I just need to talk to him, Bella, Edward said in a low voice, talking only to her. He reached up to touch her face, to stroke it. This made the room turn red, made me see firethat, after all hed done to her, he was still allowed to touch her that way. Dont strain yourself, he went on, pleading. Please rest. Well both be back in just a few minutes.
She stared at his face, reading it carefully. Then she nodded and drooped toward the couch. Rosalie helped lower her back onto the cushions. Bella stared at me, trying to hold my eyes.
Behave, she insisted. And then come back.
I didnt answer. I wasnt making any promises today. I looked away and then followed Edward out the front door.
A random, disjointed voice in my head noted that separating him from the coven hadnt been so difficult, had it?
He kept walking, never checking to see if I was about to spring at his unprotected back. I supposed he didnt need to check. He would know when I decided to attack. Which meant Id have to make that decision very quickly.
Im not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black, he whispered as he paced quickly away from the house. Youll have to have a little patience.
Like I cared about his schedule. I growled under my breath. Patience isnt my specialty.
He kept walking, maybe a couple hundred yards down the drive away from the house, with me right on his heels. I was all hot, my fingers trembling. On the edge, ready and waiting.
He stopped without warning and pivoted to face me. His expression froze me again.
For a second I was just a kida kid who had lived all of his life in the same tiny town. Just a child. Because I knew I would have to live a lot more, suffer a lot more, to ever understand the searing agony in Edwards eyes.
He raised a hand as if to wipe sweat from his forehead, but his fingers scraped against his face like they were going to rip his granite skin right off. His black eyes burned in their sockets, out of focus, or seeing things that werent there. His mouth opened like he was going to scream, but nothing came out.
This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake.
For a moment I couldnt speak. It was too real, this faceId seen a shadow of it in the house, seen it in her eyes and his, but this made it final. The last nail in her coffin.
Its killing her, right? Shes dying. And I knew when I said it that my face was a watered-down echo of his. Weaker, different, because I was still in shock. I hadnt wrapped my head around it yetit was happening too fast. Hed had time to get to this point. And it was different because Id already lost her so many times, so many ways, in my head. And different because she was never really mine to lose.
And different because this wasnt my fault.
My fault, Edward whispered, and his knees gave out. He crumpled in front of me, vulnerable, the easiest target you could imagine.
But I felt cold as snowthere was no fire in me.
Yes, he groaned into the dirt, like he was confessing to the ground. Yes, its killing her.
His broken helplessness irritated me. I wanted a fight, not an execution. Where was his smug superiority now?
So why hasnt Carlisle done anything? I growled. Hes a doctor, right? Get it out of her.
He looked up then and answered me in a tired voice. Like he was explaining this to a kindergartener for the tenth time. She wont let us.
It took a minute for the words to sink in. Jeez, she was running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella.
You know her well, he whispered. How quickly you see. I didnt see. Not in time. She wouldnt talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightenedthat would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalies arms. Rosalies! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didnt understand until I heard that. Yet you understand after one second. . . . He half-sighed, half-groaned.
Just back up a second. She wont let you. The sarcasm was acid on my tongue. Did you ever notice that shes exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs.
I wanted to, he whispered. Carlisle would have. . . .
What, too noble were they?
No. Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things.
Oh. His story hadnt made much sense before, but it fit together now. So thats what Blondie was up to. What was in it for her, though? Did the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?
Maybe, he said. Rosalie doesnt look at it quite that way.
So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella.
Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us and Carlisle wont help me with Esme against it. . . . He trailed off, his voice disappearing.
You should have left Bella with me.
Yes.
It was a bit late for that, though. Maybe he should have thought about all this before he knocked her up with the life-sucking monster.
He stared up at me from inside his own personal hell, and I could see that he agreed with me.
We didnt know, he said, the words as quiet as a breath. I never dreamed. Theres never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able conceive a child with one of us
When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?
Yes, he agreed in a tense whisper. Theyre out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one survives. He shook his head like the idea revolted him. Like he was any different.
