Smiles By Trials (Rays of Sunshine Book 2)

by Leonard,Jewel E.

  Brianna cleared her throat. “Trust me. You’re infinitely too nice to have been in my group.”

  Still with the ass-backward compliments? “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Brianna crumpled the photograph into her fist. “The brass section was gonna prank you during the overnight. You didn’t deserve anything like what they were planning.”

  “Oh.” Rhea turned to the dresser. Third drawer was underwear: a frilly, silky pastel rainbow of femininity. And probably a matching panty for each of her myriad bras. “What exactly were they gonna do?” It didn’t matter. They hadn’t gone through with it and, besides, that was around eight years ago already.

  “You familiar with Carrie?”

  “Well.” Rhea dropped an armful of underwear in the box and regarded Brianna. “That sure as hell would’ve been something. Why didn’t they? Couldn’t secure the pig’s blood?”

  She halfway expected laughter. Or at least a chuckle.

  “I begged them not to.”

  “So why do you sound so remorseful for keeping some immature assholes from doing something awful to a girl who was too nice to be in your group?”

  “They got so pissed at me,” replied Brianna. “I was on the verge of being kicked out of the clique. I would’ve lost all my friends.” She ripped another photograph from the album. “Asshole.” Brianna tore another out. “Cunt.” And another. “Motherfucking shithead.” She glanced at Rhea with red-rimmed, watery eyes. “Got a lighter? I wanna burn these.”

  Rhea shook her head. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry.” She returned to her task of clearing out the dresser. “So they ultimately didn’t do the prank and they didn’t kick you out even though they were pissed at you?”

  “Do you remember Jordan? Well . . . I had to give him head to win back their favor.” It fell quiet for several minutes. Brianna resumed ripping photographs from the album. “I know he told them all what a freak I was. I know the rumors that circulated about me afterward.”

  “I didn’t hear any.” Rhea opened the bottom drawer which revealed a small assortment of vibrators, dongs and socks. One of these things just doesn’t belong, one of these things is not like the other.

  “Well . . . There was the one that I was hot for you.”

  Rhea swallowed a scowl. “That had to be insulting.”

  “There was also the one where I was a cock-sucking slut. Which was, strictly speaking, true. So I suppose it really didn’t qualify as a rumor. Rumors aren’t rumors if they’re true, right?”

  Brianna seemed a little too accepting of such things. “I did it, yes. But I didn’t want to.”

  “Oh,” Rhea whispered.

  “I felt so dirty. So. Fucking. Dirty. Like I was allowing myself to be raped and I totally deserved it. I sobbed the whole time. He laughed and called my tears ‘more lube,’ so . . . Yeah.”

  Rhea didn’t know what to say and so she said nothing at all.

  “He recorded it, too, and threatened to upload the videos across social media if I didn’t do what he wanted, when he wanted it. There was one time he took me into the band room closet before Monday night practice, pinned me behind the uniforms with his hand over my mouth and then I got to enjoy marching with his spunk trickling down my legs. Only thing worse than the tears running down my cheeks the whole time, I suppose. There was the back row hand job during Cars, of all fucking movies.”

  “Oh my God.”

  “I started having nightmares. I couldn’t tell anyone so I had to figure out how to make him stop before he knocked me up. God only knows how the sperm donor would’ve taken that news.”

  “Is that why you kept threatening to quit band?”

  Brianna nodded. “But I couldn’t. Because he needed to have access to me. He threatened me right back.”

  “You should’ve castrated him,” she blurted.

  “Come on, be realistic, Rhea.”

  Rhea wasn’t so sure she’d suggested that in jest. “So how did you make him stop?”

  “He wanted a birthday BJ. So I went through with it, the way I always did: Sobbing, gagging, begging him to stop when he grabbed my hair and jammed that Godawful thing down my throat. Only instead of swallowing, I accidentally spit it out into his pubes. I got him so messy he had to go to the bathroom to clean it.

  “I stole his phone while he was cleaning himself and told him we were through and if he ever said anything to anyone, I’d go to the police and tell them he’d been raping me—which, I mean, he basically was—and since his recordings of me begging him to stop were date-stamped after his eighteenth birthday, he was not only a rapist but a sexual predator because I was only sixteen at the time.”

