by London Casey
I crashed at some shit motel just outside town the night before. I stopped back in to St. Skin to talk with the guys. I still got the cold shoulder, but that didn’t bother me at all. In some messed up way, I thrived in a world where people hated me. It gave me more of a reason to prove everyone wrong, which was what I had done my entire life.
I tattooed a couple of people and left without saying a word to Tate. He and I still had plenty to talk about. And I was pretty sure we had a few more punches to throw. But I came back for Kate. There was no more waiting. And judging by the look on her face, good boy Tate had already given her a warning about me.
That drove me insane. Whether he called her. Sent her a text. Or did he go right to her place and hang out? Or were the two of them…
Kate came walking toward me, a menu in her hand.
I raised an eyebrow at the tick-tock motion of her hips, slowly feeling myself being poisoned by her. It was instant and it was deadly and there was no chance escaping it. That was Kate. And I loved it. I loved her.
She paused at the table and placed the menu in front of me. “I’m going to assume you’re here to eat.”
I put a hand to the menu and looked up at her. “It’s good to see you.”
“What would you like to drink? We don’t serve alcohol here.”
“Then I guess I better leave.”
“There’s a thought.”
I laughed. “Still have that wall up?”
“No wall here,” Kate said. “Just working. Surviving. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a diner full of people that need me.”
I leaned out of the booth and looked down the diner. There were only a handful of tables taken up with another waitress tending to one of them.
“Yeah, it looks so busy here today,” I said.
“What was that? You want a soda? Sure. I’ll be right back with that.”
She walked away and I had no shame in watching her sway. Her ass in those black pants was a deadly sight. Enough that it made me take a deep breath and actually begin to wonder what the hell I was thinking by leaving.
Oh, that’s right, we crushed each other’s hearts and someone had to go…
Kate placed a blue frosted cup in front of me. She dropped a straw and put her hands to her hips.
“Thanks, darling,” I said.
That must have struck a nerve.
She put her hands to the table and leaned down. “I’m at work right now, Sawyer. This is what I do to survive. This isn’t a joke to me. You want to show up to St. Skin and act all tough and cool, that’s fine. But you’re not doing it here.”
“So I see you and Tate are still close, huh?” I asked.
“What?”
“Tate. He was quick to run to you. Spill the beans about my surprise.”
“I’m not in the mood for any surprises, Sawyer.”
“Neither am I,” I said. “That’s why I’m here. To figure this out.”
“Figure what out?”
“Us, Kate. Everything that happened.”
She scoffed. “Everything that happened? Last thing I remember, you were punching Tate and riding away, never to be seen or heard from again.”
“That’s true. But there’s a lot more. And you know it, darling.”
“Stop calling me that,” she said.
I reached for one of her hands. “Why? Because it scares you, right?”
“You don’t scare me, Sawyer,” Kate said as she ripped her hand away from mine.
I pulled myself from the booth and stood up, towering over her. Our heights were perfect. The way she could stand there and place her head against my chest. I could rest my chin on her head. She was made for me. I was made to protect and love her.
I thought I could think of something quick and cocky to say, but as I stood there, it felt like someone punched me in the gut.
“What?” Kate asked. “Huh?”
“I’m not going anywhere, Kate,” I whispered. “I’m here now.”
“Yeah, okay. Where are you staying?”
“For now, the motel just outside town.”
“Oh, that’s a great place. Enjoy the bugs and the one night stands.”
“I’m going to find a place today or tomorrow,” I said. “I’m staying. Half of St. Skin is mine.”
“So, that’s it? You just randomly decide to show up and hope nothing changed?”
“No, darling. Everything has changed. That’s why I’m back. Because everything has changed.” I reached and touched Kate’s cheek for a second. “I missed you.”
She stepped back. “No. No way, Sawyer. No way you get to show up after all these years and say that to me.”
I hooked my thumbs into the pockets of my jeans. “Okay. Can we at least face the fact that we tried and succeeded in destroying each other?”
“Don’t drag me down to your level,” Kate said.
“My level? I’m taller than you, Kate.”
“Funny. That’s not what I meant.” She sighed and touched her forehead. “You don’t get it. You really don’t get it. It’s not as simple…”
“Are you in love with someone, Kate?” I asked.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard what I said. Are you in love with someone?”
“You know what, Sawyer? I am. I am in love with someone. I have someone in my life. And I don’t have any room for you.”
She turned and I couldn’t contain myself as I jumped forward and gently touched her hip. It was all so familiar to me, leaving a sudden rush of warmth through my arm and straight down my body. I felt my body rumbling from the inside out, an emotional storm kicking up in a hurry. And fucking hell if Kate was the only woman in the world that could ever do that to me.
Next thing I knew I had her turned, her back against the backs of two booths. Inches from her, barely able to control myself, I just wanted to feel her sweet and curved body against mine. I smelled her perfume. I smelled the grease of the diner.
“Sawyer,” she whispered.
