Discovering Stella

by K. M. Golland

  “Really?” she exclaimed excitedly, sitting down beside me before undoing the ribbon.

  Before she could get comfortable, I lifted her onto my lap and hugged my arms around her waist, resting my head against her shoulder while she unwrapped the present. Her ... like this in my arms ... perfect.

  Stella undid the ribbon and lifted the lid to the box. “Oh ... wow!” she whispered before picking up the bracelet. I watched her expression change when she noticed the charms, her delighted realisation making me feel overly fucking happy and proud.

  “Lawson! There’s a knight, a princess and a toad. Oh my god! How ... how beautiful and thoughtful.” Placing her hand across her heart, she turned to face me then launched herself, forcing us to fall back onto the bed. Stella’s lips came crashing onto mine, taking me by surprise. “I love it! It’s perfect,” she mumbled in between kisses. “Thank you.”

  I flipped her onto her back, pausing to watch her hair fan around her gorgeous face before taking the box from her hand. “No, you’re perfect. Now let’s see what it looks like on that pretty little wrist of yours.”

  Opening the box, I took the bracelet out and clipped it onto her arm. She suspended her wrist and rotated it, admiring her new present. “You really are amazing, you know?” she admitted quietly, not making eye contact with me.

  I lowered my face to hers, kissing her softly, savouring the taste that was Stella as she draped her hands over my shoulders and combed her fingers through my ponytail. I fucking loved it when she did that — played with my hair. It somehow made me want to crack a fat and fall asleep simultaneously.

  “Come on,” I said, groaning miserably when our lips separated. “We’d better get going before I kiss more than your mouth.”

  * * *

  We arrived at the pub to be greeted with turquoise-coloured balloons and streamers. Meg had mentioned her plans to decorate the joint, but holy fuck! Talk about overdoin’ it.

  “Oh my god!” Stella exclaimed under her breath as we walked along the decorated veranda of the Pittstown Hotel. “These better not be for me.”

  I draped my arm across her shoulders. “Guess again, Princess!”

  Stella glanced dubiously through one of the windows. “There’s a lot of people in there.”

  “Of course there are. The whole town has probably turned up.”

  “Really?” she said nervously. “Shit!”

  I coaxed her closer to me. “Hey, don’t worry, none of them bite.”

  “I should hope not.”

  Dropping my arm from around her shoulder, I laughed and pushed the door of the pub open. As we entered the room a mighty cheer sounded, shocking Stella enough to make her jump. The greeting, however, was not surprising to me and made me smile. This was one of the best things about living in a small town — everyone banded together for all types of occasions.

  “Whoa! Now that’s one hot dress. Stella, you look fantastic!” Meg exclaimed after waving us over to sit at the table Todd had set for dinner.

  Stella dipped her head and brushed her hands down the fabric, assessing her outfit. “Thank you,” she said sheepishly. “I got it from that Chic shop in Shepparton. Lawson helped me choose it.”

  “I bet he did!” Meg scoffed, giving me a devilish smile. I grinned back at her; the dress was hot!

  Todd exited the kitchen and stopped to give Stella a hug. “Stel Bel, you look beautiful, as always.”

  “You don’t scrub up so bad yourself,” she smiled, pretending to brush dust or something off his shoulders.

  Realising I hadn’t dressed up, I glanced down at my faded jeans, black boots and t-shirt. Fuck! Perhaps I should’ve made more of an effort. I look like a slob.

  “You look fine,” Meg whispered, somehow knowing what I was thinking and giving me a quick hug. “I don’t think Stella cares about that type of stuff.”

  I pulled away and cursed my choice of clothing. “I could’ve at least worn a shirt or something.”

  “Yeah, you could’ve,” Leigh said, as he sidled up to me and draped an arm over my shoulder. “Then again, you probably don’t own one, eh?” He chuckled before handing me a beer. “We good?”

  “As good as you and I can ever be.” I took the beer from him and removed his arm.

