Saved by the Celebutante

by Kirsty McManus

  “Cool. I’ll see you outside.”

  Will disappears out the back, presumably to get his wallet or whatever it is that guys need to do before a hot date.

  Rochelle hurries back over to us. “Done. Now you better freaking follow me. I’ll need back-up as soon as this is over.”

  “We’ll be right behind you, we promise,” Penny assures her.

  “You owe me,” Rochelle says, running a finger down my face.

  I shiver. I don’t know what she has in mind, but she does deserve a medal for her part in this crazy charade.

  “I’ll phone your number when I’m in the car and leave the call open,” Rochelle says. “That way, you can listen for any clues and get the tape right away if he says anything.”

  “Great. Thanks, Rochelle. I really appreciate this.”

  She lightly kisses me on the cheek. “I know you do. But I’m also doing this for all the chicks out there. We need to stick together.”

  Will reappears, so I quickly turn away while Rochelle allows him to usher her out.

  I suddenly have an attack of nerves. “Do you think this is going to work?” I ask Penny.

  “If anyone can do it, Rochelle can.”

  “That’s true.”

  We all squeeze into Penny’s car. Anna also brought hers, but we decide to leave it at the bar to avoid looking suspicious.

  A minute after we’ve driven off, my phone rings. I click the answer key and mute it at my end. It’s a bit fuzzy, but we can just make out what’s being said over the car noise.

  “So, what do you do?” Will asks Rochelle.

  “I’m a model,” she says in a breathy voice.

  “Really?”

  I want to gag. Will is so desperate. I’d be surprised if he ever managed to get laid.

  “Yeah. Today I did a shoot for Victoria’s Secret.”

  I giggle. “That’s perfect!”

  “Oh, this is nothing,” Penny says. “You should see when she’s seriously determined to hook up with a woman. It’s scary.”

  “I can imagine.”

  When we reach the house I shared with Will and Brad, I feel a pang of nostalgia. It’s so strange being back here.

  Will drives his beat up old pickup truck into the driveway before racing around to open the door for Rochelle. She feigns appreciation, but I can see her anxiously scanning the street to see if we’re nearby.

  The house is on a hill, so the first level is easy to get into if you go around the side.

  “The living room is over there,” I tell the girls, pointing to the right. “Will’s room is beside it.”

  I tiptoe through the yard, seeking cover in a hedge. I can see Will turning on the lights inside and offering Rochelle a drink. I want to stay out of sight as much as possible, so I position myself under the window. I’ll only peek if necessary.

  I wave the other girls over to a corner of the yard, just close enough so they can come to the rescue if needed. The phone is still open, but I turn down the volume slightly so Will won’t hear the call echoing if he should come over this way.

  “It’s hot in here,” Rochelle says. “Do you mind if I open the window?”

  “Go ahead. I’ll make us a couple of cocktails.”

  “That sounds divine.”

  A few seconds later, she slides the window open. She sees us lurking in the dark and gives us the OK symbol.

  “I’ve told you what I do. What is that you do?’ Rochelle asks Will.

  “Oh, I’m actually in PR. I was a publicist actually, but I quit because my celebrity client was a nightmare. I’m just working at the bar to help out a friend, but my real job is at a place called Whitaker and Jones. You might have heard of them.”

  Liar! I mouth. Whitaker and Jones is one of the most exclusive PR firms in the city and it happens to be run by two very vocal feminists. There’s no way they would have employed Will.

  “Ooh. I’m not very good with those kinds of things. I spend so much time traveling overseas, I don’t really get a chance to keep up with pop culture here.”

  “Is that right? Well, aren’t you a breath of fresh air?”

  “But I do like to watch a movie to unwind every now and again,” she adds silkily.

  “What do you like to watch? Wait, let me guess. Romantic comedies.”

  “Oh, God no! I’m not talking about your PG-13 kids’ stuff. I mean something a little more…adult.”

