Discovering Stella

by K. M. Golland

  Suddenly the door to my room opened and in walked Lawson with his phone to his ear. “At your service, Your Royal Highness,” he said, with so much love that the sight of him took my breath away.

  I released a sob and held my arms out, desperately needing to feel his embrace. He didn’t hesitate and walked quickly to my bed, positioning himself as Julia had, not too long before.

  She stood up. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

  “You’re not leaving, are you?” I asked, my hand shooting out to clasp hers.

  “No. I’ll find a motel and stay for a day or two, if you’d like.”

  “You don’t need to do that. There’s plenty of room at the house,” Lawson offered. “You’re welcome for as long as you’d like.”

  I glanced up at Lawson and tried to express how much he meant to me in one look, but it was useless. How much this man meant to me couldn’t be conveyed with a simple glance. It involved much more than that.

  “Thank you. Okay, I’ll stay with you until Ellie gets sick of me.” She winked and then left the room.

  When the door closed, I tightened my grip on his arms, which were wrapped around me and holding my back to his front. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was awfu—”

  “Shut up,” he said firmly. “I don’t want to hear you’re sorry. I’m sick of hearing you apologise when you don’t need to apologise. And, anyway, I’m not sure I like ‘Ellie’.”

  I went to say sorry again, but thought better of it, instead opening my mouth and saying three words, which — even though I felt them with my whole being — surprised me in that they chose now to be said: “I love you.”

  My chest vibrated with the increased pounding of my heart, together with the pressure in my head, that I tried to ignore as I waited for his response. Then, just when I thought that maybe he hadn’t heard me, he tilted my chin so he could look into my eyes.

  “I love you, too,” he said sincerely before placing the most beautifully gentle kiss on my lips. It’s hard to describe the feeling of a true new beginning, but if I were to sum up what filled me in that moment, it would be hope. Hope that my life was not lost after all.

  Separating from our kiss, I chased it quickly with another one, then settled my head against his chest. “I have so much to tell you. Are you ready to listen?”

  “I’ve always been ready.”

  “Yes, I know, but I wasn’t ready to listen let alone ask someone else to do it. But I am now.”

  He shuffled down to get comfortable. “Okay.”

  “Where do I start?” I sighed.

  “Start with Quinn.”

  Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath. “Quinn was my four-month-old daughter. She was in the car when it crashed,” I said, holding back my tears.

  His arms held me tighter and his lips pressed to my head, a subdued sob of his own escaping his mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Quinn didn’t die instantly, like Tristan did. She held on to her tiny life for nearly five hours, but then lost her battle during surgery. My god, she was a brave little fighter,” I acknowledged, voicing praise of my baby girl’s strength for the first time ever.

  “She sounds like she got that from her mother.”

  I smiled sadly as I recalled a memory of her in my arms, breastfeeding, moments that were just as treasured when we were together and I provided everything that I possibly could for her. “She was my everything.”

  “So ... because losing your daughter was so painful, you decided to ignore that it happened?”

  “No, not really. Well ... yes, I guess so. I thought that if I continued to tell myself that she never existed, then the pain of her being taken away would not exist either. Sounds stupid, and it was, but it also worked during the moments I was able to forget; during the moments I was not reminded in the slightest way that I once mothered an angel.”

  “Angel?” The tone of his question conveyed that he now understood the significance of the word.

  “Yes, she was my angel, and both Quinn and I were Tristan’s angels.”

  “Jesus Christ, Stella,” he whispered, sympathetically.

  “Yeah, I know. The entire thing is devastating. My life is just one enormous pain-ridden devastation. Can you see why I was desperate to flee it, desperate to pretend it never happened?”

  “Of course I can. But reality is not something we can evade. It’s real.”

  “I know that. Honestly, I know that now.”

