Addicted

by Claire Adams

  "We can get a place outside LA, and I can just go for work," I said. She shook her head.

  "We have different homes and that's okay," she said. "It's not over yet; let's not worry about what we can't change. I don't want to spend the rest of the time we have together worrying," she said. She walked over and kissed me on the cheek before leaving.

  How long has this been on her mind? I thought. Obviously longer than it had been on mine. I was the one leaving her after all. Why didn't she want to come with me, though?

  There was long distance, I guess, but that wouldn't have been the same. I couldn't wake up next to her if we were long distance. That wasn't okay. I didn't want to give up on what we had because of the offer, but when the hell was something like this going to happen again?

  I could stay here. That was an option, right? I'd have Abby, but what else? Would the offer still stand? Would they give me a contract even if I didn't live close enough for it to be convenient? I didn't want to live here and be traveling back to LA all the time anyway. What the hell would be the point if I stayed here to be with her, but never saw her?

  I needed to get out of here. I wasn't figuring anything out on my own. There was only one person I could talk to about this besides Abby. By now, I basically knew that I could count on finding him at the bar when I needed to talk. I'd miss that when I had to leave. I didn't have any people I could really count on in LA. If anyone was left over from when I was using, I didn't want to be in contact with them anyway.

  Keno waved from the bar as I approached.

  "Hey, man," I said, sitting down.

  "Hey. You haven't needed a drink from me in a while. What’s up?" he asked. I laughed.

  "It's not that bad yet," I said.

  "What happened?"

  "Summer's almost over," I said.

  "You're upset about that? Is it Abby?"

  "Of course it's Abby. It's like we can't pretend anymore that I'm not leaving. I think she's becoming distant since she thinks she's losing me."

  "Can you blame her?" he asked. I sighed, irritated.

  "I told her I didn't want to break up."

  "What are you going to do? Stay? Are you going to make her do long distance?"

  "I told her she could come with me."

  "You don't even have to tell me what she said. The fact that you're here now tells me everything I need to know."

  "She doesn't want to leave Lanai," I said.

  "A lot of people who live here never want to leave. I don't know that much about how she got here, but I know she has nobody on the mainland to go back to."

  "She'd have me," I complained.

  "That’s not enough, brother; she still wouldn't be home. Why do you want her to go with you? Why can't you stay?"

  "I got an offer from a producer in LA for a new deal," I said. "If I take it, I can't stay here, I have to leave, but I don't want to leave her behind."

  "You gotta choose," he said gravely.

  "I don't want to choose. That's like asking me which one of my lungs I'd rather lose, left or right. I can't see a life in LA without music, but I can't see it without Abby, either."

  "I can't tell you what to choose, but whatever it is, you have to find a way to be happy with it." I looked at Keno. He was saying the wrong thing to me. He was such a romantic guy; why wasn't he defending me for staying with Abby?

  He was right, ultimately, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I was still going to lose something, whatever I picked. I told him I had to go and left. I didn't have to make the decision right now, but the clock was ticking. I knew the offer wasn't going to stay on the plate for long. What if I just refused to get back to Wes Barry and let him take his offer back? No, you didn't do that in business. I couldn't punk out like that.

  I walked through the front lobby, looking over at the desk to see if Abby was there. She was, but her head was down. What did she want me to do? I felt like that would be the right thing to choose. I thought about going over there when I noticed a group walking towards the desk. They had cameras, but they weren't tourists. I could spot a herd of reporters from a mile away. I heard the flashbulbs going off and the guys shouting Abby's name.

  Oh shit.

  I rushed over there. Abby looked like a deer in headlights. Makani looked like she was trying to grab her and take her to the back. I could hear them asking her about her father. They weren't asking: they were yelling.

  The girls were out from behind the desk, walking towards the door that went to the back. I got between them and the reporters.

  "Out of the way, man," one of them yelled.

  "Wait a minute, are you Nate Stone?" one guy asked.

  "You guys looking for a story? I got one for you. I've been here all summer making plans to move here permanently," I said, grasping for the first thing I could think of. The guys exploded, all asking questions at once. I had them.

  I glanced back at Abby. They were still at the door. I winked at her, and she smiled, letting Makani lead her away. The reporters were all still there. I started talking, anything to get them off of Abby.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Abby

  I never thought I'd see the day that a swarm of men with cameras were flashing lights in my face and yelling at me about my father in Lanai. I honestly thought that I had left it behind me, which was why when it had happened, I froze. I felt like I'd just been plunged six years into the past and a scene that I had stopped recognizing was suddenly in front of me again.

  But then Nate had shown up and they had left, and I was in shock and Makani had gotten me a glass of water, and then I had cried.

  I wasn't upset; I was more shocked and relieved, and confused about what was happening. I didn't want to think about what I would have said to them if they had stayed around long enough.

  I was glad that Nate had done what he had done. I was a little worried, though, about what he had told them. This was sort of like his haven away from the craziness of his life, too. I didn't want him to have lost it because of me and my stupid past.

