Be Careful What You Pray For

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I can’t wait until you leave Alicia. I can’t wait until you and I are married.”

  “I know, baby, I’m looking forward to that day as well,” he lied. “But you know you’re going to have to have a little patience.”

  “I do, but I’m still so, so excited about the life we’re going to have together. I’m going to make you so happy. I’ll be the best wife in the world. I’ll do any and every thing you want me to without any questions.”

  JT put on his shirt in silence. He wasn’t even sure how to respond to such a dimwitted statement, so he let her continue talking.

  “So, when are you coming back to see me?”

  “Sometime next week?”

  “I know, but when exactly?”

  “Maybe Thursday evening or Saturday morning.”

  “That’s too long, baby. So, what about Monday afternoon, the way you always used to?”

  “This coming Monday is Memorial Day, and I won’t be able to get away,” he said, glancing at her in the mirror and seeing the angry look on her face. She’d turned on him faster than he could blink.

  “I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of spending every holiday all by myself.”

  “I’m sorry, but Alicia and I are going over to her mom’s, and there’s nothing I can do to change that,” he said, and then saw what looked to be Alicia’s manuscript sitting on Carmen’s dresser. “What’s this?”

  She responded in a curt tone. “What’s what?”

  “This,” he said, picking up the first few pages and turning toward her.

  “What do you think it is?”

  “It looks like Alicia’s novel, so I guess I’m sort of wondering where you got it from.”

  “I got it from the little wifey herself when she took me out to lunch today. Happy?”

  “But why would you go anywhere with her when I’ve asked you not to visit her anymore or spend time with her, period?”

  “Alicia’s my friend,” she said. “She’s my very dear friend. We’re such good friends that I could make her believe just about anything at all if I wanted. I could tell her all sorts of stories. The kind that would leave her devastated.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “No, the question is, why shouldn’t I? I mean, why shouldn’t I do whatever I want, because it’s not like you’re breaking your neck to see me on a regular basis, anyway.”

  JT saw how upset she was and knew it was time for damage control.

  He sat down on the bed next to her and placed his arm around her. “Maybe I don’t get to see you every day, but, baby, what matters is that I’m with you right now. And I promise you I’ll try to be with you a lot more than I have been.”

  “But I need more than that. What I need is to know that you’re serious about me and that you really do still love me.”

  “I do.”

  “But, JT, how do I know you’re telling me the truth?”

  “Because I am. And if you can’t trust me, then things will never be right between us.”

  Carmen gazed at him with watery eyes but didn’t speak.

  “Look,” he said, caressing her back. “The reason I can’t be with you as much as you want is because I’m doing everything I can to move the ministry forward. I’m working on it day and night because the sooner I can get everything in place, the sooner I’ll be able to leave Alicia like you want me to. The sooner I work everything out, the sooner you and I will be free to be together.”

  Tears fell down her face, and JT hugged her closely.

  “I’m so scared, JT,” she said, sniffling. “I’m so scared that all you’re doing is leading me on again and that you’re not going to follow through on your promise.”

  “Baby, believe me. I’m really telling you the truth this time. I’m being open and honest about everything. As a matter of fact,” he said, preparing to lay his words on as thick as possible, “I was just thinking earlier how I never should’ve married Alicia over you in the first place because now I realize that money and success don’t mean anything if I can’t be with the woman I love.”

  “Do you really mean that?”

  “I do. I mean it with all my heart.”

  “I love you, JT. And it’s like I just told you, I would do anything for you.”

  “I’m glad, baby,” he said, sounding as sincere as he could. “Because the feeling is definitely mutual.”

  Chapter 19

  The banquet facility for the tenth annual Pastors’ and Wives’ Luncheon was as elegant as Alicia had expected. She and JT had arrived at the hotel about twenty minutes ago, had valet-parked, and had then taken the escalator straight up to the third floor. There must have been at least fifty linen-covered round tables situated throughout the room, all adorned with exquisitely arranged white lily floral pieces at the center and each surrounded by ten plush chairs. Alicia loved this kind of setting, and while she’d really wanted to attend Matthew’s track meet, she was also glad to be in the midst of five hundred people.

  “Here’s our table right here,” JT said, pointing his finger at the tall, skinny metal stand that held a place card displaying the number thirteen.

  “Pastor Valentine?” an older, distinguished-looking gentleman said, and Alicia and JT smiled.

  “Oh my goodness,” he said. “Pastor Jacobs, it’s really wonderful to see you. It’s been a very long time, hasn’t it?”

  “A very long time indeed. So, how have you been, my boy? From the looks of this beautiful young lady you have with you, it seems you’re doing just fine.”

  The two men chuckled and JT said, “Well, I guess you got me there, and you’re right. Pastor Jacobs, this is my wife, Alicia. Alicia, this is Pastor Jacobs, one of the best men I know and the person who gave me a lot of great advice when I first founded NLCC.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you,” she said, smiling and reaching out her hand to him.

