Emma's War

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘Profiteering, it’s called,’ I said. ‘I won’t preach to you, Sol. I’m not above a little bit of black market trading in the circumstances, but not on a large scale. And if you were going to do it, why leave the book where Sheila could find it?’

  ‘It was just a tiny black notebook. I carried it in my jacket pocket. I suppose it must have fallen out when I left it on the back of a chair in the office.’

  ‘And you think Sheila has it?’

  ‘I’m sure it was her.’

  ‘She hasn’t asked for money to return it?’

  ‘She must be out to make trouble for me.’ He frowned. ‘When I let her go last year – I wasn’t supposed to. There was a restriction at the time. Employers couldn’t sack anyone, employees weren’t supposed to leave unless they had good reason. I’d forgotten about it. When I was asked to explain, I said she had just stopped coming in. If they go after her, she may try to get back at me …’

  ‘Oh, Sol …’ I looked at him unhappily. ‘Do you want me to see her, talk to her? I could offer her money for the book.’

  ‘If you know where she is, I’ll speak to her myself.’

  ‘I don’t know, but Annie may have some idea. I could try to find her – but you had best leave it to me, Sol. She is more likely to sell to me than you. I’m afraid she dislikes you rather a lot.’

  He looked upset and ashamed. ‘I didn’t want to involve you in any of this, Emma. And I certainly don’t want Margaret to know.’

  ‘I’ll help you if I can,’ I promised. ‘But you must stop this business, Sol. Think about what it would do to Margaret if you were sent to prison. It would break her heart.’

  ‘Yes, I know. I’ve found it difficult to look her in the eyes recently. I’ve already called a halt, Emma. With any luck, business at the showroom will start to pick up this next year. I’ll concentrate on that – and maybe you and I will open up a few shops together after the war.’

  ‘We’ll see,’ I said. ‘Meanwhile, I’ll do my best to find out where Sheila is living.’

  I wasn’t so much shocked by what Sol had told me as upset, more for Margaret’s sake than my own. She had been much more lively recently, happier, and she seemed better in health. It would be a cruel blow to her if Sol was arrested and tried for quite a serious crime. Of course I could not condone what he had been doing, but I’d suspected something was going on. Margaret had no idea and she would be very hurt. The discovery had not changed my feelings for Sol, but I wasn’t sure what it might do to his wife. I believed she would feel the shame of his dishonesty very deeply.

  Annie hadn’t wanted to tell me where I could find Sheila, but I thought she might know more than she had let on. I would go and visit her again soon. Tell her that it was important I speak to her cousin …

  When Annie reluctantly admitted the truth, I was so shocked that I hardly knew what to say to her.

  ‘Are you sure?’ I asked at last. I was really very disturbed and upset about what she had just disclosed. ‘I’ve always known that Sheila liked men. She had a bit of a reputation when we both lived in March, but … prostitution … that’s horrible, Annie. What about Lizzy?’

  ‘That’s what I wanted to know,’ Annie said, obviously angry. ‘I’ve already told her she ought to be ashamed of herself, and I think in her heart she is. She must be! Exposing that child to … goodness knows what. I’d have Lizzy back, but I can’t afford to keep her. Sheila doesn’t want her. I’m sure she neglects her. I’m not saying she doesn’t try. It’s hard enough for me – and I don’t earn my living that way.’

  Annie’s husband was in the navy. Part of his pay came direct to her, but I knew she found it difficult to manage. Sheila’s rent had been a big help to her. She had spoken once or twice of taking in another lodger, but she wouldn’t entertain the idea of having a man, and it wasn’t easy to find a woman who was prepared to come to a house like this.

  ‘My Pete would go wild if he knew I’d had another man in the house,’ she’d told me once. ‘No, it has to be a woman or no one.’

  ‘Would you take Sheila back?’ I asked her now. ‘If I could persuade her to come?’

  She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. ‘Blood is thicker than water as they say. I’ll give it another go – but she’ll have to give up that game. I don’t mind her having boyfriends, but I won’t have a prostitute under my roof.’