  “I’m happy with that.” He chinked his bottle to mine. “Hey, sweetheart, looking good.” He nodded toward Stella. She turned toward the fuckwit and rolled her eyes before smiling sarcastically at him. She gave me a wink then moved away to chat to some of the people who’d come to celebrate her birthday with her.

  “Lucky fuckin’ prick,” he mumbled under his breath.

  I was just about to say something along the lines of ‘Don’t I fuckin’ know it,’ when he directed his next mouthful of bullshit at my sister. “Meg-asaurus, how’re those claws?”

  “About ready to cause you some serious damage if you don’t stop being a dickhead.”

  “Always so feisty. That’s why I loved you in high school.”

  “You did not, you little shit,” she chided, her tone mildly playful. Meg walked away and joined Stella in a conversation.

  My sister and Leigh had always gone head to head. When we were younger, Leigh spent a lot of time at our house so, in hindsight, he was like another little brother to Meg. His mum had given birth to him when she was a teenager and, shortly after, skipped town leaving his grandparents to raise him. He’d never known his real father, and despite telling me time and time again that he ‘couldn’t give a fat rat’s arse about the cunt,’ I could tell it was just a smokescreen. Cunt or not, Leigh was understandably curious.

  “You banging each other yet?” he asked, nudging me with his elbow while pointing his beer at Stella.

  I moved around to face him, deliberately blocking his view. “You really don’t fucking learn, do you?”

  “What? It was just a question.”

  “One that is none of your business, but if you must know, then yes, we are seeing each other.”

  The fucker gave me a shit-eating grin. “That’s not what I asked.”

  Almost ready to lose my shit despite not really wanting to, I gave him a stern warning. “Leigh, quit while you’re ahead.” I hoped he would bloody listen and shut the fuck up, because ruining Stella’s birthday by taking Leigh out again wasn’t high on my list of things to do.

  “I’m joking, Drake. Seriously, you need to lighten up. You’re a cranky motherfucker now.”

  “Yeah? I wonder why,” I retorted.

  If putting up with Leigh’s idiocy wasn’t bad enough, the vocal poison that interrupted our conversation was even worse. “Boys, how are we this evening?” Vicky said, slithering up beside us like a snake.

  “That’s my cue to leave,” Leigh mumbled, bailing on me like the coward he was.

  I let out a frustrated breath. “Vicky, why are you even here?”

  “I’ve come for the party, and to see you,” she said quietly, her tone now sad.

  “Then you wasted your time.” Without looking back, I made my way toward Stella, Meg and Todd. I was hungry and not in the mood for Vicky’s bullshit. “Ready to eat? I’m starving,” I groaned, pulling Stella’s chair out like the gentleman I was.

  We all sat down and waited for Shaz to come take our order, which thankfully didn’t take long. “Ladies and Manbags, what can I get you?” she hollered, placing her chewed pen between her teeth with a conceited smile.

  Stella laughed and choked on her beer while Meg, Todd and I shook our heads. Shaz’s antics weren’t anything we hadn’t heard before.

  “Happy birthday, deary, and I must say, don’t you look ready to have some hot sex tonight?” she added, emitting some form of fucking animal growl while waggling her eyebrows. Shaz then nudged my shoulder and winked. “What is it you young ‘uns say? ... You should tap that?”

  “Okay, Shaz, I’ll have the porterhouse steak, medium.” Todd abruptly handed her his menu. I’m not even sure why he had one. “Meg, Stel, what are you both havin’?”
>
  Shaz laughed at Todd’s not-so-subtle intervention.

  “What’s the roast of the day?” Stella asked. “Is it still beef?”

  “Sure is, cupcake.”

  “Okay, I’ll have that, thank you.”

  Shaz jotted the roast order down and picked up the remaining menus. “What’ll it be, Meg?”

  “I’ll have the risotto, please.”

  “And you, Sir Drake, what would you like? Oh, hang on, let me guess ... parma, chips and a shitload of cheesy cauliflower?” she murmured, jotting the order down on her notepad without checking to see if she was right or not.

  “If only you were sixty years younger, I’d tap you,” I teased, insinuating she was older than she actually was.

