Emma's War

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘I can’t let you blame it all on Lizzy,’ Pam said, her cheeks red. ‘It isn’t true, Nanny. James has a temper on him, and he has been used to having too much of his own way. You have rather spoiled him …’

  ‘I think I know how to conduct my own nursery.’

  Nanny looked so enraged that I had to intervene, although I half agreed with Pam. Nanny had let James have too much of his own way, and it wasn’t good for him.

  ‘No one is blaming you, Nanny,’ I said. ‘We all know what children are – and I think it’s half a dozen of one and six of the other. The fault is mine for not insisting that the stair carpet was changed a long time ago. We’ve had it repaired twice, but it was beginning to fray again. I’m sure you are right, Nanny. I expect Lizzy caught her foot in it and fell …’

  There was something in her eyes at that moment, an expression that was partly satisfaction and partly guilt. I sensed she was frightened. What was she hiding from me?

  ‘I’ll go up and see James now,’ I said. ‘I shall talk to him, tell him what has been happening, and explain that he must try not to quarrel with Lizzy so much.’

  I was thoughtful as I went upstairs. Had Lizzy fallen – or had someone given her a push? Nanny might have discovered her at the top of the stairs, startled her by shouting at her, or even made a grab for her – and in avoiding her, Lizzy had missed her step and fallen.

  It was a possibility. Something had caused that expression in Nanny’s eyes. She had been relieved that I had accepted the excuse of Lizzy catching her foot in the carpet – which meant that she might feel herself at fault in some way.

  I was certain that whatever had happened had been an accident, and Nanny had given good service for several years. I did not want to accuse her of anything. Perhaps Lizzy would tell me what had happened when she came home, though she could not often be persuaded to talk to the grown-ups: the only one she would ever talk to was James, and then it was usually in whispers.

  When I went into the nursery, I saw James sitting in a corner staring at the bricks in front of him. He turned as I entered and I saw his cheeks were wet with tears.

  ‘James not a bad boy,’ he said, rubbing his fist in his eyes. ‘James not push Lizzy down stairs.’

  ‘No, of course not,’ I said, looking at Mrs Rowan. ‘Who suggested that to him?’

  ‘Not me, madam. Mrs Gould asked me to come up while she spoke to Pam and Nanny about the incident. I have no idea what happened – but I do know Master James is very upset over something. He has been sitting there crying for ages.’

  I knelt down by my son’s side. ‘No one is blaming you, James,’ I said. ‘Did you see Lizzy fall? Were you fighting with her?’

  ‘Lizzy go in car. James hit her,’ he said, his eyes falling before mine. ‘Nanny get cross and smack Lizzy. She take her away, then Lizzy scream … Nanny says James is a wicked boy … she says James make Lizzy fall but James not a bad boy, Mummy.’

  ‘No, of course you’re not, my darling.’ I held him in my arms, stroking his hair as I soothed him. ‘But did you see anything, darling? Can you tell Mummy what happened?’

  ‘Nanny take Lizzy away,’ he said, nuzzling his face against my neck. ‘Lizzy scream. Nanny bad. Nanny hurt Lizzy. I don’t like Nanny. Don’t want Nanny. Mummy send Nanny away … bad, bad, Nanny.’

  ‘Nanny didn’t push Lizzy,’ I said, kissing his head. ‘She fell, darling. It was an accident.’

  ‘Bad Nanny,’ James repeated. ‘Mummy send Nanny away. Pam stay. Nanny go away …’

  ‘We’ll see, my darling,’ I said. ‘Stop crying now. No one blames you. Lizzy isn’t badly hurt. She has hurt her arm, but she will come home soon. You will have to be good to her, James. You must look after her and see she doesn’t hurt her poor arm again. Will you do that for me?’

  ‘Let Lizzy go in car,’ James said, gazing up at me, his eyes misted with tears. ‘Mummy send bad Nanny away and James be good.’

  He was so insistent that Nanny should go that I started to wonder. I knew she had begun to find it tiring to look after James even before Pam came. It was just possible that she had taken her temper out on the children. I did not think that she had deliberately pushed Lizzy down the stairs, but it might be that it was her fault the child had fallen.

