MB07 - Three Little Words

by Joan Jonker

  Molly had a good reason for what she was doing. She knew without any doubt that Nellie wouldn’t be able to keep to herself what they’d been up to the day before. She wouldn’t do it out of malice or spite, but because she wouldn’t see any reason not to tell them. It was too good a story to keep to herself. But Molly didn’t want Claire’s affairs to be aired in public. ‘I thought perhaps yer’d like to do a bit of business for the Bennett and McDonough Private Detective Agency. We don’t need much in the way of shopping, and I believed yer’d be happier doing a bit of spying. We’d get some walking done in the fresh air, and it would do us good.’

  Her friend was suspicious. ‘What did yer have in mind, and why didn’t yer mention it when we were in the taxi going to pick Frances up?’

  ‘I thought yer’d be all for it, that’s why! But if yer don’t want to, then we’ll forget it and spend an hour here.’

  ‘Ay, hang on the bell, Molly, I didn’t say I didn’t want to, did I? But whatever yer have in mind had better be more appetising than a cream slice.’

  ‘We know where the woman he was with yesterday lives, and we know his address. Why don’t we go for a walk which happens to take us past both houses? We might not see anything today, but then again, we might hop in lucky. And I noticed the corner shop, which would be just the place for you to do a bit of acting. Yer might just find something out.’ Molly knew her mate inside out. ‘Still, if yer don’t feel like it, we’ll stay here and have a cup of tea and a natter.’

  ‘Nah, let’s go where the excitement is. I’m all for it, girl, so lead the way.’

  ‘We can’t just walk off. I’ll have to tell Doreen we’re going somewhere. So come in with me and tell them we’re going on a message and will see them later.’

  Nellie’s face was a joy to behold. ‘Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Yer can’t beat a bit of excitement in yer life, it bucks yer up no end.’

  ‘Come in with me, but you don’t say anything. Leave the talking to me.’

  Chapter Seventeen

  ‘It’s a lovely day, isn’t it, sunshine?’ Molly smiled down at her mate. ‘Even if we don’t uncover any mystery, the walk will do us good.’

  ‘Yeah, my George is always saying I should walk more than I do, so I could lose some weight. He says I’m carrying too much fat, and it must put a strain on me heart.’ Nellie chuckled. ‘He’s proper cheerful, is my feller, always ready with a joke to cheer me up.’

  ‘He’s only thinking of you, Nellie, ’cos he loves yer. Your trouble is that yer have a sweet tooth and eat too many cakes and chocolates. When it comes to custard creams and cream slices, yer’ve got no willpower whatsoever.’

  ‘Never mind, eh, girl? When yer time is up, there’s nowt yer can do about it. So enjoy life while yer can, that’s my motto.’

  ‘It’s easy to talk when ye’re hale and hearty, Nellie, but yer may regret it when yer get older. It wouldn’t hurt yer to do without a cake every day, and go for a little walk.’

  ‘Okay, girl, I don’t need a lecture.’ Nellie couldn’t be serious for long, however, and mischief appeared in her eyes. ‘I’ll do without me cake today, and I haven’t had a custard cream ’cos we had to be out early to pick Frances up. On top of that, I’m having a walk which will be well over a mile by the time we’ve finished. But I know a better way of taking the fat off, and that’s by energetic exercise.’

  Molly grinned. ‘Oh, aye, I can just see you exercising. Stretching yer arms towards the ceiling, and then bending down to touch yer toes. That’s something I’d like to see, Nellie, ’cos it would only happen once.’

  ‘That’s where ye’re wrong, girl. Ye’re the same age as meself, but yer haven’t learned as much over the years as I have. Yer see, the best place to exercise is in bed. The energy yer use, well it burns some of the fat off. And the more yer go at it, the more fat yer lose.’ Before Molly could shut her up, she added, ‘And what a way to lose it, eh? With a ruddy big smile on yer face.’

  Molly, however, had decided not to rise to the occasion, or Nellie would carry on and go into more detail. ‘From what I’ve heard about your bedroom antics over the years, sunshine, how come ye’re not as thin as a rake?’

  Nellie had the answer ready. ‘Well, it’s like this, yer see, girl. What I take off at night when me and George are going at it hell for leather, I put on again next day with me custard creams and a cream slice.’

  ‘I can’t win, can I, sunshine? I give in, as long as yer change the topic of conversation.’

