Race For Love

by Nana Malone

  "Because he fucking loved you best."

  "Was it worth it? You must really hate me?"

  "No. I never hated you. You were just in the way."

  Dylan apparently had had enough so he dragged him into one of the waiting SUVs.

  Her whole world spun. All along it had been Christian. Just like Derek had said from the beginning. He reached for her and she pulled her arm out of his reach. "Don't you dare."

  "Kiss, I'm so sorry. If I could have spared you this, I would have. As it was I begged Dylan to let me come so you wouldn't have to be alone."

  "What for, Derek?" she asked. "Not like I'm anything to you. If I was, you wouldn’t have walked away like that." Too numb to deal with him, she let herself be led away by the other agents to give a statement. The joy she'd felt earlier gave way to stark emptiness and loneliness.

  35

  Kisima paced in front of the downtown Los Angeles condo. She knew she needed to press the doorbell, but she couldn't make herself do it. For part of her life, this had been her haven, where she'd come when she needed to talk, cry, laugh. But then that had all changed. But after a night like tonight, she needed some answers. And that meant talking to Antonio.

  When she finally rang the doorbell, Antonio opened right away, startling her so much, she stumbled back. "I was wondering if you were ever going to get the courage to knock. I’m expecting company, so can we get this buzz kill shit over with?" He gave her his characteristic sardonic grin.

  "Jesus, Antonio, you scared the shit out of me."

  He rolled his eyes and indicated the security panel. "I knew you were here as soon as you showed up."

  The black and white image was a little grainy, but it was clear it was her. "And you didn't open the door right away?"

  He shrugged. "I was sort of hoping you’d just go away."

  Prick. How could she ever have thought she loved him? She licked her lips nervously. "Do you mind if I come in?"

  He stepped aside. "Make it quick.” He crossed his arms. “I’m guessing this is about what I saw on the news earlier?"

  She strode past him, into the familiar surroundings, and waited for the pang of longing. For so long she had hoped that they might be able to work things out. But too much had happened between them. "I'm sorry, I won't take up much of your time."

  "You’re already taking too much." He held up his beer. "But since you’re here, you want one?"

  She shook her head. "Don't drink, remember?"

  His grin flashed. "I know you're not twenty-one yet, but I'm not one to stand on ceremony. Come on my not-so-perfect princess, live a little."

  "No, I'm good." She indicated the news broadcast on the TV. "So you saw tonight?"

  Was it just her, or did his shoulder slump just a little. He cleared his throat and surprised her with his next words. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Kiss. I know you two were close."

  She stared at him for several moments before finding the right words. "We all were once, right?"

  "Yeah, once." He shoved his hands in his pockets, then rocked back on his heels, clearly uncomfortable. "Look, I get the feeling I owe you a huge apology. After your boyfriend came to see me, I realized I might have gotten things all wrong. And I’ve been acting like a prick to you ever since."

  "Did you really think I'd slept with him? After everything we'd been through."

  He ran his hands through his hair, and at once he looked like that lost teenager he’d once been. "Kiss…I just—he said it and I freaked. He seemed so sincerely sorry and I couldn't even see anything. I lost my shit."

  "So instead of asking me, you started spreading rumors."

  “No!" He shook his head. "I ran. Like a little bitch, but the truth of it was, I loved you. I wanted to be with you even if that was the case. I thought maybe you were confused. But then the next day at the track there were rumors of you with other guys on the circuit and I thought you just—"

  "What?" She spat out. "That I became a slut overnight?"

  "Fuck, Kiss. I thought you didn't love me." He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Fucked me up.”

  Suddenly, she didn't know what she was doing here. There were no answers he'd give her that would satisfy her. Sure he hadn't been the one to start the lies, but he'd still run, still hadn't talked to her. Besides, they were ancient history. The man she cared about now, the one she was really angry at, was Derek. Well TJ and Derek, but TJ was her next stop.

  She sighed. "I don't even know why I came. I guess I needed to hear it from you. But we’ve been over for years."

