Now I get really pissed. Part of me knows she is absolutely right, but I’m feeling upset and attacked so before I can stop the words, the lie tumbles out of my mouth harshly. “Considering I’m going to be his wife, I think it’s plenty of my business.”
Holly looks like I slapped her in the face. “Just because you were sneaky enough to trick my son into impregnating you does not mean you have a right to judge me.” The icy tone of her words is enough to make me shiver.
That’s it, the claws are coming out. “At least I know I’ll be a better mother to our baby than you were to Ryan.”
Fire dances in her eyes. Her voice remains calm and even, but by the way she grits her teeth I can tell she’s trying really hard not to lose her shit in front of her guests. “How dare you say such terrible things about me in my own home when I was nice enough to invite you for this special day. I think you should leave.”
Before I have time to respond, I hear a very pissed off Ryan yelling, “What the fuck? Did I seriously just hear you try to kick my fiancée out?”
Ryan
I stalk next to Kelley, putting a reassuring hand on the small of her back before turning my rage back to my mother. As soon as I saw her get Kelley alone I knew shit would start, and it’s a good thing I came over when I did.
These past few weeks have been good with Kelley and me. Real good. After I fucked her bare in the shower I just about lost my mind—I’ve never had sex without a condom, and not only was it the first time I screwed the same woman more than once, but it was the only time I ever wanted to. And that is dangerous territory. Thankfully I was able to get my shit together and realize we have to stay friends. That’s all I’m capable of right now.
While I may not understand what the fuck I’m really feeling for this girl, I sure as shit know I will not let anybody hurt her, especially my fucked up family.
My mom glances around the room, smiling, making sure we’re not causing a scene. She leans in and tries to reason with me. “Ryan, darling, please don’t be upset with me. I’ve been nothing but kind to your friend here and she has said such nasty things about me. Quite frankly you might want to reconsider your relationship. For her to say I had nothing to do with your upbringing is just appalling. I’m your mother for goodness sake.”
I don’t back down, nor do I lower my voice. “First of all, she’s more than my friend, she’s the fucking mother of my child, so you better start treating her with some respect. And secondly, I heard what she said, and it was the goddamned truth.” If I thought I liked Kelley before, after hearing her stand up to my mother I downright worship her.
My mother looks horrified as she notices people can hear us. “Ryan, this is not the time nor the place for you to speak to me this way.”
Words cannot describe the level of protectiveness I feel toward Kelley hearing my mother give her shit, and right now I don’t care if the whole fucking house hears us. “What’s the matter, mother? Are you afraid people will know the fucking truth for once?”
I can tell Kelley is uncomfortable next to me, but I refuse to let my mom get away with this. Not this time. I brought Kelley into this three-ring shit show, so if anything it’s my mess to clean up. She did nothing wrong but try to stand up for me, and I’m sure as hell going to defend her.
“Ryan Bartholomew Blake, where is all this hostility coming from?”
I just laugh. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. How about from when you ignored Hazel and I after Dad walked out? How about from when you refused to notice your teenage son became an alcoholic? Or maybe it’s from when you practically left your only daughter to die from some fucking drug overdose until I had to threaten you to help her?” I ball my fists, squeezing them tight at my sides. I’ve held onto this anger for a long time, and it’s about time I finally let some of it out.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mother look so completely stunned. She stands frozen and her fake smile finally fades. After a minute she clears her throat and collects herself enough to tersely state, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” before briskly leaving the room and disappearing into the crowd.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and find Eli standing next to me. “Everything ok, son?”
I nod, still tensed, and he pats me on the back with understanding in his eyes. I turn my attention to Kelley, who looks like she might pass out. “Let me grab our coats and we’ll get out of here.” Lucas and Kinsley make their way over, knowing enough not to say anything. Luc and his dad know the kind of shit my mom usually pulls, which is why I’m grateful they still came to support me.
A few seconds later I’m helping Kelley into her jacket and ushering her out of the house to the safety of my truck. I turn the key so it roars to life and maneuver us down the drive. We sit in silence as I pull onto the main road.