  By the end of the day, I had more or less recovered. Joseph had offered me the rest of the day off; that was after he had sat me down to explain to him he had had a flood of reporters in his lobby looking for me.

  I had told him my story. I’d had everything altered when I’d had my name changed. Because the person I was before my name was Abby Terrell was effectively gone from the face of the earth, it was a little complicated.

  He listened to me stone-faced and then told me that he understood if I wanted to take the rest of the day off and that he would take steps to make sure that that never happened again. I appreciated the thought, but I did know that having the reporters around would have been bad for business, so it wasn't totally for me.

  I felt okay enough to finish up work. Makani asked me about three times each hour whether I was sure I was okay and the answer was consistently yes. The initial shock of it had been bad, but the thing was, I wasn't a kid anymore. I wasn't helpless. I loved that Nate had done what he had done, but all it made me worry about what would happen to him now.

  After work, I went straight to his suite, not sure whether I'd find him there. I knocked at the door, knowing that he’d open it for me if he was in there. I flew into his arms when he opened it. I kissed him deeply, cupping his face in my hands, feeling his prickly stubble against my palms.

  "Whoa, I was going to ask whether you were okay, but I guess I know the answer to that," he said. I pressed my forehead to his.

  "What did you do, Nate?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "With the reporters? I wish you had let me handle it," I said.

  "I wasn't going to stand there and let them bully you."

  "But what if they come after you now?" I asked. He shrugged.

  "I have practice. All news becomes old news eventually. They can't talk about me forever." I sighed, running my hands down his chest.

  "Thank you for doing it," I said.

  "They weren'
t getting away with that," he said, hugging me tight to his chest.

  "I came to get you," I said.

  "Why? Where are we going?"

  "I want to take you out to eat. My treat."

  "You don't have to do that, babe. It was nothing. Really."

  "You still have to eat," I said, smiling up at him. I let him go and got dressed before we left. We walked down the beach past my house, getting to the restaurant through the beach. It was a small place, and we had to wait to get a table, but it served fantastic seafood, and I just wanted to say thank you to him somehow.

  There was still something that was nagging at me that I needed to know the answer to. I knew how I felt about him, and at this point, it was safe to think that he might have felt a little similar, but even as I was trying to get over the shock of seeing the reporters, I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said he wanted to do.

  "I'm gonna miss these places when I go back to LA," he said. I glanced up at him from my plate.

  "When you go back?" I asked. He shrugged.

  "Not a lot of nice mom and pop places left."

  "If you stayed here, you wouldn't have to miss them," I said, looking down at my dinner.

  "Yeah. You could take me to every last one of your cool spots here on the island," he said.

  "Did you mean what you said earlier today?" I asked quickly.

  "When? What about?"

  "About moving to Lanai. Did you mean it?"

  "I don't know," he said shrugging. "I knew that I had to say something that would get their attention and that did it."

  "Have you thought about moving here permanently?"

  "I've thought about not going back, but it wouldn't be as easy as just refusing to leave, you know?" he said.

  I nodded. Of course, I thought. There was a lot more to consider here than what I was feeling because I wasn't the one who would be making a huge life-changing decision if he decided to stay here. My mind just kept going back to what he had said that morning about me moving back with him and for this to come up as a possibility the same day just made me feel conflicted.

  He had come here with the intention of eventually going home. He had people in LA, a home, a life, possibly a new job doing what he really wanted to do. I had those things, too, but here. We had our homes, and they weren't in the same place. We didn't really speak that explicitly about the time we would have to part, but everything that had happened today had just bubbled it up to the surface for me and I didn't know what to do.

  "Well, it worked," I said offhandedly, trying not to give away too much of what I was feeling.

  "Nate Stone's still a hot news item even after being AWOL for the whole summer," he joked.

  "Are they going to be back?"

  "Maybe," he sighed.

  "I feel like this is my fault. Joseph said he'd make sure they didn't make their way back onto the resort property again," I said.

  "Don't sweat it. It'll prep me for going back home probably," he said. Again. When could we stop talking about this? It was making me anxious.

  I didn't want to think about when he was leaving, but every time he talked about it, I was forced to face reality. I wasn't trying to delude myself into thinking I would be the reason he gave up on his future, but I could keep imagining that we had more time left than just a few measly weeks.

  I didn't know what to do. I didn't know anything but the fact that I really, really wanted to be with him and the thought of him leaving filled me with a dread I'd never experienced.

  We took a slow walk back to my place after eating. We used the back steps, walking up onto the porch.

  "You want to sleep here tonight?" he asked. It wasn't a question of whether we would spend the night together anymore; it was a question of where. I didn't want to fall asleep without him.

  "Can we?" I asked. It didn't make that much of a difference where since in the morning one of us would have to leave inevitably to get ready, or in my case, clock into work. Still, seeing him in my space made his presence in my life feel a little more permanent. It wasn't much of a win, but I was taking what I could get.

  It wasn't that late, and I wasn't that tired. I looked for a movie we could watch together while he was in the shower. I wanted to do the things that I did alone, but with him. I wanted to catch up on all the things that normal couples got to do together with him before he had to leave.

