My strength came back to me as I listened to the sound of the little executioner feeding.
Strength and hate and heatred heat washing through my head, burning but erasing nothing. The images in my head were fuel, building up the inferno but refusing to be consumed. I felt the tremors rock me from head to toe, and I did not try to stop them.
Rosalie was totally absorbed in the creature, paying no attention to me at all. She wouldnt be quick enough to stop me, distracted as she was.
Sam had been right. The thing was an aberrationits existence went against nature. A black, soulless demon. Something that had no right to be.
Something that had to be destroyed.
It seemed like the pull had not been leading to the door after all. I could feel it now, encouraging me, tugging me forward. Pushing me to finish this, to cleanse the world of this abomination.
Rosalie would try to kill me when the creature was dead, and I would fight back. I wasnt sure if I would have time to finish her before the others came to help. Maybe, maybe not. I didnt much care either way.
I didnt care if the wolves, either set, avenged me or called the Cullens justice fair. None of that mattered. All I cared about was my own justice. My revenge. The thing that had killed Bella would not live another minute longer.
If Bellad survived, she would have hated me for this. She would have wanted to kill me personally.
But I didnt care. She didnt care what she had done to meletting herself be slaughtered like an animal. Why should I take her feelings into account?
And then there was Edward. He must be too busy nowtoo far gone in his insane denial, trying to reanimate a corpseto listen to my plans.
So I wouldnt get the chance to keep my promise to him, unlessand it was not a wager Id put money onI managed to win the fight against Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice, three on one. But even if I did win, I didnt think I had it in me to kill Edward.
Because I didnt have enough compassion for that. Why should I let him get away from what hed done? Wouldnt it be more fairmore satisfyingto let him live with nothing, nothing at all?
It made me almost smile, as filled with hate as I was, to imagine it. No Bella. No killer spawn. And also missing as many members of his family as I was able to take down. Of course, he could probably put those back together, since I wouldnt be around to burn them. Unlike Bella, who would never be whole again.
I wondered if the creature could be put back together. I doubted it. It was part Bella, tooso it must have inherited some of her vulnerability. I could hear that in the tiny, thrumming beat of its heart.
Its heart was beating. Hers wasnt.
Only a second had passed as I made these easy decisions.
The trembling was getting tighter and faster. I coiled myself, preparing to spring at the blond vampire and rip the murderous thing from her arms with my teeth.
Rosalie cooed at the creature again, setting the empty metal bottle-thing aside and lifting the creature into the air to nuzzle her face against its cheek.
Perfect. The new position was perfect for my strike. I leaned forward and felt the heat begin to change me while the pull toward the killer grewit was stronger than Id ever felt it before, so strong it reminded me of an Alphas command, like it would crush me if I didnt obey.
This time I wanted to obey.
The murderer stared past Rosalies shoulder at me, its gaze more focused than any newborn creatures gaze should be.
Warm brown eyes, the color of milk chocolatethe exact same color that Bellas had been.
My shaking jerked to a stop; heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heatnot a burning.
It was a glowing.
Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I wasmy love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my selfdisconnected from me in that secondsnip, snip, snipand floated up into space.
I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.
Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thingto the very center of the universe.
I could see that nowhow the universe swirled around this one point. Id never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.
The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood.
It was the baby girl in the blond vampires arms that held me here now.
Renesmee.
From upstairs, there was a new sound. The only sound that could touch me in this endless instant.
A frantic pounding, a racing beat
A changing heart.
BOOK THREE
bella
CONTENTS
PREFACE
19. BURNING
20. NEW
21. FIRST HUNT
22. PROMISED
23. MEMORIES
24. SURPRISE
25. FAVOR
26. SHINY
27. TRAVEL PLANS
28. THE FUTURE
29. DEFECTION
30. IRRESISTIBLE
31. TALENTED
32. COMPANY
33. FORGERY
34. DECLARED
35. DEADLINE
36. BLOODLUST
37. CONTRIVANCES
38. POWER
39. THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER
Personal affection is a luxury you can have only after all your enemies are eliminated. Until then, everyone you love is a hostage, sapping your courage and corrupting your judgment.
Orson Scott Card
Empire
PREFACE
No longer just a nightmare, the line of black advanced on us through the icy mist stirred up by their feet.
Were going to die, I thought in panic. I was desperate for the precious one I guarded, but even to think of that was a lapse in attention I could not afford.
They ghosted closer, their dark robes billowing slightly with the movement. I saw their hands curl into bone-colored claws. They drifted apart, angling to come at us from all sides. We were outnumbered. It was over.