“Brooks? Will you please say something?” I feel out of my element as I worry about both her and the baby. She looked white as a fucking ghost inside and I will never forgive myself if this causes her to break.
She remains quiet for a minute longer and I worry something is seriously wrong. But then I hear her sweet, light voice cut through the awkward thickness. “Your middle name is Bartholomew?”
Fuck, this girl is going to be the death of me.
We both chuckle before she gets serious. “I’m really sorry for what happened in there, Ry. I didn’t mean to make things worse between you and your mom.”
Her voice is unexpectedly quiet and sad. She’s usually so bold and feisty, so this makes my heart fucking shatter. She never needs to apologize for speaking the truth. “I promise there is nothing you could say that would make things worse between my mother and I. This shit was a long time coming, and I am fucking thankful you stood up to her. It’s about damn time somebody did.”
“Yeah, well the whole evening was pretty unfuckingbelievable.” She sounds pissed now, and I don’t blame her.
I feel shitty for bringing her into my mess. I’m not sure how to make it up to her so I stay quiet, hoping we can just forget the whole fucking thing.
By the way she tenses and stares out the window, I don’t think that’s likely.
We spend the rest of the drive in complete silence. When I finally pull the truck into the parking garage I let my eyes shift over to Kelley, trying to gauge how she’s feeling. It’s clear she has a lot on her mind and has been stewing about it the whole way home. “Talk to me, Brooks.”
She shifts in her seat and holds up her left hand. “Why did you give me this ring?”
Expecting her to rant about how horrible my mother is, I’m surprised this is the direction she’s going in. “Because we agreed to pretend we’re engaged?” I ask, legitimately confused.
She looks me square in the eye as she clarifies. “Why the hell did you give me your grandmother’s ring?”
I rub my hand down my face. Fuck. “I guess you talked to Grams then?”
Before I have a chance to explain, she’s crossing her arms and eyeing me accusingly. “And why didn’t you tell me you’ve never let any other girl into your apartment? Is our relationship so completely meaningless and fake that it doesn’t even occur to you to mention the simplest of things?”
Her eyes fill with so much hurt that I feel completely in the dark. Where the fuck is all this coming from? I try to remain calm. “What the hell are you talking about?”
She shakes her head and rolls her eyes before un-clicking her seatbelt and opening the door. As she gets out she spits, “You, Ryan Blake, are an asshole.” And then she slams the door and stalks toward the apartment building.
I quickly hop out of my seat to follow. Half of me is pissed, and half of me is worried her anger is bad for the baby. For a pregnant chick she sure moves fast, and by the time I get into the lobby the elevator doors are dinging closed. I try to keep my shit together as I mash the button and wait for it to come back down. I hear Darrin from across the hall.
“Shit, Ryan. What happened? That girl was one mad firecracker toni
ght.”
I hang my head and lean against the wall, exhausted from everything that’s happened. “I wish I knew, D. This is why relationships suck. Sure the sex is fun in the beginning, but you just get fucked in the end.”
Darrin laughs in his signature deep, hearty way. “Yeah, it’s no secret all women will drive you mad at some point. But I tell ya, Ry, some women—like that girl up there,”—he points to the ceiling—“ . . . well sometimes they are worth every single ounce of trouble.” I scoff before Darrin continues. “As a proud father of five and seasoned husband of thirty years, can I offer you a piece of advice?”
I shrug. “It’s worth a shot.”
“When your lady is pissed like that, it’s usually about something she’s going through rather than anything you did. You’re just the easiest target, so do both of yourselves a favor and take the fucking bullet.”
The elevator door slides open and he nods at me before going back to looking at some paperwork on the desk beside him. I sigh and get in, pushing the button for floor E. I open the unlocked apartment door slowly, afraid Kelley might start tossing shit. I’ve never seen her so angry before, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s a thrower. But everything is dark and quiet so I take off my jacket and make my way to the bedroom, ready to take Darrin’s advice and eat lead.
Kelley is curled up on her side, facing away from me. I lean against the doorjamb, not liking how I feel seeing her look so small and fragile. I try to keep my voice calm and soft. “Brooks, can you please tell me what the hell is going on?”
