It seems he’s above making small talk with staff. Fond of the pretty girls too, but strangely quite taken with Andy. I can’t figure that relationship out at all. I know they were in college together and all that, but it’s a bit weird. Chalk and cheese. I quite like him apart from that.’

  ‘Well, I agree on the snob part. He was in work one night with a group from the Opera Society. He gave one of the girls an awful time and then had the cheek to slip her a business card on the way out the door. She’s Swedish. Tall and beautiful, but she’s only nineteen. He’s such a charmer – even though he’d treated her like shit, she went around for the rest of the night with a smile on her face and his card in her apron. He was up in my house one morning last week. I don’t know, there’s something about him that makes me feel really uneasy. It’s none of my business though – he’s Andy’s friend. He’s entitled to have his friends in the house.’

  ‘Jen, my duck, the best way to find out the dirt on someone is good old Facebook! No time like the present!’ Tess opened her laptop which was sitting on the bar beside the paperwork. ‘Here, log in and find him.’

  ‘Ah, Tess, I don’t know about this. Facebook-stalking, first thing in the morning?’ Jen was reluctant.

  ‘Come on! If you don’t, I will.’

  Tess was grinning now. She was a great character and knew everything about everyone in the village, but was never one for idle gossip. She simply liked to stay informed and the bar was the perfect place to do that. She knew more than the local Guards.

  Curiosity had now got the better of Jen as well. Andy didn’t have a Facebook account. He barely had a phone so she would just have to search for Scott’s name and hope for the best.

  The first tab she opened was Facebook. Facebook prompted her to search for people, places and things. She ignored the little red notifications and entered his name. There he was and they had three mutual friends. Interesting. Two of the friends were bands she liked; the third was an acquaintance of hers who had gone to Trinity. Really getting into the swing of things, Jen hoped his profile wasn’t private. She wanted to have a snoop in his photos, but checked the ‘about’ page first.

  No schools/universities to show. No places to show. No relationship info to show. Nothing. Photos next: Scott at weddings, dinner parties, shows, awards. Everyone with saccharine smiles, all in tuxedos and
ball gowns. Everyone looked amazing and wealthy. Always surrounded by beautiful people. Not a bad selfie in there, not a single shot of him in a local pub or in a casual setting. Trawling through his timeline wasn’t helpful either. All pseudo-intellectual posts and the odd music video. Nothing personal. No banter. No craic.

  ‘That’s weird, Tess. There’s nothing light-hearted or really personal in his profile.’

  She then went to Google. He had a profile on Linkedin, he was on Twitter and there were some images from newspapers. More award ceremonies. An article about his honorary membership on the board of The Opera Society. She was about to click out of Google and nearly missed it. His father had died in 2008. A full write-up in the paper about the circumstances, funeral, the family, their history and the sprawling estate he came from. A family portrait. They were all stunning. He had his father’s height and build, but was an absolute dead ringer for his mother. They had an identical smile; it didn’t reach their eyes.

  ‘My goodness, Jen, that’s a creepy picture. The poor man. Suicide, that’s really sad. Just be careful on this one. He and Andy are good pals so keep your mouth shut. Scott’s a very strong character, so leave well enough alone. I wouldn’t like to get on his bad side.’

  Then, without warning, Tess burst into tears.

  ‘Tess, honey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?’ Jen closed the laptop and faced her friend. Worried they would be overheard, she hopped off the stool and closed the door to the kitchen.

  ‘Don’t worry about them, Jen – the cleaner doesn’t have a lot of English and that bitch of a cook doesn’t come near me. She only works part-time and, I swear, if she wasn’t so good I’d let her go.’ This prompted more tears. ‘It’s all gone to pieces, and I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘What has gone to pieces, Tess? What are you talking about?’

  ‘I had the bank on the landline, just before you came in.’

  Between the sobs, the story came out. The business was really struggling. EU quotas and restrictions on fishermen didn’t just affect the fishermen themselves. Every business in a small community like theirs depended on the others. To add insult to injury, the weather had been atrocious for months and the only busy times were school holidays and the tourist season. Taxes, rates and VAT were crippling. Tess had to let two of her staff go and now she was picking up the slack, working crazy hours. She had no time to spend with Doc other than in work and little Hugh was a permanent fixture over in his grandmother’s house. Doc was working in the pub during the week and around the country at weekends, doing gigs to make extra money. They were working opposite shifts seven days a week and she couldn’t remember the last time they had all sat down together for dinner. Hugh was feeling the strain and giving her a really hard time. He was acting up all the time, at home and in school.

  ‘Things have been really bad with me and Doc as well. We are constantly arguing, as we are both running on empty. We have no down time and when he gets back from the gigs at the weekend it just pisses me off. He bangs on about the great fun he’s had, with all these amazing people and I’m just here scrubbing and cleaning. When I’m not slogging in the pub, I’m slogging at home. I can’t do it any more.’

  Even though Tess was a good six inches taller than Jen, she looked small on the stool. Jen studied her friend. She looked vulnerable, with dark circles around her eyes.