  “The pleasure is all mine, and I’m sorry we weren’t able to make the wedding. We’d already scheduled and paid for our annual vacation to Hawaii, and it would have been a bit on the expensive side to change our plans.”

  “We completely understand.”

  “You did receive the gift, though, right?”

  Alicia looked at JT because she honestly had no idea. As a matter of fact, they’d invited so many guests to witness their nuptials and had received so many gifts by mail, there was no way for her to remember the names Pastor and Mrs. Jacobs, let alone what they’d sent them. But JT said, “Yes, and it was very, very generous of you.”

  “We really appreciate your kindness,” Alicia said, so she wouldn’t sound so clueless. “And you should have received a thank-you card right after we returned from our honeymoon.”

  “Oh, I’m sure we did,” he said. “But you know how we men are. We don’t really pay much attention to all that women-related stuff.”

  They all chuckled and then Pastor Jacobs said, “Alicia, if you don’t mind, I’d like to steal your husband away for a few minutes so I can introduce him to a couple of the newer pastors in the city.”

  “Oh, of course. Please go ahead.”

  “Are you sure, baby?” JT asked.

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  JT kissed her on the cheek. “Okay, then, I’ll be back in a while.”

  Alicia walked back closer to their assigned table and saw three women sitting in place, two side by side and one straight across from them. They all looked to be in their late thirties or early forties and were each dressed very stylishly. They looked as though they were married to successful men, the same as she was, and she was looking forward to meeting them.

  “How are you ladies this afternoon?” she said, speaking against all the chatter in the background and sitting down next to the woman who was alone.

  The two women sitting together acted as though they didn’t want to be bothered and barely uttered the word “Fine.” Alicia wasn’t sure why they were being so rude, but she w
asn’t going to get herself all worked up over it.

  “I’m doing well,” the woman next to her said, “and it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Tamara Jackson, first lady of Lakeview Christian Center.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you as well. I’m Alicia Black Valentine and my husband, JT, is the pastor of New Life Christian Center.”

  “Yes, I figured as much when I saw him kissing you,” she said jokingly.

  “Oh, so you know him?” Alicia asked, placing her dainty, off-white satin, rhinestone-trimmed shoulder purse across the back of her chair. She’d purchased it specially to go with the off-white Armani suit she was wearing.

  “Yes. My husband and I have visited New Life a few times over the years, and for the most part, most of the pastors with churches on the South Side of Chicago tend to all know one another.”

  “Oh, okay,” she said, and then looked over at the other women, who seemed as if they could take her or leave her. Still, she smiled and tried making small talk with them. “So, which churches are you the first ladies of?”

  The women looked at each other, slightly laughed, and shook their heads. Alicia wasn’t sure why they didn’t like her because it wasn’t like she’d ever done anything to them. It wasn’t like she even knew them.

  Tamara sipped some water from her glass and set it back down on the table, and Alicia could tell this whole scene was just as awkward for her. “So,” Tamara said, “how are you settling in as a new first lady?”

  “Very well. Everyone at NLCC is wonderful. They’re all very kind, and they’re constantly making me feel welcome. I’m really very blessed to have found someone like JT and also to be a part of such an awesome ministry.”

  “Ha!” one of the other women said, obviously the most aggressive of the two. “You know, ever since you sat down, I’ve tried my best not to say anything, but the more you sit here acting all blissful and like you’re on top of the world, I can’t help but feel sorry for you.”

  Alicia leaned farther back in her chair. She didn’t like the indignant look the woman was wearing but said, “Oh, really? And why is that?”

  Alicia waited for a response, but the woman just gawked at her.

  Tamara repositioned her body in her seat and attempted changing the subject. “It’s always great when the congregation loves you and they go out of their way to make you feel at home.”

  “It really is.”

  “They can love her all they want,” the rude woman mumbled to her friend. “But that still won’t stop JT from whoring around the same as always.”

  Alicia stared at the woman in silence, trying to hold her tongue, but enough was enough. “What in the world is your problem?”

  “You wanna know? Well, I’ll tell you. My problem is that even though JT runs around here acting all holy, he messes around with every tramp he can get his hands on. Then, to think he might have had something to do with his first wife’s death, well, that makes me even sicker. So, sweetheart, make no mistake about it, JT is as pathetic as they come, and if you married him, you must be just as lame as he is.”

  Alicia swallowed hard and wondered why yet another person was accusing JT of murder and cheating. It just didn’t make any sense, but Alicia would never let on that the woman’s words were unnerving her. “You know what?” she said angrily but not loudly. “You need to mind your own business. What you need to do is spend less time worrying about my husband and more time worrying about your own.”

  The woman frowned. “Honey, you don’t even know my husband. But on the other hand, I know plenty about JT. I know more than I care to know about that rotten creep. But if you want to be naïve enough to believe he’s such a saint,” she said, standing up, “then by all means, you go right ahead and do it. Although, it would seem to me that since your father slept around on all three of his wives, you would know better. I would think you’d know a true whoremonger from the moment you first saw one. But I guess not.” The woman eyed Alicia in disgust, and then her sidekick stood up, too. Seconds later, they both strutted away.