  “I like your style. I have a whole selection for you to choose from. Shaving Ryan’s Privates…Ocean’s Eleven Inches…”

  “I’ve seen those.” It’s quiet for a moment. “I’ve seen all of these,” she says, sounding pouty. “Do you have anything fresh?”

  He doesn’t say anything for a second. “Actually, I do have something new…” he begins hesitantly. “Have you ever heard of Gia King?”

  “Who?”

  “That chick who used to be married to Jack Dean. Went by the name of Kahlua for a while?”

  “Oh, kinda. My friend Tracey might have mentioned her one time.”

  “I have a brand new tape of hers. It hasn’t even been made public yet.”

  “So how do you have it?”

  “I’m good friends with her. She asked me to distribute it.”

  “So no one else has a copy?”

  “Nope!” he crows. “Just me.”

  “What about the people who shot the film? Wouldn’t they have a copy?”

  “I’m not stupid. I’m not going to let a bunch of strangers keep it so they can leak the film for their own profit. I have the only copy here on this memory stick. And also backed up online.”

  Hmm. I guess I can focus on the memory stick first and worry about the back-up later.

  “Can I see it?” Rochelle asks.

  “Sure thing. I just need you to swear you won’t tell anyone about it until it’s made public.”

  “I don’t even really know who this Gia is. Would anyone care?”

  “Damn right they would. Do you want to see it or not?”

  “Go on then.”

  I sneak a look, and watch as he goes to the TV and plugs a small memory stick into the media player underneath.

  After a moment, the screen lights up with a grainy scene of Gia and some seedy Ron Jeremy look-alike lying naked on a bed. I have to avert my eyes. It doesn’t feel right watching something like that.

  “Ooh, you’re right. I haven’t seen this before. Who’s the guy?”

  “I don’t know. Just some dude.”

  They watch it for a few moments while I try to ignore the fake sex noises coming from the TV. Then I notice Rochelle pretending to fan herself.

  “You know, this is really getting me in the mood. Do you think we should move this to the bedroom?”

  “You read my mind.”

  “I might just freshen up first. I’ll meet you in there in a second.”

  He races off to his bedroom. I can just imagine him quickly stripping down naked and throwing himself on the bed. Gross.

  Rochelle whispers into the phone. “I’m going to grab the memory stick and throw it out the window. Are you ready for it?”

  I unmute the call temporarily. “Yes! I’m still just outside the living room window.”

  I wait while I listen to her shuffling around.

  “I’m ready!” calls Will.

  “Just a second!” she squeaks in reply.

  There’s a bit more shuffling. “Hurry up!” I whisper.

  “Shit! It’s stuck!” she hisses.

  “What do you mean, it’s stuck?”

  “I don’t know. I’m trying to open the TV cabinet, but the door won’t budge.”

  Oh! The cabinet has a sliding door and it sometimes comes off the runners. That must be what she means.

  “Go and stall him. I’ll sort it out,” I instruct her.

  “Hurry!” she says urgently.

  I sneak around to the front door and use my spare key to get in. I’m glad now that Brad let me keep it. I press myself
up against the walls as I peer around the corner to check whether the coast is clear. I feel a bit like James Bond.

  Rochelle totters prettily towards Will’s room, staying in character the whole time. I know I have to act quickly so she doesn’t have to actually go through with anything. Poor girl. I will owe her big time.

  I throw myself down on the floor and commando crawl over to the TV cabinet. The door was always getting stuck when I lived here. But with a careful bit of maneuvering I can just…get it…

  There! I slide the door noiselessly to the side and yank the memory stick out of the player.

  I start crawling back to the door when I notice Will’s laptop on the table in the kitchen. Without considering the consequences, I snatch it up and race out the front door. I motion for the girls to get back to the car as I thrust the laptop and memory stick into Penny’s waiting arms. I then run around to the back of the house and rap loudly on the door before bolting back to the front.

