MB07 - Three Little Words

by Joan Jonker

  ‘What’s that, sunshine?’

  ‘We could easy find out whether he does live with his mother.’

  ‘How could we do that without him knowing?’

  ‘He’s not at home now, is he? So if I knocked on the door with some cock and bull story, he’s not likely to find out.’

  ‘What d’yer mean, some cock and bull story?’

  ‘I could knock and ask if anyone knew where Mrs Morrison lived.’

  ‘Who’s Mrs Morrison, sunshine? His name is supposed to be Collins.’

  ‘I don’t know who Mrs bleeding Morrison is, girl, and neither will his mother if she opens the door to me. I can always act daft and pretend I must have the wrong address. I’d get away with it, girl, ’cos people do get lost. And it doesn’t matter if she thinks I’m not quite right in the head. At least we’ll know he’s telling the truth about his mother.’

  Molly grinned. ‘I bet yer’d get away with it, too! Yer’ve got the blinking nerve for it, so if yer want to try, I’m all for it. And I won’t be far behind yer if yer find yerself in a pickle.’

  Nellie squared her shoulders and stood to attention. Her tummy and bosom stood to attention, too. They were feeling very happy about the freedom they were enjoying. What a relief it was not to be squashed into a tight dress and coat. ‘Right, girl, about turn. We’ll go back to his house and you can stand at the bottom of the path while I knock on the door.’

  ‘I’ll knock if yer like, Nellie,’ Molly said, keeping her fingers crossed that her mate turned her offer down. She didn’t fancy knocking on a stranger’s door and telling a lie. ‘But I’ve got to say I’d rather you did it.’

  ‘It doesn’t worry me, girl, ’cos I’m only asking if someone lives in the road. There’s no harm in that.’

  So the friends about-turned and walked back to the house where Graham Collins lived with his mother. Molly stood at the bottom of the small path, fearful of what was about to come. But there was no answer to Nellie’s first knock, and no answer to her second. She shrugged her shoulders and pulled a face at Molly. ‘I’ll try once more, girl, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone at home.’ She had the knocker in her hand when the next door opened.

  ‘There’s no one in there, love,’ said a pretty woman in her thirties. ‘Would yer like to leave a message and I’ll pass it on?’

  Molly was quick to note that Nellie seemed stuck for words, so she smiled at the woman and said, ‘We’re not sure we’ve got the right address, love, so perhaps yer can help us. We’re looking for an elderly lady, name of Mrs Morrison.’

  ‘Oh, there’s no elderly lady lives there, love. A man lives there on his own, and his name’s not Morrison. Actually, he only went out about ten minutes ago, so he won’t be back for a while. Not that he’d be much use to yer, ’cos his name isn’t Morrison. Sorry I can’t help yer, but there’s no one of that name in this road.’

  ‘Thanks for yer help, anyway.’ Nellie gave her a wide smile. ‘We’ll have to go back and get the proper address. Sorry to have bothered yer.’

  ‘No bother at all, love! Ta-ra.’

  The friends didn’t speak until they were out of the street, then they stood and looked at each other. ‘Well, what d’yer make of that?’ Nellie asked. ‘It seems our Mr Collins is a bit of a mystery.’

  ‘I think he’s more than a mystery, sunshine, I think he’s a down and out rotter.’ Molly sighed as she gazed down into Nellie’s face. ‘It was a good idea of yours to knock at that house. At least we’ve learned a bit more about him. But where we go from here I don’t know. He seems to have a pattern, at least on a Monday and Tuesday morning. That’s the laundry, then his lady friends. If we knew how long he stayed there, we could watch out for him and follow to see where he goes. From what we’ve seen, he doesn’t spend much time dealing in antiques. So where does he get the money from to dress like a dandy, and take women to the theatre?’

  ‘I don’t know, girl. I’m as wise as you are.’

  ‘I won’t rest until I find out what’s going on,’ Molly said. ‘If it wasn’t for Claire, he could go to hell as far as I’m concerned. But I’d hate to see her made a fool of. She’s had enough heartache in her life.’

  ‘We can hang around now if yer like, girl. I’m not in any hurry. Then we could see what he does with the rest of the day.’

  Molly shook her head. ‘No, we’ve spent enough time on him today. It was really clever of you to knock at his house, I would never have thought of it. So yer deserve a little treat. We’ll forget about Mr Graham Collins for now, and when we get home we can sit and plan what our next move will be. But right now, we’ll hop on the first tram that comes along to take us to Great Homer Street. As I said, that brainwave yer had was brilliant, and yer deserve a treat.’

