Acting Up

by A. A. Albright

  ‘That’s so sad.’ I stroked the squirrel. ‘Hey, you seem to have more of a hate-on for Mandy than anyone we’ve spoken to,’ I said jokily. ‘Don’t suppose we should be ordering some squirrel-sized cuffs anytime soon?’

  He turned and looked into my eyes. ‘Oh, fair wench!’ He thumped a paw against his chest. ‘Your humour is a welcome relief in this, my hour of absolute grief. Forsooth, I wish I had killed Mandy Parker. Had I done so, my witch would be with me still.’

  Finn cleared his throat. ‘Yeah, I think that’s quite enough for today. I’m gonna go home and get ready for tonight.’ He smiled at me. ‘And for Lassie. Hey, your mam told me not to bring anything to dinner, but I thought I’d grab some wine and chocolate anyway. What’s her favourite?’

  ‘Em … she likes any wine from the O’Mara vineyard. And pretty much any chocolate in existence.’

  He stood up and prepared to click his fingers. ‘Perfect. I’ll see you at seven.’

  ‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘You won’t. I won’t be there until dessert. I’ve got a birthday party to organise, first.’

  He gave me a casual shrug, clicked his fingers, and disappeared.

  ‘What about you?’ I said to Paul. ‘You coming to the dance tonight?’

  He shut his computer down as he stood. ‘I am. And I’m bringing Sixteen, too. I think I’ve got yesterday’s glitch all sorted out. He’s more than ready for a party.’

  9. Eau de Wolf

  Actually, I didn’t have a birthday party to organise. That was Emily’s job, while I’d been relegated to the position of unglamorous assistant. But seeing as every decision she’d made so far was one I knew Max would loathe, I hoped that this evening I’d finally be able to steer her in the right direction.

  Kitty was exhausted, so I left him in the able care of Dizzy before leaving for Riddler’s Cove. As I headed into Caulfield’s Cakes, the smell of apple tart overwhelmed me. I won’t say that it made me drool. Just that my mouth might have felt a little more wet than normal. I was so busy being my usual hungry self that I almost collided with Candace Plimpton.

  ‘Really, Wanda.’ The young witch rolled her eyes. ‘I sometimes wonder how you catch as many criminals as you do.’

  ‘Great to see you too, Candace.’ I gave the girl a smile. As usual, her hair was neat and shiny, and she wore a smug expression. ‘How’s everything with you?’

  ‘Better than with you, by the sounds of things. You don’t really think Will Berry is responsible for this murder, do you?’

  Oh dear. Candace was one of Will’s biggest admirers. When she’d been raising funds to rebuild the Riddler’s Edge community hall, he’d stepped in with his wads of cash and become her hero. ‘You know I can’t discuss an open investigation with you, Candace.’

  ‘Hmph.’ Her hands flew to her hips. ‘Well, I’ve known Mandy long enough now to know that she’s an absolute monster, but Will would never try to kill her.’

  ‘So everyone keeps telling me. Hey, how’s school and … everything?’

  She narrowed her eyes. ‘It’s nearly August, Wanda. There is no school. But I am incredibly busy, now that you ask. I’m running the anti-Plimpton league, an up and coming youth government effort. I’m also heading up Young Witches Against VB. VB stands for Vlad’s Boys, of course. You know – that horrible vampire gang who are killing dayturner vampires. And then there’s my volunteer work at Shady Enclaves, the retirement home in Riddler’s Edge. Plus I’m heading up the …’

  I let her go on for as long as she needed. Ever since she became disillusioned with the activities of her own coven and family (her mother had worked for Justine Plimpton, the now-deceased Big Bad of magical politics) Candace had been doing her best to turn herself into the poster-child good witch. With the amount of stubbornness and bossiness she had at her disposal, I was sure she’d soon be the most perfect witch of all time. Possibly the most annoying, too, but you can’t have everything.

  ‘Anyway,’ she said. ‘Got to toddle on. I have a meeting with my lawyer. And remember Wanda – if the Wayfarers arrest Will, they’ll have me to answer to.’

  I spun around in the doorway to ask her what she meant about a meeting with a lawyer, but she had already clicked her fingers and disappeared. I shrugged my shoulders. With Candace, you never knew what was going to hit you until it did.