  “What the hell?” I hear Will say.

  “Sounds like you have a visitor,” Rochelle says. I can hear the relief in her tone.

  “Why are they knocking on the back door?” he asks, sounding both annoyed and puzzled.

  “Do you have a roommate? Maybe he forgot his key.”

  “That’d be fucking right,” he fumes. “Freaking Brad. Hey, wait right here. I’ll be back in a second.”

  I wait, holding my breath, hoping that Rochelle has enough time to escape.

  It feels like forever, but then I see her quietly tiptoeing out the front door.

  Once she’s halfway down the driveway, she starts running.

  “Penny, start the car,” I urge.

  Penny revs the engine. Anna opens the back door so Rochelle can throw herself in.

  Will appears on the front step.

  “Hey! Get back here, you little bitch!”

  “Go!” I shout.

  We take off down the road, laughing. I feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins.

  “Are you okay, Rochelle?” I ask.

  “Piece of cake,” she says, eyes twinkling.

  “Now what the hell is that?” Penny asks, pointing to the laptop.

  “I know, I know. I shouldn’t have taken it, but Will said he had another copy of the tape backed up online and I’m hoping we can access it through his computer.”

  “Can you go to prison for stealing something like that?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so. But I’ll take full responsibility. And, I’m only borrowing it. I’ll sneak it back once I’ve found the file. Can you drop me at Gia’s?”

  “Will you be okay to get home after?”

  “Yeah, I’ll just catch a cab. Don’t worry about me. Hey, girls thank you so much for helping me with this. I know it was a big ask, but you did a good thing. Gia will appreciate it.”

  “No problem. That guy was an absolute creep. I can’t believe you lived in the same house as him!”

  “Me neither. I just hope he doesn’t find another job in the industry. He doesn’t deserve any good fortune.”

  I call Gia, waking her from a deep sleep.

  “I’m sorry to wake you, but I really need to see you,” I tell her.

  “Fine,” she says flatly. “Let yourself in when you get here. I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

  We pull up out the front of Gia’s place and I turn to everyone.

  “You guys are amazing. Thanks again.” I then reach through to the back seat and plant a lingering kiss on Rochelle’s mouth.

  Rochelle pulls away looking surprised, yet pleased.

  “Honey, any time you want to hook up, you know where I am.”

  “That’s very flattering,” I tell her. “But I’m afraid my heart is elsewhere.”

  She winks. “It’s okay. I won’t hold my breath.”

  I wave as they drive off and climb slowly up the stairs.

  Of course I was just letting her down gently. My heart really isn’t elsewhere. I don’t think.

  No time to worry about that now. I have a career to save.

  THIRTY-NINE

  Gia greets me at the door, looking disheveled.

  “I’m sorry about the hour,” I say. “But look what I have!”

  She stares uncomprehendingly at the memory stick and laptop for a moment.

  “What?”

  “Your tape!” I say triumphantly.

  “You’re kidding.”

  “Nope. The only copies are on this stick and somewhere online accessible through this laptop. I’m going to need your help to figure out where it is.”

  “How would I know?”

  “Will worked for you, didn’t he? Didn’t you talk about admin stuff?”

  “Not really.”

  “Well you better come up with some ideas, or he’s going to get away with exploiting you yet again.’

  “I do really want to be in that Peter Carson movie,” she says.

  “I know. So come on, let’s pretend we’re Will.”

  I sit down at her breakfast bar while Gia makes us some cocoa.

  “Um, about the other day…” she starts.

  “Forget it. I shouldn’t have been so judgmental.”

  “No, you were right. I was stupid for believing Billie over you. And I was absolutely fucking crazy for making a sex tape.”

  “Well, we can rectify all of that now. What are some ways to store files online?”

  “I don’t know. I just email stuff to my Gmail account whenever I want to save something online.”

  “Do you know if Will has Gmail?”

  “Probably. But I think he’d be more high-tech than that.”