  ‘I’ll talk to Nanny,’ I promised. ‘I’ll see what she says, but I’m sure it was just an accident, darling. Nanny wouldn’t hurt Lizzy, not on purpose.’

  Nanny looked stricken when I interviewed her in the study later that evening.

  ‘I don’t know how you could think it, Mrs Reece,’ she said, looking upset and angry. ‘After all these years. I’ve never harmed a child in my care, and I resent …’

  ‘I’m not accusing you of anything,’ I said. ‘I just wondered if there was something you wanted to tell me?’

  She seemed to hesitate for a moment. I thought she was going to tell me something, then she set her mouth stubbornly.

  ‘I’ve told you all I know, Mrs Reece. If you don’t believe me, then perhaps I should leave?’

  ‘There’s no need for that, Nanny,’ I said. ‘We shall consider the incident closed, but please make sure that nothing like this happens again. I understand that you have smacked the child several times. I would prefer it if you did not do so in future.’

  ‘Who has been telling tales about me?’ She looked indignant. ‘I’ve merely disciplined the child, Mrs Reece. Lizzy is a very naughty little girl. I have to smack her sometimes or she would never obey me.’

  ‘I would prefer if it you did not,’ I said. ‘Let’s see how things go, Nanny. If you really feel that you can’t manage the children …’

  ‘I’ll do my best,’ she said, and her anger had turned to distress. ‘I don’t want to leave, Mrs Reece.’

  ‘Nor do I wish it,’ I replied. ‘A little smack does no harm once in a while, but I do not want Lizzy to be punished unnecessarily. Not to the extent where she might try to run away and perhaps fall again.’

  Nanny’s eyes fell before mine, and I thought perhaps my guess had been right. ‘No, Mrs Reece. I’ll try to manage without smacking her.’

  ‘Or James,’ I said. ‘At least, only a gentle tap if he is very naughty – but I prefer that he should respect you without smacking, Nanny. He is old enough to understand if you talk to him properly.’

  ‘Yes, madam.’ Her eyes shied away from mine.

  ‘Very well. Please go and rest now, Nanny. I am sure this must have been a very tiring day for you.’

  She went without a word. I sat on in the study, wondering whether I had done right. James had obviously turned against her. I was not certain why. I would just have to wait and watch …

  ‘I’ve always thought there might be something like that going on,’ Mum said when I telephoned her later that evening. ‘I should sack her if I were you, Emma. James has told me once or twice that Nanny smacks him hard. He screamed once when he knocked something over at mine, as if he thought I was going to hurt him. Of course I didn’t. I’ve never believed in that kind of discipline.’

  ‘Nor do I,’ I said. ‘I’ve given Nanny another chance, Mum – but I’m going to be keeping an eye on her.’

  ‘Well, I’m coming up for a visit next week,’ she said. ‘I was thinking about it anyway, and now I’ve made up my mind. If that woman has been hitting them, I’ll soon have it out of her.’

  ‘You know you’re always welcome, Mum, but I think Nanny has had her warning. I’m sure nothing like that will happen again.’

  ‘You would be better off with a younger girl,’ Mum said. ‘But we won’t argue about it, Emma. Have you heard any more about Jon yet? Have they told you when he’s likely to be coming home?’

  ‘No, not yet, but I don’t suppose it will be long. Once the Allies take over France …’

  ‘Yes, well, that’s another reason for getting someone in to replace Nanny,’ my mother said. ‘You’ll need Pam to help with Jon when he’s home, and Nanny will never cope with two children alone. S
he’s too old, Emma.’

  I was thoughtful as I replaced the receiver. If James was really that frightened of being smacked by Nanny, perhaps it would be best if I let her go.

  Mum settled it when she came up the following week. Lizzy, back from the hospital and inclined at first to be quieter than usual, was screaming her head off. When Mum rushed in, she discovered Nanny shaking James hard, and turned on the woman in a fury.

  ‘I soon told her what I thought of her, Emma,’ Mum said. ‘Pam had already confided in me that she has been concerned about Nanny’s behaviour ever since she came to the house, but didn’t want to cause trouble for you – and Lizzy says Nanny pushed her down the stairs.’

  ‘Lizzy told you?’ I stared at her. ‘Lizzy hardly ever says anything, Mum. Are you sure it wasn’t James who told you?’