  When I arrived at the counter, Nan Caulfield gave me a warm smile. ‘It’s been too long since you’ve come to Riddler’s Cove. You haven’t found a better bakery than ours, have you?’

  As she spoke, she was automatically plating up some apple tart and ice cream for me. She knew me so well.

  ‘I don’t think that’s possible,’ I told her. ‘Is Emily around? I told her I’d call in on her this evening.’

  Nan frowned. ‘She was expecting you, but then she heard about that terrible murder at the Be My Witch studio. She thought you’d be busy solving that the way you seem to solve everything else, so she went off to arrange the party by herself.’

  ‘Oh.’ I felt like all the air had been let out of my balloons. Would there even be balloons if Emily was doing all of the party planning alone? Or would it be some sophisticated soiree, as elegant as she’d made our back garden? Eek. ‘Well I guess I’ll just finish off this delicious dessert and catch up with her later.’

  ‘You’ll do no such thing.’ Nan shook her curly head of hair. ‘She’s due back soon. Why don’t you go upstairs and wait for her and have a chat about what she’s arranged? I’m sure she’d love to get your opinion on it. You can take your food up with you, if you like.’

  ≈

  The Caulfields’ flat was empty when I got there. Situated directly above their bakery and café, it was a lovely little place. There was a raised deck leading off their dining room, with steps that would bring you to a private garden at the back of the shop.

  I’d been here a few times before, usually with Max. As much as I liked the flat, I felt a little uncomfortable being here on my own – especially since Emily and I weren’t all that close. She’d been making such a great effort to involve herself with Max’s friends in the last couple of months, but I could tell that every moment she and I spent alone was a struggle for her.

  To stave off my uncomfortable feelings, I forced myself to eat all of my apple tart and ice cream. I’m such a trouper, aren’t I? My fork had just hit porcelain when my nose began to twitch. There was a strong smell coming out of Emily’s room. Some sort of perfume. Oh dear. If that was a bottle of cologne she’d bought for Max, then I was already certain he’d hate it. I couldn’t quite say why, but it smelled like everything that Max wasn’t.

  I crossed the room, hoping that closing Emily’s bedroom door would calm the scent down. Just as I was about to do so, though, a package on Emily’s bed caught my eye. Well, not so much the package (some silver paper, unwrapped and barely covering a fancy-looking bottle) but the note that was lying alongside:

  To Dollface,

  Here’s that little gift we were talking about. Hope you like it as much as I like you.

  Your patient admirer,

  Jasper

  XXX

  I rushed into the room and grasped the note, unable to believe it even now that I was reading it for the second time. Jasper Jaunt, the bass player with the Call of the Wild, had been chasing Emily for a long time. As part of an investigation a while back, I’d seen a photograph of him with Emily. They weren’t doing anything more than chatting together, but whatever he was saying had made Emily laugh out loud. And after what Melissa told me earlier that morning, I was getting seriously worried that there might be something more going on between them. But there couldn’t be, could there? No one in their right mind would cheat on Max.

  I glanced down at the package. The wrapping had been torn off and, because the bottle was clear, I could see that quite a bit had been spritzed already. The brand was called Eau de Wolf, and the blurb below the name said:

  Ever wanted to be a sexy as a werewolf? With just one sp
ritz of Eau de Wolf you can attract anyone you desire …

  I slumped down onto the bed. For the second time this evening, I felt like someone had popped my balloons. This was worse than any old present from Jasper. This was a whole new level of wrong. I was still staring in disgust at the bottle when I felt a presence above me. I looked up to see Emily, standing in the doorway, her face horrified.

  ‘Wanda!’ Her hand went to her mouth. ‘What are you doing in my bedroom?’

  ‘Nan told me I could bring my apple tart upstairs while I waited for you. But I couldn’t really enjoy my food, now could I? What with the stench of Eau de Wolf coming from your room.’ I held the bottle up. ‘What is this, Emily? Have you been wearing this around Max?’