  ‘The reason I go on about me love-life, girl, is because it’s about the only thing I’m good at. Whereas you are good at lots of things. Yer never get yer knickers in a twist, yer always know what to say to people, and yer know more long words than anyone I know.’ Nellie’s grin was cheeky. ‘Mind you, there’s something I’ve never thought of. Perhaps yer never get yer knickers in a twist because yer don’t wear no knickers.’

  ‘And that’s given yer food for thought, has it, sunshine? Well, can yer now put yer mind to the reason for us being in this street? We’re coming to the corner shop I mentioned. Shall we go in and see how the land lies? We could buy something, then if whoever serves us is friendly and talkative, we could perhaps say we know someone who lives round here, but we’re not sure exactly which street. We don’t know the woman’s name, but we could say she’s a friend of Graham Collins.’

  Looking doubtful, Nellie shook her head. ‘No, we’d never get away with that, girl. We’ll have to come up with something more believable. And I don’t think yer should mention that Graham feller’s name. If his girlfriend goes in the shop and she’s told someone was asking after her boyfriend, then we’d be rumbled. So why don’t we walk down past her house and see if we notice anything that might give us a clue? Then we could walk to the queer feller’s house. It’s not far from here. It might be a waste of time, but, then again, we might learn something.’

  ‘Good thinking, sunshine, we’ll do just that.’ Molly squeezed her mate’s arm. ‘We can’t rush an undercover job, can we?’

  Nellie nodded knowingly. She liked the word ‘undercover’, it made her sound important. ‘Like William Powell and Myrna Loy. They’re undercover investigators, and they always solve the crime. And no one would ever guess they were detectives, ’cos they’re man and wife.’

  Molly chuckled. ‘And don’t forget their dog, Nellie, because it solves most of the crimes for them.’

  ‘Ay, it might be a good idea for us to get a dog, Molly. Mind you, on second thoughts, George would go mad if I walked in with a dog in tow.’ After a short silence, when there was no reply from her friend, Nellie ventured to say, ‘Unless you kept it in your house. I’d help yer buying the food for it.’

  ‘Don’t even think about it, Nellie. Get it right out of yer head ’cos it’s not going to happen. Don’t yer realise I’ve got enough on me plate as it is? Two new grandchildren on top of the rest of the family.’

  ‘I didn’t really think yer’d go for the idea, girl, but it was worth a try. Yer don’t get nowhere if yer don’t try.’

  ‘Trying to palm me off with a dog wasn’t a very good idea, Nellie. Yer’ve come up with some hare-brained schemes over the years, but that one is probably the worst. Not that I’ve anything against dogs, but they leave hairs everywhere, and it wouldn’t be wise where the two babies are concerned.’

  Nellie didn’t think the idea was that bad. ‘Not even if yer kept it tied up in yer yard, girl? It couldn’t do no harm there. And we could teach it to help us catch any baddies.’

  ‘I don’t know why I’m wasting me breath asking yer this, but how would we teach it? It takes years of experience to train them to do tricks, or to catch people, and no matter how clever the dog was, it wouldn’t learn much in our backyard.’

  ‘William Powell and Myrna Loy manage,’ Nellie said, not to be outdone. ‘They trained their dog, and it’s only a fiddling little thing.’

  ‘They live in a mansion, Nellie, or they do in the films. And their garden
is as big as a field.’ Molly was asking herself why she bothered, for the whole conversation wasn’t getting them anywhere. Still, she’d say what she had in mind, then forget it. ‘And because a dog is small, it doesn’t mean it’s less intelligent than a whopping big dog.’

  Nellie was biting on her bottom lip when she said, ‘I can tell ye’re getting a cob on, girl, so we’ll forget about a dog. I don’t want to see yer getting upset and thinking yerself mean because yer won’t give a home to a poor little puppy.’

  ‘That sob story isn’t going to work, sunshine, so forget it. The only way I want to see a dog is on the front of a box of Cadbury’s chocolates. I wouldn’t harm any creature, and would feed one if it was hungry. And I would never stand by and see one being ill-treated. But owning an animal brings responsibility, and I have enough without taking on any more.’

  ‘Never mind, girl. We’ve managed all these years without one, and we’ve done very well for ourselves.’

  Molly glanced at the number on the door of the house they were passing. ‘We’re near that woman’s house, Nellie, so you walk on and I’ll follow a little way behind yer. Have a quick look to see if there’s anything to give us a clue about her, and I’ll do the same.’