  She clipped me over the head with her notepad. “Behave, or I’ll tell Stella about that time you were in the men’s room and I —”

  “Right, best you head into that kitchen and give Buck our orders,” I interrupted, hellbent on Stella never hearing that particular story.

  Shaz laughed. “Anything you say, Sir Pantsalot.”

  Todd and Meg both burst into laughter. Great!They obviously knew the story.

  * * *

  We ate dinner, and when Shaz brought out the cake Todd had arranged for Stella the entire room erupted into song, singing ‘Happy Birthday’ until she blew out the candles.

  “I can’t believe you organised this,” Stella said, gesturing to the cake and all the decorations. “Thank you. It’s over the top, but I love it.”

  “You’re very welcome, Stel Bel.” Todd gave her hand a light squeeze. “You’re part of our little Pittstown family now. We celebrate our own.”

  Meg reached across the table and grabbed hold of Stella’s wrist. “Is that the bracelet? Oh look, how cute, a knight! And is that a toad?”

  “Sure is,” Stella said proudly. “And I’m his princess, which is where that one comes in.” She gently fingered the princess charm. His princess? She just told them she’s my princess.

  Stella let go of the charm and dropped her hand down, finding my thigh under the table. She squeezed it gently, awakening the beast inside my pants.

  “It’s lovely!” Meg praised, smiling when she noticed Stella’s hand had disappeared. Todd, on the other hand, didn’t appear to share her happy thoughts, his eyes narrowing and looking toward me.

  Stella piped up, her playful scowl coming out of nowhere. “Don’t even think about it! You don’t get to pull that big brother shit like you did in high school. Forget it, Todd Westmore,” she scolded, pointing her finger at him. “Lawson and I are together, so suck it up.” Stella then turned to face me and kissed my lips gently before pulling away. “Now, I have something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, but haven’t had the strength to do until now. And that’s all because of Lawson.”

  Sliding her chair back, Stella stood up and made her way toward Leigh who was standing at the bar.

  “What the fuck is she doing?” I asked, gobsmacked at what she’d just declared, but also because she was talking to Leigh.

  Meg twisted in her seat to get a better look. “My guess is as good as yours.”

  I watched as Leigh’s eyes lit up, and that near made me want to tear something apart. He nodded and walked toward the small stage that was set up with a piano and sound equipment for when the band played, Stella following behind him. They discussed a few things before Leigh switched on the microphone. Stella then sat down at the piano and lightly tapped a few keys in preparation.

  “Holy shit! She’s gonna play,” I said quietly.

  Todd leaned back and draped his arm around Meg’s chair. “She’s not just gonna play, Lawson. She’s gonna knock your socks off.”

  “Mate, she already does. I think I’m permanently barefoot.”

  Stella cleared her throat and then spoke into the microphone. “Good evening, folks. Most of you have seen me around this place and know who I am, but for those who don’t, I want to introduce myself. I’m Stella, Todd’s little sister, and yes, it’s my birthday.

  “Ever since the age of eight, I’ve sung a song on this day, mainly because I just love to sing and share the gift of music with others. Last year, I didn’t sing my song, so I’d like to make up for that now and sing two of them. Do you mind?” she asked with a lopsided grin.

  Everyone sounded a “no”.

  “Well, all right then.” She laughed. “I should also fill you in on the fact that I haven’t played in quite some time, so fingers crossed I haven’t forgotten what I’m doing.”

  Stella pulled an apologetic face and began to press the keys of the piano. “The songs I want to sing tonight have both been inspired by the new man in my life —Lawson. So thank you, Toad, these are for you.”

  She adjusted her position on the seat and then concentrated on the tune she was playing, sending a beautiful sound throughout the room. I turned my seat to face her and gave her my full attention, watching as she closed her eyes and absorbed the moment. The entire room fell silent, transfixed by the way her fingers glided across the keys effortlessly, and when her voice finally broke through and touched my ears, I swear they died in awe.

  “Oh my god. I love this song,” Meg whispered, beaming at Stella.

  “What is it?” Todd asked.