  She sank onto the bed beside me, her head in her hands. ‘No. I swear. I thought about it, though. I was complaining to Jasper one day about how Max just doesn’t seem, well, all that interested in me, and he suggested I try this. I put it on half a dozen times in the past week, but I showered it off straight afterwards. You have to believe me. Please don’t tell Max. It’s only here like this because I was repacking it so I could give it back to give to Jasper.’

  ‘Why not just throw it away?’

  Emily reddened. ‘Because I wanted to prove to Jasper that I hadn’t used it.’

  I looked pointedly at the bottle. ‘Sure. Just a quarter or so of it.’

  ‘Like I told you,’ she said, raking her hands through her brown curls, ‘I showered it off every single time. He never even smelled it on me. I just wanted Max to like me more.’

  ‘Like you more?’ I stared at her in disbelief. ‘Emily, he spends almost every spare second with you. He’s crazy about you.’

  Her cheeks grew pink, and she spoke in a low voice. ‘Yes, but not quite in the way I want him to be. Wanda, I could understand him holding back when it was illegal for weredogs to be with witches. But now … We’ve been together months and we still haven’t ... y’know?’

  Crap. I did know. And I really didn’t want to. I’d seen them stuck to each other’s faces far too many times, and I’d caught them in some quite disturbing positions on our couch, but I knew that each and every time Emily stayed over, she slept in Max’s bed while he took the couch.

  ‘Look, I know that Max has already been under the influence of a love potion,’ she continued. ‘I’d never put him through that again. That’s not what this perfume is. It’s no different from any other perfume that uses pheromones or whatever.’

  ‘If that’s the case, then why did you tell me you washed it off as soon as you put it on? Or was that even true?’

  ‘It was true!’ She grasped my hands, looking pleadingly at me. ‘Wanda, ask anyone about this perfume and they’ll tell you – it’s a top seller. Lots of witches use it. It’s not a love potion, because if it was then it wouldn’t be sold in the shops. But even though it’s perfectly legal, I swear to you that I haven’t used it. I want Max to be wild about me, Wanda. But I don’t want it to be because of Eau de Wolf.’

  ‘You’re not going to change my mind about this perfume, Emily, no matter how many excuses you make. I know what it is. And it might be legal right now, but there’ve been moves to make it illegal. And as for the shops it’s sold in? Sure, if you like frequenting dubious back alleys.’ I pulled my hands from hers. ‘But what I still don’t get is why was Jasper giving it to you? With romantic words and kisses at the end of the note?’

  ‘Because. We chat every now and then. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about Jasper. I suppose you’re here to talk about Max’s party. Well, don’t worry – I’ve arranged it all. I’ve booked one of the VIP bars at Swanks for the night.’

  ‘Whoa. Way to change the subject, Emily.’ I stood up and stared down at her. Let’s face it, it was the only way a short-arse like me was ever going to get the height advantage. ‘First off, you need to talk to Max about this. If you are having problems, sneaking around and spritzing on perfume from Jasper Jaunt is not going to help things. And secondly … Swanks? Have you lost what’s left of your mind? Max hates Swanks.’

  Emily’s face fell. ‘Of course he does. See? I can’t even get that much right. Jasper swore to me that any guy would be impressed if his girlfriend hired a room at Swanks for his party.’

  ‘Jasper again.’ I shook my head in exasperation. ‘Emily, do you know why I like Max so much? Because he’s the exact opposite of guys like Jasper. And I’m willing to bet it’s why you like him too.’

  In a squeaky voice she said, ‘It is. From the moment I met Max I knew he’d be a sweet, steady guy.’

  ‘So then why are you asking Jasper for advice? What in all the enclaves would make you think he’d know anything about what Max would like? And also … what’s to say Jasper’s advice is even above board? He does fancy you, after all. And he knows for a fact Max hates Swanks. He’s probably trying to mess things up on purpose so he can steal you out from under Max.’

  She turned redder than ever. ‘Jasper doesn’t fancy me. That’s ridiculous. I’m just a chocolate maker who works in her family’s business. Jasper is a world-famous rock star.’ She looked at me seriously. ‘Although come to think of it … the Coy fish were his idea, too. I don’t suppose Max has ever told Jasper he hates Coy fish ponds.’