  Nellie grew upwards and outwards with pride. ‘I do get some things right, don’t I, girl? And I bet you and me will catch the bugger out in the end. It’ll be another successful result for the McDonough and Bennett Private Detective Agency.’

  Molly put a hand on Nellie’s arm and smiled. ‘We’ll not let him hurt a friend of ours, will we, sunshine? Sort him out good and proper, that’s what we’ll do. He won’t know what’s hit him by the time we’ve finished. Together, Nellie, you and me could conquer the whole world.’

  ‘Ay, it’s not half quiet here today,’ Molly said when they got to the market. ‘The place is almost deserted.’

  ‘It’s like a ghost town, like what yer see in the cowboy pictures.’ Nellie looked at the empty stalls. ‘Yer don’t think everyone’s died off, girl, do yer?’

  ‘Nothing so drastic, sunshine. There’s not many customers, and not much stuff on the stalls, but the stallholders are here, so perhaps it’ll get busy later.’

  They made straight for Mary Ann’s stall, which was usually a hive of activity. But that too was very quiet. Mary Ann was attending to the few customers that were there, and Sadie was straightening the goods on display. ‘Where’s all yer customers, Mary Ann?’ Nellie called. ‘Have they been and gone, or have they all fallen out with yer?’

  Mary Ann welcomed them warmly. ‘Me and Sadie were only talking about you two this morning. We decided that yer were either dead, or yer’d emigrated to Australia.’ She let out a hearty chuckle. ‘But I can see yer haven’t emigrated.’

  ‘Ay, you, watch yerself.’ Nellie sounded indignant. ‘We’re not ruddy well dead either.’

  Mary Ann’s red hair shone in the bright sunlight. She wore it piled into a bun on top, and kept it in place with a tortoiseshell comb. She was a typical Liverpool Mary Ellen, in her long black shirt, buttoned-up boots and hand-knitted black woollen shawl. Like most of the other stallholders, her stall had been handed down to her by her mother. It had been in the family for generations, but Mary Ann had turned it into the largest stall in the market. And she did this by sheer hard work, plus a liking for people and a wonderful sense of humour. ‘I could tell yer weren’t dead, Nellie, when I saw yer lips move. It’s always a good indication, queen, so if ye’re ever in doubt about whether a person is dead or not, tell a joke. If it’s a good joke, and they don’t laugh, then it’s time to send for the undertaker.’

  ‘This isn’t the sort of conversation to be having on a beautiful day like today,’ Molly said. ‘Can’t yer find something more pleasant to talk about?’

  Just then Sadie came running over, a huge grin on her pretty face. ‘Where have you two been hiding yerselves? Every time we got some good quality clothes in, I’ve been putting them away for yer. Then, when yer didn’t come, I had to put them out.’

  ‘It’s very quiet here today.’ Molly looked round at the half-empty stalls. ‘I’ve never seen it as quiet as it is now.’

  ‘It’s Monday, queen, hard-up day.’ Mary Ann waved to a woman who was holding a blouse up. ‘I’ll be over in a minute, Ethel, just have a bit of patience.’ She pulled a face. ‘Honest to God, they expect yer to be at their beck and call, all for a sixpenny blouse. I’ve been thinking of getting meself a
pair of skates, but when I mentioned it to my feller, he roared his head off.’

  Nellie gawped. ‘Yer weren’t thinking of getting skates, were yer?’

  Mary Ann bit on her bottom lip to keep the smile back. She’d done many things in her life, but skating wasn’t one of them. And she could imagine the fun her customers would have seeing her falling on her bottom. ‘It was only a passing thought, queen; it didn’t stay very long.’ Her sharp eyes were watching the customer, and she shouted, ‘The bleeding blouse will be worn out if yer handle it any more. And the price will still be sixpence even if yer do pull it to pieces.’

  ‘I’m only looking at it, Mary Ann,’ Ethel shouted back. ‘Yer can’t expect me to buy it without seeing there’s no tears in it. I haven’t got money to throw away.’

  ‘Shall I see to her, Mary Ann?’ Sadie asked.

  The stallholder shook her head. ‘No, I’m up to Ethel’s tricks, girl, so if yer’ll excuse me for a minute, I’ll go and sort her out.’

  The three women stood watching as Mary Ann approached the customer. ‘That’s a nice blouse, Ethel, and well worth a tanner.’

