Between The Sheets
Page 16
On reflection, I didn't question many things in those days. I was becoming a typical teenager: engrossed in my own world and oblivious to anything or anyone outside it. I spent my days fantasizing about Liam O'Herlihy, with his dreamy eyes and long curly hair. When my parents thought I was doing my homework, I was usually doodling 'Dana O'Herlihy' or 'Liam loves Dana' in the margins of my text books. I progressed to love poems — I was, after all, a poet's daughter, and knew that I had some talent. The nuns fawned over me and my natural ability when it came to writing essays or poems, but they wouldn't have approved of the stuff that went into my diary each night.
I was fourteen when Ed left. It was a beautiful Saturday morning in July. I was lying on the grass in the back garden, reading Jane Austen and working on my tan. Maybe Liam would finally notice me and ask me to dance at the disco that evening.
When the shouting first started, I ignored it. Father was always shouting about something these days, and once I wasn't in the firing line I tended to keep my head down until it was all over. And then I realized that it wasn't Father's voice but Ed's that was raised, and it was terrifying in its anger.
My mother's scream had me on my feet and running for the back door.
I will never, to my dying day, forget the sight that greeted me when I burst through the kitchen door. My brother had my father pinned to the wall, a carving knife to his throat. Mother was begging Ed to stop but he didn't seem to be even aware of her. He was staring into my father's face; his own was twisted with hate and anger.
My father smiled at him. 'Don't worry, Rosemary,' he told my mother. 'He's not going to hurt me; he doesn't have the balls.'
I couldn't believe the way he was taunting my brother. Even then, face to face with his own mortality. There wasn't a trace of fear, hurt or even shock in his expression. It was almost as if he were enjoying the little drama. He broke eye contact with Ed and looked past him to me. 'I'm sorry if we disturbed your study, princess,' he said politely. 'Edmund's just having a little tantrum. Why don't you and your mother go into the garden while I take care of this?'
I stared at him, not knowing whether I should be impressed by his bravery or dumbfounded at his blasé attitude.
My mother pushed me towards the door. 'Go and get help,' she urged.
'No!' Ed and Father bellowed in unison.
'Well, at least we agree on one thing,' my father said drily.
'Why do you want to save him, Mother?' Ed asked, incredulously. 'Why would you want to save a man who has made our lives mi — mi — miserable for years?'
My mother gave a nervous laugh. 'Don't be silly, Edmund.'
Ed turned to stare at her, and in that instant of in-attention my father moved like lightning. He twisted Ed's arm around behind his back and shoved his face into the wall. The knife fell with a clatter on to the slate tiles.
'Well, big man, what are you going to do now?' Father hissed in his ear. 'Call for your mammy to save you?'
'Leave it now, Conall,' my mother said, edging closer.
'Stay where you are,' he barked. 'You too, Dana,' he added, when he saw me staring at the knife at his feet. 'My God, it's a sad day when a man can't get respect in his own home.' His lips were against Ed's ear, his voice low. 'After all I've done for you this is the thanks I get.'
'All you've ever do — do-done for me, is make me wi — wi — wish I'd nev — nev — never been bo-bo-born!'
'Edmund!' My mother gasped and put a hand to her mouth in horror.
'And tha — tha — that's what you wish too,' Ed said, turning his eyes on his father.
My father was silent for a moment. Then he shrugged slightly, releasing his hold on Ed and bending to pick up the knife. 'And who could blame me? What man would want a son like you?'
'Conall!'
'Daddy!'
Mother and I both stared at him. It seemed impossible that he could be this cruel.
Father ignored us both. He carefully replaced the knife in the drawer and walked to the door.
'I'm lea — lea — leaving,' Ed flung after him. 'I'm leaving and you can't ma-ma-make me stay.'
Father calmly took his sports jacket from the hook in the hall and put it on. He checked his image in the mirror by the door, and smoothed down his thinning hair. He looked back at the three of us, his expression remote and dispassionate. T wouldn't want to.'
