The Best Medicine

by Charlotte Fallowfield

  I’d had a number of surgeries, but I’d never had an MRI. I’d heard horror stories, that it was coffin-like and suffocating, that it banged so loudly you needed builder-style ear defenders. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it as it was, without the whole “breeze on my naked privates” situation.

  ‘Miss Faulkner,’ a lady called. I looked up and saw her standing outside a door a little bit further along on the opposite side of the corridor. I gulped, people were heading my way.

  ‘Can you give me a minute?’ I called.

  ‘We’re ready for you now. There’s a long list of people to be seen, hurry please.’

  ‘I’m never leaving the house in the snow ever again,’ I muttered to myself as I grabbed my basket with one hand and tried to hold the flaps of the gown together as I stood up. The nurse gave me a curious look as I did a sideways shuffle, my back as close to the wall as possible without painting it with my bare bottom as I went. I drew level with her, and she raised her eyebrows as she stood waiting with the door open. I really wanted the people approaching to go past first or they were likely to get a full moon in their face.

  ‘Miss Faulkner, please, we’re waiting. We have a very busy schedule.’

  ‘I have a slight situation,’ I whispered.

  ‘I can’t hear what you’re staying.’

  ‘There’s a slight situation,’ I grimaced, flicking my head over my shoulder. ‘I’d rather wait until these people pass.’

  ‘Do you need some toilet wipes?’ she asked, far too loudly for my liking.

  ‘Not that kind of problem. My bare bottom is hanging out of the back of the gown. I’d really prefer not to flash everyone.’

  ‘Where are your knickers?’

  ‘In the basket.’

  ‘Well, they should be on you, dear,’ she sighed, her face full of exasperation.

  ‘I was told to get undressed.’

  ‘You leave your knickers on.’

  ‘Well, no one said “Get undressed but leave your knickers on,” so I’m standing here about to get frost bite of the derrière.’

  ‘Honestly,’ she muttered. ‘Fine, go and put them on, then come straight in please.’

  ‘They don’t exactly cover much, they’re a V-string.’

  ‘A what?’

  ‘A V-string, like a G-string with a fraction more material, but basically my bottom will still be hanging out.’ I gave a sarcastic smile to the male hospital staff who raised their eyebrows at my declaration as they passed, giving me the once over.

  ‘I’d still prefer they’re on please.’ She let the heavy door swing shut and I glared at it, willing her to feel my annoyance through it.

  More people were coming up the corridor, so I decided putting my knickers back on, however flimsy they were, was probably the best move. I started my sideways shuffle back towards the changing room, receiving a number of bizarre looks. I prayed that McFitty wasn’t about to find me in this state, not that he hadn’t seen and touched it all before.

  A few minutes later, still not overly impressed that I was flashing a large proportion of leg as well as my lacy thong and bare bottom, I made my way to the room.

  Why was it all right to expect me to walk around the hospital like this, yet if I strutted through in a bikini, I’d probably be arrested? As if nothing else could add to my humiliation, I’d just realised that as it was winter and I’d been busy, I hadn’t carried out my regular deforestation of my legs. I didn’t exactly have Chewbacca’s level of growth, but there were definite visible signs of stubble. I was having a whole flashback to my mother’s advice that I should never leave the house in unmatching underwear or without having shaved my legs. It was advice I was going to heed from now on.

  I was settled onto the bed in front of the huge metal machine with small holes at either end, then supplied with a pair of headphones, agreeing to have music played to help drown out the loud banging I was told to expect.

  ‘You still have an earring in the top of your ear,’ the nurse sighed. ‘Please remove it, and any other jewellery or piercings.’

  ‘I’m not sure I can. It’s a threaded stud that I did up really tightly when it was put in years ago. It never comes out.’

  ‘Well, today it needs to. This machine acts as a large magnet, and the process could also cause the earring to heat up and burn you.’

  ‘What if I can’t take it out?’ I asked, as I reached up to try and undo it.

  ‘We can’t do the MRI, but you’re listed as an urgent case, so it needs to come out please.’

  After much huffing and puffing on both parts, we finally got it out and she put it in a tray over on the other side of the room.