  ‘I’ll go and see her,’ I said. ‘Perhaps if I talk to her …’

  ‘She hangs around this cafe,’ Annie said, ‘at least she does during the day. It’s popular with British soldiers. At night she goes to one of three pubs, but you don’t want to go there, Emma. They’re pretty rough, and you can’t go to the house where she’s staying … it’s where the girls do their trade and not at all nice. I’m sure you will find her at the cafe around midday.’

  She gave me a piece of paper with the name and directions where to find the cafe written down. I put it away in my bag and stood up.

  ‘I’ll try the cafe tomorrow,’ I said. ‘Thank you for telling me, Annie.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to,’ she admitted. ‘Sheila won’t thank me for it – but you’ve been good to us …’

  ‘I shan’t let her know you told me. I’ll pretend I saw her by chance. I’m going to offer her the chance of working for me. Jane doesn’t really want to work in the shop anymore. It was fun to her at first, but these days it’s more of a business. The clothes are not particularly exciting, though we’ve kept up the quality as much as is possible. Margaret still goes in three afternoons a week, but she only does it for my sake. I thought Sheila might like to manage the place.’

  ‘Lucky her!’ Annie said, looking envious. ‘I wish I had the chance of something like that. Maybe when my Beryl is a bit older …’

  ‘Come to me when you’re ready,’ I said. ‘If I can help, I will.’

  ‘Thanks, I’ll remember that.’

  My visit with Annie had given me a lot to think about. I knew both Sol and my mother would think me foolish to give Sheila another chance, but Annie’s revelations had shocked me. I hated the idea that my friend had been reduced to selling herself to men. I hadn’t offered her the job at the time Sol sacked her, because it would have seemed to have gone against him, but things were different now.

  I read Jack’s letter, smiled and added it to the growing pile in my bedside cabinet drawer. It had taken six weeks to reach me, and I guessed that Jack was probably amongst the American forces that had recently stormed ashore at Los Negros in the Admiralty Islands. Their successful landing had come as a climax to several more Allied victories, and was seen as a beginning to a phase of island-hopping advances by the American forces.

  Jack wrote of ‘moving forward with our plans’ though nothing specific of course, and said that in his opinion it could not be more than a few months before it was all over.

  I’ll soon be back with you, darling Emma. Then we can begin to make our own plans for the future.

  I was thoughtful as I went to bed that evening. Now that our future together looked as though it might really happen, I was starting to dream about the family we had discussed.

  Neither Jack or I had taken any measures to hinder my having a child when we were together. I’d known I was taking a risk, but it hadn’t seemed to matter when none of us knew what might happen from one day to the next.

  I would have welcomed my lover’s child, and I no longer cared that people might point the finger because Jack was not yet my husband. Everyone who loved me would have understood. Besides, it was a common enough occurrence in these uncertain days.

  I was a little surprised that nothing had happened. I hadn’t taken too much notice when I had not conceived Jon’s child, perhaps because we had never really thought about children. Our marriage had been so painfully short. We’d had so little time together. I was more Jack’s wife than I had ever been Jon’s … and I had begun to think about a brother or sister for my son.

  I believed it would be good for James. Wh
en he was conceived I had been very young and naive, not really ready to be a mother, but I had grown up and I knew that the instinct to have a larger family was strong in me. It seemed odd to me that I had fallen so easily the first time, but was apparently unable to do so now.

  Perhaps I would visit a doctor. It might be best if I discovered any problems before Jack came home.

  Sheila saw me the moment I entered the cafe. She was seated at a table, but stood up as I approached.

  ‘If you’ve come to see me, we’ll talk outside.’

  ‘Don’t you want to finish your drink?’

  ‘It’s only tea and it’s cold. I’ve been here an hour already. They are getting ready to throw me out anyway.’

  I couldn’t help noticing how cheaply she was dressed, and the way her hair straggled. Her face looked pinched and I wondered if she was getting enough to eat.

  ‘Let’s go somewhere else,’ I suggested. ‘It’s freezing out. I’ll buy you a meal, Sheila. I’m ready to eat anyway.’

