My Soul Loves

by Barbara Gee

  Meredith was already working with a few of the girls, showing them how to link their hands and hit the ball with the insides of their forearms. “It’s not just a ricochet,” she was saying. “You can actually control the trajectory based on the position and reaction of your body, especially the arms, shoulders, and knees.”

  I joined her, and after a while, all the girls and even a few of the guys were participating. Pretty soon they wanted to try spiking the ball. Meredith and I demonstrated the importance of a good set, and what led to a successful kill. Speed, placement, cunning—it was all part of it.

  The kids were having fun, although the skill level was on the low side of basic, which resulted in lots of misplaced spikes and laughter, especially when the biggest, tallest guy tried his hand at it and almost brained Jude. Only Jude’s quick reflexes saved him from incurring major damage to that oh-so-handsome face.

  An hour and a half flew by, and then Meredith had to leave. Jude asked the kids if any of them would be interested in another session, and at least three-quarters of them raised their hands. He promised to let them know when it would happen and encouraged them to tell their friends about it. They filed out, joking and horsing around in the age-old way of teens.

  When only Jude, Chase, and I were left, I looked at them in awe. “This is an incredible place,” I said. “If I’m right, there was quite a mix of kids here. Some solid middle-class, maybe even upper middle, along with some who are struggling. Am I right?”

  “Good pickup,” Chase said.

  “How do you do it? How do you get such a diverse group of kids to come here and all get along?”

  “It’s not always so smooth,” Jude said. “We have outbursts sometimes, but we have a lot of quality programs that kids want to be part of, and if they can’t get along, they get kicked out. Today was just a pickup basketball game, but there are a lot of other things that go on too, thanks to a bunch of great volunteers. Art classes, tutoring, sign language, creative writing, youth referee classes—lots of stuff. Along with the sports, of course. We work hard to make it the place to be. It helps keep kids out of trouble.”

  “Speaking of trouble,” Chase said, eyeing Jude and me warily, “it appears you two have put your troubles behind you. I say that because I’m pretty sure there were no papers being signed earlier.”

  My face went hot but Jude just smiled. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to you about that, but yeah. We’re good.” He snaked an arm out and pulled me against his side. “Real good, in fact.”

  Chase gave me a hard look. “You’re not going to tear him apart again?” he asked, his tone causing Jude’s arm to tighten protectively around me.

  I said, “No, I’m not,” at the same time that Jude said, “Hey, chill out, Chase.”

  I put a hand on Jude’s chest and shook my head. “It’s okay. He’s only asking because he cares about you so much. He has that right.”

  I met Chase’s gaze without flinching. “I won’t make the same mistake twice. I promise you that.”

  Chase’s eyes moved to Jude. “You sure about this?”

  “I am. We’ll talk soon, okay? Call me when you have time to get lunch or coffee.”

  Chase looked between the two of us a couple more times, then appeared to relax. “Well, I have to say it’s about time,” he said. His gaze found mine again. “Hannah said she talked to you and felt better about things, but she wouldn’t give me details. She said it was up to Jude to do that, if and when he feels like it.”

  Jude chuckled. “I feel like it. We just need to find the time.”

  “Soon,” Chase promised. He picked up his bag. “If you two can handle closing up, I’m gonna head on home. I’ll give Hannah the good news. She’s been stressing.”

  “Tell her I’ll call,” I said.

  “Will do.”

  He walked out of the gym and Jude and I stood still until we heard the front door slam closed.

  “Finally,” he growled, and before I knew it he’d swung me up in his arms and was carrying me straight into the supply room, lowering me onto a waist-high stack of wrestling mats. He came down beside me, his elbow landing by my shoulder, propping him up so he was looking down at me, while his right leg pressed against mine on the mat.

  I felt my heart beating in my throat as I looked up at him.