  ‘But it’s got a button missing, so yer should knock tuppence off.’

  ‘The button is easy enough to sew on, Ethel. It won’t take two minutes.’

  ‘How can I sew it on when it’s missing?’

  ‘It’s not really missing, is it, Ethel? I saw yer pulling it off and sneaking it into yer pocket. So hand the tanner over, before I really lose me temper with yer.’

  But Ethel was all for bluffing it out, until a woman standing by the next trestle table called, ‘It is in her bleeding pocket, Mary Ann. I saw it with me own eyes. She’s a liar, that’s what she is. Fancy doing that when the blouse is a ruddy bargain at sixpence. If it was a size bigger, I’d have it meself.’

  Mary Ann chuckled. ‘Lizzie, it wouldn’t even go over yer head, queen. Yer need one twice the size to go over those mountains what are sticking out in front of yer.’

  ‘Ay, less of that, Mary Ann. I’m proud of me breasts. At least I’ve got something for my feller to get hold of, not like some, who are as flat as a pancake.’

  Ethel’s nostrils flared. ‘Are yer referring to me, by any chance? I’ll have yer know I’m very proud of me trim figure.’

  ‘Okay, ladies, let’s call it quits. Lizzie is happy with her mountains, and Ethel is happy being as flat as a pancake. So pass me a sixpence over, Ethel, and be on yer way. As soon as yer get in, sew the button back on.’ It was with great reluctance that the money changed hands, and with the blouse tucked under her arm, and her head in the air, Ethel flounced away, sending daggers to the two women over her shoulder.

  Mary Ann moved to stand in front of Lizzie, who was one of her oldest customers, and one of her favourites. ‘That jumper yer’ve got in yer hands has got a small hole in, queen.’

  ‘Yes, I know, girl, but it’s under the arm and it won’t be noticed after I’ve darned it. It’ll do me a turn.’ Lizzie took a well-worn purse out of her pocket. ‘I’ve got a sixpence in here somewhere.’

  ‘Give us threepence, queen, seeing as it’s you and I’m feeling in a generous mood.’

  Lizzie beamed. ‘Oh, God bless yer, Mary Ann. Ye’re one in a million, so yer are. I can treat meself to a pennyworth of Mint Imperials now, and five Woodbines for my feller. If it wasn’t for this table, I’d kiss yer.’

  ‘Oh no yer wouldn’t, Lizzie. The last time yer kissed me, yer nearly smothered me in those breasts of yours. I was fighting for breath, and thought me number was up. So just settle for blowing me a kiss, eh? And I’ll say ta-ra to yer now, queen, ’cos I’ve got friends waiting for me.’

  Molly had watched the scene in amazement. ‘That woman didn’t really pull a button off on purpose, did she?’

  Sadie nodded. ‘You wouldn’t believe some of the things they get up to. Especially on a Saturday, when the market is packed, yer need eyes in the back of yer head.’ Her face glowing with laughter, she added, ‘Mary Ann doesn’t miss much, though, she’s brilliant. And most of the customers are regulars, been coming for years and think the world her. She helps a lot of poor people, and they’d lynch anyone they thought was stealing from her.’

  The stallholder was rubbing her hands when she returned. ‘Can’t be up to them, can yer? But while there’s a few like Ethel, who would steal the eye out of yer head and come back for the socket, most of me regulars are as honest as the day is long.’

  If Nellie’s dress had sleeves in, she’d have been rolling them up as a sign she meant what she was about to say. ‘Ooh, a job here would suit me down to the ground. That one what pulled the button off, I’d have stood her on her head until it rolled out of her pocket. She thought she was Miss High and Mighty, but I’d have been in me apple cart pulling her down a peg or two. The thieving cow.’

  ‘Ah, well, me and Sadie have our own way of dealing with people like that. Next time she comes, we’ll charge her a couple of coppers more than we would our regular customers. Take Lizzie, now. Her and her husband are as poor as church mice, trying to get by on a pittance. But both as honest as the day is long, and wouldn’t do yer out of a penny. So what we make on the likes of Ethel, well, it means we can help the likes of Lizzie.’

  ‘Nellie is looking for a couple of summer dresses,’ Sadie told the stallholder, who was like a mother to her. ‘I think there’s some in the box yer husband brought before, so can I open it and see if there’s anything suitable?’