  He leaned forward as if planning to take a step. "We don't have to be. I mean if it wasn't for Christian, we might still be together."

  She shook her head. "No, Antonio, we wouldn't. Because something else major would have come up and you would have left me over that, you wouldn't have given me the benefit of the doubt. Oh, and you have the tendency to act like a total prick."

  He smirked. "Maybe.” Licking his lips, he added, “For what it’s worth, I'm sorry, Kiss. I really am." He shuffled his foot. "Do you love him?"

  She didn't even need to ask who he was talking about. "Yeah, I do."

  "He’s crazy about you. I can tell. He was pretty much ready to kill me when he thought I'd hurt you. Which for the record, I wouldn’t do. You’re right, I’m a prick. Always have been. But I wouldn’t hurt you."

  She couldn't hear this right now. Instead she nodded. "I'm going to go. Goodbye, Antonio."

  "I'll see you around, Kiss. I promise not to be such a douche bag when I do."

  "That would be nice for a change."

  When she left, she blindly drove to the hospital. TJ had been moved to the adjacent recovery center for VIP patients. The nurses were familiar enough with her that they waved her right in. She found her father, propped up watching television. He smiled at her tremulously when he saw her. "Kiss."

  She tried to steel herself against the tears she saw in his eyes. But it still broke her heart. All these years, he'd been there for her, but he'd lied to her. "Don't. You lied to me."

  He coughed and readjusted his position. "Kisima. I'm so sorry. I—"

  "Why? My parents have been gone for a long time. You could have told me at any time, but you didn't. You let me grow up thinking I was all alone in the world."

  He shook his head. "Have you ever wanted for anything? And I'm not just talking about money. When you needed someone to talk to, to run ideas by. Where did you go?"

  Her own tears burned as they spilled over. "I always felt like I was on borrowed time. Like one day, you would get tired of your pet and I would be out on the street. It's why I fought so hard to be on my own. And all the time you were my father. Why didn't you just tell me?"

  "Your mother and I, it wasn't planned. We were both married. And God, we tried to stay away from each other. I wanted us to leave our partners and run off together, but I had Christian to think about, and for all intents and purposes, she loved your father. Once you were born though, I was determined that you should grow up with your brother. I thought love was enough. But it wasn't. Lydia found out and threatened to take Christian away from me. So we stopped."

  "How are you so sure you're my father?"

  "At the time, I couldn't be sure. But later, I did a paternity test."

  "And you still didn't tell me?"

  "By the time I knew for sure, you had this idea of your father in your head. I didn't want to tarnish that. I thought if I could just take care of you, you'd love me the same way."

  She shook her head. "You're a foolish old man."

  "You'd be right about that."

  "I loved you like a father even before my dad died. You were my Uncle TJ. Dad was great, but he wasn't really one for words. He'd just hand me some tools and spend time with me, but he didn't really talk. And when mom died, I needed someone, anyone to talk to. You were there and I loved you for that."

  He reached a hand for her. "I am so sorry. I love you. Please forgive an old man."

&n
bsp; "TJ, what were you going to do if Christian and I got together?"

  "I knew it was never going to happen. I saw the way you looked at Antonio. And I was prepared to send Christian to boarding school if I had to."

  She scrubbed her hands over her face. This was too much. "I don't know what to say."

  "Just say you won't shut me out. I have a lot to make up for."

  She checked her phone for the time. It was nearly nine. Visiting hours were almost over. "I'm gonna go."

  He nodded. "I...maybe you can come back tomorrow and we can talk some more."

  She loved him. He'd lied to her, but that didn't change anything. And suddenly, she wasn't all alone. She had a home. "I'd like that."

  He looked at her phone. "Are you going to call Derek?"

  She hadn't decided that yet. "I'm not sure."

  "He came to see me and check on me earlier."

  He'd done that? Oh hell, she was going to cry again. "He said he called when you had your surgery, but I guess they never got to me."