  She seemed as if she wanted to refuse, then shrugged her shoulders. ‘All right, if that’s what you want.’ Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me. ‘I suppose you’re after the book? Sol sent you to get it out of me, didn’t he?’

  ‘No. He did say you might have it, but he wanted to see you himself. He’s not very pleased, Sheila, and he might have lost his temper. I thought it best if I came myself.’

  ‘He doesn’t frighten me,’ she said, her face stiff with defiance. ‘But you can have it if you want – for a price. He owes me. I was going to use it to have him locked up, but I don’t care anymore. I need money. Ask him what it’s worth to him.’

  ‘How much do you want?’

  She looked at me speculatively. ‘Five hundred pounds. It ought to be worth that to him. If I gave it to the right people, he would be in a lot of trouble.’

  From the way she spoke, I thought she was guessing. She probably didn’t realize how important that notebook was, and I didn’t believe she really knew what to do with it. I suspected she had taken it on the spur of the moment, and then put it away as a kind of insurance.

  ‘I’ll ask Sol if it’s worth that much to him.’

  ‘I’ll bet his wife would pay quick enough. She wouldn’t want her posh friends to know what her precious husband has been up to – and you wouldn’t like it much either, Emma.’

  ‘I wouldn’t like my friends to be hurt,’ I said. ‘I know Sol hurt you, Sheila. I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have let you go that day. It was awkward for me, but I should have spoken to you later. I was wondering whether you might like to manage my shop for me? You might consider living with Annie again …’

  ‘She told you about me, didn’t she?’ Sheila’s eyes flashed with anger. ‘Don’t lie. I know it was her. She’s seen me at the cafe with men, and I know you’ve been visiting her because she told me.’

  ‘Annie wouldn’t do anything to harm you. She just wanted to help you to make a fresh start.’

  ‘Well, I don’t need her help,’ Sheila said, her mouth hard with bitterness. ‘Or yours. I’ve got plans of my own. Todd is coming back and he wants to marry me. He wrote me a letter. I’m going to live in married quarters at his base, and after the war he will take me back to America with him.’

  ‘I’m so pleased for you!’ I said. ‘I really am, Sheila.’

  ‘It’s my chance of a better life,’ she said, and there was a hint of desperation in her eyes. ‘Todd cares about me. He said he didn’t realize how much until he was away from me, but now he wants us to be together – and I love him, Emma. I’ve never felt like this about any other man. When Pamela gave me the letter – it had been at the club for weeks waiting for me – I knew it could change everything. I would be a good wife to him, Emma. I really would – but there’s something I have to do before I can meet him.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I was puzzled by her manner. She looked nervous and glanced over her shoulder as if expecting someone to be listening.

  ‘I’m pregnant,’ she said. ‘I’ve no idea who the father is, and I don’t care. I just want to get rid of it. That’s why I need that money. It will pay for the operation and leave a few pounds over for some clothes. I need a perm and other things. I’ve got to look decent when I meet Todd next month.’

  ‘Sheila …’ I stared at her in horror. Surely she didn’t mean she was planning to have an abortion? It was a terrible step to take. The only way of having it done was to visit some back-street clinic where the treatment she would receive would be both illegal and dangerous. ‘You can’t do that to your baby. You would be killing your own child …’

  Her face was flushed with guilt. ‘You don’t understand. I have to, Emma. It’s the only way. Todd wouldn’t want me if he knew I’d been with other men while he was away. I can’t have it anyway. I can’t do my work once it starts to show – and you needn’t look like that. I couldn’t find a proper job. Sol didn’t give me a reference or the proper release papers. If I’d gone for a government job I would have been in trouble for leaving my old job – and nobody else would take me on without a reference. It’s as much his fault I’m doing this as my own.’

  I could not dispute her words. Sol had treated her harshly. She had behaved badly, but so had he in his way. I blamed myself for having let it happen. It was too late for regrets. Now all I could do was to help her as much as I could.