  “You can’t change the past, Princess. I wish you could; I wish I could. I’d change it for you in a heartbeat, even though that would mean we never crossed paths. But you can’t change it. What you can change, though, is how you feel about it.” He placed another kiss on my head, the touch of his lips easing the throbbing that still lingered there. “When you explained how Tristan had passed away and how angry you were at him, even though I understood your reason for being angry, I didn’t understand how you could be that angry with him, to the point of refusing to forgive him. Now that I know the full story, I understand. But that still doesn’t change that I think you need to forgive him. If anything, I think it more so now.”

  “It’s easier said than done,” I stated. “Yes, I’m angry. Of course I am. His stupidity and selfishness resulted in me losing my life, but still having to live it, empty and alone with a gaping hole that would never be filled. He left me and took our daughter with him. He caused me the worst pain imaginable only to have me slowly die in it while he gets to spend eternity with Quinn.”

  “Princess,” he sighed, “thinking like that only hurts you more. Can’t you see that?”

  “Yes,” I cried, looking up at him, “I can see that, but I don’t know how to change it. I hated him so much that I refused to go to his funeral, which meant I never went to Quinn’s because they were buried next to each other at the same time. I never said goodbye.”

  “You’ve never been to their grave?” he asked, tears pooling in his eyes at the enormity of my loss, also no doubt at the extent of my obstinacy.

  Regret and guilt wracked my body as I wailed in his arms. “I never got to say goodbye.”

  * * *

  For the remainder of that afternoon I’d stayed in Lawson’s arms, finally letting out every emotion I had buried in the grave within me. Burying things that are not meant to be suppressed only feeds a mounting pressure that will emerge sometime, somehow. I knew this now, and in hindsight, I probably knew it all along. But knowing, accepting, and then doing, are three separate things. That’s why we all react differently. At the end of the day, we only comprehend what we want to.

  The doctor had requested I stay overnight for observation, but after explaining that I was — am— a nurse and I would be much more comfortable at home, therefore assisting a quicker recovery, he’d relented and signed my release.

  Julia had stayed with us for a couple of days, leaving when she was satisfied that I was all right and that I would continue to be all right. As I’d watched her car pull away, I was truly grateful to have such a wonderful, caring friend who, despite my abandoning her and being the cause of such grave distress, still found it within her heart to forgive me and pledge to always be there when I needed her. And it was during those moments when her car disappeared into the distance that I realised how easily we focus on what we lose in life instead of acknowledging what we have. Yes, the pain of loss is great, but the joy of possession is just as profound and if we could only see that at the time of experiencing our loss the pain may not always be so overpowering.

  In the weeks that followed my incident, Lawson and I had discussed ways to extinguish or reduce the anger I felt toward Tristan, so that I could find it within myself to visit his and Quinn’s grave on the two-year anniversary of their deaths. It was something I was working toward and, as each day went by and Lawson and I talked about the good times Tristan, Quinn and I had shared as a family, the prospect of finally being able to say goodbye seemed feasible. But I wasn’t quite there yet. In fact, it was Todd who
suggested I find a song I could sing to Tristan as a way of telling him what I never could ... and the more and more I thought about the idea, the more it seemed the perfect way to finally forgive him for making the biggest mistake of our lives.

  Lying on the loveseat, my head in Lawson’s lap as he lightly propelled our swinging motion with his foot, I continued to search a catalogue of different songs via my phone.

  “What about this one?” he asked, handing me his.

  I tilted my head so that I could see him, albeit an upside-down version. “I didn’t know you were scouting for songs too,” I queried, taking note that he’d suggested ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence. My instant recollection of the song spurred the possibility that it could be the perfect choice.

  He dabbed my nose with his finger. “The anniversary is coming up, Princess. I want you as prepared as you can be when you visit your family graves.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever loved a toad as much as you,” I said, uncontrollably wrinkling my nose in response.

  “I thought we’d established many months ago that I was no longer a toad, instead a handsome Prince Charming, worthy of malady’s heart.”

  “You are both of those things and more, Lawson Drake; knight, prince, toad and comfortable cushion,” I teased.

  “You left out Sex God, oral expert and giver of multiple orgasms.”

  I cracked up laughing. “Would you be willing to add those to your business card?”