  “Holy shit!” Rhea gaped at her. “You should’ve done that, anyway. He should be in jail. He was assaulting you!”

  “Yeah well I didn’t exactly see it that way at the time. And I kinda . . .” Brianna sighed. “I don’t know. I consented the first time. The first many times. I felt like someone wanted me for me and at the time it boosted my self-esteem.”

  Rhea’s jaw fell open and she was silent several moments. “Okay, um, sexual consent doesn’t come with a lifetime pass. It expires after each and every act.”

  “Oh climb down from your soapbox. You seriously mean to tell me you never slept with someone when you really didn’t want to? Every time your ex was in the mood, you magically were, too? He always took ‘no’ for an answer the first time you said it?”

  “Okay that’s different,” Rhea snapped, “we were married.”

  “How’s that different?”

  Rhea opened her mouth but no words came out because every reply should could think of was lame as the day was long.

  Brianna folded her arms across her chest and looked at her deadpan. “Your silence is real convincing. Y’know, me and Jordan were in a committed relationship, too. I just wasn’t in the mood when he was, the same as you and Mark.”

  Rhea initially recalled never being forced to do sex acts on her husband she wasn’t interested in doing.

  Except I did. Why else did they cover his penis and balls in sweets? To convince her into doing stuff she didn’t want to do. She always dismissed it as being something good wives did for their husbands. Just one of the many sacrifices for marriage.

  Oh shit. It shouldn’t be like that. Nausea sneaked up on her and for a moment she feared she might vomit in her mouth.

  “It all came down to the fact I wanted nothing more than to get away from him. What was done was done and being free from him was good enough for me.”

  “And all that happened to you because you were protecting me?”

  Brianna exhaled. “I didn’t want to be a bad person. I didn’t want to be my sister’s dress-up doll. I didn’t want to be the girl with the abusive father. I wanted . . . I wanted to be like you. Good, and . . . and bookish—” She blurted, “not like that’s a bad thing. I wanted to be sweet and innocent like you. But I couldn’t tell anybody. It was this super-secret dream I had. The more I think about it, the more I realize maybe it was a crush. One that never really resolved itself.” Brianna gave a single laugh. “Probably the evening we spent together didn’t help that any.”

  “You went through hell for me and didn’t say a thing to me about it. I sure as hell didn’t know, so I couldn’t even thank you for it. That’s more amazing than you could ever understand. I can never repay you!”

  “Rhea, look around. You are repaying me. With your friendship even despite what I recently did to you. With helping to keep me from being homeless, for craps sake. Give yourself some credit!”

  “I don’t see how that’s even remotely the same, but okay, whatever. How do you get over that kind of trauma?”

  “Pray they someday make a Neuralyzer?” Brianna forced a smile at her before resuming her search-and-destroy of the photo album. “It fucked me up pretty bad. I mean . . . I’m not saying that’s what made me bi. I know being attracted to other women doesn’t work that way. And anyway, I’m sexually attracted
to men, too . . . their eyes, their lips, their muscles. But the sight of actual dick?” She shuddered. “No. Just . . . no. I can’t. And I think that may be why Travis left me.”

  Rhea gasped. “Travis left you because you’re bi?”

  Brianna shook her head. “Oh, no. I never told him. He called me a tease any number of times. I always had to turn the lights off during sex and I couldn’t touch his junk. Sure it felt good once he was inside me. I’ve got more than my fair share of dildos because I love how they feel. But our sex life was bad. Very fucking bad. It didn’t help that of course he—like every other man—was all about the BJ’s. What a shame ‘cause he was hot, too.”

  She opened the photo gallery on her phone and held it up to share with Rhea. The photo Brianna chose was a selfie taken with her former boyfriend. They were in bed together and her chest was exposed.

  It was silent for a while and Rhea was keenly aware of her breathing and heartbeat.

  “Honestly? The best sex I’ve had in my life was with you.”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “There was no terror during foreplay of peen-to-come. No pressure to suck cock. I could fully relax and enjoy myself. I could be vulnerable and intimate with you.”