  ‘Lizzy pointed at her when she was hitting James and said, “Push Lizzy down stairs.” She said it quite clearly, Emma. I know she doesn’t often say much, but she was positive. I asked her if she meant Nanny, and she nodded her head. And James thinks that’s what happened, though he will only say that he doesn’t want Nanny near him. That’s why she was hitting him apparently, because every time she tries to touch him he kicks out at her. He refuses to be touched by the woman, just keeps saying she is bad over and over again. Pam has to do everything for him, because he won’t let Nanny.’

  ‘What did Nanny say?’

  ‘She denied it, of course. She maintains that she was in the nursery kitchen getting their lunch, but I’m sure she’s lying. I think she may have done it accidentally, but I’m sure she was there when it happened.’

  ‘Then I shall have to ask her to leave,’ I said. ‘And I suppose I’d better do it at once.’

  Nanny was wearing her coat and hat when I went up to her room. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, and I could see she had been crying. Her bags were packed, and I sensed that she had known I was going to dismiss her.

  ‘I’m sorry this has happened, Nanny,’ I said. ‘You’ve been such a help to me these past years.’

  ‘It’s been getting too much for me,’ she said, not looking me in the eyes. ‘I think I shall retire, Mrs Reece. My niece has been asking me to go and live with her. She has four children under nine and can do with some help. She’ll be glad of me in the house …’

  ‘Good. I’m glad you have somewhere to go, Nanny. And I’m giving you three months’ wages to help until you get settled.’

  ‘Thank you, madam.’ She got to her feet, picking up her bags, one in each hand. ‘I’ll arrange for the rest of my things to be sent on, Mrs Reece.’

  ‘Yes, of course. Just let me know where you are, and I’ll see to it.’

  ‘I’m sorry to be leaving,’ she said, hesitated, then, ‘Watch them, Mrs Reece. You’ve not seen the last of the trouble between those two, believe me.’

  ‘I know they can both be naughty.’

  She shook her head. ‘They’re a law unto themselves, that’s all I can say. They fight each other, but there’s no parting them. Lizzy would lie through her teeth for James, and he would do the same for her. You’ll have to sort them out one day, mark my words.’

  ‘I expect they will grow out of it,’ I replied. ‘They are just children, Nanny.’

  She gave me a darkling look. ‘Imps of Satan the pair of them,’ she muttered. ‘I was nowhere near Lizzy when she fell, Mrs Reece. I know Mrs Fitch thinks I was bullying her or that I made a grab at her and caused her to fall – but that’s not the truth. I don’t know for certain, but I think she and Master James were out there on the landing, fighting as usual.’

  ‘I very much doubt that,’ I replied, feeling angry that she was trying to blame my son. ‘James told me you had accused him of it, and I must tell you that I think that despicable. Lizzy has already told us who made her fall, though I was inclined to believe that it was an accident – but now I am not so sure. Had you been doing your duty properly, Nanny, it would never have happened.’

  ‘I knew it would be me who got the blame, that’s why I didn’t want to say anything at the start,’ she said. ‘But I’ve seen James hit her – and a lot harder than I ever did. You just watch that boy of yours, Mrs Reece. He has a nasty little temper on him when he likes.’

  ‘Please leave,’ I said. I was furious. ‘If my son had been the cause of her accident, I hardly think Lizzy would have blamed you. She would have told us it was James.’

  ‘That’s what you think,’ Nanny said, a note of bitterness in her voice. ‘There’s not a penny piece to choose between the two. You mark my words, Mrs Reece. You’ll have cause to wish you’d not brought that girl to this house. James was manageable before she came.’

  I walked away and left her, refusing to listen to her spite. James could be sulky and difficult, but I was now beginning to think that Nanny might be to blame for that. If she had been hitting him all this time … I was angry that I had not realized what was going on.

  I loved James very much, and the thought that my beloved child had been subjected to the spite of a frustrated woman was very hurtful. I would make very certain that the next nurse I employed was a kind woman, who would be good to both Lizzy and James.