  “‘Breathe In Now’ by Katie Noonan. Well ... her band, George, recorded it. It’s so beautiful.”

  If I’d thought previously that Stella’s greatest assets were her beauty — and tits — then I’d have been wrong. Her voice was fucking amazing, and I couldn’t focus on anything else but her. In that very moment, she owned me. All of me.

  Closing her eyes, Stella let the song engulf her, as if she were the only one in the world and the song was the only thing she had. She sang about moving on and how it could paint a new colour for each day. That’s when I realised why she’d dedicated the song to me. She also sang of not being able to press rewind and turn back time, and because of that, she only had this moment to sing out loud and breathe in the now. Thank fuck for that. Thank fuck for her strength and will to live the life she deserves.

  Letting out a breath of relief, I sat forward and rested my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, soaking in how her body moved rhythmically. She just looked so at home sitting behind the piano.

  Stella hit a high note — which came out of nowhere — and caused me to nearly fall off my seat, practically fucking flooring me. Now, I’m not afraid to admit that if the room wasn’t full of people, and that if I didn’t own a pair of hairy gonads, I’d probably have a minor man-cry. What she was conveying and how fucking stunningly she was doing it hit me. Hard! Right through my friggin’ chest.

  She’d completely hypnotised not only me, but also every single person under the same roof until the very moment her fingers stopping pressing the keys and she said thank you.

  The room erupted into applause, wolf whistles and hushed murmuring, and I think I even performed all three.

  “Thank you,” she said, letting out a big sigh of relief. “You have no idea how good that felt and how much I’ve missed doing that.” Her eyes found mine and locked firmly, intensely, her stare full of emotion. Then, like a ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds, she smiled and stole my fucking heart. When did I become such a poetic fucker?

  S E V E N T E E N

  Believe again

  Seeing Lawson’s face after I sang ‘Breathe In Now’ had me feeling mixed emotions. His expression held awe, amazement, relief and something I dared not to believe true. Surely, what I saw in his eyes was confusion and not that. Surely, it was far too early for ... love. Then again, maybe I had chosen the wrong song and sent him the wrong message. God, I hope not. I didn’t love Lawson. At least, I didn’t think I did; it was too soon for that. Although, I had no doubt that one day — in the not-too-distant future — I could very easily love him. And anyway, nobody could fall in love in less than a month. That was just absurd.

  Regardless of his possible misperception of
the message I wanted to deliver, every word I’d sang to him was true. He was the reason I felt brave enough to live again. He gave me hope and because of that, I wanted to move on, move forward, and perhaps explore the idea of love, when I was ready. Before Lawson came into my life, that notion had been inconceivable.

  Sitting at the piano, once again becoming one with song, I was euphoric ... it was my happy. It had always been my happy.

  I continued to smile boldly and adjusted my position once more in order to get comfortable. “This next song is also about finding the courage to move forward,” I explained to my audience.

  Placing my fingers on the keys, I internally counted down the intro and then played the first notes. Piano had always been my favourite instrument, my escape — my way of letting go and forgetting all the worries in the world. Except, after the accident occurred, I couldn’t draw on that emotional outlet. It just wasn’t the same. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t allow myself to go to ‘my happy’. When my husband lost control and wrapped our car around that tree, there was no happy to be found.

  Swaying to the rhythm as I continued playing the introduction to the first verse, I allowed the song possession of my body. It was the driving force that coordinated my fingers, arms and legs. Essentially, music controlled you, not the other way around. I looked up and found Lawson staring at me intently before I sang the opening line to the song ‘Believe Again’ by Delta Goodrem. And if I were to hazard a guess as to the expression on his face, I would say he was trying to figure out what song it was that I was playing.

  His attentiveness and apparent struggle for recollection made it difficult not to giggle. He just looked incredibly adorable, so I smiled and sang the opening line to the song, about staring into rain and wondering if the clouds would ever disappear. I’d chosen this song because, to me, it was about despair and thinking everything was lost, but how someone comes along, gives you hope and shows you how to believe again. Lawson had been that someone for me.