They All Fall Down

by Cat Hogan

  They moved from there out to the gardens, complete with picnic baskets. It was time to walk to the lake.

  The recital was due to begin at eight, and dinner would be served in the marquee afterwards. They had enough time to see the lake, have their picnic, get back to the house, have a nap and then get ready for the black-tie event.

  ‘Jen, wake up!’

  ‘What time is it?’

  ‘It’s seven o’clock. You were out cold for the last hour. And you were snoring.’

  ‘Feck off, Andy. I don’t snore.’ She laughed.

  He was naked, and his hair was flattened on one side from his nap. He looked at her, and she felt a real rush of love towards him. The Beatles’ ‘All You Need is Love’ was blaring in her head.

  ‘Take a shower with me, Jen. Let me see you.’

  Jen looked him straight in the eye, and felt the heat spread over her face. Her eyes moved to the floor and she nodded her assent. She climbed out of the bed, and he took her by the hand into the bathroom.

  The water hitting the tray was the only sound they could hear. She stood in front of him as he bent down to kiss her. Lifting her arms, he removed her T-shirt, as though she were a child being taken care of by a parent. She saw the reaction in his eyes. It was a mix of shock, revulsion and sadness. She didn’t blame him. The scars were horrendous. Where breasts should have been, only a splat of solidified skin. The angry red had faded over the years, and now her body looked and felt as though someone had thrown candle wax all over her. She held her breath, and waited for him to leave the room. He didn’t. He regained his composure and kissed her again. He didn’t speak – he just took her hand and led her into the glass block. The steam obscured their vision only slightly, and she was grateful for everything taking on a blurred look. He picked up his sponge and started to wash her. She started to cry. He washed her everywhere, and then washed her hair. She stood there, and allowed him to do it. She allowed herself to be taken care of for just a while.

  He allowed her to touch him, but she knew he didn’t want to turn this into wet steamy shower sex – it was a deep and emotional moment for both of them. But she wanted him. She let her hands travel all over him and, as she guided him into her, she knew that they had started to heal each other’s scars. It was just a start, but they were together on this part of the adventure.

  He wrapped her in a towel, and dried her. He knelt in front of her, and traced his finger along the ropey bumps on her chest.

  His hand moved lower and he grinned up at her.

  She swatted his hand away and laughed.

  ‘Get off me, Andy. I have to get ready.’

  ‘OK, OK. I will leave you alone, for now. I should get ready too. Scott will have a hissy fit if we’re late.’

  ‘We won’t be, I won’t be long. Shit, Andy, look at the fecking time – it’s ten to eight.’

  ‘Ah, crap!’

  Jen stuck her hair up in a French pleat, after a quick blast with the hair-dryer. She didn’t have time to style it properly, but it looked the part. Her make-up never took long, the advantage of inheriting her mother’s beautiful skin, and she was ready quicker than Andy. He was still running around the room in a shirt and underpants, looking for his cufflinks.

  ‘Will you hurry up, man?’

  Jen tried in vain to help him with his dicky bow, but had no clue how to tie it.

  ‘Come on, Andy. Just get Scott to do the damn thing downstairs.’

  They heard him in the hallway before they saw him, greeting guests with compliments and thanks as he pointed them in the direction of the waiter with champagne. Jen got the feeling that most of them were regulars – they knew where to go anyway without Scott having to direct them.

  Scott laughed at Andy’s request, and had the tie knotted perfectly in seconds.

  ‘I knew how to knot a bow-tie before I could walk,’ he said to Andy, as his hands rested on his shoulders. ‘You look great. Now go out to the garden – I’ll see you at dinner.’

  Jen thought he was about to kiss him, the way he stood there eyeing him up. She wondered had she left a big glob of lipstick Andy’s face, and secretly hoped she had. They exchanged pleasantries, him complimenting her dress as he ushered them through the doors.

  The large walled garden was full of tuxedos and evening gowns. They spotted Tess and Doc and took their seats in the audience. The performance was going to last for an hour, and then dinner would be served.

  ‘Where is Sal?’ Jen whispered to Tess.

  ‘Off somewhere getting pissed with Clara, I’d imagine. They were knocking back the champagne when we came down. Sal is being weird this weekend.’

  ‘Weird how?’

  ‘If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear the two of them were off their heads on something.’

  The tinkle of spoon on glass and the shhhh of the opera enthusiasts put their conversation on hold.

  The hour passed very quickly. Jen was surprised how much she enjoyed the excerpt, Livia’s voice not giving away her age or her love of cigarettes to the untrained ear. Jen wondered if she had lost any of the range or the length she could hold a note over the years – if she had she must have been truly phenomenal at the height of her career.

  Andy materialised at her side after the encore, and walked Tess and her into the marquee, which had been transformed into a beautiful dining room.

  The rest of their little party arrived at the table, and everyone was in high spirits. Sal, Clara and Doc in particular seemed as though the champagne bubbles had gone to their heads. The three of them were chatting a little bit too loudly about life after death and were drawing the attention of guests at the next table. Jen and Andy exchanged glances, just before Tess asked them to quieten down.

  ‘For fuck sake, woman! Lighten up and stop being such a square all your life!’ said Doc.