  “No, baby, those services are not for sale,” he said seductively, leaning forward and slipping his tongue inside my mouth.

  I welcomed him happily, greeting his entry by caressing his tongue with my own. Never in a zillion years would I refuse this man’s mouth and what was in it, as kissing Lawson elicited the sweetest and most sensual feeling I’d ever experienced. Because it was in those moments, when our lips and tongues explored each other’s that nothing and no one else existed. It was as if we’d just opened an invisible door, stepped through it, and blissfully settled into our own secret universe where only he and I were present. Kissing Lawson really was out of this world.

  His fingers slid underneath the seam of my bra. I sucked in a breath and arched my back, elevating and pushing my breast further into his hand. He groaned and clenched his fingers, massaging and kneading me intently. The passion he conveyed through touch caused the muscles in my pussy to contract for want of that touch as well. And, not being one to deny my pussy the pleasure it so desired where Lawson was concerned, I scrambled to an upright position and eagerly straddled his lap.

  “Can I please request those services now, Sir Drake? All of them?”

  He gripped my arse and rose to his feet, carrying me as I wrapped my legs around his waist. “Certainly. Do you have a preference as to which order you’d like them in?” he mumbled in between my frenzied attacks on his mouth.

  “No,” I mumbled back, “I’m not fussy.”

  As he carried me into the house, our kissing continuing with each step, Todd’s distaste of our behaviour was voiced as we passed the kitchen. “Do you two mind? I don’t need to see that,” he complained.

  “Sorry,” we both mumbled unapologetically as Lawson steered us toward our room.

  “Leave them alone,” Meg scolded. “And why don’t you ever carry me like that? I want to be carried like that and pushed up against a wall.”

  Closing the door behind him with his foot, Lawson and I both chuckled at the scene we’d just incited. “Twenty bucks says she makes him carry her up the stairs,” he said as he wrenched his t-shirt over his head.

  “Fifty bucks says he already has her against the kitchen wall,” I countered.

  Both of us paused and turned our heads toward the door. “You’re on,” he said, coaxing me to stand.

  Slowly, I turned the handle and pulled the bedroom door toward me, hoping it would not sound a creak. Then, when we’d created enough room, we both peeked our heads out.

  “Winner!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air and shocking Meg and Todd enough to stop their heated kissing while he supported her body against the wall of the kitchen.

  Lawson growled and yanked me back into the room, shutting the door behind him. He stepped forward, prompting me to step back with anticipation as I excitedly soaked in his predatory expression. The raw sex appeal that rolled from him when he wanted nothing more than to devour me was so incredibly hot. It overpowered my basic ability to function, resulting in me falling backward on the bed for not paying attention to where I was going.

  He smirked wickedly, knowing my stumble was due to his sheer sexiness. And then, to assert even more power over me, he reached down and slowly unbuttoned his jeans.

  I swallowed heavily and looked up as he closed the distance between us. “You owe me fifty bucks,” I choked out, returning my gaze to eye level where his hard cock now rested in the palm of his hand.

  Giving it two long strokes, he raised an eyebrow and completely undid me. “First things first.”

  T W E N T Y - F O U R

  I discovered Stella

  Stella’s caramel-coloured, lust-filled eyes were about the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. And when they were staring up at me while her lips were wrapped around my cock, I could honestly say I was in some form of heaven on earth.

  “Mm ... Princess, that mouth of yours is dangerous. I love it and I love you.”

  She released me and trailed her tongue up my shaft. “Thank you, but I’ll still be collecting my fifty bucks.” Stella then scooted back on the bed. “These,” she said, lifting her pelvis toward me, referring to her jeans, “need to come off.”

  I bent down and took hold of her buckle at the same time as nudging her top up with my nose so that I could kiss her stomach. Stella’s skin was near perfection — soft, smooth and very fucking tasty. And as I undid her jeans and pulled them down, together with her panties, baring more skin, I happily tasted that too.

