by Cat Hogan
‘Come on, champ, we’ll go get some tea.’ Sal took him out of the room.
Jen squeezed Andy’s hand as a tear fell off her cheek. ‘Mind him until I get home,’ she mumbled.
Two men in green uniforms with grab bags arrived into the sitting room and in minutes had her in the back of the ambulance and en route to the hospital. Sal had called her parents and they were going straight there.
Andy marvelled once more at how a rural community behaves in times of crisis. Already the house was full of neighbours with trays of food. The women always convened as soon as the alarm for the search party was raised. As wives and mothers of fishermen, they were used to the procedure. Three women were in the kitchen, setting up a station for the volunteers who came in their droves to join the search party. Men of all ages, ready to help, and to support their own. Andy had changed and was putting on his jacket to join the search, but the local Guard wouldn’t let him.
‘Andy, I can’t let you join the search. You know that.’
‘I’m going out there, now. Come on, you would do the same. Don’t do this.’
‘Aye, I would do the same, and I know what I would do if I found the cretin. That’s exactly why you’re not going. You’ll be more help to us here. The big fellas from town are on their way out, and they’ll be wanting to talk with ya, lad. Your father has just come in. Go talk to him, son, he needs to hear this from you.’
Tess had arrived with Hugh, and the two children were curled up together on the couch watching a movie. It was only eleven o’clock but it felt like the middle of the night. Sal and Tess hugged as they both stood on the patio, smoking.
‘I had to stay here with Danny, the poor little angel is terrified. I couldn’t go to the hospital. I was so glad to see you and Hugh coming. How have you been, hon?’
‘I have been better. Better than Jen though. What’s the news?’
‘Her mam just called. They’re keeping her in tonight. Dislocated shoulder and a lot of bruising. They are monitoring her for fluid in her lungs. All going well, she will be home tomorrow. It all feels so weird, Tess. He tried to kill her and Danny too.’
‘Little did I think she would be the next one of us in the hospital, Sal. She told me about her suspicions, and I accused her of being crazy. She was right all along. He’s the crazy one. I have been the worst friend.’
‘Why did he do this to her, Tess?’ Sal was in tears.
‘Because he’s a psycho, Sal, that’s why. Is it true he killed Sharon? Poor Andy, it’s all so crazy.’
‘And we were all sucked in by him – none of us listened to her. We’re all responsible for this, Tess. All of us.’ Sal’s voice broke, and she tried to swallow. ‘We let her down and he nearly killed her.’
‘He used us all, Sal. Now we have to pick up the pieces. I don’t know how Andy is going to deal with all of this, and what about poor little Danny? He’s only a baby.’
‘What about Doc, Tess, where is he?’
‘I have no idea.’
‘Oh, we have to ring Will – he can’t hear about his through anyone else. I fecking forgot about him. I have no number for him.’
‘Andy probably does. Are you OK to tell Will, Sal?’
‘Yeah, I’ll tell him.’
Sal reluctantly knocked on the sitting-room door, and went in to Andy and his parents.
The wind had died slightly, to the point where it wouldn’t impede the search on the water. The lights of the fishing vessels could be seen from the patio, illuminating the black ink as they searched in formation, the area dictated by tides and prevailing wind.
There was a bizarre feeling in the house. Like a funeral, except that people were mourning for a woman in the hospital and a woman who was long dead and buried. The kettle was turned on every time someone arrived. Women talked in hushed tones about the attacker and, as Andy crumpled into his father’s arms, a woman cried.
Chapter 35
‘Dad, stop fussing. I’m OK.’ Jen pulled herself out of the car.
Her dad ignored her request. ‘Jen, you heard the doctors – you need to take it easy.’
Andy opened the front door and Danny ran out to meet her. He threw his arms around her and she tried not to wince.
The house was quiet enough when she went in. Andy took her into the sitting room. The fire was crackling and the TV was on.
‘Sit down there, love. I’ll get you a cup of tea. Sal and Tess are in the kitchen, and Will is outside.’
He didn’t want her to go into the kitchen or the garden where she could see that the trawlers were still out, as were the volunteers. Scott still hadn’t been found. Teams had been walking the headland and the beach from first light.
‘Would you like a sandwich?’
‘I’m not hungry, but thanks. I’m just going to go upstairs and tidy myself up.’
‘Right. I’ll make the tea.’
Andy left and a moment later Will stuck his head round the door. When he saw her, all his pent-up anger dissipated. He hugged her tight and told her everything was going to be OK. She cried and apologised to him, over and over.
‘You saved him,’ he said. ‘He’s OK thanks to you.’
He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he and Andy had buried Butch at first light. The Guards had confiscated the knife and left them to bury the little animal. They put him under the rowan tree, with Pat’s ashes. Danny kept asking for Butch, and Will didn’t know how to tell him his little best friend was gone. Will suggested he would take him for a couple of days. Jen agreed it was the right thing.
‘Right, I’ll go find him and pack a few things for him.’
‘Thanks, Will.’