  ‘We’re stuck with the place and it’s like a noose around our necks. We bought in the good times, just after we got married. We can’t sell as we’d be worse off – penniless and jobless.’ Her body shook with sobs and she was grey in the face with stress.

  Jen hugged her and her heart went out to her friend. Little do we know, she thought. From the outside they looked like they had it all. Jen had known real money struggles, but not on this scale.

  ‘You’re not telling me everything, Tess, are you?’ Jen looked her friend in the eye, knowing by her that she was holding something back.

  Tess played with the stack of envelopes beside her on the bar and stared into her cup.

  ‘Jen, I think I’m pregnant. And, just to put the icing on the cake, I think Doc is having a fucking affair.’

  ‘Pregnant! Sure that’s not the worst thing in the world – a little baby? Bad timing perhaps? Doc’ll be over the moon with another child. And there’s no way he would be stupid enough to do the dirt on you again, Tess. He learned his lesson the hard way that time. And that was a long time ago – he’s a different person now. You are stressed and worn out and you’ve got the wrong end of the stick somehow. Come on, Tess, you’ve always said that you’d both put that behind you and you trust him. What makes you think that he’s having an affair?’

  ‘Because he is different with me, Jen – secretive almost. He’s so distant and he’s not interested in spending any time with me. All we talk about is Hugh and stupid small talk about bills. He has completely disconnected from me, and I just don’t have the energy to try and reconnect with him any more. It’s so infuriating listening to him waffle on about the great bloody time he has at the gigs, and all the interesting people he meets. I’m sure they’re all lovely, but to him I’m invisible. I don’t matter any more. He has pigeonholed me into cook, cleaner and mother, and has completely forgotten who I am. I’m completely fed up with the whole shit situation.’

  ‘In fairness to Doc, he’s out doing gigs to make money that you desperately need, it seems. It’s not all fun and parties.’

  Tess didn’t respond. She rounded the bar and put on another brew.

  ‘Tess, how late are you? Maybe it’s stress that has you late, and all the running around? You need to just take a breath here for a minute. First things first: do a fecking test. You need to tell him. And, you know, things can’t be that terrible between you if you’re still having sex.’

  Jen was in a bit of a panic herself. Tess was always so together, taking everything in her stride, but here she was, falling apart in front of her eyes.

  ‘We hadn’t been, for months. We were here after lock-up a few weeks ago and had way too much to drink. Hugh was with his gran so we were in no rush to get home. I was worried that he didn’t love me any more and I practically threw myself at him. He loved it of course – one thing led to another and we got it on in here. On the bar counter, to be exact.’

  In spite of the situation, they dissolved into fits of laughter. The thought of Tess, a respected businesswoman, humping on the bar counter cracked both of them up.

  ‘Tess, that’s hilarious!’

  ‘Things were good for a few days after that, Jen, then he went away for the weekend working and we were back to square one. He was supposed to be home for Sunday lunch with Mam and Dad – they were coming here – and he didn’t get back until after nine. His phone was off as per usual. When his phone is on, it’s stuck to him. He gets strange calls and texts late at night.’ The tears returned. ‘OK, I’ll do a test and figure out my next step from there.’

  ‘Do you want me to go to the chemist’s and get you one?’

  Tess nodded. She looked scared. ‘Will you stay here with me while I do it?’

  No answer was needed.

  Jen grabbed her bag and shot out the door.

  Tess sat at the counter and cried again. Jen was a good friend. She could rely on her. It should have been Doc here this morning with her, but he was in town and would not be back until after school pick-up.

  Jen was back before long with the little paper bombshell. The pub did not open until twelve, and thankfully none of the usual suspects had knocked on the door to be let in. They had time. She sat the bag on the bar counter and went to the coffee machine.

  Tess was on the phone with what sounded like an irate supplier looking for payment.

  Jen did not ask her if she wanted a decaffeinated coffee – it was too soon for that. She had nearly bought a box of cigarettes on the way back from the chemist’s as well. Tess was also a former smoker, and had encouraged Jen to quit. The cigarette machine stood proud in th
e corner of the bar winking at her. Gosh, poor Tess was a mess. A cigarette would be lovely now.

  ‘Sorry about that, Jen. Did you get it?’ She spotted the paper bag on the counter and grabbed it. ‘Right, it’s now or never.’

  Her hands shook as she removed the packaging from the little stick that could change her life for good.

  ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

  Jen’s hand now shook in solidarity with her friend. She remembered the day she had done the same thing. It said three minutes, always three minutes, but it never took that long. The fate of one’s future boiled down to peeing on a plastic stick. Two years she had stayed with Will, playing at happy families. That’s all it was: playing. Tess and Doc were different. They were good together. Yes, they had their ups and downs, but she found it hard to believe he had the capacity to behave so treacherously again, to take everything they had and throw it away. Maybe the stress was making Tess see things that just weren’t there … but, then again, he had cheated on her before.

  The bereft look on Tess’s face as she returned replaced the need for conversation. Jen just hugged her and they cried together. The tiny screen on the fancy digital test had told her that she was 3+ Weeks.