  ‘Of course yer can. Empty it out and let Nellie and Molly have a root through them. There’s a few likely customers hovering around, queen, so I’ll leave yer to it, while I try and drum up some custom.’ Mary Ann was smiling as she walked towards a white-haired woman. ‘Hello, Milly. Ye’re looking well, queen, I must say. Is it your feller looking after yer that keeps yer so young, or is it Carter’s Little Liver Pills?’

  ‘It’s a combination of both, Mary Ann. My husband looks after my heart, and the pills attend to the rest of me body.’

  ‘It’s a pity there’s not more people around like Mary Ann.’ Molly had a soft spot for the stallholder because she had heard the story of how she had taken Sadie under her wing when the girl was forced to leave home because of her cruel parents. ‘The world would be a better place if there were.’

  ‘I’m living proof of Mary Ann’s goodness, Molly, and I say a prayer for her every night.’ Sadie nodded to a trestle table at the back of them, and the trio walked over to it. ‘Give us a hand with this cardboard box, will yer, Molly, and we can empty it on the table.’

  As the box was turned upside down, and the assortment of clothes came tumbling out, Nellie was rubbing her hands in anticipation. She could see clothing of every description and colour. There was bound to be something to fit her in that lot. Perhaps, with a bit of luck, there’d be more than one summer dress in her size.

  ‘Nellie, will yer give Sadie time to sort things out before yer start rooting?’ Molly put a hand on her friend’s arm to keep her back. ‘The clothes are not going to disappear, they’ll still be here in five minutes’ time.’

  Nellie’s chubby face was creased in a smile. ‘Yer know how petious I am, girl, I can’t wait for anything. Ask George, he’ll tell yer. I don’t give him time to get into bed.’

  ‘Oh dear, oh dear.’ Molly didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or let it pass. ‘Nellie, I think what yer meant to say was that ye’re impetuous.’

  ‘Yeah, I’m that as well, girl.’ Nellie didn’t care what she was, for in the mound of clothes she could see a blue floral cotton dress that, with a bit of luck, would be big enough for her. And shaking herself free of her mate’s hand, she made a grab for it. ‘Ooh, ay, girl, look at this. D’yer think there’s any chance of me fitting into it?’

  Molly eyed the dress being held up for her inspection. ‘That’s a lovely dress, sunshine, and I’d say there’s a good chance it will fit yer.’ She grinned at Nellie’s excitement. ‘With your luck, I’d say it’ll fit yer like a g
love.’

  Sadie took the dress and held it up to Nellie’s shoulders. ‘Will yer hold it there for me, Molly, and I’ll see if it fits round her waist and tummy.’

  When Mary Ann heard a whoop of delight, she turned her head to see Nellie doing a war dance, waving a cotton dress in the air. ‘Sounds like another satisfied customer, Milly. That’s what I like to see, ’cos it means me family will be getting fed tonight.’

  Milly smiled. ‘I’m sure your family are very well looked after, Mary Ann, even if yer are always pleading poverty.’

  ‘This pleading poverty lark has become a habit with me now, Milly, ’cos I’ve been doing it for so long. And ye’re right, me family are well fed. There’s many a poor soul would be happy with a fraction of what my family eat.’

  Both women turned when there came another loud ‘Whoopee!’, and they roared with laughter at Nellie’s antics. Sadie had come up with another cotton dress which was her size, and Nellie was performing a dance which was a cross between a war dance and a tango. ‘I’d better go and see what’s going on, Milly. I hate to miss out on anything. And that little woman is the funniest thing on two legs.’

  ‘She certainly looks a happy soul,’ Milly agreed, moving the handle of her bag to the crook of her arm. ‘I’ll see yer later on in the week.’

  ‘Don’t think I’m chasing yer, queen,’ Mary Ann said, ‘but if I’m not taking any money I may as well go mad and enjoy meself. Take care now, Milly.’

  By the time Mary Ann joined the friends, Sadie had not only found the two dresses for Nellie, she’d also found a really nice one for Molly. ‘It’s all right for some folk enjoying themselves,’ the stallholder said. ‘Here’s me losing money hand over fist and all you lot can do is laugh and dance.’

  ‘I’m sorry ye’re having a bad day, sunshine, but me and Nellie will be adding a bit to yer coffers.’ Molly was looking very pleased. She hadn’t intended to buy anything for herself, but just couldn’t resist the soft green cotton dress when Sadie fished it out of the pile. ‘We won’t be giving yer enough to splash out on pork chops and apple sauce all round, but it’ll be a help towards a tasty meal.’