  This made the other two girls giggle, and Jen was mortified.

  Andy spoke up. ‘Doc, have a bit of respect for your wife there, and for our sake take it down a notch. Girls, I would suggest you two eat something before you drink any more. You’re acting the eejits and it’s beginning to grate on my nerves.’

  Doc was stunned into silence.

  Scott arrived at the table, and looked around at them. There was very obviously an atmosphere, but no one said a word.

  ‘I hope you are all hungry – the caterers are fantastic,’ he said as he took the only vacant seat, beside Jen.

  The meal was served and he hadn’t lied. The food was fantastic, and the service impeccable. The group got over their awkwardness and the wine and the conversation flowed. Even Jen and Scott managed to make sociable conversation. No digs, no jibes, just small talk. She observed him as he interacted with the rest of the party, and wasn’t surprised at how they could be so enamoured with him. He sure could talk the talk, and did so the whole way through dinner. The plates sat empty as he continued with yet another story of the highbrow social life in Dublin. Compliments came as easy to him as drawing breath, and he could speak with authority on any subject. He enjoyed holding court as usual, but he made Jen’s skin crawl. She couldn’t believe that everyone else couldn’t see through him.

  ‘Where are you off to, Doc?’ Tess asked as her husband stood up.

  ‘I’m going to chat to the band. I can see them setting up over there.’ He walked over in the direction of the stage without a second glance at his wife.

  She was left sitting with Sal and Clara, neither of whom involved her in the conversation.

  ‘Sal, I need some fresh air – let’s go out to the garden.’ Clara wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and they were gone.

  Before Jen had a chance to move over and sit with Tess, she mumbled something about the bathroom and left the table. Jen was worried about her, she looked so pale and sad.

  ‘I hope my beloved son hasn’t been monopolising the conversation here.’

  Livia had appeared out of nowhere.

  ‘Jesus, she never gives him a break,’ Andy
whispered to Jen as Scott stood up.

  She didn’t answer. She didn’t feel in the slightest bit sorry for Scott, and she warmed to Livia every time she put him in his place.

  ‘A skill I obviously inherited from you, Mother dear. Excuse me, Jen. I must do my duty and mingle. Come, Andy, I’d like to introduce you to some friends.’

  Livia took Andy’s seat, and placed her champagne glass on the table. It was instantly refilled by a hovering waiter.

  ‘So, my darling! Are you having a wonderful time? Did you enjoy the performance and the meal?’

  Jen complimented her, for both her performance and her hospitality. As Livia told her opera stories from around the world, the staff refilled water jugs and wineglasses, and made empty dishes and cups disappear into thin air.

  ‘Scott tells me you have a little son, Jen – Danny?’

  ‘That’s right, Livia. Danny is eight. With his dad this weekend.’ She didn’t know why, but she felt compelled to let her know that there was a dad on the scene.

  ‘I remember Scott at that age. Such a sweet little boy, and oh how he loved his mother! I don’t know where I went wrong after that really.’ She laughed, but it was hollow.

  Jen wondered if all the champagne had gone to her head.

  ‘We know our boys inside out, Jen, that’s one thing that doesn’t change as they get older. It never changes. A mother’s intuition is a strong thing.’

  ‘I agree, Livia. Mothers understand their sons – and will do anything to protect them. I would for sure anyway. It’s hard to imagine Danny all grown up, but I will always be there for him. He is the love of my life.’

  ‘Jennifer, dear, I like you. From the moment I met you, I liked you, but I have seen how you are with my own son.’

  ‘Livia, if I have offended you, I apologise. Scott and I don’t gel. I’m sure he’s a nice person, but I can’t pretend to like someone when I don’t. I am trying to be gracious here, but I’m not a liar. That said, I am very grateful to you for having me here, and your hospitality has been wonderful.’ Jen scanned the room for Andy. He was nowhere to be seen, and there was no sign of Tess either.

  ‘You don’t need to apologise, Jen. I know my son, and I have seen how he looks at you. I’m sure by now you have had words, or he has done something to offend you. If you repeat this conversation, I will deny it of course, but you need to listen to me very carefully.’

  Jen felt dread in her stomach. Before it was even said, she knew where it was going.

  ‘I have suffered from depression all my life, dear. The real McCoy, not your off-days, and it has taken its toll on Scott. I tried to hide it from him as he grew older, but in his head over the years he has turned me into a monster. I have made mistakes, as all of us do, but when my husband committed suicide, Scott blamed me for it.’

  ‘I’m so sorry to hear that, Livia. But you don’t need to tell me any of this.’

  ‘You need to hear this conversation, Jen.’ Livia took a slug of the champagne, as if to steady herself, and continued with her story. ‘Andy reminds Scott very much of his father in ways, which is strange as there is only a few years between them. I can see where he is coming from. Andy is a gentle kind soul, but he is easily led. Scott is a persuasive man, and I know you can see a change in Andy’s personality when they are together. Scott feels the need to protect him, namely from wanton women like his mother. He believes all women are out to get what they can. He has never been fond of Andy’s love interests.’