When she doesn’t answer right away I move closer and sit on the side of the bed. I rub her shoulder, which is when I hear her sniffling. Shit. Now I’m determined to make her smile. “Come on, you usually don’t have any trouble telling me what you’re thinking.”
I give her a playful nudge, and she sniffles louder before rolling over. Her face is red and splotchy, with wet streaks smudging the mascara under her eyes. I still think she looks beautiful, and I have to resist the urge to kiss her pouty, swollen lips.
“I’m sorry for getting so upset. Blame your kid in here for making my emotions go crazy.”
I reach out and rub her stomach. “I forgive the little tike.” I smile, fucking relieved she’s not going to yell again.
“And I’m sorry I called you an asshole. Even if it is a little true.” She sniffles and I laugh. She lets out a big sigh before explaining. “I just think our situation has gotten too complicated. I mean there you were, yelling at your mother in the middle of a party all because of me. Because I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut.”
I cut in. “I already told you, you have nothing to be sorry for. My mother was the one who was wrong.”
Kelley throws her head back and stares at the ceiling. “But that’s just it, Ry. She wasn’t wrong. I’m not really your fiancée so it really isn’t any business of mine what goes on in your family. In six months it’s not even going to matter, so you had to defend me for nothing.”
Is that what this is all about? She thinks I don’t actually care about her? That I only stood up for her because of our lie? “Fuck, Brooks, is that really what you think? That as soon as this baby comes I’ll kick you out on your ass and we’ll pretend to barely know each other?” I stand up, getting agitated. Doesn’t she see I’m trying here?
“I’m just saying this is harder for me than I thought it would be. Trust me, I still completely understand the deal we made and I don’t want to change it,” She swings her legs to dangle off the bed, but stays sitting on the edge. “I just didn’t realize how comfortable I would get being around you. It’s sort of how I always pictured my life, but it’s twisted and backwards. When I was actually engaged to Jake I felt like we were strangers. We barely spent time together and he never did anything remotely protective. He didn’t even want our baby, actually wanted me to get rid of it. And now I’m pregnant with your child after what was supposed to be one stupid night, we live together and sleep in the same bed and have sex, but our relationship is a complete joke.” She lets out a sad chuckle. “I can’t ever seem to get it right.”
That makes me stop dead in my tracks and stare at her. “It has never been a fucking joke to me, Kelley.” She flinches at my words and I realize they came out louder than I meant them to. I’m pissed at her for thinking I don’t take this seriously, and pissed at her fucking ex for treating her like shit. What kind of sick fuck tells his girl to abort their baby? Darrin’s advice echoes in my mind as I recall everything Kelley told me at the wedding in regards to how she views relationships and love, which makes me soften my voice and kneel in front of her. “Look, I know that what we’re doing doesn’t make any fucking sense, but you have to believe that I have never said or done anything with you that I regret. I want to have this kid with you and I asked you to move in here and I gave you my grandmother’s ring all because I wanted to. Even if we both know there’s no way in hell I’m Prince Fucking Charming, I care about you and you will always be special to me. I realize now it wasn’t fair of me to drag you into all of this because of my own fucked up past and insecure shit. You deserve to be happy with someone you actually like, Brooks. I mean that.”
She looks down at her lap and blushes. “I do like you, Ryan. You’re my best friend.”
Fuck. I am an asshole for being too selfish to admit she deserves better than this. Better than me. She’s the type of girl who needs passion and romance, and I am just not that fucking guy. For the first time in my whole entire life I wish I was—for her sake—but I’m just not. Ever since I turned my life around after it turned to shit when I was a teenager, I’ve purposely kept my distance from women. I couldn’t even be there for my sister when she needed me most, let alone try and start something with someone who isn’t my own flesh and blood. Love is not something I’m capable of and I don’t know how to date or any of that other sweet guy bullshit, but I know I can try to do whatever it takes to make sure this beautiful, feisty girl in front of me is always safe. “And you’re mine, Brooks, so if you want out of this just say the word. I’ll still help you and the baby in any way I can, but if pretending to be together is too much just say the fucking word and I’ll take care of it. And I’ll make sure everyone knows it’s my fault.”