  “I think I will give you the service of the oral expert first,” I murmured against the inside of her thigh.

  She moaned. “Yes, that would be a service I’d like to receive.”

  “I bet it would.” I kissed the top of her pussy, then I kissed it again. Stella lifted her knees and opened wide for me.

  “Thank you, Princess.”

  “You’re welcome.” Fuckin’ cheeky little shit! I loved her playfulness, and I loved it when she was a confident smartarse.

  Growling, because I was pretty fucking hungry, I dipped my nose into her soft flesh and ran my tongue up her core, repeating the stroking action. She loved it when I licked her like a goddamn ice-cream, followed by sucking her clit into my mouth.

  “Great service,” she moaned, “great. I’ll definitely be coming back for more.”

  “Excellent! Please spread the word and tell your friends.”

  Stella’s legs clamped shut on the sides of my head, squeezing as if I were in a friggin’ vice.

  Slowly, she lifted her head to look at me. “I beg your pardon?”

  “Release my head,” I mumbled, my squashed cheeks making it difficult to talk.

  She squeezed me tighter. “Take it back.”

  “Ot?”

  “Wanting me to tell my friends.”

  “Ealous?”

  “Yes!”

  “Pincess, I ony ont to ick or ussy.”

  “Is that right?” she asked, releasing her grip just enough for me to speak properly. What she didn’t realise, though, was that it was enough for me to break free and show her who really had the upper hand.

  Lifting my arms up in between her legs and prying them wide open, I stood up and held her firmly in place, positioning the head of my cock at the entrance of her pussy. Stella then tried to slide herself onto me.

  I taunted, shaking my head. “Uh-uh.”

  “Lawson!” she pleaded.

  “Tell me you want Sex God.”

  She laughed and squirmed under my hold. “Fuck you.”

  “Princess is swearing. She me
ans business.”

  “Stop it!”

  I spurred her on. “Tell me.”

  “For fuck’s sake. I want Sex God to give me multiple orgasms. NOW!” she growled, her eyes wide open and menacing.

  I smiled and slid inside her, fucking relishing the way her eyelids flickered as a result of the pleasure it caused. Then, pulling out, I paused. “You didn’t say please.”

  Stella stared heatedly at me, so I returned the stare equally. Her lip twitched, which caused a smile to creep in at the corner of my mouth. Her gaze softened, and I knew I had her as I always did. So, leaning forward, I held my body just above her and continued to hold her gaze.

  She wrapped her arms around my neck and pierced me with a look so intense that I nearly caved. “Please make love to me, my one and only prince,” she whispered against my lips. Check-fucking-mate!

  Closing my eyes for the briefest of seconds, I opened them again and slid into her, realising I would never slide into another woman ever again, and never would I want to.

  * * *

  Just under six months ago, while I was driving along the Murray Valley Highway on a stinking hot Friday afternoon, I noticed a bright blue Ford Focus cooking its tits off on the side of the road. Obviously, being the local mechanic, I pulled over — it was my job, after all.

  I’d been about to climb down the step of my truck and suss the situation out when I’d noticed a cute little brunette wrench open the Ford Focus’s door and proceed to kick the absolute shit out of it.

  Looking back now, I probably shouldn’t have hung back and watched with amusement as she stomped at the tyre with her flip-flop covered foot. But, honestly, it had been as funny as hell to witness, so that’s what I’d done — watched her chuck a hissy fit. It wasn’t until I realised that she was about to pop the hood and make one of the most painful mistakes of her life, that I’d sprinted over and snatched her away from the plumes of steam that would’ve melted her pretty little skin.

  I’d been a fucking hero. A real-life Superman. A knight in shining armour ... until she’d slammed her goddamn head into my nose and sent me into a world of bloody pain. I remember thinking “What the fucking fuck?” before letting the crazy bitch go. It wasn’t until she spun around and pierced me with those terrified caramel eyes of hers that all was instantly forgiven. And not only was all instantly forgiven, all had just instantly begun. In that moment, I had to find out who this feisty, mysterious chick was.