I should call him, I murmured to myself, but, listening to my own voice, I understood the new difficulties. He wouldnt recognize this voice. It wouldnt reassure him. And then the earlier surprise intruded. Hold onJacob is still here?
Another glance between them.
Bella, Edward said quickly. Theres much to discuss, but we should take care of you first. You have to be in pain. . . .
When he pointed that out, I remembered the burn in my throat and swallowed convulsively. But Jacob
We have all the time in the world for explanations, love, he reminded me gently.
Of course. I could wait a little longer for the answer; it would be easier to listen when the fierce pain of the fiery thirst was no longer scattering my concentration. Okay.
Wait, wait, wait, Alice trilled from the doorway. She danced across the room, dreamily graceful. As with Edward and Carlisle, I felt some shock as I really looked at her face for the first time. So lovely. You promised I could be there the first time! What if you two run past something reflective?
Alice, Edward protested.
It will only take a second! And with that, Alice darted from the room.
Edward sighed.
What is she talking about?
But Alice was already back, carrying the huge, gilt-framed mirror from Rosalies room, which was nearly twice as tall as she was, and several times as wide.
Jasper had been so still and silent that Id taken no notice of him since hed followed behind Carlisle. Now he moved again, to hover over Alice, his eyes locked on my expression. Because I was the danger here.
I knew he would be tasting the mood around me, too, and so he must have felt my jolt of shock as I studied his face, looking at it closely for the first time.
Through my sightless human eyes, the scars left from his former life with the newborn armies in the South had been mostly invisible. Only with a bright light to throw their slightly raised shapes into definition could I even make out their existence.
Now that I could see, the scars were Jaspers most dominant feature. It was hard to take my eyes off his ravaged neck and jawhard to believe that even a vampire could have survived so many sets of teeth ripping into his throat.
Instinctively, I tensed to defend myself. Any vampire who saw Jasper would have had the same reaction. The scars were like a lighted billboard. Dangerous, they screamed. How many vampires had tried to kill Jasper? Hundreds? Thousands? The same number that had died in the attempt.
Jasper both saw and felt my assessment, my caution, and he smiled wryly.
Edward gave me grief for not getting you to a mirror before the wedding, Alice said, pulling my attention away from her frightening lover. Im not going to be chewed out again.
Chewed out? Edward asked skeptically, one eyebrow curving upward.
Maybe Im overstating things, she murmured absently as she turned the mirror to face me.
And maybe this has solely to do with your own voyeuristic gratification, he countered.
Alice winked at him.
I was only aware of this exchange with the lesser part of my concentration. The greater part was riveted on the person in the mirror.
My first reaction was an unthinking pleasure. The alien creature in the glass was indisputably beautiful, every bit as beautiful as Alice or Esme. She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl.
My second reaction was horror.
Who was she? At first glance, I couldnt find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes of her features.
And her eyes! Though Id known to expect them, her eyes still sent a thrill of terror through me.
All the while I studied and reacted, her face was perfectly composed, a carving of a goddess, showing nothing of the turmoil roiling inside me. And then her full lips moved.
The eyes? I whispered, unwilling to say my eyes. How long?
Theyll darken up in a few months, Edward said in a soft, comforting voice. Animal blood dilutes the color more quickly than a diet of human blood. Theyll turn amber first, then gold.
My eyes would blaze like vicious red flames for months?
Months? My voice was higher now, stressed. In the mirror, the perfect eyebrows lifted incredulously above her glowing crimson eyesbrighter than any Id ever seen before.
Jasper took a step forward, alarmed by the intensity of my sudden anxiety. He knew young vampires only too well; did this emotion presage some misstep on my part?
No one answered my question. I looked away, to Edward and Alice. Both their eyes were slightly unfocusedreacting to Jaspers unease. Listening to its cause, looking ahead to the immediate future.
I took another deep, unnecessary breath.
No, Im fine, I promised them. My eyes flickered to the stranger in the mirror and back. Its just a lot to take in.
Jaspers brow furrowed, highlighting the two scars over his left eye.
I dont know, Edward murmured.
The woman in the mirror frowned. What question did I miss?
Edward grinned. Jasper wonders how youre doing it.
Doing what?
Controlling your emotions, Bella, Jasper answered. Ive never seen a newborn do thatstop an emotion in its tracks that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reined it in, regained power over yourself. I was prepared to help, but you didnt need it.
Is that wrong? I asked. My body automatically froze as I waited for his verdict.
No, he said, but his voice was unsure.
Edward stroked his hand down my arm, as if encouraging me to thaw. Its very impressive, Bella, but we dont understand it. We dont know how long it can hold.