She looks into my eyes and I see so many conflicting emotions staring back at me it’s hard to tell which one is winning out. In a quiet yet firm voice she responds, “That’s not what I want, Blake. This is my fault as much as it is yours and we’re in so deep now, we might as well finish it. I just get anxious not knowing what’s going to happen or how this will all play out. I’m so afraid of what people will think of me if they find out the truth . . .”
I move to sit next to her on the bed, putting my arm around her shoulders. Damn, she’s always so soft and warm. “Well, since we like each other, and you’re stuck with my sorry ass for at least another six months, how about we agree to take it a day at a time and worry about the future when we get there? Let’s just enjoy each other and fuck what anybody else thinks, OK?”
I pull her close and can feel her smile into my chest as she says in a muffled voice, “Ok, sounds like a plan, Bartholomew.”
Shit, this girl knows how to get me every time. My turn. “Besides, you know you can’t get enough of my hot body.” I lift my eyebrows seductively. “One taste had you coming back for more.”
This makes her laugh out loud, so I know we’re good. At least for now.
Still holding her close, I lay us both back on the pillows so she’s half draped on top of me. I’m so comfortable I’m about to fall asleep when I hear Kelley’s tired voice pull me back awake.
“Ry?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“I’m sorry you have to lie to your mom. I know you hate how fake she is, but I want you to know you’re nothing like her.”
My chest feels like it’s in a vise hearing her say nice shit like that to me. I don’t deserve how good and kind she is, especially after tonight. “I sure hope you
’re fucking right on that one, Brooks.”
“I really liked your sister and your Grams, though. They make me feel just as safe as you do. I’m sorry we have to lie to them.”
“I’m glad you got to meet them. They can see how much I care about you, and that’s no lie.” It’s the honest fucking truth.
She wraps her arm tighter around my waist, snuggling her face in my chest. I rub small circles down her back, which makes her entire body soften. Just when I think she’s fallen asleep, she says in a sleepy voice, “You’re going to be a really good dad, Blake. I want you to know that, too.”
Unable to form words due to the sudden tightness in my throat, I move my lips to press a soft kiss to the top of her head as my reply. We both give in to sleep, and my last thought before I lose consciousness is that for a guy who never cuddles, I sure as shit could get used to this.
Kelley
Twenty Weeks
“Congratulations Mom and Dad . . . it’s a boy!”
Dr. Conners beams as she moves the ultrasound wand over my stomach. Ryan starts fist pumping, and I groan. “Oh great, just what the world needs, another Blake boy.” I roll my eyes, trying to conceal a smile as I tease, but for once it does nothing to change the huge grin plastered across his face. I’m glad for that.
He looks damn smug as he replies. “Fuck yeah it does.” He moves to get a closer look at the small screen, tilting his head left, then right, before pointing to one of the black and white shapes. “And looks like he already takes after me. Is that his—?.”
Dr. Conners laughs as I swat Ryan’s arm. He gives me a not-so-innocent ‘What?’ look. “Sorry to disappoint, Ryan, but that’s just his leg.” Dr. Conners proceeds to point out all of the anatomical parts of our child, much to Ryan’s fascination.
“I’m going to teach this kid so much cool shit.” He looks at me excitedly before kissing me on the forehead, a gesture I’m beginning to love. After our talk a month ago we’ve put a lot less pressure on defining our relationship, and things have been really good since then. Just like Ryan said, we’re taking things one day at a time, and I feel happier than I have in a long time. I’m not worried about the future or how my life is supposed to turn out, I’m just enjoying being here, knowing that our son is healthy. Our son. I’ll admit a part of me had hoped I would get to buy all sorts of cute dresses and bows for a sweet baby girl, but the more I see Ryan’s genuine smile and bright eyes, I can’t help but feel more than proud to have a little boy that looks just like him. And god help all the mothers who do have little girls, because I just know he’ll be devilishly handsome and infuriatingly charming, just like his dad.
Mad Addiction (Crazy Beautiful #2) Page 10