Hasty Resolution

by Mullens, Sam Taylor

“Today? You are driving me back to Utah today?”

  I don’t reply.

  “Why today? There’s a heavy snow advisory this afternoon. I saw it on the news when I was out with Jennifer. We made plans to pick up the new snowmobiles and check out the trails. This makes no sense right now. Is this about what Doug said this morning in the kitchen? He was wrong, Jake. What we have is real. You and I both know it. Were those just empty words when you said I could stay with you?”

  “Liz, I am keeping you with me for selfish reasons. I never should have taken you. I am prolonging the inevitable.”

  “Jake, I’m choosing to be with you.” Her voice trembles.

  “You don’t belong with me, Liz. You are too good for me. I’m holding you back.”

  Liz breathes in deeply and exhales. “There’s an exit up ahead. Will you please turn around and at least wait for the snowstorm to pass? I don’t want to get caught in a blizzard in the middle of nowhere. I know you will drive safely, but I just don’t want to risk it.”

  “I need to get you home so you can make breakfast for your own kids,” I say resolutely.

  “Jake, don’t let what Doug said get to you. My kids are fine. I know my sisters are taking care of them. They are old enough now. They don’t need me like they used to.”

  Liz unlocks and opens the passenger side door as I drive. I immediately panic as the cold air rushes through the crack in the door.

  “Jake, you’re not taking me. If you take me, then you could be implicated in my disappearance. I will walk to the border patrol myself. You can either stop to let me out or I can tuck and roll; you choose.”

  Liz opens the door further and I pull off at the exit. She jumps out quickly, slams the door and begins tromping through the snow.

  I run to catch up with her and grab her by the arm. Tears trail down her face and her breath forms in the cold air.

  “I’m not going to let you play games with me, Jake. If we decide something together, we should stick with it and not let anyone change that, even if Doug is your best friend. I already told you that when I return, I would never implicate you in anything. My side of the story is that all of this was my idea. If you insist on taking me back today, then I’m walking myself to the border patrol. I’ll give them my social security number and driver’s license number. They can call my husband or one of my sisters can come with my passport and pick me up. You can’t come with me. I’m not backing down on my decision to leave you out of this. You may have chosen to take me, but I have been choosing to stay this entire time!”

  Liz pulls away from me and almost loses her footing in the slippery snow. I pick her up in my arms.

  “Not like this, Liz. You’re not leaving like this. I really don’t want you to leave. I brought you here. I want you with me. I always want you with me.”

  When we get back into the truck, Liz puts on her seat belt and wipes her cheeks.

  “Do you know how many times my husband scheduled me for plastic surgery?” Liz asks, looking out the window. “Twelve. He has scheduled me for boob jobs, tummy tucks, and face lifts. He always had a secret stash to pay for it. I think he wanted me to look like one of the sultry, provocative women he meets at gentlemen’s clubs when he travels on business or the escorts he has in Vegas. He wants double Ds, not B cups to look at. He thinks my face is too innocent looking, he thinks my cheekbones should be higher, and my eyes more lifted. I would go to all the consultations to appease him and then chicken out going under the knife right before the procedure. I always cancelled at the last minute. I just thought one procedure would lead to another and it would make me into someone I am not. Each time I skipped the elective surgery, he stopped speaking to me for a month. I’ve lived over a year of my life getting the silent treatment from my husband.”

  Tears roll uncontrollably down her cheeks. “Please don’t do that to me, Jake. Please don’t ignore me because I went against the way you wanted it to be this afternoon.”

  I lean into her and whisper, “I would never do that to you, Liz.”

  I hug her and, to my surprise, she returns the embrace. Liz should be furious, but she’s not. I turn the truck around and drive the way I should have gone all along, to the cabin. I should never have driven southbound on the interstate.

  On the drive, all I can think about is what an ass Liz’s husband is. No wonder she doesn’t talk about him. I never want to take her back to him. He doesn’t deserve Liz. I would never want Liz to change one thing about herself. What her husband would change is what I love. I adore her innocent eyes and her smile lights up my whole world. I would never have stopped looking for Liz if she disappeared, like her husband did. I would die a little bit every day not knowing where she was.