And then, like a burst of light from a flash, the whole scene was different. Yet nothing changedthe Volturi still stalked toward us, poised to kill. All that really changed was how the picture looked to me. Suddenly, I was hungry for it. I wanted them to charge. The panic changed to bloodlust as I crouched forward, a smile on my face, and a growl ripped through my bared teeth.
19. BURNING
The pain was bewildering.
Exactly thatI was bewildered. I couldnt understand, couldnt make sense of what was happening.
My body tried to reject the pain, and I was sucked again and again into a blackness that cut out whole seconds or maybe even minutes of the agony, making it that much harder to keep up with reality.
I tried to separate them.
Non-reality was black, and it didnt hurt so much.
Reality was red, and it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize fighter, trampled by bulls, and submerged in acid, all at the same time.
Reality was feeling my body twist and flip when I couldnt possibly move because of the pain.
Reality was knowing there was something so much more important than all this torture, and not being able to remember what it was.
Reality had come on so fast.
One moment, everything was as it should have been. Surrounded by people I loved. Smiles. Somehow, unlikely as it was, it seemed like I was about to get everything Id been fighting for.
And then one tiny, inconsequential thing had gone wrong.
Id watched as my cup tilted, dark blood spilling out and staining the perfect white, and Id lurched toward the accident reflexively. Id seen the other, faster
hands, but my body had continued to reach, to stretch. . . .
Inside me, something had yanked the opposite direction.
Ripping. Breaking. Agony.
The darkness had taken over, and then washed away to a wave of torture. I couldnt breatheI had drowned once before, and this was different; it was too hot in my throat.
Pieces of me shattering, snapping, slicing apart. . . .
More blackness.
Voices, this time, shouting, as the pain came back.
The placenta must have detached!
Something sharper than knives ripped through methe words, making sense in spite of the other tortures. Detached placentaI knew what that meant. It meant that my baby was dying inside me.
Get him out! I screamed to Edward. Why hadnt he done it yet? He cant breathe! Do it now!
The morphine
He wanted to wait, to give me painkillers, while our baby was dying?!
No! Now, I choked, unable to finish.
Black spots covered the light in the room as a cold point of new pain stabbed icily into my stomach. It felt wrongI struggled automatically to protect my womb, my baby, my little Edward Jacob, but I was weak. My lungs ached, oxygen burned away.
The pain faded away again, though I clung to it now. My baby, my baby, dying. . . .
How long had passed? Seconds or minutes? The pain was gone. Numb. I couldnt feel. I still couldnt see, either, but I could hear. There was air in my lungs again, scraping in rough bubbles up and down my throat.
You stay with me now, Bella! Do you hear me? Stay! Youre not leaving me. Keep your heart beating!
Jacob? Jacob, still here, still trying to save me.
Of course, I wanted to tell him. Of course I would keep my heart beating. Hadnt I promised them both?
I tried to feel my heart, to find it, but I was so lost inside my own body. I couldnt feel the things I should, and nothing felt in the right place. I blinked and I found my eyes. I could see the light. Not what I was looking for, but better than nothing.
As my eyes struggled to adjust, Edward whispered, Renesmee.
Renesmee?
Not the pale and perfect son of my imagination? I felt a moment of shock. And then a flood of warmth.
Renesmee.
I willed my lips to move, willed the bubbles of air to turn into whispers on my tongue. I forced my numb hands to reach.
Let me Give her to me.
The light danced, shattering off Edwards crystal hands. The sparkles were tinged with red, with the blood that covered his skin. And more red in his hands. Something small and struggling, dripping with blood. He touched the warm body to my weak arms, almost like I was holding her. Her wet skin was hotas hot as Jacobs.
My eyes focused; suddenly everything was absolutely clear.
Renesmee did not cry, but she breathed in quick, startled pants. Her eyes were open, her expression so shocked it was almost funny. The little, perfectly round head was covered in a thick layer of matted, bloody curls. Her irises were a familiarbut astonishingchocolate brown. Under the blood, her skin looked pale, a creamy ivory. All besides her cheeks, which flamed with color.
Her tiny face was so absolutely perfect that it stunned me. She was even more beautiful than her father. Unbelievable. Impossible.
Renesmee, I whispered. So beautiful.
The impossible face suddenly smileda wide, deliberate smile. Behind the shell-pink lips was a full complement of snowy milk teeth.
She leaned her head down, against my chest, burrowing against the warmth. Her skin was warm and silky, but it didnt give the way mine did.