I considered that for a portion of a second. At any moment, would I snap? Turn into a monster?
I couldnt feel it coming on. Maybe there was no way to anticipate such a thing.
But what do you think? Alice asked, a little impatient now, pointing to the mirror.
Im not sure, I hedged, not wanting to admit how frightened I really was.
I stared at the beautiful woman with the terrifying eyes, looking for pieces of me. There was something there in the shape of her lipsif you looked past the dizzying beauty, it was true that her upper lip was slightly out of balance, a bit too full to match the lower. Finding this familiar little flaw made me feel a tiny bit better. Maybe the rest of me was in there, too.
I raised my hand experimentally, and the woman in the mirror copied the movement, touching her face, too. Her crimson eyes watched me warily.
Edward sighed.
I turned away from her to look at him, raising one eyebrow.
Disappointed? I asked, my ringing voice impassive.
He laughed. Yes, he admitted.
I felt the shock break through the composed mask on my face, followed instantly by the hurt.
Alice snarled. Jasper leaned forward again, waiting for me to snap.
But Edward ignored them and wrapped his arms tightly around my newly frozen form, pressing his lips against my cheek. I was rather hoping that Id be able to hear your mind, now that it is more similar to my own, he murmured. And here I am, as frustrated as ever, wondering what could possibly be going on inside your head.
I felt better at once.
Oh well, I said lightly, relieved that my thoughts were still my own. I guess my brain will never work right. At least Im pretty.
It was becoming easier to joke with him as I adjusted, to think in straight lines. To be myself.
Edward growled in my ear. Bella, you have never been merely pretty.
Then his face pulled away from mine, and he sighed. All right, all right, he said to someone.
What? I asked.
Youre making Jasper more edgy by the second. He may relax a little when youve hunted.
I looked at Jaspers worried expression and nodded. I didnt want to snap here, if that was coming. Better to be surrounded
by trees than family.
Okay. Lets hunt, I agreed, a thrill of nerves and anticipation making my stomach quiver. I unwrapped Edwards arms from around me, keeping one of his hands, and turned my back on the strange and beautiful woman in the mirror.
21. FIRST HUNT
The window? I asked, staring two stories down.
Id never really been afraid of heights per se, but being able to see all the details with such clarity made the prospect less appealing. The angles of the rocks below were sharper than I would have imagined them.
Edward smiled. Its the most convenient exit. If youre frightened, I can carry you.
We have all eternity, and youre worried about the time it would take to walk to the back door?
He frowned slightly. Renesmee and Jacob are downstairs. . . .
Oh.
Right. I was the monster now. I had to keep away from scents that might trigger my wild side. From the people that I loved in particular. Even the ones I didnt really know yet.
Is Renesmee okay with Jacob there? I whispered. I realized belatedly that it must have been Jacobs heart Id heard below. I listened hard again, but I could only hear the one steady pulse. He doesnt like her much.
Edwards lips tightened in an odd way. Trust me, she is perfectly safe. I know exactly what Jacob is thinking.
Of course, I murmured, and looked at the ground again.
Stalling? he challenged.
A little. I dont know how. . . .
And I was very conscious of my family behind me, watching silently. Mostly silently. Emmett had already chuckled under his breath once. One mistake, and hed be rolling on the floor. Then the jokes about the worlds only clumsy vampire would start.
Also, this dressthat Alice must have put me in sometime when I was too lost in the burning to noticewas not what I would have picked out for either jumping or hunting. Tightly fitted ice-blue silk? What did she think I would need it for? Was there a cocktail party later?
Watch me, Edward said. And then, very casually, he stepped out of the tall, open window and fell.
I watched carefully, analyzing the angle at which he bent his knees to absorb the impact. The sound of his landing was very lowa muted thud that could have been a door softly closed, or a book gently laid on a table.
It didnt look hard.
Clenching my teeth as I concentrated, I tried to copy his casual step into empty air.
Ha! The ground seemed to move toward me so slowly that it was nothing at all to place my feetwhat shoes had Alice put me in? Stilettos? Shed lost her mindto place my silly shoes exactly right so that landing was no different than stepping one foot forward on a flat surface.
I absorbed the impact in the balls of my feet, not wanting to snap off the thin heels. My landing seemed just as quiet as his. I grinned at him.
Right. Easy.
He smiled back. Bella?
Yes?
That was quite gracefuleven for a vampire.
I considered that for a moment, and then I beamed. If hed just been saying that, then Emmett would have laughed. No one found his remark humorous, so it must have been true. It was the first time anyone had ever applied the word graceful to me in my entire life or, well, existence anyway.