  I break the eerie silence between us. “Liz, why did you stay with your husband?”

  “For the kids. He’s not home very often. He travels a lot. Even when he’s home, he’s not really home. He works late in his office, sleeps in until the kids and I have left for the day. He does what he wants, when he wants to do it. We never fight because we never really talk to each other. We’re living under the same roof, with the kids, putting on a great façade.

  “I’ve seen what children of divorce go through. I never wanted to put my own kids through it or be another statistic. I could see my husband, Mike, making a divorce real ugly. When I asked for one, Mike didn’t want a divorce because he thought it would look bad. Even if we got divorced, my family would be stepping up to help with my kids because it would be too much of an inconvenience for Mike to alter his life to help. He’s been screwing his sultry assistant for the past few years. He hasn’t been with me.”

  We pull to the cabin as the snow begins to thicken deeper on the ground. Liz doesn’t open her door.

  “Jake, when I return, I’m only going back for the sake of my kids and I’m only leaving when you are ready to leave here too. When we left the cabin yesterday, you said you weren’t ready. I had it set in my mind that we had more time together.”

  I walk around the truck and help Liz out. I’m glad she is letting me return to our ritual of letting me help her out of the truck. Zeke bolts out of the cab and runs into the snow to catch falling flakes on his tongue.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you today. I hate to see you cry,” I tell her softly.

  She wraps her arms around my waist and tilts her chin upward to meet my gaze. “Everything between us, Jake, is real. So real. I’m not sired to you because of my desolate marriage at home and not because I have felt sorry for you. I want this, Jake. I want you. Stop telling yourself you want me here and then trying to figure a way to get me home. I know yesterday was rough and I know you were anxious while I was gone with Jennifer earlier today, but you need to talk to me, Jake. You know I’ll understand if you just tell me.”

  Once Liz steps through the threshold, she magically turns the cabin back into a home. Liz being here makes the place feel wonderful. I feel the warmth when I open the door. Logs blaze in the fireplace, broken glass vacuumed and the new glass in place. There are still a few things to put back together, to expunge the cabin of yesterday’s alarming events.

  I pull Liz into me so I can feel the warmth of her lips. I run my fingers through the softness of her hair. I was such a fool for putting her on a roller coaster ride as I did today. I lift Liz into my arms and squeeze her tightly, hoping I didn’t just drive a wedge between us. I was such a fool to listen to Doug. I shouldn’t think anything different than what I feel in my heart. I won’t initiate taking Liz back again. We’ll plan it out when it’s much too late. Until the day comes, I still have her with me, to cherish.

  Chapter 45: Liz

  Jake decides to buy two snowmobiles, one for each of us. We spend an hour here and a few hours there exploring trails mapped out for the tourist snowmobilers who seasonally flood the area. The nearby gas station is constantly fueling sleds and hauling snowmobiles to and from the repair shop. A grill around the corner from the gas station has opened for the winter sea
son to accommodate hungry snowmobilers. Completely plowed roads are rare. The black asphalt of streets, gray sidewalks, or brown gravel roads are nowhere in sight, only white glistening snow.

  Jennifer and Doug meet us at the snowmobile shop to pick up their rented snowmobiles for an all-day excursion. To my surprise, the passenger doors of their black SUV spring open. I expect one of the girls, Ashley or Emily, to bound out, thinking perhaps the older girls want to go with us, but instead, a man and a woman step out onto the snow and zip their parkas.

  Jennifer gestures the man over to us. “Jake, you remember my little brother Will?”

  Jake extends his hand. “Yes, I do, vaguely. It’s been quite a while.”

  “Over ten years,” Will says. “Before you and Doug went into basic training.”

  “I guess it has been that long,” Jake says.

  “I finished at Yale and now I’m working for an accounting firm in Chicago.” Will gestures back to his companion. “This is my wife, Brooke. We met at Yale. She practices criminal law in Chicago.”

  Jake shakes her hand before introducing me.

  “I assume you two are joining us today,” Jake says to make the clarification.