For the next hour, Mother and I beseeched Ed not to go, but to no avail. Tears streamed down his face as he loaded up an old suitcase with clothes and books, and when he could fit no more in he went into the garage in search of a sack.
'But where will you go?' my mother asked, wringing her hands together in anguish.
'I have friends,' he said vaguely.
'What will you do?' I asked.
'I don't know but anything is better than this.'
'Your exam results will be out in August,' Mother reminded him. 'You'll have to come back then, or at least let me know where you are so I can send them on.'
'I'll be in touch,' he promised. He pulled Mother into his arms and held her tightly. Then, turning to me, he smiled and patted my cheek. 'Cheer up, princess. It will be much easier for you and Mum this way.'
'Don't call me that,' I said in disgust and threw myself into his arms. 'Please don't go.'
'I have to.' Gently, but firmly, he pushed me away, picked up his bags and went to the door. 'If I don't it's only a matter of time before I ki — ki — kill him or he ki — ki — kills me. This is for the best.'
'Wait.' Mother rushed into the kitchen, returning moments later with her sewing box. Opening it, she pulled out a roll of fifty-pound notes from a pocket secreted at the back behind her bobbins and buttons. 'Here.'
His eyes widened. 'Where did you get this?' He flicked through the notes. Even I could see that there were at least twenty.
She smiled though tears rolled down her cheeks. 'It's my rainy-day fund. And today looks like it might get pretty wet.'
He hugged her tightly and then it was she who pushed him away. 'Go on now, before he gets back, or there'll only be more trouble.'
'I love you, Mummy,' he said, walking backwards down the drive.
The childish endearment unleashed a fresh flood of tears. 'I love you too, son.'
I was not so easy to shake off. All the way down to the gate, I begged and pleaded with him not to go, or, at least, to come back after a couple of weeks. 'Father will have calmed down by then and everything will be okay.'
He stopped at the gate and looked at me, his expression a mixture of pity and bewilderment. 'It can never be okay, Dana. Even you must realize that. Now, promise me you'll look after Mother. You're nearly fi -fi — fifteen and well able to st — st — stand up to him. Better than I ever could. Don't let him bully her any more.'
'But what can I do?' I felt tears fill my eyes. He was asking too much. I was just a kid, despite my posturing in front of the bedroom mirror and dreams of romance.
'He lo — lo — loves you, Dana. He'll do anything for you.'
'I hate him,' I said with all the fierceness of youth.
'Maybe, maybe not,' he said mildly. 'But ju — ju -just remember you — you — you're the only one that he cares about. That ma-ma-makes you very powerful.'
Then he was gone.
Chapter Twenty
Dana was woken at ten by the sound of Iris cleaning up after the night before. Pulling on her dressing gown, she went downstairs. 'Morning, Iris.'
The housekeeper switched off the hoover and smiled. 'I'm sorry if I woke you.'
'No, I was awake,' Dana lied. She'd only got to bed at four and felt exhausted. As she poured coffee into a large mug, she debated whether she should shower or just crawl back under the covers. 'It's very good of you to come in on a Saturday.'
'It's no trouble. Did everything go all right last night?' Iris asked.
'It seemed to, though I've no idea why. I have a feeling my agent was telling more than a few fibs on my behalf.'
Iris frowned. 'W
as that wise?'
Dana sighed. 'Good question. He believes so.'
'Shall I make you some breakfast?'
'No, coffee is fine for the moment. I think I'll go and have a shower before I start work.'
Iris smiled. "You're going to write?'
'I have to try. I'll be letting a lot of people down if I don't.'
Iris opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by the sound of the intercom buzzer. 'Who could that be?'
'I'll get it on my way up.' With her mug in one hand, Dana went out and picked up the handset. 'Yes?'
'I've brought you breakfast.'
'Who is this?'
'Charming. I know it was a brief encounter, but I had hoped it was at least memorable.'
She smiled. 'Ryan?'