  “I don’t know how far is too far,” he murmured, moving his hand to cradle my head. “You drive me crazy. I want everything with you, Ava. I want it so much more than I ever have before. But I made a vow a few years ago, when I got myself right with God, and I haven’t had sex since.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I also haven’t ever been tempted the way I am with you.”

  I ran my fingertips along his arms, savoring the feel of his warm skin. I’d never known desire so strong, but I also knew I wouldn’t be the one to cause him to break his vow.

  “I made a vow too. To God, and to my grandmother when I was fourteen. After standing firm for over ten years, I’m not going to break that promise now. Not even for you.”

  His eyes narrowed, drilling into mine. “So….you’ve never—”

  When he broke off, I shook my head. “Never. And I won’t. Not until I’m married.”

  He treated me to the slow smile I’d missed so much. “That’s something to be proud of, Ava, and I promise you, I won’t try to change your mind. But I need to kiss you more than I need to breathe right now. Would that be okay?” His eyes dropped to my lips before returning to mine. “Do you trust me?”

  I nodded, knowing without question he’d stop if I grew uncomfortable. He licked his lips as he lowered them slowly to mine and I slid my arms around his back and pulled him down, needing him closer even if his kisses were all I could have right now.

  For the next few minutes, right there in the cluttered supply room, Jude Keller schooled me in the art of passionate, don’t-hold-back kissing. I like to think I was a quick learner. I was certainly an avid one. When we finally walked out, my legs weak, lips swollen and sensitive, I knew I’d never, ever want another man the way I wanted him.

  Chapter 25

  Jude and I didn’t see each other on Monday because he had to work late. We did, however, have an hour-long phone conversation before we went to bed. While I would always choose seeing him face-to-face over a phone call, I had to admit it was pretty cool that we could talk for an hour without awkward silences.

  On Tuesday, Jude got his mom to sit with JP so we could host Chase and Hannah for a long overdue dinner. I was a little nervous about how it would go after everything that had happened, but our time together was easy and fun, just like before.

  I knew Chase was probably still a little worried about me hurting Jude again, but he didn’t make me feel defensive about it, and I was glad Jude had such a good friend. In time, I’d prove to him that Jude was my priority.

  On Wednesday morning, I took a break from work and called Myla’s mother to see if she had heard from her girl. I wasn’t exactly worried about Myla, but I sure did miss our chats, and it would be nice to know how she was doing. Tammy Garrett said she hadn’t heard a word from her either, but she was trying not to worry because Myla had warned her to expect that.

  While we were on the phone, Tammy suggested we get together for lunch one day soon, and I told her I’d love that. I was embarrassed I hadn’t made the effort to connect with her since I moved to town, and I would welcome a chance to catch up and hear all about her one-year-old grandson, Harrison, who was Myla’s brother’s boy.

  That evening, Jude and I went back to the rec center. Meredith was there to help again, and while Jude and two other men ran a basketball tournament, Meredith and I worked with twelve girls and two guys who seemed really into learning more about volleyball. Afterward, Jude and I picked up ice cream and took it back to his place to eat with JP.

  Although it wasn’t quite as much fun as fooling around in the supply room, it was still good.

  Thursday was another phone call day for Jude and me, but on Friday
we finally got some alone time. We went out for a nice dinner, then to a small club that was known for its quality live music shows. We listened to a really good country band for a couple of hours before calling it a night and heading back to his place, where I’d left my car.

  We were standing by my car, ready to say goodbye, when Jude dropped a bomb and asked me to go to his parents’ house for dinner the next night. Evidently his mother thought it was time I met the family. He added that if I was up for it, his sister was also going to make the two-hour drive to join us, and since JP was starting to use crutches now, he’d be there too.

  I was slightly terrified at the prospect, and Jude chuckled and confessed he hadn’t asked me at the beginning of the evening because he was afraid I’d fret about it instead of enjoying the night.

  “Is this something you want?” I asked him. “Because I’ll go if you want me to, but if you aren’t ready for it, I’m okay with waiting until you’re more comfortable.”