In the kitchen Sal and Tess were sweeping and mopping. They had decided it would be best for the volunteers to be fed and watered in Sal’s home place. They were trying to get Jen back to some semblance of normality, whatever the hell that was.
‘The three of ye have a lot to answer for, I tell ye!’ The sound of Jen’s gentle Dad shouting at them stopped them in their tracks. ‘She came to all of you, and told you what she thought and you fobbed her off. She didn’t come to me, and ’tis a shame because this would never have happened. I would have believed her, I wouldn’t have a reason not to!’
‘Mr Harper –’ Tess said.
‘Don’t you “Mr Harper” me, Tess! God knows you have your own burdens at the minute, but you know my girl well. She has a heart of gold, and always sees the good in all around her. Something was amiss with that lad, and she knew it. And you did nothing. And for what, I ask you, for a few bob to keep that bar afloat for the Dubs? Shocking.’
‘Ah come on, John, that’s not fair,’ Sal said. ‘He lied and cheated all of us.’
‘Don’t you tell me what’s fair, young Sal! You weren’t much better. Sure didn’t you get swept up in his charm altogether? Did he try to kill you, ha? Did he?’
‘Dad, that’s enough.’ Jen walked into the kitchen.
‘Is it, Jen? It isn’t nearly enough. He nearly killed you and my grandson.’ His voice was thick with emotion, and his eyes were filling up. ‘Andy, you and I will be talking as well. Soon. It’s not the time or the place here now, but we will be talking. This is some way to find out about the two of you courting. ’
He disguised the catch in his voice with a cough, and went out to the garden.
‘It hit him hard, don’t take what he said to heart,’ Jen said. He’s right, she thought. None of them listened.
‘Sit down there, Jen – I’ll make tea,’ Sal and Tess chimed in unison. They nearly fell over each other getting to the kettle, both really hurt by what had just been said – the truth.
‘Any word from the search, Andy?’
‘Nothing, Jen. No sign.’
‘He’s still alive, guys.’
‘Jen, he was unconscious when he went in. I saw the water take him – the tide was going out and the waves were powerful. He didn’t surface, he wasn’t washed back in – I would have seen him. He was pull
ed out to sea.’ He was looking in the direction of the sea, and added almost as though he was making a wish, ‘I’m certain he was swept out.’
‘Just like you were certain of everything else, Andy?’ she retorted.
He hung his head and didn’t say anything else.
‘I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair,’ she said. ‘How long does it take for a body to wash up?’
‘It depends on a number of things. Look, the boys out there know what they’re doing.’ He was in work mode now. ‘Unfortunately, it’s not new to any of us, a search operation like this – tides, currents, winds and other factors will be taken into account – but they will know where to look, and they will find him.’
Jen’s Dad had come back into the kitchen.
‘Andy is right, Jen. If he went into the water, he won’t be coming back out. He’s gone, darling. It’s only a matter of time before they find him. Don’t worry – those lads will find his body. Rest now, child. I’m going to head off home for a while. Just ring me if you need anything.’
The warmth in his hug made her feel like a little girl.
‘Thanks, Dad. For everything. I love you.’ She spoke into the crook of his neck, and she didn’t want to let go.
‘Right then, sure I’ll be seeing all of you soon no doubt. I was a bit hard on you – just mind her for me.’ He didn’t wait for a response but left.
‘Do you feel like chatting for a while, Jen? We could all go in to the fire, and just talk.’
‘Thanks, Sal, I’d like that. You all need to hear this story.’
She told the story like a sequence of facts. Funny how the brain can remember every last detail of all the things a person would rather forget. As she came to the end of the tale, they all felt like victims and survivors in equal measure, albeit their experiences came in varying degrees of catastrophe. They all knew that as survivors they would pick their way through the rubble, blinking in the sunshine. The wounds would heal, but the scars would always be there. Their relationships had changed, dramatically, but they had survived, unlike the man who through his own deluded mind had inflicted all the wounds in the first place.
‘Jen, you look shattered,’ Sal said. ‘I’m going to go now, but I’ll be back over in the morning, OK?’
‘I’m going to leave as well, Jen,’ Tess said. ‘Try and get some rest for yourself. Andy will take care of you.’ She looked at her friend and was sad. She knew things had changed between them.
‘Thanks, girls. We’re going to be OK. We’ll get through this, and I’ll relax once I know he’s been found. The shrink will help too.’ She tried to make it sound upbeat, but it sounded more like a plea.
‘Of course you’ll be OK, Jen.’ Tess hovered at the end of the couch.
They hugged her one after another, careful not to hurt her. She looked frail sitting on the couch beside Andy.
Sal and Tess saw themselves out.
‘Andy, what if he comes back? What if he is never found?’ She reached for her phone, to text Will. ‘I just want to check if Danny is OK – I should have kept him here.’ She was struggling with one-handed texting, and her shoulder was throbbing.
‘Let me write the text for you. Danny is safe with his dad, and he’s probably spoiling him right now.’
‘Poor little Butch, Andy. The poor little fella saved us, and now he’s dead.’