“If you need anything, darling, I want you to call me. I’m going to be there. I’m going to be here. You know the truth, Kate. Me leaving wasn’t the smartest thing I ever did, but it needed to be done. We all know that. I can apologize if you want. I can get on my knees right here in front of everyone in this diner and beg for your forgiveness. But we both know that would be a bullshit thing to do. Because what happened…”
“Stop,” Kate said. She turned her head. “Stop, Sawyer.”
She reached down and touched my wrist. Now, she could have quickly just pushed my hand away and slipped away. Instead, her hand rested on my wrist for a couple seconds before pushing.
I released my hold on her and inched away.
“Everything okay?” a voice asked.
It was the other waitress, checking on Kate.
“She was just telling me the specials,” I said.
“We’re fine, Beverly,” Kate said. “This is Sawyer. He’s, uh, one of the St. Skin guys.”
“The original,” I said. “The place is named after me.”
“Well, shouldn’t you feel so proud?” Beverly asked. She looked at Kate. “Do I need to get a magazine?”
Kate shook her head. “No.”
“Suit yourself,” Beverly said and turned to walk away.
“Magazine?” I asked.
“She’s brutal. She beat up Maddox with a magazine.”
“Damn.”
“To be fair, he was in handcuffs.”
I grinned. “Maddox. Can’t help himself.”
“Neither can you,” she said.
“Not around you, Kate,” I whispered.
“Do you want anything to eat or not?”
I grinned even wider, letting her question really sink in. Oh, the things I could have said to her.
I leaned over the table and lifted the soda and took a big gulp. I smacked my lips together. “You know, I suddenly have a craving for pizza.”
“Typical Sawyer,” Kate said. “Somethi
ng right in front of you and it’s not good enough. Have to go look for something better.”
Kate raised an eyebrow with defiance, knowing the comment would stab me in the heart.
She slipped away and I stood there, watching her. She went behind the counter and it felt like she was a mile away from me. She grabbed a wet rag and started to wipe the counter, looking right at me.
Our eyes locked tight and I knew there was no turning back.
This time, if we were going to destroy each other… it would be for good.
2.
I finished the last bit of shading on a tribal tattoo on Pete’s right arm. This was going to be the beginning of what he hoped to eventually become a full sleeve tattoo. Which was fine by me. It would be an honor for him to keep coming back to the shop and getting more work done.
I wiped the fresh ink down and cleaned up before giving Pete a nudge to the shoulder. He popped his head up and took his earbuds out.
“We’re good here, brother,” I said. “You know the drill with it, right?”
“Yeah. Jump right into the ocean and see what happens.”
I laughed. “Exactly. Hey, you know, I knew this guy that did that. Seriously. He got a tattoo and then got drunk.” I started to clean up my area. I had taken the very far back room, the smallest of the rooms, but I didn’t need a lot of space to survive. I turned and started to cover Pete’s fresh ink. “He decided to go for a night swim in the ocean. He didn’t have the tattoo covered or anything. Jumped in and swam for a little bit. He went back to his hotel and swam in the pool. Between the salt and the chlorine, the tattoo was destroyed.”
“Yeah?”
“I never saw anything like it. It was like the ink loosened under his skin and just turned to mush. He was probably lucky he got into the pool after the ocean though. I heard stories of people getting bacteria and shit in fresh tattoos from the ocean.”
“Wow,” Pete said. “I thought stories like that were bullshit.”
“So did I,” I said. I finished taping paper towel to his arm. “Hey, brother, it was nice to meet you.”
I stood up and offered him my hand.
We shook hands and hugged as though we had known each other for twenty years.
That was the power of tattoos.
Pete tried slipping me some cash and I refused it. I told him to go pay up front and make another appointment.
I stood at the end of the hall and looked around the shop. I remembered it like it was a week ago. Finding this place gutted out with ceiling tiles missing, wires hanging from the ceiling. Someone had broken in through the back to steal the copper piping for quick cash. Yet the second I saw it, I knew. I had to have it. And that’s where Tate came in.
I turned my head and saw Tate emerge from his office. We stared each other down, slowly nodding.
He walked toward me.
“Thinking about the day we got it,” I said to him. “Selling all our shit to make the down payment. Finding ways to get it all fixed up and ready.”
“We only had two chairs then,” Tate said.
“That’s all we needed, man.”
“Not anymore, Sawyer,” Tate said. “This place is growing.”
“I’ve been watching it. I know.”
“The only thing you fucking watched is the money roll in.”
“Anything I can help with?” I asked.
I nodded to a couple folders in Tate’s hand.
He shook his head. “Fuck off, Sawyer.”
“You sell this place out to a television network and I’ll sue you,” I warned.
Tate froze and slowly turned, fire pouring from his eyes. “What did you just say to me?”
“You heard me. This place isn’t a joke.”
“I never said it was. I’m trying to make sure my guys are taken care of.”
“Then open a second shop.”
“You don’t get to show up and make the rules.”
“I’m not making rules, Tate. I’m speaking the truth. You turn this place into a joke and I will come after you.”
Tate stretched his neck. “This is going to be fun with you around.”