Then there was pain againjust one warm slash of it. I gasped.
And she was gone. My angel-faced baby was nowhere. I couldnt see or feel her.
No! I wanted to shout. Give her back to me!
But the weakness was too much. My arms felt like empty rubber hoses for a moment, and then they felt like nothing at all. I couldnt feel them. I couldnt feel me.
The blackness rushed over my eyes more solidly than before. Like a thick blindfold, firm and fast. Covering not just my eyes but also my self with a crushing weight. It was exhausting to push against it. I knew it would be so much easier to give in. To let the blackness push me down, down, down to a place where there was no pain and no weariness and no worry and no fear.
If it had only been for myself, I wouldnt have been able to struggle very long. I was only human, with no more than human strength. Id been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long, like Jacob had said.
But this wasnt just about me.
If I did the easy thing now, let the black nothingness erase me, I would hurt them.
Edward. Edward. My life and his were twisted into a single strand. Cut one, and you cut both. If he were gone, I would not be able to live through that. If I were gone, he wouldnt live through it, either. And a world without Edward seemed completely pointless. Edward had to exist.
Jacobwhod said goodbye to me over and over but kept coming back when I needed him. Jacob, who Id wounded so many times it was criminal. Would I hurt him again, the worst way yet? Hed stayed for me, despite everything. Now all he asked was that I stay for him.
But it was so dark here that I couldnt see either of their faces. Nothing seemed real. That made it hard not to give up.
I kept pushing against the black, though, almost a reflex. I wasnt trying to lift it. I was just resisting. Not allowing it to crush me completely. I wasnt Atlas, and the black felt as heavy as a planet; I couldnt shoulder it. All I could do was not be entirely obliterated.
It was sort of the pattern to my lifeId never been strong enough to deal with the things outside my control, to attack the enemies or outrun them. To avoid the pain. Always human and weak, the only thing Id ever been able to do was keep going. Endure. Survive.
It had been enough up to this point. It would have to be enough today. I would endure this until help came.
I knew Edward would be doing everything he could. He would not give up. Neither would I.
I held the blackness of nonexistence at bay by inches.
It wasnt enough, thoughthat determination. As the time ground on and on and the darkness gained by tiny eighths and sixteenths of my inches, I needed something more to draw strength from.
I couldnt pull even Edwards face into view. Not Jacobs, not Alices or Rosalies or Charlies or Renes or Carlisles or Esmes Nothing. It terrified me, and I wondered if it was too late.
I felt myself slippingthere was nothing to hold on to.
No! I had to survive this. Edward was depending on me. Jacob. Charlie Alice Rosalie Carlisle Rene Esme
Renesmee.
And then, though I still couldnt see anything, suddenly I could feel something. Like phantom limbs, I imagined I could feel my arms again. And in them, something small and hard and very, very warm.
My baby. My little nudger.
I had done it. Against the odds, I had been strong enough to survive Renesmee, to hold on to her until she was strong enough to live without me.
That spot of heat in my phantom arms felt so real. I clutched it closer. It was exactly where my heart should be. Holding tight the warm memory of my daughter, I knew that I would be able to fight the darkness as long as I needed to.
The warmth beside my heart got more and more real, warmer and warmer. Hotter. The heat was so real it was hard to believe that I was imagining it.
Hotter.
Uncomfortable now. Too hot. Much, much too hot.
Like grabbing the wrong end of a curling ironmy automatic response was to drop the scorching thing in my arms. But there was nothing in my arms. My arms were not curled to my chest. My arms were dead things lying somewhere at my side. The heat was inside me.
The burning grewrose and peaked and rose again until it surpassed anything Id ever felt.
I felt the pulse behind the fire raging now in my chest and realized that Id found my heart again, just in time to wish I never had. To wish that Id embraced the blackness w
hile Id still had the chance. I wanted to raise my arms and claw my chest open and rip the heart from itanything to get rid of this torture. But I couldnt feel my arms, couldnt move one vanished finger.
James, snapping my leg under his foot. That was nothing. That was a soft place to rest on a feather bed. Id take that now, a hundred times. A hundred snaps. Id take it and be grateful.
The baby, kicking my ribs apart, breaking her way through me piece by piece. That was nothing. That was floating in a pool of cool water. Id take it a thousand times. Take it and be grateful.
The fire blazed hotter and I wanted to scream. To beg for someone to kill me now, before I lived one more second in this pain. But I couldnt move my lips. The weight was still there, pressing on me.
Breaking Dawn Page 30