I didnt realize they had a special name for what you are, I spit.
He stared up at me with a face that looked a thousand years old.
Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself.
Wrong, I thought, too enraged to speak.
Killing me now doesnt save her, he said quietly.
So what does?
Jacob, you have to do something for me.
The hell I do, parasite!
He kept staring at me with those half-tired, half-crazy eyes. For her?
I clenched my teeth together hard. I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. Its too late.
You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I dont even understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you. She wont listen to me, because she thinks Im underestimating her. She thinks shes strong enough for this. . . . He choked and then swallowed. She might listen to you.
Why would she?
He lurched to his feet, his eyes burning brighter than before, wilder. I wondered if he was really going crazy. Could vampires lose their minds?
Maybe, he answered my thought. I dont know. It feels like it. He shook his head. I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She cant keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I cant make it harder. But that doesnt matter now. She has to listen to you!
I cant tell her anything you havent. What do you want me to do? Tell her shes stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her shes going to die? I bet she knows that, too.
You can offer her what she wants.
He wasnt making any sense. Part of the crazy?
I dont care about anything but keeping her alive, he said, suddenly focused now. If its a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants. He paused for one beat. She can have puppies, if thats what it takes.
He met my stare for a moment and his face was frenzied under the thin layer of control. My hard scowl crumbled as I processed his words, and I felt my mouth pop open in shock.
But not this way! he hissed before I could recover. Not this thing thats sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away.
Seeing it hurting her. He sucked in a fast breath like someone had punched him in the gut. You have to make her see reason, Jacob. She wont listen to me anymore. Rosalies always there, feeding her insanityencouraging her. Protecting her. No, protecting it. Bellas life means nothing to her.
The noise coming from my throat sounded like I was choking.
What was he saying? That Bella should, what? Have a baby? With me? What? How? Was he giving her up? Or did he think she wouldnt mind being shared?
Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive.
Thats the craziest thing youve said yet, I mumbled.
She loves you.
Not enough.
Shes ready to die to have a child. Maybe shed accept something less extreme.
Dont you know her at all?
I know, I know. Its going to take a lot of convincing. Thats why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense.
I couldnt think about what he was suggesting. It was too much. Impossible. Wrong. Sick. Borrowing Bella for the weekends and then returning her Monday morning like a rental movie? So messed up.
So tempting.
I didnt want to consider, didnt want to imagine, but the images came anyway. Id fantasized about Bella that way too many times, back when there was still a possibility of us, and then long after it was clear that the fantasies would only leave festering sores because there was no possibility, none at all. I hadnt been able to help myself then. I couldnt stop myself now. Bella in my arms, Bella sighing my name
Worse still, this new image Id never had before, one that by all rights shouldnt have existed for me. Not yet. An image I knew I wouldntve suffered over for years if he hadnt shoved it in my head now. But it stuck there, winding threads through my brain like a weedpoisonous and unkillable. Bella, healthy and glowing, so different than now, but something the same: her body, not distorted, changed in a more natural way. Round with my child.
I tried to escape the venomous weed in my mind. Make Bella see sense? What universe do you live in?
At least try.
I shook my head fast. He waited, ignoring the negative answer because he could hear the conflict in my thoughts.
Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?
Ive been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didnt know how to contact you. I knew you wouldnt listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadnt come today. But its hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition it changes so fast. The thing is growing. Swiftly. I cant be away from her now.
What is it?
None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already.
I could suddenly see it thensee the swelling monster in my head, breaking her from the inside out.
Help me stop it, he whispered. Help me stop this from happening.
How? By offering my stud services? He didnt even flinch when I said that, but I did. Youre really sick. Shell never listen to this.
Try. Theres nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?
It would hurt me. Hadnt I taken enough rejection from Bella without this?
A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?
But it wont work.
Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe shell falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need.
And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? Just kidding, Bella?
If she wants a child, thats what she gets. I wont rescind.
I couldnt believe I was even thinking about this. Bella would punch menot that I cared about that, but it would probably break her hand again. I shouldnt let him talk to me, mess with my head. I should just kill him now.