“You can’t handle someone standing up to you, huh?”
Laughing, Tate said, “Not someone I don’t respect. Remember, Sawyer, you walked out. You left all of us behind. Including Kate.”
“I went to see her today, brother. I’m not worried about it.”
“You saw her? That’s good. But I doubt you really saw her.”
I stepped toward Tate. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“Nothing,” Tate said. “Live in your dream world, Sawyer. But I can’t wait for the truth to kick your ass.”
“Maybe I should kick your ass first,” I said.
Tate opened his arms.
“Jesus, you two can’t control it,” River said as he stepped between us.
“Don’t get in the way here, man,” I said to River.
“This isn’t some outlaw shop,” River said. “You two want to do this, do it out back or after we close.”
“I like that plan,” I said.
“You know where to find me,” Tate said.
I felt like we were kids again, setting up a fight in school. Meeting down by the train tracks with a case of cheap beer, ready to beat people up and get drunk.
Except this was a little more real than that.
And sometimes the only way to really work shit out… was to fight.
TEN
KATE
1.
Seeing Sawyer wasn’t the easiest thing in the world for me. Aside from the obvious connection between us after all we went through when we were younger, I had Jason to consider. I had no idea how Sawyer would react to finding out about Jason, not that it was any of his damn business. Jason was my responsibility, not his. But it proved just how much things had changed since he left.
Fuck him for thinking he could just roll into Hundred Falls Valley and pick up where things left off.
Bad enough I had to worry about the lawyer calling me with bad news, now I had to look over my shoulder each time I left my apartment with Jason. Which was stupid. This was my life now. Maybe at one point in time it had been the plan to be with Sawyer. To live with him. To maybe marry him. To have kids and all that stuff. And, yeah, maybe there was a time I imagined holding the hand of our daughter and walking her into St. Skin while our son was strapped to my chest. So they could see their daddy as he worked at the tattoo shop he owned.
But you know what?
That dream was destroyed a long time ago. It was ripped up and thrown into the flames of the fire we created.
I knew I hurt Sawyer. And he knew he hurt me.
That was a long time ago and my priorities were different.
It didn’t help matters that he came into the diner every single day for three days straight. The first time he was alone. The other two times he was once with River and Maddox and then Zayne the other time. It took a lot to stand there and take his order, look at him, hear his stupid comments, and fight back feelings that were explosive.
I hated that things were instant with Sawyer. Like my mind couldn’t get a second to breathe before my heart took control. Just like when I was younger. Just like when I always found myself in trouble when I was with him.
The wildness in my heart couldn’t be tamed, but it could be distracted.
I sat in a small, red chair with an audience of three and four-year olds seated on the floor, eyes on me and the blue, plastic easel and sheet of paper as I drew pictures for the kids at Jason’s preschool.
“Now, who can tell me what this animal is?” I asked.
All their hands shot up.
I chose a little girl in a pink dress with almost white blonde hair.
“Horsey,” she said in a quiet voice.
“That’s right. Now, watch this…”
I faced the paper and began to draw a horn coming out of the horse’s head.
“Now, what's this called?”
I asked.
For fun, I chose a boy sitting next to Jason. He had glasses on and jumped up to his knees to answer.
“It’s a horny horse!” he called out.
I gasped.
Miss Sarah put a hand to her mouth.
“No,” a girl called out. “It’s a unicorn. Silly.”
“Yes,” I said. “A unicorn.”
I hurried to flip the page, trying hard not to laugh.
Kids seriously sometimes just said whatever came to mind.
I mentally made a note not to draw anything else with horns to spare anymore horny comments popping up.
I decided to draw some houses, trees, and to appease Jason’s little heart, a dinosaur. That got the attention of all the boys but most of the girls thought it looked super gross. Their words, not mine.
Miss Sarah clapped her hands when I was done and everyone rushed back to their seats.
“Sorry about that,” I whispered to her, cringing.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said with a laugh. “You can’t imagine the stuff I hear. And they don’t even know they’re saying it.”
“That’s good, I guess.”
“Horny horse,” Miss Sarah whispered. She touched her forehead.
I laughed. “Well, I have to get going. My shift is starting soon.”
“Thank you for coming in again. The kids really love this. Maybe one of these times you can teach them to draw something?”
“I’ve never done that before,” I said. “But I can’t refuse trying to get kids to use their imaginations.”
“Better than sitting on a phone or computer.”
“True,” I said.
I made a quick trip to Jason and snuck a kiss to his cheek. His face turned red and he gave me the evil eye. I smiled at him and left the classroom. I heard Miss Sarah’s voice echoing as she announced it was time to get a snack.
It hurt me to have to leave Jason, but things could have been much worse. He was in preschool now and would start kindergarten in two years. I had Maggie to rely on. And while my job wasn’t exactly the one I had dreamed of when I was kid, at least I was able to keep a roof over mine and Jason’s head.
I got to the diner and looked around the booths to check for Sawyer. It was so pathetic to do because I wasn’t sure what I actually wanted… him to be there or not.