  He allayed that fear by planting a sweet kiss on my mouth. “I’m more than ready,” he said. “I know things are moving pretty fast for us again, but it’s not like we’re teenagers. We’ve both had some years to figure out what it is we want, and to be honest, I’m not interested in slowing things down.”

  I grinned, liking the sound of that. “Does that mean you don’t feel like you need space anymore?”

  “It means I’m no longer worrying that each day will bring something that’s going to tear us apart again.” He cupped the back of my head. “Every day I’m more certain you’re the woman I’ve prayed for.” He smiled and nuzzled his face into my neck, making me laugh when his stubble tickled. “I’m pretty sure you’re the woman my mom’s been praying for, too, but we won’t know for sure until you two meet. No pressure, though.”

  “Oh my word, Jude,” I exclaimed, feeling a moment of sheer panic. “What if she doesn’t like me?”

  “I’m not worried,” he said, his lips warm on my skin.

  “Not even the slightest bit?”

  “She’s been nagging JP and me for years to quit working so hard and tend to our social lives. So she already wants to like you, which works to your advantage going in. By the end of the evening, she’ll love you. Trust me. Just promise you won’t be scared off if she starts talking grandchildren.”

  I giggled and plunged my fingers into his soft hair as he kissed down my neck and along my shoulder.

  “I haven’t told my family about you yet,” I admitted. “It’s not because I think they won’t like you, I’m just afraid they’ll descend on Hidden Creek en masse to meet you, and the interrogation could be epic. I’m not ready to put either of us through that.”

  He lifted his head. “You don’t think they’ll be mad if they find out you met my family first?”

  “Of course they will, but they’ll have to get over it. I’m pretty good at calling them out when they get petty.”

  “I bet you are,” he said sympathetically. “You’ve had a lifetime of practice.”

  Our goodbye was sweet and lingering, and I don’t think the smile left my face the whole way home. I kept replaying what he’d said about believing I was the woman he’d prayed for, and oh, how I hoped it was true. I didn’t want to think about going back to a life without Jude.

  An hour later, before I turned in for the night, I knelt by my bed, pressed my face into my hands, and said a fervent prayer for strength and guidance as I fell deeper in love with Jude. I believed God and Grandma had brought us together, even though it had been inadvertent on her part. But I also knew if Jude and I didn’t put God at the center of our relationship, there would be many ways to stumble. I didn’t want to risk that. He was too important to me.

  After my prayer, I felt way more peaceful and settled. I was still nervous about dinner with the Kellers, but I wasn’t panicked. If God’s plan was for Jude and me to be together, I could get through the first dinner with his family. Maybe I’d even enjoy it.

  ***

  I got started working early the next morning, because I wanted to have plenty of time to get ready for dinner. I also wanted to pick a nice bouquet of Grandma’s flowers to take to Jude’s mother.

  As soon as I logged in, a message from Ian popped up. I saw right away that he was finally responding to the email I had sent him last Saturday—the one with my work log attached.

  Call me. We need to discuss what’s going on with you and Abigail.

  I pressed my palms to the sides of my head and groaned. Oh please, not today, Ian. I’ve waited a week for you to get back to me—and now it has to be today?

  I considered ignoring him, but he’d obviously been waiting for me to log in. He knew I was here, and putting him off would only make it worse.

  I picked up my phone and sighed heavily. I had no idea how this was going to go. Would I have a job by the time we hung up? Kicking me off the team because his girlfriend didn’t like me would be a pretty drastic measure, but maybe not totally out of the realm of possibility.

  Thankfully, the prospect didn’t scare me like it would have a month ago, as I’d already accepted that my time with the team might be limited. Thanks a lot, Abigail.

  I dialed Ian’s number, frowning when the call didn’t go through. Next, I replied directly to the message he’d sent, asking if he changed his number. A moment later my phone rang.

  “Ava, what the heck?”