'Glad I'm not completely forgettable.'
'What are you doing here?'
'I thought I'd give you an opportunity to explain how I ended up in the newspaper.'
'I'm so sorry, Ryan, but I had no way of contacting you—'
'Are we going to conduct this whole conversation via intercom? Only, I brought breakfast...'
She laughed. 'Sorry. Come on in. But you'll have to give me five minutes. I need to dress.'
'Not on my account.'
'Wait in the sitting room, Ryan. I'll be as quick as I can.' Dana went into the kitchen to ask Iris to let him in. Ignoring the look of disapproval on the woman's face, she hurried upstairs. This was the last thing she needed, after the night's work she'd put in. But she couldn't help feeling pleased that he had dropped by. She'd felt bad that he'd ended up in a tabloid newspaper because of her, but that couldn't be helped. She didn't have his phone number and so had no way of warning him.
Dressing quickly in jeans and a T-shirt, Dana tucked her hair back behind her ears, put on some lip gloss and went down to join him.
He stood up and smiled when she walked in. 'You look wonderful.'
She made a face. 'I'm wearing no make-up. I have a slight hangover. And got about five hours' sleep — I don't think so!'
He came over and kissed her cheek. 'I think you look beautiful.'
She stepped back, embarrassed and very conscious of how small she felt next him. 'Let's go into the conservatory and eat there. I hate missing out on any of this sunshine.'
He followed her through to the other room. 'It is incredible weather.' He carefully lifted two large cups of latte out of a bag and then took croissants and pains au chocolat out of another.
'You're into healthy eatir.g, then,' she teased as he spread the food out on the coffee table in front of them.
He lifted a finger and then pulled out two small plastic containers of mixed fruit and two brown scones. 'I'm ready for anything.'
Dana laughed at the double entendre. 'I'm not. I'm completely exhausted, so don't get any funny ideas.'
'Out clubbing again, eh?' he said casually.
Lord, he was jealous, Dana thought delightedly. 'No, my publisher and agent were here for dinner. Drinking was the only way to get through it. Then, when they were gone, I started writing and lost track of time.' She took a sip of coffee. 'Thanks for this.'
'I wasn't sure what way you liked your coffee. I hope this is okay.'
'Perfect. I'm sorry about the papers.'
He shrugged. 'It gave my colleagues great pleasure. They photocopied it and pinned it up all over the office.'
'Oh, that's awful,' she groaned.
He smiled. 'It wasn't so bad. Some of the other guys were quite impressed.'
She shook her head. 'Anyway, a journalist showed up looking for a comment. Of course, I didn't give him one,' she said hurriedly. 'He told me he also had photos of us outside the house. Well, then I panicked. I knew that once Gus saw them, he'd know for sure that you had stayed the night. I phoned the guy who handles my publicity and he came up with the story.'
'Quite plausible, but if I were Gus I wouldn't have swallowed it. He pretty much caught us red-handed.'
'What do you mean?'
He shrugged apologetically. 'He saw me standing at your bedroom window.'
'You knew he'd seen you? Why didn't you say so at the time?' she said incredulously.
'What was the point? It wouldn't have helped anything.'
'I suppose not. And you're right, he didn't swallow it. I've tried to talk to him, but he won't take or return my calls.'
'The man's an idiot.' Ryan helped himself to a croissant.
'He is not,' she said crossly. 'He's just hurt.'
Ryan nodded thoughtfully. 'Remind me — it was he who left you, wasn't it?'
She nodded reluctantly.
'And he didn't get in touch for weeks until he arrived that morning unannounced. Oh, and I'm forgetting that he'd already been snapped by the press with another woman.'
'How did you know that?' Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. 'You said you didn't even know who I was until you brought me home.'
'Ah, yes, but I have a sister who follows the tabloids with pathetic devotion and she was able to fill me in on all the gory details.'
Dana shuddered. 'You told your sister about me?'
'I tell my sister everything,' he admitted.