  ‘I know of someone who might be able to help you,’ Annie said when I saw her a few days later. ‘She was a Sister in a hospital, but she hurt her back lifting heavy patients and had to retire. She has been looking for a job, and she said she would like to look after children. Her name is Sarah Miller, and she comes into the shop now and then to buy something for herself or her sister. She bought a dress yesterday, and she’s coming back for another this afternoon. Shall I ask her to call on you?’

  ‘Yes, please do,’ I said. ‘An ex nursing Sister is exactly what I need. She might be willing to help with Jon as well as the children. Ask her to come tomorrow morning at ten o’clock if she will, Annie.’

  I felt better after I left the shop. Pam had told me not to worry about replacing Nanny as she could look after the children easily.

  ‘They are as good as gold together now,’ she told me. ‘I think James may have been frightened of Nanny. He hasn’t had one temper tantrum since she’s been gone, and he lets Lizzy play with anything she likes.’

  ‘Even his precious car?’

  ‘Well, he isn’t too happy about her using it, but he has let her have it a few times recently. If she gets her own way she soon tires of it and goes to play with something else.’

  It seemed that I had been right to dismiss Nanny. Her remarks when leaving had been spiteful, and I was inclined to think she had spoken out of temper. I certainly didn’t believe that James had pushed Lizzy down the stairs.

  I was pleasantly surprised when Sarah Miller came to the house the next morning. She was an attractive woman with dark hair and eyes, and softly spoken. I took her up to the nursery to let her see the children, and within minutes she had them both crawling all over her, pulling her long hair and patting her face.

  ‘Do you think you would enjoy working here?’ I asked when we left the children with Pam. ‘I’ve been told by their last Nanny that they are a handful, and Pam will be helping me to look after my husband when he comes home from hospital.’

  ‘Has he been badly wounded, Mrs Reece?’ Sarah looked at me sympathetically. I explained what kind of wounds Jon had sustained and she nodded. ‘He will need some nursing then,’ she said. ‘I would be willing to help with that, of course, though I can’t do much lifting I’m afraid.’

  ‘I don’t think he will need lifting,’ I said. ‘I believe it’s more a case of simple care.’ I smiled at her. ‘So – do you think you would like to come to us, Sarah?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘I think I should like that very much, Mrs Reece.’

  ‘When can you start?’

  ‘I’ll move in this evening if that’s all right?’

  ‘I think it would be just right,’ I said. ‘I’m so glad Annie told me about you, Sarah. I shall look forward to having you here.’

&nb
sp; ‘She’s not bad-looking,’ Sol said to me after he had seen Sarah for the first time. ‘An improvement on the last one anyway …’

  ‘Oh, Sol!’ I pulled a face at him. ‘I don’t care what she looks like. All I want is for her to look after the children properly.’

  ‘She will do that,’ he said. ‘Seems a nice woman. And she will be useful to have around when you bring Jon home.’

  ‘Yes …’ I looked at him thoughtfully. ‘I wonder when that will be? They know where he is; why don’t they send him back?’

  ‘I suppose it’s a case of making sure it’s safe. If he could travel rough they would have had him back long ago, Emma.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so,’ I said and sighed. ‘I just wish I could hear something, Sol. It’s the waiting I find so difficult.’

  ‘It can’t be long now,’ he said, patting my hand. ‘They’ve taken Normandy, Emma, and they are pushing on. It can’t be all that long before they are in Paris, and then it will be all over for the Germans in France. You’ll see. It won’t be long now before the whole of France is free …’

  Chapter 15

  ‘What does the letter say?’ Margaret looked at me anxiously across the breakfast table as I read the single sheet over and over again. ‘Is it the news you’ve been waiting for, Emma?’

  The summer had almost gone. Each month we had read of Allied successes in France, and finally in September the welcome news that the German troops were retreating all over Europe. All through those months I had waited for an official letter or some word from Jack. Nothing had come from Jack, not one letter in all these weeks, but at long last I had news of my husband.

  ‘Jon is in an English hospital,’ I said, glancing up. ‘He has been there for a week while they assessed him. Not in central London as we’d hoped. He has been taken to a small military hospital in Hampshire. Apparently, they think he needs the peace of the countryside for a while. I can visit if I make an appointment first.’

  ‘That makes it more difficult for you,’ Margaret objected and frowned. ‘Perhaps we could have him moved nearer so that you can visit more often?’