  He joined me on the couch fifteen minutes into Love and Other Drugs. He sat next to me, and I lay on my back with my head in his lap. He played with my hair as we watched. If he wasn't as invested as I was, at least he was watching it with me. Maybe he thought Anne Hathaway was hot.

  "I'm picking the next movie; this one is a bummer," he said.

  "It's beautiful," I complained.

  "She's dying; it's fucking sad as hell." Yeah, I thought, but in the end, she still allowed herself to enjoy the time that she had with the man she loved. That sounded so unfortunately familiar.

  "Can I tell you a secret?" I asked him, turning so I was looking right up at him instead of the movie. He looked down at me.

  "Go on."

  "After we stopped talking, Makani and I had a girls’ night and we spent hours watching these movies and talking shit about the girls who fell in love with the male leads."

  "Was that my fault?" he asked.

  "It was my fault for dealing with rejection poorly."

  "It was mine for rejecting you," he said, stroking my hair. He leaned down and kissed me sweetly. "I'm sorry I ruined romantic comedies for you," he said. I smiled.

  "Apology accepted," I said. "You can pick the next one." I started dozing off halfway through one of the Fast and Furious movies. It was totally his fault, though. We were spooning and how the hell was I supposed to stay awake in that position? I was drifting off for the tenth time when I felt his lips on my cheek.

  "Tired?" he asked. I turned onto my back so I could look at him.

  "Mm-hmm." He kissed my forehead and shifted from behind me, turning my laptop off and disappearing for a second before returning with a blanket.

  He lay on the couch, pulling me into him so I was resting on his chest.

  "We should go to the bed," I mumbled sleepily.

  "You should go back to sleep," he said, resting one of his hands on my back. Did I sleep better with him, or was everything better with him because I loved being with him so much? If he stays, this doesn’t have to end, I thought. If he stayed, he wouldn't be able to pursue his music career.

  I breathed him in deeply because my reality wouldn't be better than my fantasies for much longer. In a perfect world where we weren't who we were, he could have stayed. I couldn't be the reason Nate Stone didn't get a chance at the music career that he deserved. I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn’t.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Nate

  "Are you doing anything tonight?" Abby asked me. She was dressed for work, I was still in bed. Watching her get ready for work every day was something I would miss the shit out when I had to leave. If I was leaving. I was trying not to think that much about it but had sort of resigned myself to what was happening. It was stupid to pretend that I didn't have to make a decision. Just because I had to leave didn't mean we couldn't make it work somehow.

  "No. Are you busy tonight?" I asked. We were together more than we were apart at this point. Since Makani and Keno were spending more time together now, I had Abby almost all to myself. It was a little odd that she was asking whether I was busy. As far as I knew, we were spending the night together.

  "I am, actually. So are you," she said, sitting next to me on the bed. "We only have one week left." I closed my eyes.

  "Don't remind me."

  "I want to do something for you tonight. Something special."

  "Movies and room service is already perfect. What do you want to do?"

  "It's a surprise. I'm picking you up at seven o'clock sharp."

  "Where are we going?"

  "You still can't deal with sur
prises, can you?" she said smiling. "All you need to do is be ready for me to pick you up at seven. Oh. And get yourself a suit."

  "Now you gotta tell me," I insisted. She smirked and kissed me before walking away.

  "Seven sharp. Don't be late," she said before walking out.

  I laughed a little as I went back to my suite. This is basically what I had done to her, and she had hated every second of it until the point that we were actually on our date.

  I needed to get a suit so I figured that was what we were doing, going on a date. A sit-down dinner some place. That was cool. It didn't make that much of a difference to me, as long as we were together. I'd eat leftover white rice and pineapple slices with her on her porch as long as we were doing it together.

  Fuck, getting on that plane was going to kill me.

  Sure, I got to remember everything that we had while we had it, but fuck that. I didn't want a goddamn memory because that meant we'd still be apart.

  I took a shower and got changed before sitting at the piano. I had gotten the call about the contract on Monday. It was Friday today. Wes Barry had hit me up again for an update, but I had managed to get him to give me a little more time, like a week, before I told him anything. I fed him some bullshit about tying up loose ends with Remus, and he bought it or pretended to buy it.

  All I wanted was more time. This decision was more than just making music in LA again. It was also breaking up with this girl who I didn't even know I wanted or needed.

  I was getting up to grab something to write on when I heard a knock on my door. I went to get it and found Keno was standing there in a shirt and khakis, not his uniform.

  "Keno?"

  "You look like you were expecting someone else," he said.

  "No, I'm just surprised. Don't you have work?"

  "You need a suit today," he said.

  "How do you know that?" I asked. He smirked and shook his head.

  "You're getting nothing out of me, brother. Come on, let's go."

  I didn't like this. I knew I didn't have to worry about it or anything but Abby had accomplices now; what the fuck was going on? I bet if I asked Makani what was happening, she'd stonewall me, too. We ended up in his car, taking a short trip to a suit store in the city.