  ‘I’ll get the money for you,’ I said. ‘Please give me the book, Sheila. I know you’re angry and hurt, but there’s no need to hurt others – is there? Margaret has never harmed you, has she?’

  ‘No, I suppose not …’ She looked slightly ashamed but was determined. ‘Bring the money tomorrow and I’ll give it to you.’

  ‘What about Lizzy?’ I asked. ‘Will Todd accept her? Does he know you have a daughter?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ she said carelessly, so carelessly that I sensed she was lying. ‘Lizzy will be fine. I’ll make sure of that.’

  I sensed something she was hiding from me, but I did not pursue it. Sheila would make her own arrangements for her daughter. Perhaps some of the five hundred pounds was meant for Annie. I was certain she would take the child if Sheila made it worth her while.

  We had arrived at a Lyons Corner House. I turned to Sheila with a smile. ‘Shall we see what they have on offer today?’

  ‘I’m not hungry,’ she said. ‘I don’t eat much these days. I’ll go now, Emma. Bring the money tomorrow and I’ll give you the book. I’ll be at the cafe at ten o’clock …’

  ‘But surely you could eat something?’

  She shook her head, starting to walk away.

  ‘Tomorrow at ten …’

  ‘I’ll be there.’

  Sol looked at the notebook. He flicked through the pages, then gave a sigh of relief as he slipped it into his pocket.

  ‘I should burn that if I were you.’

  ‘I intend to.’ He laughed harshly. ‘How much did you have to pay her?’

  ‘Five hundred pounds.’

  ‘Good grief! You should have let me deal with the mercenary little bitch.’

  ‘It was my money,’ I said, and looked at him hard. ‘I considered it worth every penny to save Margaret the pain of seeing you go to prison. Besides, Sheila is my friend.’

  Sol had the grace to look ashamed. ‘I’ll pay you back, Emma. And you’re right, Margaret’s peace of mind is worth every penny. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. It’s my own fault I was in trouble and I’ve no one to blame but myself.’

  ‘Sheila needed the money,’ I said and smiled at him, acknowledging his apology. ‘I know you didn’t like her much, Sol, but she was a friend to me years ago – and I don’t forget my friends. That money is to help her get a new start in life. I don’t want it back. You’ve done more than enough for me, and this was my chance to help you.’

  ‘There’s plenty of money coming your way soon enough,’ Sol said gruffly. ‘And made legally too, Emma, so don’t pull a face. I
know better than to offer you black money.’

  ‘I’ll believe you,’ I said, twinkling at him.

  ‘Thousands wouldn’t, eh?’ Sol chuckled. ‘We make good partners you and me, Emma. I won’t offer you your money back then, but you’re getting a share of the profits from the showroom in future. Don’t say no, because I’ve made up my mind. I think we might have folded these past months if it hadn’t been for you. The customers kept coming despite all the troubles because they like you, and you’ve put in more than your fair share of work.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to say no,’ I said and laughed. ‘I can find a use for the money, Sol. I’m going to give Annie a little job at the shop. Just a few hours while her children are at school …’

  ‘You’ll never learn,’ Sol scoffed. ‘Business and friends don’t mix, Emma.’

  ‘Annie isn’t like her cousin,’ I said. ‘You’ll see. She won’t let me down. I’m going to visit her this weekend, take some things for the children.’ I looked at him thoughtfully. ‘Have you heard any more about those prefabs a friend of yours had the contract to build?’

  ‘Thinking you’d like one for Annie?’ Sol’s brows arched mockingly as I nodded. ‘She’ll be way down the list. They’re meant for bombed-out families and servicemen coming home.’

  ‘I know. It’s just that that house of hers is so awful.’

  ‘Well, I’ll see what I can do,’ Sol promised, tapping the side of his nose. ‘The first of them won’t be on show until April, but after that they will be going up fast. Maybe I can swing it so Annie jumps up the list.’

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re in that, too?’ I was amused as he nodded. ‘Well, this time I shan’t grumble at you, Sol. I think the Prefabs are a wonderful idea. I shan’t mention the possibility to Annie until it’s settled, but I know she will be excited.’