  Alicia was so embarrassed and could barely look at Tamara face-to-face.

  “I am so sorry,” Tamara finally said. “That woman needs to mind her own business just like you said.”

  “Do you know her?” Alicia asked, looking across the room and watching her mingling and talking with two other women as if nothing had happened.

  “Just as an acquaintance. But I may as well tell you that the only reason she’s so angry and envious of you is because years ago, she basically ran herself ragged chasing after JT. Sadly, though, all he did was use her and then move on to someone else.”

  Alicia sat still, contemplating what she should say next. She was hurt, to say the least, and certainly didn’t want anyone thinking she had any doubts about JT, but right now she needed a friend. She needed to talk to someone, and she had a feeling Tamara could be trusted. “So, have you heard some of the same things about my husband? Because if you have, I really need to know.”

  Tamara sighed and then said, “Come on. Let’s step outside the banquet room for a few minutes.”

  Alicia got up and grabbed her handbag, and the two of them made their way through various groups of people. More and more attendees were coming inside and taking their seats, but Alicia and Tamara continued on outside of the room, into the main corridor, and down to the very end of the building.

  When they arrived, Tamara wasted no time telling what she knew. “First, I just want to say that I am definitely no troublemaker, but because I am a pastor’s wife myself and have witnessed so many other pastors’ wives being treated so terribly, I feel I have an obligation to tell you everything I know.”

  “I really appreciate your honesty,” Alicia said, knowing that whatever Tamara was about to say wasn’t going to be good. She knew it without question.

  “I’ll just start by saying that while I don’t know a thing in terms of whether JT had something to do with his first wife’s accident, what I do know is that he’s always been known to mess around with lots of women. I won’t say that I have any specific proof, but if you ask any of the pastors’ wives on the South Side and even some in other areas of Chicago, they’ll tell you the same thing.”

  Alicia was heartbroken. Her father had basically tried telling her the same thing, but she hadn’t wanted to believe him. Not because she thought her father would lie for no reason, but because she really believed JT was in love with her. She believed that his feelings for her were very real and that he would never be unfaithful to her.

  Now, though, she couldn’t help thinking a little differently. She couldn’t simply dismiss what Tamara was saying to her, because Tamara didn’t seem like the kind of woman who would intentionally try to deceive her. Tamara was warm and seemed like the kind of person who cared about everyone, and Alicia’s gut told her that Tamara honestly did mean well. Alicia had only met her a short while ago, but there was something very sincere about her demeanor. Something very genuine.

  “I just don’t know what to say.”

  “I know. Hearing something like this about the man you love is very painful, and I’m sure even more so because you just got married to him.”

  “Maybe he’s not like that anymore.”

  “Maybe. And I actually pray he’s not. But at the same time, you need to keep on top of things. You need to know that your husband has a pretty tainted reputation and that this probably won’t be the last time you hear someone talking about it. You won’t hear it as much at your own church because most people who are loyal members of any church are not going to say bad things about their pastor. But when you attend events such as this, people can be very cruel.”

  “This is just horrible,” Alicia said, refusing to shed any tears.

  “I know. Believe me, I know,” she said as if she literally did understand, maybe from personal experience. “But when you’re talking about some of the pastors around here, it’s more common than not.”

  Alicia didn’t respond,
so Tamara continued. “The luncheon should be starting in a few minutes, so let’s head back down the hallway.”

  Alicia did what Tamara suggested, but they walked in silence. As they got closer to the entrance of the room, however, she saw JT chatting with a group of ministers and winking at her. She smiled dryly and kept going.

  She proceeded inside and over to their table and pretended she couldn’t have been happier.

  She pretended as hard as she could, even though she was completely beside herself.

  Chapter 20

  They hadn’t been home more than ten minutes, and already JT was removing his suit and preparing to head back out again. According to him, he needed to go visit some church member whom he had supposedly known for years, which was fine, but what Alicia couldn’t understand was why she couldn’t go with him.

  “Baby, I already explained this to you before we left for the luncheon.”

  “I realize that, JT, but all you said was that you had to go visit one of your charter members in the hospital, and you never said anything about my not being able to go with you.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t clarify that, and normally it wouldn’t be a problem for you to come, but this particular member asked if I’d come alone because he wants to confide a few things to me. He wants to confess some very serious sins he committed in the past and then go about asking God to forgive him.”

  “So, he can’t do that on his own? He can’t do that without you helping him in person?”

  JT pulled on a dressy-casual, navy blue round-neck shirt. “I guess not, because when he called me, he sounded pretty bothered about whatever it is he’s done. He also said he wanted me to advise him on how he should begin making amends to the people he’s hurt in the process.”

  Alicia didn’t like the sound of this and said, “So, what’s his name?”

  JT sighed. “Baby, I just can’t tell you that. I wish I could, but I can’t.”

  “Why? Because it’s not like I would ever repeat his name or his situation to anyone. Plus, I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t keep any secrets from each other.”