  ‘Ok, you need to lie perfectly still for the duration. You’ll be in the machine for around half an hour. We can communicate with you from the room that you can see through the glass.’

  ‘Ok.’ I blew out a deep breath as she pressed some buttons and the bed started to slide me inside.

  I quickly made myself as comfortable as I could, breathing deeply as the entrance to the machine passed over my face, far closer than I’d expected. I wasn’t claustrophobic, but even I felt a little nervous.

  ‘Jesus, they sure don’t make these machines for people with big breasts,’ I huffed, my arms squeezing against my sides as I went further inside and my boobs were forced up under my chin. ‘Hello, girls. Well, if this damn machine doesn’t suffocate me, these huge sexy puppies might.’

  ‘Try and relax, Miss Faulkner, you’re not going to suffocate,’ a tinny male voice said in my ear.

  ‘Oh crap, you can hear everything?’

  ‘Yes. No talking when the machine starts, you need to stay as still as possible,’ he said.

  ‘Good thing I don’t have trapped wind,’ I giggled. It failed to get a response. It seemed the MRI team on duty didn’t have a sense of humour.

  I was happy to see that after the initial tight funnel neck, the machine opened up a bit, allowing my shoulders to drop, along with the girls. I cricked my neck and clenched my teeth together, ready for half an hour of stillness, when something sparked in the back of my head.

  ‘Ermmm, how big a deal is the whole “no metal in your body” thing?’ I asked over the sound of the radio that had just started to play.

  ‘It’s serious. You answered no, isn’t that correct?’

  ‘Well, I’m not sure. There was an incident with a root canal filling a few months ago. The dentist said he’d lost a piece of the little metal thing they scoop the nerve and pulp out of your root with. He’d already filled the tooth before he noticed it was missing, so apparently it’s in there.’

  ‘So you’re telling us there’s a fragment of metal in your tooth?’

  ‘Possibly, unless I swallowed it, in which case it’s hopefully out of my system by now. If not, I’m in serious need of a colonic,’ I laughed nervously, to no response. ‘Hello? Are you there?’

  ‘Just having a discussion, please give us a moment.’

  ‘Ok,’ I called, looking up at the beige ceiling so close to my face. ‘This is the suckiest Valentine’s weekend ever. Like being single each year isn’t bad enough, this year I’ve had my intimate areas invaded by my long-term crush, who hasn’t even been to check on me since. I’ve bottom flashed random strangers, and I’ve spent the night in the hospital waiting for an MRI, which I might not even be able to have now, thanks to Mr. Wanky and his shoddy tool of torture. And, to add insult to injury, I still can’t feel my privates properly, which is making toilet visits rather challenging.’

  ‘Ermmm, Miss Faulkner, just to remind you that we can hear everything you say,’ the voice said, the unmistakable sound of laughter in the background making me screw up my face. I was so used to living alone that I talked out loud to myself all the time. At least they appeared to have developed a sense of humour now.

  ‘Sorry, force of habit.’

  ‘Ok, Miss Faulkner, we’re going to have to pull you out of the machine while we contact your dentist to fi
nd out what type of metal was used.’

  ‘Does it make a difference?’

  ‘Yes. Certain types of surgical stainless steel react to the magnetic field, so we need to be sure before trying.’

  ‘I’m all for being sure, pull me out,’ I agreed. ‘There’s no way I want to have my tooth heat up to boiling point, or worse, to end up with my face stuck to the side of a giant magnetic coffin and have to have a maintenance team sent in to dismantle it to get me out, thanks.’

  ‘Quite,’ he replied. I’d been seriously considering a whole steamy “patient falls for hot doctor” novel, but after this stay, I was beginning to wonder how any romance blossomed in a hospital. It was far too stressful. And surely once a doctor had seen one naked woman for examination, they’d seen them all. Where was the allure when you knew it all inside out, literally?

  ‘It could only happen to you,’ Kitt laughed as I filled him in when he came in to see me during evening visiting hours. ‘Did you have the MRI in the end?’

  ‘I did and it was horrible. I mean, apart from the noise, which totally drowns out the music so I don’t see the point in them playing it, it was an absolute breeze. What was horrible was the “Well, as we can’t be sure about the metal in your tooth, let’s give it a go and pull you out of the machine if there’s a problem” suggestion. I was on tenterhooks the whole time, thinking that damn piece of metal was about to be sucked out of the side of my face, disfiguring me horribly.’