  Nellie reached the bottom of the street first, and shook her head when Molly caught up with her. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary, girl, and no sign of anyone. She keeps the windows clean, and the nets are nice and white, but that’s all I had time to take in.’ She drew herself up to her full height. ‘I didn’t want to walk too slow in case one of the neighbours opposite saw me and became suspicious. I acted just like what a proper detective would, and I didn’t draw attention to meself.’

  ‘Keeps her step nice and white, too,’ Molly said, ‘but that doesn’t tell us anything. I’ve got a feeling our little outing isn’t going to bear any fruit, but it would be asking too much to expect success every day. And anyway, it’s been a nice walk for us, and I’m enjoying the fresh air.’

  ‘Yeah, we can’t expect to be lucky every day, girl. Some detectives have to work months before they solve a case. And we’ll be seeing Claire on Friday. She might have something to tell us which will help us find out more about him.’

  Molly nodded. ‘We’ll listen to what she’s got to say, sunshine, but not by word or deed will we tell her what we’ve seen, or what we’ve been up to. So yer’ll have to keep yer wits about yer, Nellie, and think before yer speak.’

  ‘Oh, I will! Yer can rely on me. I’ll be the soul of … er, the soul of … what will I be the soul of, girl?’

  ‘The soul of discretion, sunshine.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s what I’ll be, the soul of discretion.’

  When Friday afternoon came, Nellie was pacing Molly’s living room like a caged tiger. She couldn’t sit still, even though Claire wasn’t due for another half an hour. ‘Where the hell has she got to? She should be here by now.’ With her hips swaying from side to side, the little woman made her way out to the kitchen, where Molly was putting the finishing touches to the plates of sandwiches and cakes. ‘It doesn’t look as though she’s coming.’

  ‘Nellie, if yer keep this up, ye’re going to have us both nervous wrecks by the time Claire gets here.’ Molly struck a match and set alight to the gas ring under the kettle. ‘Why don’t yer sit down and relax? If she sees yer like this, she’ll twig there’s something up. So do us both a favour and go and sit in the living room. I’ve got everything ready out here, so I’ll come in and sit with yer. But for heaven’s sake, sunshine, for once in yer life will yer think before yer open yer mouth? I like Claire, and I want her to stay friends with us. But if she knows what we’ve been up to, she’ll wish she’d never set eyes on us.’

  ‘We’re doing it for her, girl, so she wouldn’t fall out with us. But I won’t say a word out of place, I promise yer.’ Nellie stiffened a finger and made a cross somewhere in the region of her heart. ‘Cross my heart and hope to die, if this day I tell a lie.’

  Molly wanted to laugh, but managed to keep her face straight. ‘Yer dice with death every time yer say that, sunshine. Aren’t yer frightened?’

  Nellie’s brow creased. ‘How d’yer make that out, girl?’

  ‘That yer hope to die if yer tell a lie! In the course of one day, yer must tell at least ten or twelve lies. And that’s only in the time I spend with yer; it doesn’t include any fibs that yer tell in yer own home. Particularly those yer tell to George.’

  Nellie’s neck seemed to disappear between her shoulders when she spread out her hands. ‘But they’re only little white lies, girl, and everyone tells white lies. Even Saint Peter knows they don’t do no harm.’

  ‘Oh, Saint Peter’s told yer that, has he? Yer must be very well in with him if he’s told yer that little white lies don’t count as sins. It’s the first I’ve ever heard of it.’

  ‘Well, he doesn’t need to tell you, does he? I mean, he’d only be wasting his breath ’cos yer don’t tell any.’ Nellie suddenly had a thought. ‘Ay, Saint Peter won’t like you, yer know, girl. Ye’re so good, he’ll think ye’re after his job, and he won’t let yer through the pearly gates.’

  ‘Not even when he knows I’m your best mate?’

  Her lips pursed, Nellie nodded. ‘I’ll have to remind him that you and me are best mates. Once he knows that, yer’ll get a ticket on the front row next to me.’

  Molly chuckled. ‘I didn’t know whether to look on that as a threat or a promise, sunshine. Don’t yer think I will have had enough of yer on earth? And besides, wouldn’t yer worry about me getting in the way of yer harp?’