  Rhea swallowed. She felt awful for asking—the whole label aversion and all—but once the thought was in her head, she needed to know: “Are you so sure you’re not actually, you know, lesbian?”

  “Yes! No. I—Don’t—I don’t know. Maybe? I mean, no. I’m not. I can’t be. I like Huvie so much I risked screwing things up with you in my jealousy.”

  “No offense but I think you need counseling.”

  “I’ve had it,” replied Brianna with a surprisingly chipper smile. “It’s the only reason I can have a relationship with anything other than a Ficus or a goldfish.”

  Rhea took a deep breath. “God. Brianna. I am so sorry for . . . everything.”

  “Thanks.”

  “For what it’s worth? I don’t think I’d have risked my own ass for anyone in high school. You were—and are—a better person than you give yourself credit for. You’re better than I am, that’s for damn sure.”

  “Oh, I dunno. You’re pretty awesome, yourself.”

  “So.” Rhea straightened and cleared her throat. “We’ll be done here in the next hour, I’d guess. We can get the moving truck tomorrow. I don’t know about you but I’m beat.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “If you want, you know, ‘cause everything’s gonna be packed here, you can spend the night at my place.”

  “Really? Thanks, Rhea. You’re awesome.”

  “It’s the least I can do.” As Rhea began pulling out what little was left in the closet, she said, “You never did tell me where we’re taking everything. Did things work out with Steve?”

  “Oh, yeah. He waived my security deposit entirely in addition to waiving the first month’s rent. I don’t know what you did, but thanks.”

  She chuckled. “You’re welcome.” Wasn’t like I had to suck his cock for the favor.

  “He put me in 36C. I was disappointed it wasn’t 36D. ‘Cause, you know . . .” Brianna gestured at Rhea’s chest and waggled her eyebrows.

  It was comforting knowing someone quiet and clean was moving in where her good former neighbors lived. At the same time, having Brianna sharing a wall with her would make her too accessible. It would be so tempting, and Adam had said she could. He probably wouldn’t object to a Rhea sandwich with Brianna. She could think of a few ways that would work splendidly. “Well, 36D is a little occupied.”

  “Oh. Oh! That’s your apartment. Doy.” Brianna bounced, clapping her hands. “We’re gonna be neighbors. Apartment buddies,” she squealed. “Like roommates but better ‘cause there’s extra space and privacy.”

  “Yep,” Rhea chirped. She wasn’t sure what they needed the extra privacy for but she bet she’d be plenty thankful for the wall when a lonely night struck and temptation whispered naughty suggestions to sneak into Brianna’s room for some X-rated cuddling.

  “I’m gonna randomly bring you breakfast some mornings. Pay for pizza to be delivered to your door. Basically? I’m gonna be the best neighbor ever.”

  “Oh believe me, you don’t have to do that. I need a lot more exercise and far less pizza.”

  “Then I’ll join you for morning jogs.” Brianna smiled at her. “It’ll be my pleasure.”

  Rhea didn’t do mornings—jogs, or otherwise. Brianna would find out soon enough, she was afraid.

  Once they finished packing a short time later, Rhea helped Brianna clean the apartment. Rhea may not have been a professional maid service, but anyone coming in after she was finished wouldn’t have known any better. It didn’t hurt that Brianna was a clean tenant who took great care of her living space. Rhea was relieved to see firsthand what she’d told Steve hadn’t been a misrepresentation of facts.

  They locked the front door and caravanned to Rhea’s apartment for the night. Rhea ordered Papa John’s despite the ‘less pizza’ mantra and Brianna paid as thanks for all her help.

  Conversation during dinner was on topics light and pleasant, and Brianna did more than her fair share of flirting. Rhea was stern when she dismissed Brianna’s passes, explaining what her Facebook relationship status of “It’s complicated” really meant.

  Brianna claimed she knew it all along.

  After dinner, Brianna settled on the sofa with one of Rhea’s romances while Rhea took a quick shower.

  As she dried off her hair, Brianna called for her: “Your phone’s buzzing. I think someone’s calling you.”

  Rhea draped her towel on the shower curtain rod to dry, figuring she was going to walk out and find Brianna sprawled, undressed, on her sofa. Rhea’d pretty much have to do her.