  "He's not the kind of guy to lie."

  She knew that much about him. "Yeah well..." Her voice trailed as she got an idea. Unlocking her phone again, she checked her deleted messages. There were at least ten from Derek. Oh shit. He had called, but what had happen— She didn't even need to complete the thought before she had her answer. Christian.

  "I need to crash, then figure out what's going to happen there."

  TJ shook his head. "Don't overthink it. Love is messy. It's not perfect. You need to take a risk."

  As she drove home, she wondered if her heart could take any more risks.

  36

  Heavy rain pelted the hood of the rental car. Derek had been waiting here for hours. His first stop after the federal building had been to see TJ and see how he was. The old man had been lucid, but tired. Though he had looked genuinely happy to see him. They'd chatted for thirty minutes or so before Derek had come to the house to wait for Kiss. He'd expected to see her at the hospital, but there was no sign of her and she wasn't here either. She'd had the damn locks changed so he'd been forced to wait in the car for her to come home.

  He was terrified everything had been too much for her. Christian was full on cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Derek had expected some kind of resistance, that's why he'd wanted to be there, but he hadn't expected anything like what had happened. Christian really hated her. He'd ruined his life because of his jealousy. He had known Kiss was his half-sister and he'd tried to sleep with her anyway. Derek shuddered.

  After two hours of listening to NPR and the heavy drops of rain pelt the hood of his rental, her car finally pulled into the driveway. She parked right next to him, then bolted out of the car to the guesthouse. He followed suit. "Kisima, wait."

  When she whipped around, wet hanks of hair plastered to her face. "You don't get to do this, Derek. You don't get to do this."

  "I'm sorry about tonight. I know. It was an ambush. I am so, so sorry. And I would have done it another way if I could have. But when I arrived I found out from the guys Dylan had tailing him that you were at dinner. I knew I had to keep you away from him.

  "My world is gone. My. Whole. World. You are gone. TJ is my father. I have a homicidal brother, who, oh, by the way, has tried to sleep with me repeatedly." She shook despite the warm night and the bathwater temp of the raindrops.

  "I am so, so, so sorry. For Christian, for TJ, for you finding out like this. But most of all for leaving. I love you. I have from the moment you told me what I could do with my help. I knew I loved you when I left. But I was terrified of what that would mean for my dream. I was terrified of what would happen when you eventually left."

  She swiped at her face and wasn't sure if she wiped away tears or rain. "You didn't even give me a chance to show you that I wouldn't do that. You left me."

  He shoved his hands into his hair in desperation. "I know. I fucked up. And I'm sorry. So fucking sorry. Instead of trusting you, I'm the one who ran, like a coward. I told myself I was going for my dream, but I was running from you and what I felt. The moment I got there, I knew I'd fucked up. I knew where I belonged. As soon as I heard about TJ, I called. I called you three times a day. I swear."

  She covered her mouth as her shoulders trembled. "I know. I checked my deleted messages. I found all of your calls. I think Christian must have erased them. I had my phone off most of the time. Every now and again, he'd borrow mine to make a call. Always had some excuse for his phone either being dead or in the car." She used her hand to flop a piece of soaked hair off her face. "I must be the biggest idiot. You knew, you tried to tell me. Shit, Antonio knew. And here I was, trusting him. I was so unwilling to believe I could be wrong about him."

  "You're loyal, Kiss. You loved him like family. You believed he loved you the same way."

  "Guess what? Turns out we are family."

  He took her hand and tugged her closer, but he didn't envelop her. She needed to come on her own. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."

  She glared at him, but didn't take her hand back. "Yeah well, you did."

  "I know. And I would do anything to take it all back. All I want is to be with you. It's all I wanted. In Miami I couldn't think of anything else but getting back here."

  She shook her head. "Derek, I know you. What happens when you get itchy feet again? Where does that leave me?"