Her eyes widened. 'Everything?'
He grinned. 'Well, no, I don't go into any sort of intimate detail and neither does she. God, I couldn't handle that. I do not want to know about what men might get up to with my kid sister.' It was his turn to shudder.
'It must be nice to be that close to your family. Are there just the two of you?' Dana curled up on the sofa with her coffee. She'd forgotten what good company Ryan was. He also looked pretty good in daylight. His eyes were darker than she remembered and she loved how they crinkled round the edges when he smiled. Her eyes were drawn to his mouth. He had been a great kisser too—
'Dana?'
She felt her cheeks flush. 'Sorry?'
He smiled knowingly. 'I was asking if you had any brothers or sisters?'
'One brother.'
'Are you close?'
Dana hesitated. 'We were when we were young, although he is three years older than me. I don't think he ever confided in me, though. I was just his kid sister.'
'And now?'
'We don't see that much of each other.'
'That's a pity.'
She shrugged. 'It's life.'
'Don't you miss him?'
'I've lived longer without him than I did with him. Anyway my life is here, in Dublin. I have lots of friends here.'
He studied her over the rim of his cup.
'What?' she asked.
'Nothing.'
'Go on. Say what you were thinking.'
He shook his head. 'You won't like it.'
'Try me,' she challenged, enjoying the banter.
'I was just going to make an observation. You'd probably think it was presumptuous.'
'Really, say it. I'm fascinated that in the short time we've known each other and from the snippets you've learned from your sister, you figure that you know me.'
'I didn't say that.'
She waved away his correction. 'Oh, stop prevaricating and just spit it out.'
'Okay,' he said slowly. 'I don't think you were as happy with your husband as you pretend. I think you miss your brother, and I doubt that you have lots of friends.'
'Well! Thanks for the honesty.' She stared at him in silence for a moment, then stood up. 'I think you'd better go now.'
He looked up at her and smiled. 'See, I knew you didn't really want to hear the truth.'
'It's not the truth,' she protested. 'It's total bullshit. You don't have a clue what you're talking about. You know nothing about me.'
Ryan took her hand and pulled her down beside him. 'No, but I'd like to,' he said gently.
She looked into his eyes and saw humour there but kindness too. 'It's really not a good time to start a relationship—'
'Is there ever a good time?'
'I'm not ready,' Dana whispered.
'Then we'll just be friends.'
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'Oh, right, sure.' She rolled her eyes. They were sitting so close she could feel the warmth of him and smell his spicy cologne.
'No, I mean it,' he told her, smiling straight into her eyes. 'At least until you get to the point where you can't resist my charm any longer. We can do lunch, visit the zoo, go and watch a football match—'
'I hate football.'
'You'll learn to love it,' he promised. 'I'll even teach you the offside rule.'
She shook her head, smiling. 'Why?'
'It's essential if you want to understand the game,' he said, straight-faced.
'You know what I mean.' She slapped his thigh, laughing.
He caught her hand in his and stroked her palm with his finger. 'I feel we really clicked that night. I haven't stopped thinking about you since. That hasn't happened to me in a long time.'
She stared at him, thinking that if she leaned forward just a fraction, she could kiss him. The temptation to do just that and then drag him up to bed was enormous. But there was Iris to think of. And, anyway, it would be wrong. She couldn't commit to Ryan. Her head was all over the place at the moment; it wouldn't be fair to him. But, God, he was sexy and the fact that he fancied her too was a huge turn-on.
'Okay, you've weighed up the options,' he said quietly. 'What's the verdict?'
She put her head on one side and pretended to consider the question. 'No to the zoo. I hate the smell. Yes to lunches. As for football: I'm sorry but the intricacies of the offside rule hold no appeal. How about rugby instead?'
He grinned. 'I was the hooker on my school team.'
'Now, why doesn't that surprise me?'
She stood up and pulled him with her. 'Thank you for breakfast, and for being so understanding about the piece in the newspaper.'