Thank you, I told him.
And then I hooked the silver satin shoes off my feet one by one and lobbed them together back through the open window. A little too hard, maybe, but I heard someone catch them before they could damage the paneling.
Alice grumbled, Her fashion sense hasnt improved as much as her balance.
Edward took my handI couldnt stop marveling at the smoothness, the comfortable temperature of his skinand darted through the backyard to the edge of the river. I went along with him effortlessly.
Everything physical seemed very simple.
Are we swimming? I asked him when we stopped beside the water.
And ruin your pretty dress? No. Were jumping.
I pursed my lips, considering. The river was about fifty yards wide here.
You first, I said.
He touched my cheek, took two quick backward strides, and then ran back those two steps, launching himself from a flat stone firmly embedded in the riverbank. I studied the flash of movement as he arced over the water, finally turning a somersault just before he disappeared into the thick trees on the other side of the river.
Show-off, I muttered, and heard his invisible laugh.
I backed up five paces, just in case, and took a deep breath.
Suddenly, I was anxious again. Not about falling or getting hurtI was more worried about the forest getting hurt.
It had come on slowly, but I could feel it nowthe raw, massive strength thrilling in my limbs. I was suddenly sure that if I wanted to tunnel under the river, to claw or beat my way straight through the bedrock, it wouldnt take me very long. The objects around methe trees, the shrubs, the rocks the househad all begun to look very fragile.
Hoping very much that Esme was not particularly fond of any specific trees across the river, I began my first stride. And then stopped when the tight satin split six inches up my thigh. Alice!
Well, Alice always seemed to treat clothes as if they were disposable and meant for one-time usage, so she shouldnt mind this. I bent to carefully grasp the hem at the undamaged right seam between my fingers and, exerting the tiniest amount of pressure possible, I ripped the dress open to the top of my thigh. Then I fixed the other side to match.
Much better.
I could hear the muffled laughter in the house, and even the sound of someone gritting her teeth. The laughter came from upstairs and down, and I very easily recognized the much different, rough, throaty chuckle from the first floor.
So Jacob was watching, too? I couldnt imagine what he was thinking now, or what he was still doing here. Id envisioned our reunionif he could ever forgive metaking place far in the future, when I was more stable, and time had healed the wounds Id inflicted in his heart.
I didnt turn to look at him now, wary of my mood swings. It wouldnt be good to let any emotion take too strong a hold on my frame of mind. Jaspers fears had me on edge, too. I had to hunt before I dealt with anything else. I tried to forget everything else so I could concentrate.
Bella? Edward called from the woods, his voice moving closer. Do you want to watch again?
But I remembered everything perfectly, of course, and I didnt want to give Emmett a reason to find more humor in my education. This was physicalit should be instinctive. So I took a deep breath and ran for the river.
Unhindered by my skirt, it took only one long bound to reach the waters edge. Just an eighty-fourth of a second, and yet it was plenty of timemy eyes and my mind moved so quickly that one step was enough. It was simple to position my right foot just so against the flat stone and exert the adequate pressure to send my body wheeling up into the air. I was paying more attention to aim than force, and I erred on the amount of power necessarybut at least I didnt err on the side that would have gotten me wet. The fifty yard width was slightly too easy a distance. . . .
It was a strange, giddy, electrifying thing, but a short thing. An entire second had yet to pass, and I was across.
I was expecting the close-packed trees to be a problem, but they were surprisingly helpful. It was a simple matter to reach out with one sure hand as I fell back toward the earth again deep inside the forest and catch myself on a convenient branch; I swung lightly from the limb and landed on my toes, still fifteen feet from the ground on the wide bough of a Sitka spruce.
It was fabulous.
Over the sound of my peals of delighted laughter, I could hear Edward racing to find me. My jump had been twice as long as his. When he reached my tree, his eyes were wide. I leaped nimbly from the branch to his side, soundlessly landing again on the balls of my feet.
Was that good? I wondered, my breathing accelerated with excitement.
Very good. He smiled approvingly, but his casual tone didnt match the surprised expression in his eyes.
/> Can we do it again?
Focus, Bellawere on a hunting trip.
Oh, right. I nodded. Hunting.
Follow me if you can. He grinned, his expression suddenly taunting, and broke into a run.
He was faster than me. I couldnt imagine how he moved his legs with such blinding speed, but it was beyond me. However, I was stronger, and every stride of mine matched the length of three of his. And so I flew with him through the living green web, by his side, not following at all. As I ran, I couldnt help laughing quietly at the thrill of it; the laughter neither slowed me nor upset my focus.
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