  "I am never going to leave you again. Especially not now that I know I love you. And how it feels to be without you. I'm not really looking forward to doing that shit again. Being with you is more important to me than some sense of independence. Please give me a chance. We can take this as slow as you want, just don't tell me it's over." He swallowed hard. He wasn't above begging. Or bribery. Or kissing her until she remembered how they were together. "Kiss, please forgive me."

  She swiped at the tears on her face. "I had nightmares when you left."

  Fuck. His head hung low. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

  Her voice was soft when she said, "I would dream about you. Pretend you were holding me, holding my hand, telling me it was going to be okay. It was the only way I could get to sleep at night."

  She stumbled into his arms and Derek tucked her head under his chin. "Shhh, you don't have to pretend anymore. I'm here. I'm sorry I left, but I get it now. Love isn't something you can avoid or run from. I won't make the same mistake twice. I love you too much. Nothing is going to get me to leave."

  She lifted her head to meet his gaze and Derek dipped his head. He slid his lips over hers. The instant charge of electricity was familiar. But so was the sweetness. The rush of emotion that used to terrify him now comforted him. He loved this woman.

  Need and relief and joy warred for top billing in his heart when she met his tongue with hers.

  He growled low as his hands splayed down her back and tucked her to him. "I missed you, Kiss."

  Kiss wound her arms around him even as the rain plastered her dress to her body. "Show me."

  Derek wasted no time and pressed her against the door.

  Kiss tugged at his shirt, yanking the sodden cotton up over his back. He released her only to help pull the material over his head and toss it to the floor. It made a soft sploosh sound as it landed but she didn't care. All Kiss wanted was for Derek to wrap himself around her.

  He kissed her again, scooping his hands over her ass and picking her up so that she had to wrap her legs around him. He braced her back against the door and tugged up her dress, even as his hips rocked into hers.

  They fought for control over who would take off his clothes, neither one of them successful as their fingers fumbled and they struggled to keep their lips fused together.

  Finally, Derek was able to get his belt off and with her assistance unbutton his jeans. The denim was wet and clung to his skin, so she was only able to help him shove them partway down his thighs, but she didn't care about having him naked right now. What she cared about was having him inside her.

  He broke their kiss as hi
s thick length found her center. She was ready and needy but he didn't enter her. Instead, he held her gaze for a long moment. His eyes soft, he whispered, "I love you, Kisima."

  The smile that broke out on her lips was an automatic response to his words. Way better than any fantasy. "I love you, Derek."

  With a hand on her ass, he guided her over him as his gaze locked with hers. Inch by inch, he sank into her. They both shuddered when he reached the hilt. His eyes drifted shut. "Jesus, you feel so good."

  Kiss pulled him toward her until their foreheads touched. "Remind me. Of how good we feel. Make me forget the last couple of weeks. Please, Derek," she gasped.

  "Shit. Kisima." Grabbing hold of her ass, he retreated several inches before sinking home again.

  She threw her head back and surrendered to the feeling of being claimed by him. He pulled his hips back, then drove home again. Again and again, he stroked her, bringing her to the edge. Driving her crazy. Her orgasm danced just on the edge of her consciousness with Derek pulling the strings and controlling how fast she reached ecstasy. "Derek, please. I need—"

  "Come for me, Kiss."

  She arched her back. "Please—" She needed something, something more, if he could just... Then he brushed a thumb over her cheek.

  "I love you. You are my home. I'm not leaving. I love you. I love you. I love you." He repeated the words over and over and over until she finally relaxed and let her body and her heart go. Love and bliss chased away her doubts, her fears, her pain. All that was left was him. Her heart.

  Derek stiffened inside her and held her tight to him, his body dissolving into quakes as he came. The only word that escaped his lips was, Kisima.

  37

  Kiss fully relaxed in her seat. This was where she belonged. She knew this course like the back of her hand. Every groove, divot, and turn. On her outside, one of the Mercedes cars tried to overtake, but she blocked his path. In her rearview, she could see Gifford's car on her tail. It wasn't Antonio though; he'd received a suspension for a race infraction with another driver.