  When the knock came on the door both women moved as one. And as one wouldn’t give way to the other, they both got stuck in the frame of the kitchen door. ‘Get out of the way, girl, the bleeding door’s not wide enough for both of us.’

  ‘I know that, Nellie, but as it’s my bleeding door, I should be the one to get through it first.’ Molly managed to turn sideways and inched her way through; then, with Nellie hot on her heels, she hurried to open the front door. ‘Hello, sunshine. It’s nice to see yer. Come on in.’

  After a greeting, Claire was able to get past Molly, but as Nellie was the width of the hall, only a ghost could have got past her. ‘Hello, Nellie.’

  ‘Hello, girl. Ye’re looking well.’

  ‘She’ll look even better when she gets in, sunshine.’ There were three women in the tiny hall, and two of the women were being kept there by the third, who was afraid to turn round in case she missed something. Molly would laugh about it later, with Jack, but at that moment she wasn’t finding it funny. ‘Nellie, for heaven’s sake will yer move yerself and let me and Claire get in? Ye’re taking up the whole space.’

  Nellie walked backwards, with her hands on the wall so she’d know when she came to the stairs. This was one time she didn’t want to fall and break a leg. ‘Come in, girl. We’ve got the kettle on ready for yer.’

  Molly stood in the doorway of the living room and let out a long sigh of relief. ‘D’yer know, Nellie, I thought me and Claire were going to be held prisoner until Jack came in from work and paid a ransom for us.’

  ‘Ooh, did yer hear that, Claire?’ Nellie picked up her carver chair and carried it to the table. ‘Talk about being big-headed isn’t in it. Her Jack wouldn’t pay no ransom for her. He’d go out and find himself a young bit of stuff.’

  Claire laughed. Two minutes in the house and she was feeling at home already. ‘Oh, I doubt that, Nellie. He’d go a long way to find a woman as good looking as his wife.’

  ‘He wouldn’t have to go far, girl. I only live three doors away. And Jack would have much more fun with me than he does with Molly. Every night would be Christmas Eve for him. He wouldn’t know he was born.’

  Molly sat down facing Claire. ‘My feller wouldn’t last a week with Nellie. She’d wear him out in no time.’

  ‘I haven’t worn George out.’ Nellie gave a sharp sideways jerk of her head, and bragged, ‘He must be made of stronger stuff,
my feller.’

  ‘For the sake of keeping the peace, Nellie, I’ll agree with yer. But don’t be making yerself comfortable on that chair ’cos yer can help me bring the tray in. I’m sure Claire is gasping for a drink.’

  Nellie didn’t waste time, but was up like a shot. The sooner they were settled, the sooner they’d hear what news Claire had. Had she made a date with the Collins bloke, or not? ‘I’ll be glad of a drink meself. Me mouth is parched.’

  ‘I’m not surprised, sunshine, ’cos yer never stop talking. And before yer start reminding me that God gave us mouths so we could speak, come out and give me a hand.’

  Never had Nellie moved so quickly or so willingly. In no time at all the table was set, and they each had a drink in front of them. Her legs swinging like mad, the little woman kept her eyes on Claire, willing her to start giving out the news. When it wasn’t forthcoming quickly enough, Nellie avoided Molly’s eyes, and took things into her own hands. ‘Any news for us, Claire? Did yer tell the bloke yer’d go out with him, or did yer tell him to sling his hook?’

  Claire placed her cup carefully in the saucer, then smiled. ‘I’ve been and gone and done it, Nellie. I went to the Royal Court with him last night.’

  Molly was stunned into silence, leaving the talking to Nellie. ‘Oh, come on, girl, tell us all about it. Dish the dirt with yer mates.’

  ‘Don’t be so nosy, Nellie,’ Molly said. ‘Claire will tell us what she wants us to know. But I’m surprised, to say the least. I thought yer’d keep him dangling a bit longer.’

  ‘It was the kids who made the decision for me,’ Claire told them. ‘I thought they wouldn’t like the idea, and if that was the case I would have turned him down. But the kids were all for it, and said it would do me good to get out.’

  ‘Oh, well, that would make yer feel better, Claire, wouldn’t it?’ Molly tried to put some enthusiasm into her voice, but in her mind she was apprehensive. She didn’t have a good feeling about this Graham Collins, and was fearful that the beautiful woman sitting across the table from her might be in for some heartbreak. ‘How did yer get on with him?’