  ‘So, when do you get the results?’

  ‘I’ve no idea,’ I sighed. ‘I can’t go home until they’ve read the scans.’

  ‘I can call in and feed Tibbs and check the litter tray on my way to work,’ he offered. I smiled and reached for his hand.

  ‘You’re too sweet. She’s fine, Quinn’s staying to look after her until I come home.’

  ‘Charlie.’ I looked up to see McFitty standing at the end of my bed with a clipboard in his hands. ‘I have your results. Is this your partner?’ he asked, eyeing Kitt curiously, especially where our hands were joined. I saw Kitt giving Guy the once over as well.

  ‘No, we’re just friends,’ I said, trying to read the unusual expression on both of their faces as I let go of Kitt’s hand.

  ‘Very good friends,’ Kitt said, standing up and offering his hand to Guy. ‘Kitt Fraser, and you are?’ he asked.

  ‘Guy Fitton, Doctor,’ he replied. I watched as they shook hands, eyeballing each other like gladiators about to do battle. Seriously, what was it with men and their need to have a pissing contest? Neither of them were interested in me, why the show of bravado and posturing? ‘I’d appreciate it if I could speak to Miss Faulkner alone.’

  ‘I’d rather stay. I’m concerned about her and want to make sure she’s ok,’ Kitt said stubbornly.

  ‘She’s in excellent hands, Mr. Fraser. She’s under my direct care.’

  ‘That’s reassuring to hear, but you only care for her when she’s admitted. I’m the one who looks after her in the long periods between,’ Kitt replied, neither of them ending the now frosty handshake.

  ‘And I’m the medical professional,’ McFitty grated out, narrowing his eyes in a sexy display of dominance.

  ‘He can stay. I’d like him to stay, please,’ I interrupted. ‘You have my results?’

  ‘I do,’ Guy said after a pause, releasing Kitt’s hand. ‘There’s no evidence of disc rupture or spinal cord damage, so I’m happy to discharge you. It’s more likely a case of bad bruising and muscular tension that’s irritated the nerves in that general vicinity. You should regain normal sensation in due course.’

  ‘I can go home? Now?’ I asked, my eyes lighting up at the news.

  ‘Yes. I’d suggest taking things easy for a while, no heavy lifting or unnecessary activities that involve bending.’

  ‘Got it,’ I said, swinging my legs off the bed. I was desperate to get home and have a shower to get rid of the clinical hospital scent all over me, not to mention get away from the embarrassment of my latest personal encounter with the delectable Dr. Fitton.

  ‘Take it easy, please,’ he said firmly. ‘Hopefully I won’t see you back for some time.’

  ‘Hopefully,’ I agreed, as I started shoving my toiletries off the bedside cabinet into my wash bag.

  ‘I’ll look forward to seeing you out again one weekend. Maybe I could buy you a drink and you can tell me all about how your writing and that publishing deal is going.’

  I looked up at him, stunned, and was sure I heard a grunt of disapproval from Kitt. Had McFitty just implied he wanted to spend time with me? It wasn’t exactly a “Charlie, will you go out on a date with me” statement, but I’d take what I could get.

  ‘I … I’d love that, maybe I’ll see you around soon.’

  ‘Soon,’ he smiled, showing off that killer smile, which made the girl in the bed next to me sigh. ‘Mr. Fraser,’ he nodded curtly.

  ‘Mr. Fitton,’ Kitt replied, emphasising the “Mr.” instead of using his medical title. I cocked my head to watch McFitty’s sexy backside leaving, then gaped up at Kitt.

  ‘Did he just propose a date? I mean, it’s a tentative, casual sort of “let’s hang out together if I see you out” proposition, but that’s positive, right? Right?’

  ‘I don’t like him,’ Kitt said, folding his arms across his chest.

  ‘I do,’ squeaked the young girl in the bed behind me. ‘He’s gorgeous. I swear I drool every time he walks past.’

  ‘Do you think that was a casual date proposal?’ I asked her.

  ‘I think it was. If you’re not going to trawl all the bars in town every night hoping to see him, I will,’ she grinned.