Not now, he whispered. Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she wont listen to you, youll get your chance. The moment Bellas heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me.
You wont have to beg long.
The hint of a worn smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Im very much counting on that.
Then we have a deal.
He nodded and held out his cold stone hand.
Swallowing my disgust, I reached out to take his hand. My fingers closed around the rock, and I shook it once.
We have a deal, he agreed.
10. WHY DIDNT I JUST WALK AWAY? OH RIGHT, BECAUSE IM AN IDIOT.
I felt likelike I dont know what. Like this wasnt real. Like I was in some Goth version of a bad sitcom. Instead of being the A/V dweeb about to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, I was the finished-second-place werewolf about to ask the vampires wife to shack up and procreate. Nice.
No, I wouldnt do it. It was twisted and wrong. I was going to forget all about what hed said.
But I would talk to her. Id try to make her listen to me.
And she wouldnt. Just like always.
Edward didnt answer or comment on my thoughts as he led the way back to the house. I wondered about the place that hed chosen to stop. Was it far enough from the house that the others couldnt hear his whispers? Was that the point?
Maybe. When we walked through the door, the other Cullens eyes were suspicious and confused. No one looked disgusted or outraged. So they must not have heard either favor Edward had asked me for.
I hesitated in the open doorway, not sure what to do now. It was better right there, with a little bit of breathable air blowing in from outside.
Edward walked into the middle of the huddle, shoulders stiff. Bella watched him anxiously, and then her eyes flickered to me for a second. Then she was watching him again.
Her face turned a grayish pale, and I could see what he meant about the stress making her feel worse.
Were going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately, Edward said. There was no inflection at all in his voice. Robotic.
Over my pile of ashes, Rosalie hissed at him. She was still hovering by Bellas head, one of her cold hands placed possessively on Bellas sallow cheek.
Edward didnt look at her. Bella, he said in that same empty tone. Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?
Bella looked at me, confused. Then she looked at Rosalie.
Rose, its fine. Jakes not going to hurt us. Go with Edward.
It might be a trick, the blonde warned.
I dont see how, Bella said.
Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie, Edward said. The emotionless voice was cracking, showing the anger through it. Were the ones shes afraid of.
No, Bella whispered. Her eyes were glistening, her lashes wet. No, Edward. Im not. . . .
He shook his head, smiling a little. The smile was painful to look at. I didnt mean it that way, Bella. Im fine. Dont worry about me.
Sickening. He was rightshe was beating herself up about hurting his feelings. The girl was a classic martyr. Shed totally been born in the wrong century. She should have lived back when she could have gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause.
Everyone, Edward said, his hand stiffly motioning toward the door. Please.
The composure he was trying to keep up for Bella was shaky. I could see how close he was to that burning man hed been outside. The others saw it, too. Silently, they moved out the door while I shifted out of the way. They moved fast; my heart beat twice, and the room was cleared except for Rosalie, hesitating in the middle of the floor, and Edward, still waiting by the door.
Rose, Bella said quietly. I want you to go.
The blonde glared at Edward and then gestured for him to go first. He disappeared out the door. She gave me a long warning glower, and then she disappeared, too.
Once we were alone, I crossed the room and sat on the floor next to Bella. I took both her cold hands in mine, rubbing them carefully.
Thanks, Jake. That feels good.
Im not going to lie, Bells. Youre hideous.
I know, she sighed. Im scary-looking.
Thing-from-the-swamp scary, I agreed.
She laughed. Its so good having you here. It feels nice to smile. I dont know how much more drama I can stand.
I rolled my eyes.
Okay, okay, she agreed. I bring it on myself.
Yeah, you do. Whatre you thinking, Bells? Seriously!
Did he ask you to yell at me?
Sort of. Though I cant figure why he thinks youd listen to me. You never have before.
She sighed.
I told you, I started to say.
Did you know that I told you so has a brother, Jacob? she asked, cutting me off. His name is Shut the hell up.
Good one.
Breaking Dawn Page 15