by Carian Cole
Oh God. I'm going to have to keep a huge part of my life a secret from my friends and family. For how long?
I rinse the conditioner out of my hair and turn the water off. I can't think about all of that right now and let my mind start racing out of control with questions and worries. My mom always told me to take things day-by-day and step-by-step and not worry about things until it was the right time to worry about it.
But when is the right time? How will I know?
That familiar stab slices through my chest at memories of my mom. I wish she was here so badly. I know I could tell her the truth about Tor and she would understand without judging us or making us feel like we were partaking in some evil act. She'd answer all my questions, calm my fears, and give me hope that it would all be okay. She'd talk to my dad and get him to accept us as a couple. She'd work her magic and make it better for all of us. Everything would be different.
After I towel off and dress, I open the bathroom door to see Tor still sitting on the bed, only now he's wearing jeans rather than sitting there completely naked. He's made the bed and put our shoes neatly next to the door. He still appears to be deep in thought and I'm worried he's going to tell me we have to forget this ever happened between us, like he did the first time we kissed.
"Come here, beautiful." He says, patting the spot next to him, and when I do, he turns to me, holds my face in his hands and gives me a long, deep kiss that shakes me right down to my toes.
"I wasn't planning on this today, Kenz." He says when he pulls away. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? Why?"
"It's just not how I wanted it to happen. I would have been slower, more gentle. Made it more special for you."
"Tor...every moment was perfect. I wouldn't change anything."
"Well, I fuckin' would. Your first time should have been special, and probably not with me."
Tears immediately spring to my eyes, something that seems to be becoming a habit for me. "Don't say that. I only want it to ever be you." I say, sniffling. "I don't care about slow and gentle. I care about you just being you and not holding back or hiding your feelings. You made me feel loved and wanted."
"You are. More than you know."
"Was it disappointing for you?" I hate when my mouth takes on a life of its own and asks questions that I really don't want to hear the answer to.
"What? Are you crazy? I nearly lost my mind. You put me in a friggin' frenzy. It's taking every bit of self-control I have to not throw you back down on the bed right now and never take you back home. I knew I wouldn't be able to get enough of you."
Despite being newly raw and torn, my core responds to his words by quivering and my pulse picks up speed. I want him to touch me again. I want to feel him everywhere and get lost in that indescribable euphoria of him again. I lay my hand on his leg, my fingers reaching for his muscular thigh. "You can do that."
He breaks out into a wide grin that makes my heart swoon. "Don't tempt me, please. You're going to be sore."
"I don't care if it hurts."
"I do."
"So...we're going to do it again? Someday?" I ask shyly.
He lets out a long sigh. "Kenzi...we need to think for a few days, okay? If we do this...try to be together...it's not going to be easy. It'll be messy as fuck."
"I know. But if we both want it, we'll find a way to make it work, right? Isn't that what people do?"
"Yes...but there's just a lot involved we have to think about. No matter what, Kenzi...I don't want you to get hurt or start your life in the middle of a secret affair. You know I want better than that for you."
"You're what's best for me.
He chuckles sarcastically "You're the only one that will think that."
"Isn't that all that matters?" I shoot back at him.
He covers my hand on his leg with his. "I wish. But your father is my best friend, Kenzi. I love him just as much as I love you. I've known your entire family since I was seven years old. They matter to me. You matter to them. What my own family will think matters to me. How people might treat you matters to me." Any trace of a smile fades from his face, replaced with overwhelming worry. "My head is fucking spinning."
"So what do we do?" It all sounds so grim when he lists it out like that.
He touches my chin and tilts my face up to his, kissing my lips softly. "First, I tell you I'm fucking crazy in love with everything about you," he kisses the tip of my nose. "Second, we both need to put some serious thought into this before we take any more steps. And I hate to do this to you, but I need you to not tell anyone about this until we have our heads straight about what we're going to do. If and when Asher finds out about us, it has to come from us and no one else."
"I won't tell anyone, Tor. I promise. I don't ever want to hurt you or my father. That would kill me."
"That's what I'm afraid of, Kenz. Of you getting hurt in the crossfire of this and being torn between me and your father."
I cling to him and he puts his arms around me as the brevity of that sinks into me. Choosing between Tor and my father would devastate me. I love them both with every bit of my heart and soul and hurting either of them is unthinkable.
"Please, Tor. We can't let that happen."
"Shh..." He cradles the back of my head and tightens his embrace around me. "I know, baby. Just let me think and I'll find a way to make it work." His lips brush across my cheek. "For months I've wanted to have you in my arms like this...let's just focus on us for tonight."
"I would love that." I whisper.
He props all his pillows up against the headboard, and leans back against them, pulling me on top of him so I'm laying between his legs, with my back against his chest, my head resting on his shoulder. He wraps his big arms around me and holds me against him, clasping my hands in his.
"This is Heaven." He says with his lips against my ear.
"It is. I want to stay just like this with you and never leave."