  Jen couldn’t argue with that one. Her brain had now gone into overdrive. Scott blamed Livia for the father’s death, he hated women and, remembering what he had said about Sharon, she was starting to feel real fear.

  ‘The last time I saw Scott look at or speak to a woman in the way he does with you it was Sharon. She was a lovely girl, but she had Andy on a short leash, at least when it came to Scott. You know what happened to Sharon, Jen?’

  ‘Yes – she fell from the cliff …’ Jen said hesitantly.

  ‘Did she?’

  ‘Livia, what are you trying to say here? Are you trying to tell me that her death wasn’t an accident?’ She could hear the panic and the fear in her own voice.

  ‘I am Scott’s mother, Jen, and like you said mothers will do anything to protect their sons. I will never admit anything and I will deny this conversation ever happened. But you need to protect your son now, and get as far away from Scott as you can. Your gut is right about him, dear. You need to listen to it. Protect your boy, Jen, and keep yourself safe. I am trying to put things right. I saw it coming last time and I did nothing.’ She stood up from the table and wobbled slightly.

  Jen was frozen to the spot.

  ‘Now, my daahlliing! You don’t want to be stuck with an old crone for the night. Get out into the garden and enjoy yourself. The band is about to start.’ She looked at Jen, and then she walked away, calling to one of her friends.

  Jens legs were like lead. She could see Scott out of the corner of her eye, but he wasn’t looking in her direction. He appeared oblivious to the conversation that had just taken place.

  ‘Hey! Earth to Jen!’ Andy had returned.

  ‘Sorry! I was dreaming.’

  ‘What were you and Livia whispering about there? Aha, you look a bit pale – did she tell you she was charging you for the night or something?’ He slipped his arm around her waist and kissed her on the cheek.

  ‘Just mother stuff, Andy. That’s all.’

  She wanted to get the hell out of there, but was too scared to do anything. If she left now, Scott would wonder why and maybe he would guess about his mother saying something. What would happen then? Would he come after them? Who the hell could she talk to about this? She couldn’t exactly chat to Andy. Sal was following Scott around like a lapdog, and Tess had enough of her own shit going on. Speaking of Tess, she looked around to see where she was. Doc was over with Sal, Clara and Scott. No sign of Tess.

  ‘Come on Andy, let’s join the others.’ She was teetering on the verge of paranoia and didn’t want Scott to suspect anything.

  They walked over to the laughing group.

  ‘Doc, have you seen Tess?’ she asked.

  ‘No. Haven’t seen her. She’s around here somewhere,’ he replied, and turned his attention back to Clara, clearly irritated by the interruption.

  A minute later Jen slipped away and made her way through the candlelit garden and back to the main house. She was about to head up the stairs when Andy called out to her.

  ‘Whoa there, Jen! What’s going on?’

  ‘I can’t find Tess anywhere, Andy. I’m worried about her. I think she might be heading home. Doc is being a real asshole.’

  ‘Maybe she’s up in her room, having a rest? Will I come with you to find her?’

  ‘No, I’ll go up to her. Can you go back out to the garden and see what the hell is going on with Doc and that Clara? There’s a real vibe between the two of them.’

  ‘What are you implying, Jen?’

  ‘I don’t know what I’m implying, Andy, but something is not right. I can feel it.’

  She walked up the sweeping staircase, which was an accomplishment in heels, with a dodgy ankle. She had a really bad feeling in her stomach. The night had taken a turn for the worse, and she couldn’t help but feel Scott had a hand to play in it, inviting Clara in the first place.

  She knocked on the bedroom door. ‘Tess, are you in there?’ she asked as she turned the brass knob. It was locked.

  ‘Jen, is that you?’

  Jen could hear the distress in her voice and when Tess opened the door she knew she was in trouble.

  Tess was as pale as a ghost. She staggered across the room and bent double over the vanity unit. Traces of blood had started to seep through the back of her dress.

  ‘Oh, Tess!’ Jen rushed over to her friend and tried to hold her up.

  ‘It’s the baby, Jen. I’m losing the baby.’ She didn’t move from where she was. ‘I’m scared, Jen.’

  ‘Te
ss, we need to get you to a hospital. I’ll drive you. You need to sit down – or better, lie down.’

  She guided her down to the floor as she moaned in pain. She was sweating now, and crying.

  Jen’s heart was in her mouth. She tried to dial Doc on Tess’s phone, then Andy. She tried to recall her first-aid training from work, and drew a blank. She remembered something about lying down, elevating legs and putting a blanket over the patient, and that’s what she did.

  ‘Tess, can I leave you for a minute? I have to get Doc. I can’t get anyone on the damn phone.’ She tried to keep her voice even.

  ‘OK.’ Tess was sobbing now and had curled herself into a ball – the bleeding was getting heavier.

  Jen kicked off her shoes and ran to the garden as fast as her ankle would allow. She scanned the crowd for Doc’s head – he usually stood a foot taller than most. She saw Clara and him in the same place she had left them. She was out of breath and feeling almost hysterical when she reached them.

  ‘Jen, what’s wrong?’ Andy grabbed her by the arm. ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘I’m fine.’ She grabbed Doc hard, to turn him away from Clara.