The dam burst. She was on her feet, and hysterical with fear, shock and sadness. Everything tumbled out of her mouth, all the parts she hadn’t told the girls.
‘I’m terrified, Andy. What if he comes back or worse again if he is never found? Could that happen? How likely is that? The detectives in the hospital said that could happen. What if I never know? What if I can never go anywhere again without looking over my shoulder for him? I’ll never be able to let Danny out of my sight. I’ll have to tell the school.’
She was starting to panic, and every time she moved she made the pain in her arm worse. She started to tug at her neck, where the sling was rubbing. It jolted her arm and she cried out in pain.
‘Jen, whoa! You need to slow down. Sit down here, please. Just slow down, pet. We will answer those questions, one by one. It’s OK to be frightened, but I swear on my life I will never let anyone hurt you or Danny again. I swear to you, Jen. I love you.’
‘How are you going to do that, Andy? You can’t be with me 24/7.’
‘I’ll do whatever it takes, Jen.’
‘I’m so sorry, Andy. I’m so sorry about Sharon. It’s so fucking awful. I wish I had never moved in here, I wish you didn’t know me.’
‘Jen, my darling, shhh. Now I know the truth. The horrible truth, but now I know. Now I can come to terms with it too. She is gone, Jen. Maybe now we can all rest in peace.’
The words saddened him, she could see it, and as much as she was in pain for what happened to her and her boy, she was heartbroken for him too. He was mourning the loss of his wife all over again, and she didn’t know how to help him. She was afraid for them too, and if this would be the end of what they had. And then, she just felt selfish for thinking like that.
‘Let’s try and get some sleep, my love,’ Andy said. ‘We’ll start afresh in the morning, and just figure stuff out as it comes, OK? Now, it’s time for painkillers and medicine. I’ll get you some water.’
He went to walk out to the kitchen, but she followed him. She had done that a couple of times over the course of the evening. She was too scared to be on her own.
She let him take care of her that night, and didn’t object as he carried her up the stairs, much like he had taken care of Tess that time.
She felt anger towards Tess – she had sold out to him – but equally she felt sorry for her. She could be in real trouble with the pub now with Scott gone.
‘Andy, I’m sorry for everything.’ The codeine was making her sleepy. She was feeling comfortable in the bed. Andy had propped her up from all angles with pillows and her arm was well supported. He was sitting on the bed, trying to figure out how he would get in there without disturbing her or the pillows. It just wasn’t going to happen.
‘Jen. I’m not going to fit in there tonight.’
‘Please don’t leave me, Andy. I’m scared.’
‘I have no intentions of leaving you, Jen. Now, or ever. Just sit tight for a minute. I’ll be back.’
He came back into the room, dragging his mattress with him. He made a bed on the floor between her and the door, close enough to be able to hold her hand.
‘Now we are sorted.’
A gentle snore was the response.
He didn’t sleep that night, he was too frightened. Every noise and groan from the house made him jump, and he nearly lost his life a couple of times when she cried out in her sleep. But she slept. Tomorrow was a new day, and they would take everything as it came. Hopefully they would have news regarding the search, but he was beginning to have his doubts.
Chapter 36
She lit a candle in the window and looked out onto the dark land. It was the Winter Solstice, December 21st, the shortest day of the year. It was one of her favourite days. The day her ancestors celebrated the returning of the light to the land, after the longest night. As she laid the holly and the candle in the window, she recited the old Irish blessing in her head:
‘May peace and plenty be the first to lift the latch on your door,
And happiness be guided to your home by the candle of Christmas.
In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in
friendship,
And never in want.’
She had no idea whether the blessing was authentic or good old paddywhackery. Ever since she had read the verse on one of Danny’s homemade Christmas cards from school one year, she had made it part of her own solstice ritual – a new Harper tradition.
She could see the reflection of the Christmas-tree lights in the window, and the house smelled of cinnamon.
‘Solstice Blessings to you, Andy.’
‘Winte
r is here, Jen,’ he replied in his best attempt at a foreboding voice.
‘The night is dark, and full of crazy people,’ she added before they both cracked up laughing. They were making up their own lines from Game of Thrones, a regular thing.
‘Mam, can you give me a hand here?’
‘Hand of King Andy, Dan?’ Andy asked.
More laughter.
‘What are you on about, Mam?’
Jen felt light-hearted. Laughter had been scarce in the house of late, but something had started to shift. The counselling was of real benefit to both herself and Danny. The little boy had been distraught when Jen and Will told him about Butch. A couple of weeks later, his dad had arrived down to the house with a new pup, Mr Cassidy, a little black-and-white Jack Russell, a rescue pup. Danny had cried and ignored him at first, saying he would never take the place of Butch, but the adorable little yapping and playful nature of Mr Cassidy had won him over. Jen knew things would be OK when Danny gave the pup Butch’s favourite toy. Then Andy overheard the child talking to the pup one evening, telling him that Butch was a Superhero and had saved his life, and if he wanted to take his place he would have to be very clever and look after his family.