His breathing changes, going from steady to deeper. "You have no fuckin' idea what it does to me when you say things like that."
"Tell me." I tighten my hold on his hands, running my thumb along the black artwork on the back of his hand.
"It makes me think I can have everything with you. It makes me think you'll never break my heart."
My own breath catches as a wave of emotion surges through me. This man, with his arms wrapped so tight around me and his heart pounding against my spine isn't the man I grew up knowing. This is someone who’s been hiding in the shadows; deep, dark, and hopelessly romantic. There's a mix of fear and hope in his words, all tangled up together in a cocktail of turmoil.
I twist my head towards him. "I'll never hurt you, Tor. Ever. Haven't I been promising my undying love to you since I was five? It hasn't changed."
"Just don't make promises you aren't sure of. Please."
"I hope you don't, either."
He cups the side of my neck and turns my face towards his, his lips landing on mine.
"I don't want any broken promises between us." He says in a low voice, pulling me up onto him and turning me so I'm sitting on top of him, straddling his body. I respond by kissing him back with as much passion as I know how to do with my limited experience, hoping actions are louder than words. Our kisses start soft and slow but soon turn deeper, his tongue delving into my mouth while my hands grip his shoulders and his move slowly under my shirt to cup my breasts through my bra. It's not long before he's pulling my shirt off and I unclasp my bra and throw it off to the side of the bed, shocked at how easy and natural everything flows with him. Maybe because I've fantasized about being with him for so long, now that it's happening it feels familiar to me. Or maybe it's just chemistry between us.
"Fuck, you're so beautiful." He groans, kneading my breasts in his hands and burying his face between them, moving his lips from one to the other, sucking my nipples until I'm grinding against his erection, lost in his touch. I had no idea anything could make me feel so electrified. His hands mov
"I don't want to hurt you so we're going to do something different," He says, his voice gravelly with lust. "But it'll still feel good, I promise."
"Everything you do feels good," I whisper.
He flashes me a wicked sexy grin that makes my stomach go into spasms.
"It's only going to get better, love." He presses two fingers against my lips, gently pushing them into my mouth. "Suck on my fingers, baby."
I'm surprised by his words but I do as he asks, sucking his fingers into my mouth and swirling my tongue around them, and his eyes go wide as he watches me. His cock twitches between us and I ache to feel him buried inside me again, spreading and stretching my body just for him. The pain and pleasure of it earlier made me feel erotically delirious, causing me to spread my legs wider and dig my nails into him, wanting him harder and deeper.
When he pulls his fingers out of my mouth, he reaches between us and rubs his wet fingers between my legs, smearing my saliva all over my lips. No one's ever touched me there before him, and my body instantly reacts, quivering and flushing with warmth. Spreading my folds with his fingers, he gently pushes me down until I'm flush against him with his cock wedged between my lips.
"Keep your legs spread and slide yourself back and forth over me," he coaxes, grabbing my hips and moving me so my sex glides from the base of him all the way up to the head, and then back again. And he's right, even though he's not inside me, rubbing along his hard length feels incredible.
Leaning back against the pillows, his gaze drifts up my body, not stopping until he reaches my eyes.
"That feels so good..." He groans softly, cupping my breasts in his hands again. "Don't stop, just let yourself go and get off on me. I want to watch you come."
"Tor..."
Nervousness creeps up on me. Surely he's not used to having to do things like this just to be with a woman. I'm afraid my age and inexperience is more glaring by the minute. He tears his eyes from where our bodies are joined and glances up at me again, his expression going from hungry with desire to sheer concern.
Grabbing the back of my neck, he gently pulls my head down and kisses my lips. "You're perfect, Kenzi. Every single inch of you, inside and out. You're turning me on like fuckin' crazy." He kisses me again, always knowing exactly what I need to hear and feel, and I continue to ride along his shaft, arching my back to press my clit against him.
"There ya go," He whispers, his fingers grazing over my nipple, sending more sparks throughout my body and down into my core. "Feel how hard I am for you? For months I've been hiding that from you but now I want you to feel every inch of what you do to me."
God. All his walls are down and his voice is like black velvet; soft, smooth, dark, and seductive. It lulls me and fades my insecurities as I rub myself against him. His mouth and hands are everywhere with mind-blurring skill. Gripping my hips, caressing my breasts, his lips on my mouth one moment, and then licking the curve of my breast the next—he's got every part of me craving him and I can't get enough. Finally I can look at him without hiding the fact that I'm doing it, and now my eyes are glued to his broad shoulders, muscular chest, and defined abs as I move against the hardest part of him, mesmerized. His dark tousled hair falls to his shoulders and I can't resist clutching it in my fingers. He's truly every woman's dream. I can barely grasp the fact this incredibly sexy grown man with rippling hard muscles, covered in tattoos that I've watched women literally drool over, and who also has a heart made of pure solid gold...wants me. Loves me. He could have anyone, and he waited for me.