  “Maybe he has a cloud storage account somewhere?”

  “I guess you could go into his web browser and check the history to see where he’s visited.”

  “Good thinking.”

  I open Will’s laptop and navigate to the browsing history. I scroll through dozens of listings for his recent internet usage.

  “Ew. Look how much porn is on here! Barely Legal…MILFS…Hot Grannies…”

  “At least he’s not ageist,” Gia giggles, joining me at the breakfast bar and handing me a mug of cocoa.

  “It doesn’t look like he’s done anything apart from look at porn and Facebook today.”

  I double click on the previous seven days. Still more porn.

  “Doesn’t he use this thing for anything productive?” I ask, disgusted.

  “Well, we just have to keep looking. It must be in there somewhere.”

  I scan through dozens of search results, one line blurring into another.

  And then I see it. Cloudbox.

  “Look!” I squeal, pointing to the screen.

  “Perfect. But we need to log in if he doesn’t have the desktop application installed.”

  “How can we see if he has it installed?”

  “Come on, Chrissie, I thought you would know things like this.”

  “Sorry, I’m used to a Mac. I haven’t worked on a PC in years.”

  “Move over.”

  She gently pushes me aside so she can do a search for the Cloudbox application.

  After a minute, she sighs. “That would have been too easy. It looks like our only hope is guessing his password.”

  “Oh God. Where would we start?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Misogynist?” I suggest sarcastically.

  “I don’t know. He doesn’t have any pets, does he?”

  “Does he seem like the kind of guy who would have a pet?”

  “No, I guess not.” She taps her chin. “What about girlfriends?”

  “Please. Can you imagine him being serious about anyone?”

  “Hey! What if we just click the Forgot my password link?”

  “We can’t risk that he’ll get the message on his phone. Come on, we have to think like Will.”

  “I don’t know,” she says, exasperated. “Porn?”

  “Hey, you know what? Try your name.”


  She snorts. “No freaking way.”

  “Come on. Just try it.”

  “How would you type it, though? With capitals and no spaces?”

  “Try it with the G and K capitalized.”

  She reluctantly types it in and an error message comes up.

  “Ha!” she says. “See?”

  “That doesn’t mean anything. Maybe we just got the combination of capitals wrong. Or maybe he added some digits on the end.”

  “Like we’d guess that.” She’s quiet for a second. “Hang on,” she says slowly. “What if he has the password stored in a file on this computer?”

  “How would we find that?”

  “I don’t know, but I can try a few things.”

  She does a search for text files and Excel spreadsheets, sorting the most recently modified ones so they appear at the top.

  “You missed your calling as a detective,” I joke.

  “Just call me Sherlock,” she deadpans.

  She opens up a bunch of directories until she comes to a spreadsheet file called Administration.

  “I think this is it!”

  We both read the file. It contains a whole bunch of websites and passwords.

  Gia screeches! “Look!”

  It’s the Cloudbox password.

  I roar with laughter. “I was almost right!”

  The password is Kahlua69.

  She pulls a face. “Oh my God, that’s gross.”

  “And here I thought you were the psychic one,” I tease her.

  “Oh, that was just a bunch of old hooey.”

  “But you know, I did end up living in a beautiful house with Brad, and am I not the most awesome PR guru ever?”

  “You are indeed.”

  I don’t remind her that I haven’t found my blond handsome man yet. Unless you count a certain someone I met recently. Which I don’t. But I’m too excited to ruin the mood right now.

  Gia logs in.

  “It worked!” she whispers.

  “Now for the moment of truth,” I whisper back.

  It’s even easier than we expected. The folder is very originally labelled Kahlua sex tape.

  Gia highlights the folder and quickly presses the delete key.

  A message appears on the screen.

  This folder will be deleted permanently. Are you sure?

  She hovers the mouse over the Yes button and clicks it.

  It disappears.

  Gia and I look at each other in disbelief.