  It was disappointing to find Brianna in flannel plaid pajamas buttoned as high as they could go, hunched over a book and reading. Well, the reading part was sexy. The plaid pajamas, not so much.

  Wondering if one more time with Brianna couldn’t hurt anything, Rhea checked her phone. There was a missed call from Adam most recently and multiple texts. The last one said: I’m on Skype waiting for you. Where are you, Sunshine? Everything OK?

  “Oh, shit.” She hurried to her computer, texting him, Be right there hang on. “I totally forgot it’s Skype night.” While the laptop booted up, Rhea told Brianna, “Come on in, meet Adam.”

  “Um . . . are you sure?” Brianna appeared in the doorway and hesitated there.

  “Sure I’m sure.” Rhea beckoned to her vigorously. “Get in here.”

  When the video chat came on, Rhea greeted Adam, “I’m so sorry I kept you waiting. Kinda got distracted by helping Bri with her move. She’s spending the night here. Wanna meet her?”

  “Of course.” Adam replied, bobbing his head.

  Rhea adjusted the position of her laptop to include Brianna where she sat on the bed. “Adam, Bri. Bri, Adam.”

  Brianna waved her fingertips at him. “Hey.” She retreated into a shrug. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Pleasure’s all mine. So, ladies. How’s the move going? Wish I could be there to help.”

  Brianna and Rhea exchanged glances.

  “It’s been going better than expected, thanks to Rhea,” replied Brianna.

  Rhea said, “It’s been . . . enlightening. I’ll be driving a twelve-foot Budget truck tomorrow. I’m sure that’ll be an adventure!”

  “Hey, just uh . . . don’t make it too much of an adventure, okay? I need my girl in one piece, you know.” Adam winked.

  “I’ll be careful,” said Rhea.

  Brianna corrected: “We’ll be careful. I want her in one piece, too.”

  “So, Adam,” Rhea said before he raised any questions regarding Brianna’s response, “how’d the auction go?” She watched Brianna discreetly slip from the camera’s view and settle in the chair beside the desk. Rhea didn’t have the guts to ask her for privacy but it was obvious she had no further intention of participating in
the conversation.

  “It went really well,” replied Adam. “I don’t have final numbers or anything but all my work went to new homes. I’m not gonna obsess over what they sold for since I’ve got other things to worry about going forward.” He looked down. “I booked my hotel today.”

  Rhea straightened. “Where?”

  He scratched his neck. “Seattle. I leave early on the twenty-fifth and should get there late the next day. I’m gonna do a ten-hour drive Tuesday and another almost eight-hour day Wednesday which gives me all of Thursday to set up. Gary’s gonna meet me there to help with everything. But, uh . . . Yeah. This is definitely gonna push back my usual trip to Chicago for another year, I’m afraid.”

  “Oh. Well. Okay, I guess.” C’mon, at least pretend to be happy for him. “I’ll really miss you.” Rhea’s voice cracked. “But I’m so excited you have this opportunity.”

  “Thanks for understanding, sweetie.” Adam sighed. “I promise you, something good will come from this trip.” He glanced at her. “If I didn’t feel it, deep, deep down in my bones, I wouldn’t be going. You know?”

  “I know.” Rhea choked on her phlegm.

  “You know what else? I miss you.”

  She didn’t know how much longer she could withhold the tears. Her words were stiff: “I miss you too.”

  “If we were together, I’d take you in my arms and hold you tight.”

  “I know.”

  “Maybe slide a hand along your thigh—”

  “Adam!” Rhea’s eyes darted to Brianna, for all intents and purposes hiding in plain sight just beside the laptop. Perhaps he’d forgotten she was present, but Rhea didn’t. Or maybe he figured she was within earshot and didn’t care. But Rhea did. Her cheeks hot, she reminded him, “I’m not here by myself.”

  “Oh.” He glanced around, rubbing the nape of his neck with both hands. “Well . . . Okay. I could’ve used some stress relief before I leave for my trip. I understand, I guess. I’ll be in touch.”

  Rhea forced a wavering smile. “Yeah. Okay. Tell me everything when you get home. And um, get me a souvenir from Pike Place?”