  I blinked at his unexpectedly blunt greeting. “What do you mean, Ian? You asked me to call and I tried, but it wouldn’t go through.”

  “I have my phone right here, and it didn’t ring. But seriously, what’s going on between you and Abigail? I just read your email from last Saturday—I found it when I was restoring some deleted emails I needed to get back. It never hit my inbox.”

  I sat up straight, clutching my phone tightly, red flags waving all over the place. “Ian, I sent two other emails this week asking if you’d read the first one. I also texted you once, but you didn’t respond.”

  That revelation was met with dead silence. I knew him well enough to know his mind had immediately gone where mine had. Someone was intercepting my emails and texts—and blocking my calls—before they got to him.

  Only a person close to him, someone he trusted, would have that kind of access. The same person who was trying to sabotage me with the team.

  I heard a long sigh, followed by a rush of key clicks. “I know what you’re thinking, but come on, Ava.”

  “You’re thinking it too,” I stated.

  “She’d have to be crazy. I know she has a jealous streak, but what does she think blocking you from contacting me is going to accomplish? Like I’m not going to realize it sooner rather than later?”

  “I think we might have underestimated the jealous streak,” I told him, rubbing my eyes as I felt a headache coming on. “It’s clouding her judgment.”

  Another sigh. “Which would answer my question about why she’s complaining about your work when the log you sent me shows you’re putting in the time and getting results. I should’ve known better.”

  For a moment I considered telling him about the cameras, but decided not to pile on. I stayed quiet, listening as his fingers flew across the keys.

  “I don’t see anymore emails from you in this deleted folder, but that’s not surprising. I’m sure the one that got through was supposed to have been blasted altogether. She must have missed the final step.”

  “I’m sorry, Ian,” I said, my tone gentle.

  He wasn’t in the mood for gentle.

  “How long has this been going on?” He gave an angry sounding growl and I heard something slam. “Please don’t tell me she’s been making your life miserable for a long time and you haven’t told me.”

  “It’s been fairly recent,” I said vaguely. I still didn’t want to mention the cameras. He’d go ballistic if he knew about those. “Has she been extra clingy and demanding lately?”

  “You don’t even want to know, Ava.” He sounded weary and resigned
. “I owe you an apology for coming down on you. I’ve wondered about some of the things she’s been saying, but…..I don’t know. It’s just easier to go along with it sometimes. Fighting with her is exhausting. I don’t have the time or the energy.”

  I felt awful for him. His work would always come first, that’s just the way it was for people like him. But I knew he cared about Abigail, in his own way, and her betrayal was painful to him.

  “I don’t know what to do about it,” I said. “She’s so sure I’m a threat to her relationship with you, and I can’t seem to convince her otherwise. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

  “Yeah, well, I obviously don’t know how to handle her either,” he said ruefully. “I thought showing I trust her would reassure her, but that’s backfired pretty spectacularly. Now I’ll be spending the rest of the day making sure she hasn’t done anything else to my systems.” His voice changed from angry to concerned. “I seriously gave her access to everything, Ava. This could be bad.”

  I started to respond, then had the sickening thought that maybe Abigail had come up with a way to install cameras in Ian’s office as well, or at least audio. Maybe she was listening to our conversation right now.

  I wanted to warn Ian, but I couldn’t think of a way to do it without telling him about her surveillance of me, and I wouldn’t do that unless Abigail forced me to.

  “I’m going to have to hang up, Ava. I’ve got a lot of evidence to gather before I confront her.”

  “Make sure you’re off-line.”

  “Duh, Ava,” he said.

  “Sorry,” I said wryly, understanding why he was prickly. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do. And, um, maybe you should make sure your office is, you know, secure. Like, from bugs and stuff.” There, that would at least get him thinking.

  “Yeah. Good idea. I’ll be in touch.” And he hung up.

  A few minutes later another message from him popped up. Keep going on the project. I’m going to pull Abigail off and put Victor on it with you.