  ‘Kitt, can you believe it?’ I asked.

  ‘It’s not a date if you don’t arrange a day, time, or place, Charlie.’

  ‘Don’t bring me down, I’ve had two seriously sucky days. I’m going to pretend it’s a proper date and ride on the high of it for the rest of the night. Hell, I might ride on this high for the rest of the year.’ I clapped my hands together with excitement.

  ‘Whatever. Come on, let’s get you packed. I can take you home and settle you in. We’ll sort out getting your car home another night.’

  ‘You’re the best, Kitt,’ I beamed up at him.

  ‘Hmmm,’ he nodded.

  ‘I’ll text Quinn and let her know I’m on my way back.’

  ‘Are you ok? You’ve been really quiet on the drive,’ I asked as he turned down my lane.

  ‘Just had a couple of stressful days with Mum,’ he shrugged. ‘Looking forward to a bit of alone time to clear my head.’

  ‘And I’ve gone and ruined that by making you visit me and bring me home, I’m sorry.’

  ‘You didn’t make me. I wanted to come and see you and I was coming this way anyway. I wasn’t going to drive past your house and leave you to find your own way home.’

  ‘Well, I appreciate it. I’ll take you for dinner at The Fox next time you’re free as a thank you. Plus, it will be good to have a proper catch up with you. You need to offload on me if things are tough. You can always ring me, you know I work late most nights.’

  ‘I don’t like to bother you, your work is important.’

  ‘And your well-being is important to me, Kitt.’

  He flashed me a grateful smile, which I returned as he pulled up on my drive. He insisted on carrying me to the front doorstep so I wouldn’t slip again. Quinn flung the door open before he had a chance to knock.

  ‘It’s so good to see you. I’ve been terrified staying here alone,’ she said.

  ‘Why? What happened?’

  ‘That bloody cat, she’s stalking me. Everywhere I go, she’s there, staring at me like I’m her next meal. I even went to the toilet and felt like someone was watching me, looked down, and she’d climbed into my panties, which were gathered around my ankles, like they were a kitty hammock. I’ve never been so freaked out in my life.’

  ‘Sorry,’ I giggled, ‘she does love doing that when women use
the toilet.’

  ‘Not just women,’ Kitt chuckled. ‘I was too embarrassed to say anything, and too scared for my genitals at the time to try ejecting her.’

  ‘That’s too funny,’ I laughed as Kitt set me down.

  ‘I’ll go and get your case, then I’d better get to work.’

  ‘Stay for a coffee, I’ll put the kettle on,’ I offered.

  ‘Ok, one quick coffee,’ he agreed before heading out.

  ‘You are so lucky,’ Quinn said as we headed into the kitchen.

  ‘Lucky? After the last two days?’

  ‘Hot doctor, who I still don’t like by the way, warming up to you, and a best friend who’s in love with you. You get to choose, while I don’t even have one guy fighting for me.’

  ‘What did you just say?’ I asked as I stalled in my tracks, not sure I’d just heard her right.

  ‘No one’s interested in me.’

  ‘Not that. Who’s in love with me?’

  ‘Kitt, of course,’ she said, looking at me as if I was stupid. I blinked a few times as I tried to process her outrageous statement.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I finally said. ‘We’re friends, that’s all.’

  ‘Yeah, right,’ she laughed with a roll of her eyes. ‘The way he looks at you? The way he looks after you, all male protector and swoon-worthy, carrying you inside. Plus, he sent you roses and a card for Valentine’s Day. Look, I found them on your doorstep when I got back from the hospital yesterday. I unpacked the box of roses and arranged them, since I didn’t know how long you’d be gone.’

  ‘Quinn, you’re so far off base. Our relationship is as platonic as yours and mine. Sure, we’re close, but no way.’

  ‘Whatever, ignore me, but I know what I know. That man is head over heels for you and you’re too blind to see it.’

  I ignored her as I went to touch the beautiful red blooms she’d put in a vase, rubbing a petal between my fingers as I inhaled their heady scent. What on earth had made her think that he felt like that about me?

  ‘Your case is in the hall, Charlie. I can take it up if you want,’ Kitt said as he appeared in the kitchen doorway.