  “That’s right.”

  “Did you want to cut it into a half day or make it a full day like we originally planned?” Jake asks Doug, who approaches our gathering in the snow.

  “I was able to take the entire day off, so let’s keep it an all-day trip,” Doug suggests.

  “Sounds good to me. They need you to sign release forms for your sleds in the main snowmobile shop. There is a small cabin around back if you need to rent any gear,” Jake tells Doug.

  Brooke chimes in, “What gear?”

  “Depends on what you already have and what more you need,” Jake explains.

  “This is all I brought.” Brooke motions to the light parka, sweater, and lightweight boots she is wearing.

  “You might want to take a look at what Liz has on and go from there,” Jake suggests.

  “I’ll take you to get you fitted,” I say, motioning for Brooke and Jennifer to follow me.

  I lead them to a small cabin lined with black bibs, heavy jackets, and snowmobile helmets. There is a man standing inside, tending to the shack. He excuses himself and asks if we would take inventory of what we take on a clipboard before we leave. I unzip my white heavy jacket and lay it down on the bench.

  “Show me what you are wearing, Liz,” Jennifer suggests.

  “Keep in mind, I get cold really fast. My first layer is nylon leggings, then thermals, then my snow bibs. I have on a long-sleeved nylon shirt, a thermal shirt, and then a sweater over that. I have a pair of nylon socks and then a pair of wool socks. For my hands, I have on a thin pair of gloves and then, when I get on the machine, I put on another pair of mittens. I have a nylon face mask that only leaves my eyes exposed, I wrap a scarf around my neck, and this is going to sound crazy, but I also wear a knitted hat with my helmet.”

  The two ladies look at me, stunned.

  “It gets cold out there. Once you get going, you warm up a bit, but not a lot. At least I never do,” I tell them both.

  Brooke turns to Jennifer. “Let’s not go snowmobiling. Let’s just stay in the warm cabin while the guys go out.”

  I point to the gear hanging on the walls. “They have everything here you will need. Try on the bibs and the coats to see which one will work out best. I have heat packs we can activate. We can put them in your boots and stuff more into your gloves.”

  Brooke averts her eyes to the gear in horror. She doesn’t want to try on any gear. Jennifer isn’t too keen on trying on snowmobiling gear either.

  “I just found a great recipe for chowder that I downloaded,” Jennifer says, waving her phone midair.

  “Oh, and we can rent some chick flicks from the convenience store across the street,” Brooke adds.

  Jennifer turns to me. “How does that sound to you, Liz?”

  “What? Stay back at the cabin?” My face crinkles. “I kind of wanted to go see the frozen waterfalls Jake has mapped out. We’ve never made it out that far before. Jake didn’t want to go on the back trails without other people. He said it wasn’t safe to go alone. It is safer with a group in case something goes wrong. If you two want to stay behind at the cabin instead of snowmobiling, then I’ll stay back. I’ll tell Jake and Doug to get two sleds instead of four, or one; Doug can ride mine. Wait here. There is a heater to keep you warm while I go talk to them.”

  I zip my heavy coat and tromp through the snow to the snowmobile shop.

  “Is it too late to only get two snowmobiles or even just one? Doug can take mine. Jennifer and Brooke want to hang out at the cabin instead of riding to the waterfalls.”

  Jake and Doug are in the shop with a pen in hand, ready to sign the rental agreement and pay for the deposit on the machines.

  Doug rolls his eyes. “Tell Jennifer it’s too late. Tell her to pick out a helmet and meet us out front.”

  I tromp back in the snow and pull the door so the cold air doesn’t follow me in the small heated cabin.

  “I guess it is too late. The snowmobiles have already been rented for the day and I think Doug wants you to go snowmobiling,” I say to Jennifer.

  Jennifer crosses her arms. “Tell Doug I changed my mind. Tell him I’m not going.”

  I am a little miffed at being played like a ping-pong ball, bouncing back and forth as the messenger as if I am in junior high going from the guys standing at their locker to the girls hiding out in the bathroom.

  I walk out of the small cabin to find Jake and Doug walking from the snowmobile shop.