He growls against my lips when I let the tip of his cock press against my wet entrance and I get my first taste of real sensual power. He wants me. Maybe even needs me.
Angling my hips just the right way, I lower myself down onto him and he inhales sharply, pulling me down hard on him, his cock plunging deep. A small cry sounds in my throat but again, the sensation of pain and want is intoxicating for me, intensifying when he whispers my name and shudders, losing himself in me completely just as I am with him.
I really can give him everything.
And that's all I've ever wanted and wished for.
25
Tor
My love,
We promised each other forever.
If you think I've let you go, you're wrong.
You're mine. I'm yours.
Forever.
Tor
Nothing can fuck your shit up faster than the girl you've got your cock buried in getting a text message from her father telling her she should come home because it's after midnight.
I wanted to keep her with me in my bed all night and ask her to not go home. I wanted her tell her father that she was spending the night at Chloe's house and she'd be home tomorrow.
And then I remembered that once I was the guy who enforced her curfew. Told her to never lie to her father about anything. I almost laughed at the insane irony of it, only it wasn't funny. It was terrifyingly confusing.
Fuck me.
Day one of having Kenzi was nothing short of a dream and I'm not going to let these bumps in the road ruin the happiness we're feeling. We knew it would be hard. We knew it would be difficult. We knew there would be lies.
Is she worth it? Yes.
So I drove her home in my truck and when she went inside she told Asher that she had been at my place playing with the dog and then we watched a movie and lost track of the time. And when she sent me a text an hour later, when I was back home alone in my bed that still smelled of her perfume and I was missing her like crazy, she told me her father said her she could have stayed here. Because she was with me.
Safe.
Was she safe? Of course. But Asher wouldn't think so if he knew I had just spent hours dragging my tongue over every curve of her delicious body, pummeling away her virginity with nine inches of his best friend, and fingering her into orgasmic bliss while telling her I'm going to love her for eternity.
Now I'm standing outside my sister’s apartment door, wondering if I'm at the wrong address. This is an upscale mill apartment in Manchester, probably getting at least twelve hundred per month in rent. How is my little sister affording something like this? I have no idea how much a hair and makeup artist can make, but apparently it's a lot.
Shrugging, I ring the bell, hoping she's awake, and home. After a few seconds her door opens, and she's standing there with her hair up in a messy ponytail wearing a short, black silk robe.
"Toren!" She says with obvious surprise. "I didn't know you were coming over. Come in."
I saunter into her apartment and gaze around at the stark white walls, chic modern decor and furnishings like glass table tops and funky vases. Everything is white, black, and red. I feel like I just walked into an abstract painting.
"You live here?" I ask, not hiding my disbelief. I was expecting a cute little studio with cheap throw rugs, colorful throw pillows, hand me down furniture, and clothes thrown around like when she lived at mom's house.
"Um, yes, why?"
"Alone? Or do you have a roommate?"
"Alone. You know I hate people."
"Hm. It’s just so...neat. And expensive. Is this couch real leather?" I run my hand across the soft black cushion. Yes. It's leather.
She curls her lip at me and turns to walk into the small kitchen with granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. "You want some coffee? I literally just crawled out of bed."
I follow her and sit at her kitchen table, grabbing a thick white envelope laying in the middle of the table next to a vase of red silk flowers. It's stuffed with cash. A lot of cash.
"You rob a bank?" I query, thumbing through all the bills.
"No," she replies from the noisy latte maker, not turning around.
I frown at the envelope. "Dealing drugs? Stripping, maybe?"
She turns and snatches the envelope from me and shoves it in a drawer before she goes back to making our coffees. "No, Tor. It's just tips from work."
"Nice. Maybe I need to switch jobs."
"Ha ha," she jokes, handing me a cup and sitting gracefully in the chair across from me. "So what brings you here?"
"I wanted to check in on my little sister, but it looks like you're doing well." My gut tells me something is very off here. I doubt I could afford to live in this place, so how is she swinging this?
She nods over the rim of her mug. "I am."
"I kinda need someone to talk to," I say, shifting my attention to why I'm here and forgetting about her rent and furniture, which is really none of my business. "A woman's point of view would be appreciated, I guess."
She smiles and leans forward on the table, pushing her long dark hair behind her diamond studded ear. "Ooh, now this sounds good. Ask away."
"How would you feel about being with a guy older than you?"
"How much older? Like eighty?"
I shake my head at her in frustration. Eighty! "No, like early thirties."
"Do you mean to just fuck, or to actually date?"
"Jesus, Tess. To date." The thought that my little sister would even consider just fucking and not dating makes my stomach turn.
"Is he hot?" She asks next.
I shrug and sip my coffee. "Yeah."
"Rich?"
Shit. "Does that matter?"
"Well, yeah. To some. Nobody wants to date some loser with no ambition and no money."
Kenzi wouldn't care. She has her own money, anyway.
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