  ‘He has, as a matter of fact.’

  Emily sighed. ‘I knew it. He looked like he’d been bitten by Beelzebub when he saw the garden. I’ll change it all back. The whole thing was Jasper’s design anyway, not mine.’

  Of course it was. I narrowed my eyes. ‘I think I might have to have a word with Jasper. What does the idiot think he’s up to?’

  ‘Please don’t. It’s embarrassing enough as it is. Look, you’re right about Swanks. We’ll have the party somewhere Max would like. How about the Water Bowl?’

  I smiled with relief. This was the Emily I knew and liked. Where had she been all these months? ‘Rover’s already told me he’d love to do the food as a present for Max.’

  Emily nodded, then chewed a strand of her curly brown hair, looking thoughtful. ‘I’m glad we’ve sorted that much. But Wanda …’ She looked steadily at me. ‘… I’m going to talk to Max about this. All of it. The stupid perfume. How dumb I’ve been to follow Jasper’s advice. I know you two share everything but … will you give me a chance to tell him this on my own? Please? We’re not going to the dance tonight. We’re spending the night in with Wolfie, so I’ll tell him then. I swear I will.’

  I looked down at the perfume bottle. No matter how many people bought it, it still stunk of falsehood (and general ickiness) to me. Max would be mortified to find out Emily had even been thinking of using the stuff. But if she was going to tell him anyway, what good would me going home and blurting it out do for anyone?

  ‘Okay,’ I said unsurely. ‘But tell him tonight, or else I will. And for the love of the goddess, do not take any more advice from Jasper.’

  ‘I promise,’ she said with a tentative smile. ‘In the meantime, how about we plan the best birthday party Max has ever had?’

  10. Come Scry With Me

  When I left Emily’s that evening, I headed straight for Wayfarers’ Rest. I chose to walk instead of travel by finger-click or broom. Now that the sun was going down, the temperature was far more pleasant.

  As I neared my childhood home, I saw my father above me, flying one of his brooms.

  ‘I wouldn’t advise going in there, love,’ he called as he flew down to meet me. ‘Even your mother’s keeping well away from this one.’ He landed a foot away from me, propped his broom against the garden gate, and took me in his arms. ‘Good to see you, Wanda. Hey – how about you and I join your mother and Finn at Three Witches Brew before we head to the dance?’

  ‘Mam and Finn have run off to the pub?’ I paused as I heard the sound of something breaking in the house. ‘Why? What’s going on in there?’

  ‘Christine’s had a visitor. Her great great, great, great … oh, you know who I mean. The vampire in her family. Name begin
s with a C.’

  ‘Cassandra!’ I gasped. ‘She’s in Wayfarers’ Rest? Right now?’ Cassandra was Christine’s great, great, great– Sod that. Let’s just call her the granny in Christine’s family. ‘Well,’ I told my dad. ‘I have one or two things to say to her.’

  My dad frowned, and understandably so. I hadn’t told either him or my mother about the night Christine appeared in my bedroom and made me watch my future in her scrying bowl. She had also made me watch a little bit of the past, too. A past neither of us had been there for, but one which had involved Christine’s vampire relative spilling the prophetic beans to Gabriel Godbody the Twentieth.

  Cassandra’s prophecy was the whole reason Crazy and Son wanted me to be a part of their family and make me carry on their terrible line. As soon as she told Gabriel senior that I was going to be more powerful than the average witch, he decided I was the perfect match for his son, despite the fact that I wasn’t even born yet.

  There was also a part of the prophecy that said a great evil was going to come and I was going to have to choose whether to end it or to let it live. That part was even more annoying than the first. Being a Wayfarer meant dealing with evil people every single day. For all I knew, this great evil could have already arrived.

  My mother and father knew there was a prophecy. They just didn’t know the details. Christine had been urging me to tell them – to tell everyone I considered a confidante, in fact. She thought that, that way, we might come out ahead of whatever was going to happen.

  ‘You want to say something to Cassandra?’ said my dad. ‘I didn’t think you’d even seen her for years. Listen, they’re really getting into it in there. Maybe a tankard of Superbrew would be a better idea right now. I’ll buy, of course.’ He gave me a little smile.