  “Hey, Liz, tell Jennifer she can stay behind if she wants. There are plenty of other people who will take the snowmobiles in her place.”

  I turn on my heels, exasperated to return to the gear cabin. When I open the door, I find Jennifer and Brooke standing in snow bibs, trying on helmets.

  “We changed our minds,” the two say simultaneously.

  I close the door of the cabin and say to the guys with my hands cupped around my mouth, “They’re coming now. I’m going to help them get dressed before they change their minds again.”

  When I walk into the heated shack, Jennifer and Brooke are not wearing the bibs they previously were wearing and they are not choosing helmets.

  “We’re trying to decide if we’re going snowmobiling or if we should tell them one of us has come down with a terrible case of something, so we don’t have to go after all,” Jennifer admits and Brooke is at her side, nodding in agreement.

  “If you two really don’t want to go, then don’t.” I put a finger up in the air. “I’ll be back.”

  I am tired of being the messenger as I tromp back to the snowmobiles, dodging pines so they don’t scratch me in the face.

  “Okay, one of them has come down with something. They’re not coming.”

  Doug makes an audible groan and stomps toward the heated shack where Jennifer and Brooke stay sheltered. I’m not certain if I should stay with Jake or follow Doug. Jake lightly nudges me and gestures me to follow. Now I groan.

  Doug bursts through the door.

  “You two are coming! We can’t be jerked around about how many snowmobiles we are taking out. Jake and Liz are already set up with theirs and ready to go,” Doug declares.

  Jennifer’s mouth drops open, appalled he is talking to her in a forceful manner.

  “Find what you need and meet us out front in ten minutes.”

  “But Liz has more stuff than we do,” Jennifer whines.

  My eyes widen when Doug turns to me.

  “I get cold fast. I’ve been out snowmobiling a lot this winter, so I’m a little more prepared.” I am not proud in admitting what I’m dressed in.

  “Liz, can you help these two get ready and meet up with us in ten minutes?” Doug asks.

  “Sure,” I tell him.

  Doug steps out of the shack and Will steps inside.

  “I need a helmet
,” Will states.

  I am busy helping Jennifer and Brooke pull on, snap up, and clasp together their gear tightly. I put their gloves on first and then the heavy coat.

  I ask Will, “Do you want snow bibs or a heavy coat to go over what you have? There’s plenty here. Just take what fits you,” I suggest.

  “No, I’ll be fine,” he says arrogantly.

  His snow pants look like they would be worn on a sunny day to go cross-country skiing. He has on a thin jacket that would keep you warm while walking from one building to another. He’s definitely not dressed to be out in the cold for an extended period of time. Perhaps he is warm-blooded and doesn’t get cold easily. I shrug my shoulders and return to stuffing Jennifer’s and Brooke’s perfect hair into fitted helmets.

  “I’m so nervous about going out today,” Brooke says as her teeth begin to chatter inside the heated shack.

  “I’m already cold.” Jennifer trembles.

  I sign off everything Jennifer and Brooke borrowed for the day as a bundle rental package under Doug’s name. I slide on my nylon gloves, and then I put on my mittens. I place on my hat and wrap a scarf around my neck before zipping my coat. The zipper is stuck, so I walk out of the heated shack to have Jake help.

  Everyone waits, mounted on the machines. Jake sees me struggling with my zipper and runs to help.

  “I’m glad you’re coming after all and not staying back to patronize Jennifer and Brooke. I need you with me. Otherwise, my mind would not have been on the trails; it would have been wherever you were. I told Doug to make Jennifer go so you weren’t obligated to stay behind,” Jake tells me.

  I raise my eyebrow. “I was wondering what got Doug to lay down the law.”

  “Doug wants me to lead, but I don’t want you to be the caboose. I want you in front of Doug or behind me in the caravan.”

  I nod as Jake takes my scarf and wraps it tightly around my already covered neck. I lift my facemask over my nose. Jake kisses my forehead. He seems antsy as he fusses over me.

  I grab Jake’s wrist as I pull down my facemask to expose my mouth. “Jake, are you nervous about going out today?”